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THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GARY GRACA
A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one to 10.

Wednesday, October 2007

rule 46: Avoid
pleated pants.
rule 47: Face-
book walls are for
public posting,
not private corre-
spondence. rule
48: People who
say they don't
care about falling
starlets like Brit-
ney and Paris are
either remarkable
or lying, but prob-
ably lying.
- E-mail rule submissions to
TheStatement umich.edu

2

DAUGHTER BUSH'S BOOK DEAL
When President Bush was in the Texas Air National
Guard, his father George H.W. Bush schemed him out
of ging to Vietnam. Later, Daddy also helped buy him a
stay at the White House. Now that it's George W.'s turn
to dole out the rewards, though, presidential daughter
Jenna Bush is getting a short stick - all she's getting is
a book deal.

WELCOME BACK, JUSTICES
Armed with a new definition of "judicial restraint" that
entails undermining Brown v. Boord ofEducotionwith a
banon mandatory bussing for school integration and
chipping away at voe v Wade by upholding a ban on par-
7 tial birth abortion, the U.S. Supreme Court led by John
Roberts came back Monday for another round of batter-
itg the Constitution
HOW TO CATCH AN INSURGENT
According to a Washington Post story last week, some
snipers in the U.S. military are baiting Iraqi insurgents
out of their hiding places to be shot with enticing ohiects.
Like mice love cheese and fat kids love cake, everyone
6 knows that insurgents can't get enough of those detona-
tion cords, ammunition and plastic explosives.

2
2
2

I LOVE THE '90S
Crushing the dreams oftthe few Americans who per-
versely hoped for an ironic Gingrich-Clinton showdown
in 2008, former Speaker oftthe House Newt Gingrich
officially announced that he will not be joining the other
eight Republicans vyingfor the presidency. Between Hill-
ary Clinton and C.J Simpson, there has already been too
much1990s nostalgia lately.
OLD-TIME COMPROMISE
Ending a strike at General Motors plants across the
nation, the United Auto Workers and GM reached a
compromise last week that transfers responsibility for
health care benefits toa UAW-run trust and cuts GM's
costs, among other things. It was like the labor move-
ments of old - for two organizations that are both
decades behind the times.
STARVING FOR ATTENTION
The sight of a naked anorexic woman is shocking. And
apparently, if you're the Italian designer Nolita, who has
sparked controversy and a media frenzy otter launching
an ad campaign that depicts an anorexic woman and
states "No anorexia," it is also a great way to advertise.

CLIF REEDER/Daily
Strong alcoholic drinks aren't what Cosi is known for.

CLIF REEDER/Daily
A waitress pours a rum and Coke at Cosi on State Street.

CTIF REEDER/Daip
The bar at Cosi is also where patrons order breakfast.

MagazineEditor:AnneVanderMey
AssistantMagazineEditor:Jessica
Vcsgerchian
Editor inChief: colSrimplI
ManagingEditor:JeffreyBloomer
Photo Editor: Emma
Nolan-Abrahamian
CoverArt:ShaySpaniola
Designer:BridgetO'Donnell

PERSON OF THE WEEK
VLADIMIR PUTIN
He might not be cutting the beards off of baffled Orthodox Patriarchs, but Russian President
Vladimir Putin is wasting no time positioning himself as one of Russia's most transformative
leaders - Whether he is nominally in charge or not. Long accused of undermining democratic
institutions and centralizing power, the ever-scowling former KGB officer surprised the world
this week when he announced that he will stand for prime minister when his presi-
dential term ends in December. Putin's United Russia party approved the nomina- _
tion in a 476-3 vote last week. Keep an eye out next year for Czar Putin I and the
bodies of three Russian parliamentarians turning up on the banks of the Volga.

Campuss Smost unliKel b ar scenes
You've been to Rick's. You've tired of The Brown Jug. But you've never taken a shot at the bar
in Cosi or Pizza House. A lot of the actual bars on campus are never used as bars.

I Check out I
the Fall Realty section
on Novl I
i because it's NEVER too early i
to start looking for
i next fall's housing! i
i i
S--- -- -- -- - --- -- - -- .J
Advertise in this section by contacting: 734-764-0557

Job Fair 2007
Wednesday, October 3rd &
Thursday, October 4th 2:00-6:00pm
The Michigan Union
Discuss full-time job and internship opportunities
with organizations from across the country
Meet with different organizations each day
Connect with organizations interviewing this fall
at The Career Center
Visit our website for a list of participating
organizations
6ecause...one day can make all the difference!
Abercrombie & Fitch - Target Corporation
For more information contact us at:
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wss.careercenter.umich.edu ©DtiisionofStudentAffairs

