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THE EDITOR'S NOTEBOOK with GARY GRACA
table contents A look at the big news events this week and how important they really are. Conveniently rated from one to 10.
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4B THEY WERE STUDENTS ONCE, AND
YOUNG
The University's most famous alumni in
the pages of their old yearbooks.
SB E-DATING IN Az
It's not easy to find a date without leaving
your dorm room, no matter what those
eHarmony commercials say.
IF THE GLOVE FITS
Proving that the media still can'tget over its
unhealthy obsession with O.J. Simpson, he's back
in the news for an armed robbery where he stole
back sports memorabilia, including his Hall of
Fame certificate, taken from him in a Las Vegas
hotel. He already had to sell his Heisman Trophy;
the man is just tryingto protect what he has left.
MOVING ON TO GOP TACTICS
Taking a page from the conservative strategy
hook, MoveOn.org, printdan obnoxious full
pase ad in The New York Times attacking the
natriotism of U.S. commander Gen. David
7 Petraeus. There is a lot to criticize in the han-
dling of the war in Iraq already; maybe it's time
to move on from character assassinations.
AMERICA'S LEAST FUNNY JOKE
After shocking its campus with an insensitive
satirical opinion piece titled "Rape Only Hurts
if You Fight It," The Recorder, the Central Con-
necticut State University student newspaper,
one-upped itself by printing an even more offen-
6 sive cartoon. The cartoon illustrates an alien-like
triangle implying to a square in a telephone con-
versation that it urinated on a14-year-old Latino
girl named Juanita, who is locked in the closet.
PERSON OF THE WEEK
WHICH BAY IS THAT AGAIN?
In a policy move that resembles Guantanamo
Bay justice more than East Bay peace and love,
the University of California at Berkeley tried to
end a10-month protest by building a10-foot
6 high fence to cut off supplies to hippies living in
oak trees in order to protect the trees. The hip-
pies won in the end with buckets and pulleys.
THE MOST FAMOUS TOILET
Probably because there is nothing else to see
in Minnesota, tourists have started flocking
to visit the Minneanolis airport bathroom
stall where Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) alleg-
2 edly solicited an undercover cop. Airport
officials are now planning to rename the stall
"The Holy Shrine of the Religious Right."
BLACKLISTING BLACKWATER
After an incident last Sunday in which secu-
rity forces for the company Blackwater USA
killed at leasteninevpeople,-theIraqi govern-
ment booted the roughly 1,000 mercenaries
out of its country Monday. Blackwater insists
its employees be called contractors, but the
founding fathers would probably feel the
same way whether it was mercenar-
ies or contractors fighting an
overseas war that slowly
bankrupted the impe-
rialpo wer.
6B-7B CAMPUS SAFETY
You're walking home across campus
from a friend's apartment. It's 3 a.m.
You're alone. Are you safe?
Magazine Editor: Anne VanderMey
Cover Art: Peter Schottenfels
Photo Editor:Emma
Nolan-Abrahamian
Designer:Bridget O'Donnell
EditorinChief: Karl Stampfl
ManagingEditor:Jeffrey Bloomer
ALAN GREENSPAN
Data, tables and page after page of dry technical speak doesn't usually make a best seller. Per-
haps that's why the most indecipherable and academic political figure of the last decade has
decided to spice up his rhetoric a little bit. With his new book, "The Age of Turbulence," hitting
book stores last week, former Federal Reserve Chair Alan Greenspan has abandoned his trade-
mark restraint and come out swinging at the Bush administration.
The sc-ience of love
An expert on mating strategies, Daniel Kruger, a professor at the Institute for
Social Research, talks about Freud and fertility. Plus, the biological reasons adven-
turous, strong-jawed, testosterone-wealthy men are more appealing to women
in short-term relationships and how the nice guys will win out in the end.
The criteria women use to evaluate prospective partners depend on the kind of relationship they're seeking.
Think about it in terms of the kind of investment that the men will provide in each type of relationship.
There is familial investment, important for a long-term partner. Will he be a reliable provider and caring
enough to make a good father?
There is also genetic investment, important for a weekend fling. Is he successful enough in his environment
to make a good father? That is, does he have a strong back and masculine features? This is what a man can
contribute ina short-term relationship, even if he's not around to help raise the kids.
From our research today we know that women have a thing for father figures, but it's not that
they're somehow sexually obsessed with their own fathers. Kids don't really have these oedipal
or Electra complexes Freud talked about. This father figure that we're really attracted to is just
someone who's going to be a reliable provider in a long-term relationship.
Women are in the fertile part of their menstrual phase for only a few days. During this time
when there's a much greater chance of conception, preferences for partners actually shift.
When they're fertile, women are more likely to go for guys who have physiological and behavioral
features related to higher testosterone levels - facial features that are more masculine, broad shoulders,
behaviors expressing social dominance, etc. Someone who's more dashing and daring and risk-taking
becomes more attractive. These traits are related to high genetic quality, including resistance to disease,
so it makes evolutionary sense that reproducing with someone having these features is a good way to
perpetuate a lineage.
Women when they're fertile are rated as being better looking by objective observers than when they aren't. Addi-
tionally, women are more likely to pay attention to their appearance at this time.
Women are also more likely to cheat on their long-term partner when they're fertile. Especially when their
primary partners do not have the features indicating.high genetic quality, even if they are reliable.
Hyper-masculine traits, high testosterone levels and increased risk-taking can make men more attractive to
women, but there is also aprice to pay.
Men die at higher rates than women across the lifespan from both risky behaviors and internal causes. High
testosterone levels interfere with the immune system and other physiological functioning.
It's like the peacock's tail that puzzled Darwin. The tail is so unwieldy that it hinders the male, but it is also an
honest signal of the male's fitness because he is able to develop the tail and survive with it. This makes him attrac-
tive to potentiahnates.
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00iat another one!"
Michigan Head * Pain & Neurological Institute t
is conducting an in-clinic research study evaluating an
investigational -use of an inhaled edicaio. fr tomigraines.
" Participants must be 18 to 65 years old and experience
one to eight headaches per month.
' A total of three clinic visits is required.
* Visit 2 is a four- to five- hour treatment visit while having
an acute headache.
" Participants must be available to com to the clinic during
normal business hours (8 a.m.. to 5 p.m.).
You will be compensated up to $300 for your time and travel
expenses. For more information, please call a -study coordinator
at (734) 677-6000. option 4.
rule 40: You're in
college. Use a pro-
fessional sounding
voice-mail message.
"Hey, what's up guys?
Leave me a message,
is only appropriate in
high school. rule 41:
At NYPD, never get
the specialty pizza at
midnight. Chances
are it's been sitting
out for 12 hours, rule
42: Loudly shuf-
fling your books and
papers at the end of
class-is a reasonable
way to let your prof
know you're no longer
interested in lecture.
- t-mail rule submissions to
theswtatement@umich.edu
I OC** StudentUniverse.com I
or