The Michigan Daily michigandaily.com Thursday, March1 , 8 0010 The Daily Arts guide to the best upcoming events - it's everywhere you should be this weekend and why. AT THE PIG If you missed out on any sort of gold party last weekend, now's your time to make up for it. The Solid Pot o' Gold Bang! throws down Saturday at the Blind Pig. As usual, doors open at 9:30 p.m. and tickets are $8 for those over 21 and $11 for anyone over 18. AT THE PODIUM The Penny W. Stamps Distinguished Visitors Series continues with McArthur Award winner Julie Mehretu, scheduled to make an appearance in Ann Arbor today. Hear the painter tonight at the Michigan Theater at 5 p.m. 9p TH INGS DAILY ARTS HATES 2008 here's something of a mantra that per- HEATH LEDGER EXCESSIVE FACEBOOK RSVPING meates Daily Arts: If you don't hate The Australian accent might have been endearing for a I have a question: When you were in middle school and things, you shouldn't be here. You've time, but Heath Ledger's acting skills were anything but. received an invitation to a bar mitzvah you couldn't attend, This isn't an attack on the legacy of his character - it's an did you mail out your RSVP to everyone in a 30-mile radius? seen it in the back row of Psych 111, when we attack on his lackluster career that the public has been too OK, so why doyou find it necessary to post on Facebook Event r n disillusioned to recognize in the midst of recent Heath hype. walls to tell everyone on the fucking interweb that you wont fry "Transformers" and Jack Johnson. And Don't try to shroud his lack of talent in a heap of tragic sen- be able to attend your friend's house party? We don't care if though you may despise it, there's a reason timent just because you feel like a bad person for admitting you're spending the weekend in Albuquerque to attend your you see so many one-star reviews, the truth. Fifty-three days ago, "10 Things I Hate About You" cousin's rocketry competition. If you need to explain why you was lame and "A Knight's Tale" embarrassing. His defining can't make it to some awesome event, pick up your goddamn We fall victim to the problem of evil: No cowboy role in "Brokeback Mountain" proved a cinematic phone and call the person who invited you. And while you're ultimate evil yields no ultimate good. With- flop, even if the film did win three Oscars. Ledger's posthu- at it, disable your MySpace account, because I know you have mous fame boost was inevitable (however misdirected) but one of those too. out the likes of Jessica Alba, you simply can't warrants some serious review. Your post-overdose-career- appreciate "H ills Like White Ele phants" - bump/grace period is over, Heath, and there are some things . ABRAMS apprecate "Hlls Lie Whit Elephnts" Imdb.com can't hide. . A R M the maddening dichotomy that rules the art A man who's garnered notoriety through anonymity and d. i the dil th suspense, J.J. Abrams exists to be infuriating. He's dragged worl. Tryingto reconcile te demma wit HOPWOOD AWARDS a show that could've ended in two seasons ("Lost") into an arguments of subjectivity eventually proves So you won a Hopwood. Good for you. You're basically set astonishing four, with more in the works - not to mention circular: This is good because I like it. I like it for life now. Your pen name - Amber Lovesalot or something the outlandish and unrealistic process by which he's accom- equally overwrought - is kissing cousins with James Joyce. plished this. He's also responsible for such hype machine because it's good. Hell, don't even worry about improving your skills anymore blunders as "Cloverfield," which showcases the worst part of Everything must be judged against its con- because a randomly selected group of professors thought Abrams: Most of the shit he produces is shit. It's not enter- ,, your short story about the gutter of the big city was moder- tainng, shocking, fun or innovative. Hell, the "Cloverfield" temporaries, and frankly, "Law and Order" ately better than all the other undergraduates' stories about monster wasn't even a glorified Godzilla. It looked like a is worse than "The Wire." The pervasive- the gutter of the big city. Listen, your Hopwood doesn't mean crab-alligator that ate some potatoes from Chernobyl. It's e a i e v shit. All it amounts to is some extra cash for a couple of beers like someone let him bypass filmmaking 101 because he'd ness of -lackluster art inspires vitnol and is - and your East Quad crush will think you're totally deep. seen "Alien" and understood suspense. And anyone that uses responsible for the cries of elitism that typi- Get over yourself: You're a mediocre writer who won a medi- their initials instead of their name needs a serious ego check. cally accompany the words "Daily Arts." ocre award. Your 15 minutes is up. Fuck your movies and fuck your name. We've been relegated to a journalistic sub- HOPS SHORTAGES (BULLSHIT) MUSIC GENRE LABELS culture, abandoning precious favorites the You know, Michiganders have a lot of things to be cranky Adding "core" to the end of a word doesn't make it a genre moment an art movement is co-opted by about: the weather, the economy, the weather. But damn we label and it doesn't make you cool to say them. Grindcore? the mainstream. We sit in constant fear of have some good local beer, no? Jolly Pumpkin, Bell's, Arcadia, Gnarcore? Corecore? Things are getting out of hand, but Dark Horse - not to mention our bar-breweries: ABC, Griz- nothing is worse than a painfully tedious laundry list to our saviors being discovered by the bastard- zly Peak, Leopold's. If we can't bury our woes in the bottom describe the newest band Applewood Grime's release as izing public, or simply relegating themselves of a brewsky, what else can we do? Take away our grog (or, at psychodelic-punk-folk-math-prog-glitter-glam-scorch-shit- least, make it more expensive) and you risk our wrath. In one thrash-visceral-skunk-meat-tunnelcore. You're not fooling to a commercialized, wet-blanket version of of those "you don't realize how awesome nature is until she anyone. It's rock. Maybe hard rock - maybe. Just because their former selves, fucks you over" moments, our wallets are taking the brunt you talk the talk, it doesn't mean you'll get laid outside the of a statewide hops shortage. Beer prices have gone up, and Blind Pig. Oh wait, it does. But only if you're looking to bone a We hate things that we don't like. We Michigan's $25 million local beer industry is taking a beating. greasy motorcyclist listening to Mac Blagick who calls them don't like things that we hate. You have your This is bullshit. Black Label will only bridge the gap for so noise-anxious-lo-fi-prog-fuckadelic-boner-shtick-turpen- long. Grow, little hops, GROW. tine-machetecore. taste, and we have ours. See HATE, Page 4B AT THE DRUM It's no secret that writing styles are in the process of transformation. Come learn exactly how from the experts at Shaman Drum tomorrow when authors Martha Vicinus and Caroline Eisner of "Originality, Imitation, and Plagiarism" hold a book signing tomorrow at 4:30 p.m. AT THE MIC Think you have musical (or spoken word) talent? Put it to the test tomorrow at Open Mic Night in the Michigan League Underground. This is your last chance to qualify for the best of show in April. The show is open to the public and starts at 8:30 p.m.