ts Saturday night and you're six
blocks south, in line at Rick's,
your pregamed vodka begin-
ning to subside as the queue ahead
claims your college-bar spirit.
I'm on my third round at Cosi,
and my night's just getting started.
To answer your first question,
yes, Cosi has a bar. And no, you're
not supposed to get drunk there.
But why not? Most bars on Central
Campus are packed by the evening
hours onweekends, and ifyoutryto
go to any of the bars on South Uni-
versity after 10, you're in for a long
line controlled by bouncers with a
generous eye for alot of people who
aren't you. Besides, once you get in
you'll barely be able to move, and a
drink will be impossible. The scene
is grim.
Reader, there is an alternative.
You probably think of Pizza House,
for instance, as that place you go on
the way home from the bar when
you're too drunk to realize your
mistake, but it too has a bar, newly
expanded and ready tobe misused.
If it seems as if anywhere on
campus with a reasonably equipped
bar is overrun on weekend eve-
nings, you just need to know where
to look. By the time you get to that
third drink at Cosi, your waitress,
as mine did this past weekend,
might begin to approach you with
a bit of a tentative gait, but with
those rounds of $4 rum and cokes

behind you, I'm not sure itj
The obvious, natural solt
these anomalies is abuse.
Of course, I won't encoui
to binge drink. I suspect
that well enough on your o
after my first real week of f
responsibility, a friend and
for obliteration, and we ach
all night, without waitingi
gle line. That's not to say A
miss them along the way.
Our story begins at Sa
the new-ish Mexican place
erty Street rumored to be u
sary. We went there becaus
it's a cantina. It's not. N
license, no tequila. The w
the counter deadpans us, a
an obligatory taco (not tha
the way), we move on.
Our self-assurance scu
not repressed, we travel
block to Cosi, and the fir
our waitress asks is if she
us a drink. Yes, waitress,,
I order a rum and Coke. Sh
double take, then IDs me.
This place is only open
and it's already almost 9
need to get moving. We c
order food - this'll be too
we don't - and we down
round so the waitress willlb
to ask us if we want anothe
She walks back toward,
with a hint of restraint.
guys need more drinks?"s

This is what happens when they are.
matters. "Yeah, sure," we respond. Why since fre
ution to not? like she's
Our food isn't here yet, so we Here
rage you allow ourselves a few minutes with becomes
you do this one, the Cokiest rum and Coke have the
)wn. But I think I've ever had. We will not notes I t
all-term fail - we're going to get drunk, and bizarre
I aimed we're going to do it at Cosi. When I
ieved it, We order our third round. ous if, a
in a sin- There's palpable awkwardness that is Z
e didn't now, or at least bemusement. The would i
waitress giggles as she orders it have a cc
isarita's, from the bar. Maybe this will be drunk I
on Lib- harder than we thought. Whatever: is not re
inneces- We're feeling it, and it's only 9:20. a medita
se it says Just after she brings us that use to tI
o liquor round, the waitress drops our bill sell Crov
oman at on the table with confidence and fucking
nd after tells us she'll take it up when we're sham." P
t bad, by ready. We're not belligerent enough
yet to object, and besides, at $37 -
ffed but an atrocity the Jug would never let
up the happen - we're ready to get out of Get
'st thing here. Pizza House awaits.
can get We arrive at 10, order our first at C
you can. round (long islands and whiskey
he does a sours now - it's getting late) and but
begin to look around. This is a mis-
until 10, take. We're across the way from
, so we Rick's, the sleaziest social miracle I
ave and have ever encountered, and so Pizza - and I
weird if House's combination of football-at- I think
our first the-bar runoff and GSIs who don't good the
be forced know better is a bit of a buzzkill. Ourf
r. Where are the people falling over, Cafe Fel
our table the half-bench at a table in the far Street w
"Do you corner where it'll take 45 minutes sion of
she asks. to get a seat, that girl I haven't seen menu of

eshman year and now act
s my best friend?
my memory of the night
a little dubious, but I
o (fortunate?) aid of the
ook at the time, which are
and I hope incomplete.
started this, I was curi-
absent the mental vacuum
The Brown Jug, my mood
mprove or if maybe I'd
onversation not about how
was last night. The answer
ally. My notes range from
ation on gender and straw
his: "Lloyd Carr took Rus-
we to Chop House. What a
sham. Russell is kind of a
No idea what prompted this
ting smashed
:Osi isn't easy,
it's possible.
like Russell Crowe - but
I'd rather talk about how
e bar specials are.
final predestined locale is
lix, a cocktail bar on Main
with a self-conscious delu-
sophistication and a long
f $10 martinis. Beforehand

we were pretty sure this is where
PhD students and self-described
young professionals go for a (note
singular) overpriced drink before
crashing.
I'm here to tell you this is a lie.
Caf6 Felix, especially with the aid
of liquor from institutions that
have no business selling it, is abso-
lutely hysterical.
I barely walk through the door
and feel like I'm 32 and ready to go
to bed, surrounded by older men
with Blackberries on their belts
accompanied by noticeably young-
er woman who oblige their hosts
with smiles and chocolate marti-
nis. From the notes:
"'I'llhave a Jack andecoke,'I offer.
The waitress is defiant. 'We're out
of Jack, actually,' she says.
Fine. Martini. it doesn"t matter.
We're wasted at Cafe Felix."
My thoughts beyond that I will
keep to myself on the grounds that
I cannot easily read my handwrit-
ing and do not find it useful to deci-
pher. With the reflection of a few
generic-brand painkillers, a day's
time and the confused inspection
of my notebook (not to mention my
bank statement), I'm pretty sure I
had about as much fun as I would
have had I taken an outside seat at
Charley's in 60-degree weather soI
could drink with my peers.
Rick's, well, that's a different
story.