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The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, January 16, 2008

THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with KATE PEABODY
A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated frow one to 10.

rule 75: If yOu
never find time to
cook, stop taking up
fridge space with
your moldy fruits
and vegetables.
rule 76: Whether
it's Christmas lights
or a Hanukkah bush,
it's time to take your
holiday decorations
down. rule 7,7: No
matter how relevant
you think stories
from your life are to
the week's required
reading, your English
class doesn't care to
hear them.
- E-mail rule submissions to
TheStatement numich.edu

SO ABOUT GRADUATION...
Months after construction on the Big House began,
the administration admits that they had forgotten
about the trivial detail that it won't be available for
commencement. Instead, the premiere plan is that
graduation will be hosted at Eastern Michigan Univer
sity's stadium. And we thought losing to Appalachian
State was bad.
DON'T DO DRUGS
The campaign trail has come to Michigan. With home-
town connections to the state, Romney assured voters
that if hegoes to the White House he will focus on
improving Michigan's economic situation. Yet, one of his
main stops on Monday was at Grand Blanc High School,
where he addressed a crowd generally too young to
vote. He urged them to not do drugs or have children
before marriage.hWell at least ifthe loses the Republican
nomination, he can now go intowmotivationalspeaking.

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WE ARE ALL AT WAR
China has declared war. A war against plastic bags.
Terrorism, Iraq, plastic bags - what aren't we in a
war against? With the exponential growth of China's
requirement for oil, this seems toa drop in the environ-
ment bucket. But while we're at it, why not start a war
with cancer or poverty? I've heard that they have some
serious weapons of mass destruction.

The University's
imaginary grads
The University has its share of famous alums, among
artists, authors, actors and a president. What it also hat
is a record of fictional graduates from TV, film and eve
books. One can save your career, one can save your life
can save the world - all in a day's work for a University
DR. GREGORY HC
OF "HOUSE"
Continuing the trend of pain-in-ass-yet-gr(
do graduates, Dr. House sits atop the list as
accomplished.
The limping doctor was expelled from Johns Hod
so he went to the next logical place, the Univert
medical school to earn his M.D. Armed witha wor l
House has conquered every mysterious disease e

Wedne.day, January 6, 2008 - The Michigan Daily 7

3

RODRIGUEZ SAYS'NO THANKS'
Asthe investigation of the destroyed CIA tapes
continues, former CIA official, Jose Rodriguezhas
refused to testify unless he is given immunity. Being
the person who requested for the removal of this evi-
dence, Rodriguez and his attorney realize the danger
of being involved in such a hearing. Well, if everyone
6 knew all you had to do was kindly ask for immunity in
such cases, maybe ourdifficulty with overcrowded
prsons could be resolved.

BUSH'S CHANGE OF HEART
Decades of bloodshed in the Middle E
and now President Bush has stepped ir
peace talks between Israel and Palestir
cord between the two sides, he says, is
by theend of the year After twoterms
aggressive tactics in the east, Bush is fi
negotiation. Maybe he will be better at

t have passed
to mediate
e. Such a con-
likely to happen
of much more
nally aiding in

THRILLER AUTHOR
This weekend, O.J.Simpson was taken back into
custody after violating his bail terms for hisoarmed
robbery case. He contends his innocence in the
case, but if convicted he could face up to a life
sentence in prison witthe possibiity of paro'e.
Maybe this will finally lead to a successful book
deal after If I Did It went unreleased, next time
we see his name in the headines it could be: OJ.
Simpson, New York Times Bestselling Author

coURTEsy OF RUTTENTOMATOES cOM
ARI GuO"LD
OF "ENTOURAGE"
Yes, that's right, televisions most powerful Hollywood superagent
is a University alum. Though he went to Harvard for his undergraduate
degree (where he was a member of Zeta Beta Tau), Gold came to the
University for his JO/MBA at the Ross School of Business
Gold knows his educational background gives him the expertise to
manage the career of fictional "A-lister" Vincent Chase better than
Chase's neighborhood chum Eric. (Eric: And what are you, a Rhodes
Scholar? Ari: No, I'm just e lowly Harvard grad with a JD/MBA from
Michigan, that's it, Eric.)

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