U U - w
6B Saturday, November 17, 2007
The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom
Saturday, November 17, 2007 f
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
2007 Depth Chart
B. Englemon C. Graham
S. Brown J. Mouton
S. Crable J. Adams
M. Pollock C. Stewart
Check out our live blog of
1. Hemingway J.Ln
B. Harrson G. Mathew
1. Hemingway O. Warren
T. Jamison T. Taylor W. Johns
A. Patterson M. Slocum J. Ferrara
. Boren A. Kraus J. Ciulia
T. McAvoy D. Moosman A. Mitchell
C. He"ne 3
. Malttt M.Moundros
-F V. Helmuth
vs M. H
on B. Graham
3 G. Banks
Ohio State 33
Before every football game - Player of the game -C
this season, two of the Daily's State W R #4: The receiverp
football writers will take the ished Michigan for bringing
weekend's matchup to the Play- safeties up every play, scoring
Station 2 and then let you know long touchdowns in the game
- Press conference
- Play of the game - Ohio State Michigan coach Scott Bell:
completed a pass to WR #80 in "Bromwich cheated. The
the end zone with 19 seconds cheated. The game cheated."
left, but WR #80 came out of
the end zone to make the catch. "Fuck."
The Buckeyes hurried to the line,
and QB #7 snuck it in before the "It's hard to win when WR4
defense was set for the late lead. decides to get hurt in the
Michigan had just 11 seconds to quarter of every fricking gar
score, and it wasn't enough. control Michigan."
5. Schiiing C. Butle G
M. Ortmann C. McLaurin
B. right Z. Mesko K.C. Lopta
"I'm still ending the year with by far
the best record out of anyone. "
Ohio State Coach Daniel Bromwich;
"Excuses excuses. Bell lost, and he
threw a tantrum. I'd expect noth-
ing else from the sore loser."
io "Did WR #86 get hurt? Yes. So did
n- my starting quarterback and my
is No. 2 cornerback. I don't want to
io hear it."
"Bellwas a good opponent. He was
gracious throughout the game.
Mostly. He growled for most of the
fs first half instead of talking, though.
That was weird."
"Bell guaranteed victory this week.
Just so you know."
st (To view a live blog of this game,
I visit Daily Sports' blog, The
Buckeyes rule rivalry
F ive of the last six. Brady - broke school records like they
It feels good - unless you're were paper mache, only to have to continu-
Lloyd Carr, of course. ally prove himself thanks to the man-crush
Before I head up coach Carr had on Drew Henson.
to Ann Arbor for Everyone called Hensen's name when it
Saturday's big game, I came time to take sides, but, thankfully for
figured I'd share some you, reason won out. Not only did Henson
of my thoughts on the suck at football, he sucked at baseball too.
rivalry, and just why He's like the bizarro Bo Jackson.
we're so much better. Only idiots like 1994 Michigan captain
Buckeye fans are far Walter Smith could beat John Cooper year
and away better than ZACH after year like a 6th-and-High hooker, and
maize-and-blue back- TIMMONS then make it a goal to get him fired (funny
ers. Some like to touch how things worked out once he did).
on the number of Mich- The Lantern Michigan is like the kid in class who tells
igan fans that reside in the teacher she forgot to assign homework.
the greater Columbus Everything is fine and dandy for everyone
area, but many fail to realize the fact that else. Then the kid lacking all social skills
most wearing the shirts are simply impov- steps in, asking for assignments because
erished to the point where they can't afford the textbook is his only friend.
to wear anything but the complimentary I guess Michigan's academics are of a
shirts they found behind the Kohl's on high standard, considering only bright
Olentangy River Road. minds like Ann Coulter and Steve Phillips
Nobody here actually enjoys Michigan. - worst general manager in baseball his-
Hell, half the people that show up at The tory - get admitted.
Big House don't give a damn, evidenced by For every Joey Galloway, Terry Glenn
the lack of noise inside it. I guess it doesn't or Carter we send to the NFL, there's a Tai
help when your stadium is built to let noise Streets, David Terrell or Desmond Howard
out instead of keeping it in. trading in the maize and blue for whatever
Michigan fans have the intimidation scout team jersey is up for grabs in the gut-
factor of Shari Lewis - they both enjoy ter of the NFL.
shoving their hands up the asses of things The war even carries over to ESPN's
named Lamb Chop or Hush Puppy, but First Take. Ohio State hears praise from
that's irrelevant to the discussion. fan boy and Bowling Green grad Mr. Jay
Two years ago, Michigan came into Ohio Crawford whereas Michigan is continually
Stadium ranked seventh, only to crash and glorified by Mrs. Dana Jacobsen.
burn like a Hogan family sports car against Many Wolverines harken back to Tim
the unranked Buckeyes. For such a highly Biakabutka's 300-yard performance in
ranked team in the biggest game of the sea- 1995, which is fine and dandy.
son, you would expect a better turnout of But take that domination, have it the last
Michigan faithful. three years and call it Troy Smith, then
But that's like asking Mike Hart to stay we'll see who's talking.
healthy for four quarters. We've all had our eras. Michigan had
Buckeye fans show up in groves no mat- the first 30 or so years, we've had most of
ter the record or the distance. Arizona the rest.
has become Columbus West, yet it's hard No big deal.
enough getting Michigan fans to travel With Hart's injury and the mangled
across town. shoulder of Chad Henn-ington, a Michigan
We stand by our players no matter what win looks as likely as a Biakabutuka come-
the consequence (Maurice Clarett aside). back tour.
