V V w w -- 7w w " w w W. " N . 0 Wedesdy, . 7,00S - h McignDal new rules rule 60: If you're not a freshman and there are still high school activities on your resume, you haven't accom- plished enough. rule 61: If you're going to wear your iPod all through lecture, you should probably stay home. rule 62: A note to profes- sors: Midterms are over. Stop assigning tests. - E-mail rule submissions to TheStatement@umich.edu THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GARY GRACA A look at the big news eventsthis week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from oneto10. DISTANCING YOURSELF FROM OPRAH Lessthan a year after Oprah winfreyopened her Leader- ship Academy for Girls in South Africa, an employee of the school has been charged with assaulting and sexu- ally abusing students. Always on the campaign defense, 2 the public-relationsteam for BarackObama, who was also endorsed by Oprah earlier this year, is expected to announce that Obama's humanitarian approach to Iran won't turn it intoa bordello of sexual abuse. HATE SPEECH SETBACK Rev. Fred Phelps, best known for his hate-mongering "God hates fags" campaign, lost an $11 million lawsuit last week, charging him with disrupting the funeral of an 5 American Marine. while the specific question of wheth- er "God hates fags" was not addressed, thejury's con- sensus was that God probably hates people who claim that "God hates fags" more. The question of whether same-sex hate breeds more hate was also left open. BIG TEN, BIG BUSINESS Accordingto a recent study, $177 million will be generated this year by the University of Michigan and Michigan State University's football games, which trumps the $56 million 6 brought in by the Super Bowl. The report didn't specify how much of that $177 million will go toward-improving the convenience of rich alumni and how much will go to discriminating against the disabled. 4 WRITTEN OUT OF THE SCRIPT Hollywood writers from the Writer Guild of America began a strike Monday after more than three months of negotiations failed. In response to the strike, TV execu- tives assuredviewers that there is nothingto fear: Prime- time dramas about hot doctors who have complex love octagons practically write themselves. If that doesn't work, there are always more "Law & Order" reruns. MUSHARRAF MANIA Declaring a state of emergency, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf held onto his power with an iron fist this weekend, suspendingthe constitution, firingthe chief justice and imprisoning more than 500 protesters. Despite all the change, one thing continued: aid from the Bush administration. Obviously, this oppressive, military dictatorship was one of the good ones. STEP INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE Adding to his status as the butt of mostjokes, in response to a specific question about UFOs in last Tuesday's debate, Dennis Kucinich admitted to a UFO sighting onto his already unwavering support of any that has the word "alien" in it. At this point, Kucinich's Twilight Zone couldn't be much worse than believing that Darwin was a liar, global warming is a myth and the same day, Sept.11, 2001, is going to repeat itself over and over again. stre ss mnagemnt Ilona Phillips, a counselor at Counseling and Psychological Services, on what you can do to avoid freak-outs, breakdowns and day-to-day strain - AstoldetoJ lessica Vosaerrhian 4 PERSON OF THE WEEK STEPH EN With more than 1.3 million facebook supporters, Stephen COLBERT Colbert's candidacy for presi- dent might not have been such a funny joke after all. At least if you're Barack Obama, whose "One Million Strong" facebook group still clocks in just shy of 400k members. Facebook envy? We're not sure, but the 2008 candidates must have been at least a little relieved when the South Carolina Democratic Executive Coun- cil decided to deny Colbert's application to be on the ballot for the Presidential Primary. In the wake of the 13-3 vote that banned his name from appear- ing in the Democratic primary, Colbert, the host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," announced Monday that e his gag campaign was over. Although a disappointment to his fans and political report- ers everywhere, Colbert's candidacy, which polled fifth aeting in South Carolina, ahead of lovember 8 purportedly serious candidates like Bill Richardson and Dennis enter, Room 9 Kucinich, likely came to an end at a convenient time. After all, as of Monday, the show's writ- ecorps.gov ers went on strike. If you're a perfectionist, ask yourself why. You might be too concerned with achieving expectations you perceive family or society have for you. If your mood or anxiety levels fluctuate drastically after one disappointment, you're relying too much on external elements to reinforce your self-esteem. Lloyd is also one of two halls where vanilla ice cream is pre- ferred. A strong, possibly violent allegiance to chocolate ice cream is demonstrated at every other residence hall but Bursley. It seems Alice Lloyd Greeks and North Cam- pus engineers can have at least one thing in common. To make up for all that ice cream, Lloydhas thehighest consumptionof salad at .83 servings per diner. Lloyd also has the best ratio of Romaine to head lettuce, at five to two. Cereal-wise, Lloyd keeps to the oats and Special K, with Lucky Charms squeezing in before Grape- Nuts at fifth place. Lloyd diners eat the most granola per capita of all dining halls that serve it. SOUTH QUAD AND BURSLEY The South Quad and Bursley dining halls are the two biggest on campus, servings respectively 14,581 diners and 14,107 diners in a week. You might expect din- ing halls servings a large mass of people to adhere to typical eating practices, but these dining epicen- ters have some idiosyncrasies of their own. When South Quad's Honors stu- dents are refueling, what do they reach for? Sugar in the form of corn puffs. While Cracklin' Oat Bran still has a steady grip at number Betsy Barbour eats the most ice cream. What does it mean? one, South Quad is the only dining hall where sugary cereals - Cinna- mon Toast Crunch, Cap'n Crunch and Honey Nut Cheerios - rank second, third and forth. Alove ofsugardoesn'textendtoice cream, though. South Quad has the second-lowest rate of ice cream con- sumption at.2 servings per diner. South-Quaders don't enjoy the best Romaine to head lettuce ratio, at a disappointing five to three - and they consume just:45 salads per diner. South Quad is onboard with Pepsi and Diet Pepsi but has a pref- erence for lemonade before all else. Servings the second most people after South Quad, the Bursley din- ing hall on North Campus presents some offbeat eating habits. While Pepsi holds on to the num- ber one spot at Bursley, Diet Pepsi only comes in fifth. Bursley, along with Alice Lloyd, serves diners who prefer vanilla ice cream is to chocolate, but Bursley diners don't have Lloyd's affinity for ice cream. They have the third- lowest consumption of ice cream at .2 servings per diner. Bursley is one of four dining halls where sugary cereals break into the top three preferred. In this case, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucky Charms are the second-most consumed. Bursley consumes the second- most salad at.73 servings per diner, despite having a mediocre ratio of one to one, Romaine to head let- tuce. I °* StudentUniverse.com I Sociological insight can be gained from how a cafeteria's diners select side dishes