Not only are our fans better, so are our But you know how fickle The Game can
Some of our best pros - Cris Carter,
Eddie George, et. al - were given the - Zack Timmons is wondering how
green light in college to take the reigns warm Pasadena is in January. He can be
as soon as possible. Your best pro - Tom reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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k now a lot of you can't wait to tell me
about it, so I'm going to go ahead and
get this out of the way.
Michigan lost to
Appalachian State in
its season opener. Don't
worry, I watched from ' '
the sideline as kicker
Jason Gingell got his
blocked at the end of
I remember it, and, WRIGHT
clearly, most of your
campus does, too. You The Michigan
bought enough T-shirts Daily
to supply the entire
Appalachian State stu-
Maybe you were still making fun of the
"school up north" when your basketball
team lost at home to Findlay, a Division-II
Thad Matta must have missed the memo
Jim Tressel left for him. As a coach at Ohio
State, you're supposed to schedule the bad
Ohio area teams to pad your record.
I shouldn't be too hard on you. If sched-
uling smaller Mid-American Conference
schools in Ohio is what you need to go 10-1
with a home loss to Illinois, then keep up
the good work.
Still, I'm going to bet most of you won't
trade in your Mountaineer shirts (that's
Appalachian State's nickname in case you
didn't bother to digthat deep when looking
to humiliate Michigan fans) for their Find-
It's OK, really. I've come to terms with
the historic loss, butI don't think you have.
I guess Ican see why you get caught up on
the subject, since Appalachian State has
higher academic standards than Ohio State.
Which brings me to a crossroads in this
I can delve into the academic excellence
of Michigan compared to Ohio State. We
could havea lovely conversation about
where I'd end up working compared to you,
but then the awkward topic of salary would
probably come up, and I'd feel bad because
I'll make more than you.
So, we'll skip that part, because between
you and me, I don't want to be the bad guy,
just the one with a better education when
he leaves his university.
So, then, where does the other road lead?
Michigan's dominance over Ohio State
on the football field.
Oh wait, that really hasn't panned out
since you guys hired Jim Tressel, a real
class act. I always picture him as the used-
car salesman who presents a beautiful car
for such a cheap price. Unfortunately, the
engine is missing pieces and the interior
isn't as spotless as advertised. Still, Tressel
is pretty close to owning Lloyd Carr over
the past six years.
So, I'm not going to waste your or, in
particular, my time - which is by far
more valuable - with jokes about what
Tressel likes to drink and wear (wine
coolers and sweater vests, respectively).
Those burns are unoriginal, and I'd rather
not stoop to your level of repetitiveness
Which brings me to a quick sidenote.
I'm begging you to please retire the "Chad
Henne is gay" chant you throw at anyone
wearing a Michigan jersey.
How is shouting that across a street
goingto hurt my feelings or leave me fight-
ing to hold back my tears at such an over-
Anyway, back to the game. I'm not going
to sugarcoat how the last three years have
felt for someone who goes to a school that
doesn't sacrifice academics for athletic
success. Well, at least not as much as Ohio
I've never personally witnessed a Wol-
verine win in The Game. That especially
hurts for someone who grew up in the glo-
rious John Cooper era of Buckeye football.
The current 0-3 streak doesn't help prove
that being a Wolverine is better, but like
the Michigan football team, I'm not afraid
to address the negativity.
I could pull out the overall lead Michi-
gan holds in the all-time series, but I've
always been more of a what-have-you-
done-for-me-lately kind of guy. So that
Or I could mention how much better Wol-
verine players like Tom Brady and Charles
Woodson have fared inthe NFL compared
to Buckeyes like Joe Germaine and Troy
Smith, but that's notreally relevant.
So it looks like I'll just wait until after
the game on Saturday to explain to you
exactly how you go about breaking a los-
Don't worry, I won't be hard to find.
I'll be just one of 110,000 congratulating
you on a second-place finish in the Big
Ten and wishing you an enjoyable trip to
Orlando for the Capital One Bowl.
- Wright never really understood
why the "the" is such a big deal in Ohio
State's official name. You can send
explanations to email@example.com.
This is the year for 'M'
Avaifabfe at CI Cfotting