12 - Tuesday, April 17, 2007 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com A man and his vinl Records can hiss, pop and crackle. They can warp, repeat and they can skip. And I can't tell you how many times a person older than 40 has walked up the stairs, through the door of Wazoo and said something along the lines of, "Wow! Records! I can't believe they still make these!" So sure, records might be less conve- nient than CDs, and the sound quality might notI typically be as good, but guess what? They'ree the love of my life, and they'll be around for- ever. I remember my first x encounter with records LLOYD H1 as vividly as I remem- CARGO ber the night I lost my - virginity. I came home from school in sixth grade with a Grate- ful Dead biography I'd chosen for a book report, andI asked my parents if they had any of their music. My mom scurried off to the closet by the front door and pulled outa crate of records I never knew existed. Next it was up to the attic to retrieve the turn- table, and before I knew it I was laying on the floor surrounded by dusty sleeves and these strange black discs. I was hooked. My real education began the next sum- mer, when my best friend Alex Morgan moved away and a record store called Shady Dog opened within walking distance from my house. I started showing up every day and hanging out for hours. It sounds strange, but Mike and Dave, the owners of the store, men older than my father, became my new best friends. I spent hours there every day, to the point where they felt bad about not paying me, so they gave me a job. I don't think Iever took homea paycheck anyway, preferring to receive my salary in records. But why vinyl? Well, initially their allure lay in their accessibility to me. They were cheaper, and at the record store I frequent- ed, there were simply more of them. But as I grew older, I realized my relationship with vinyl ran deeper than that. Every used record has its own unique history. Inevitably, unless it's literally never played, a record accrues its own unique flaws. It might be a tiny speck of dust in a groove on the second side. But after awhile, that particular copy of that album starts to sound just a little different from all the rest. I'm not the first owner of the vast major- ity of my records, nor will I be the last. Furthermore, most of my records are more than 40 years old, and they've been more places than I have. I can just imagine my dad separating seeds and stems on the gatefold to Wheels ofFire or my Mom star- ing at the limited edition Robert Rauschen- berg designed pressing of the Talking Heads Speakingin Tongues in the living room of their new house in Nashville. Some of my records have other people's names or addresses written on them. Some have little notes, or marks next to their favorite tracks. Some are even from radio sta- tions, so thousands of people have already listened to that exact record. I've found money in record sleeves, joints, hand-writ- ten reviews and even amateur home por- nography. I could tell you exactly where I bought every single record I own. I think it's safe to say that every album has a story. And then there's the way records sound. Without getting too technical, analog is a more pure waveform than digital, and it objectively sound better - although that's assuming optimal playback conditions. In reality, most people don't own mint LPs, expensive turntables and diamond stylus- es, but I'm no audiophile anyway. Records just sound warmer to me. I don't think there's anything in this world that can give me the same satisfac- tion I get from spending an afternoon sifting through racks of records until my fingers are covered in dust and grime, walking home with a stack and sitting down to listen to them. There's nothing quite like dropping the needle on a record, sitting back, examining the sleeve and just listening. And really, what better way to listen to music than on the medium for which the artist initially intended it? You would rather see a Van Gogh in a museum than on a poster on a dorm room wall, so why not experience a Beatles album the same way millions of people did when it was original- ly released? I'm not saying CD's don't have their place (I buy most of my new music on the format and it's made releasing inde- pendent music much cheaper and easier), but when it comes down to it, there's really no comparison. Then there are also the nuances of song order, forced by the finite number of grooves you can squeeze onto 12 inches of wax. Gone are the days when artists had to keep their albums within the 30-45 minute range and worry about how to open and close sides one and two. Simi- larly, the rise of CDs has also signaled the downfall of album art - ajewel case just doesn't offer the same world of possibilities as a cardboard sleeve (let alone a gatefold). Records will outlast CDs too, and not just because they're more collectable. (Don't get me confused with a record col- lector either, I may be a nerd, but not that type of nerd.) Records will outlast CD's because of their beautiful aesthetic. For me, I can tellvinyl will be a lifelong affair, but that doesn't mean you can't have a more casual relationship. If you haven't already, I admonish you to go out and get a turntable. You can thank me later. - Cargo loves nothing more than talking about vinyl. He can be reached at Ihcargo@umich.edu. ARTS IN BRIEF And now for something a wee different MUSIC Finally, a band that captures the essence of rock Hellyeah Hellyeah Sampler Epic Records Imagine, if you will, five guys toasting pints of beer, each outfit- ted with impressive facial hair and a douche-bag-kind of smirk. Plus there's an atomic bomb going off in the back, for good measure. Maybe it's a little cheesy, but this is the image ofthe mosthardcore group of musicians in contemporary music. These guys are in their own strato- sphere of intense, visceral metal. I think a quote from an Amazon. com customer review is in order: "CHEERS MOTHER FUCKERS!!!! GOGETCHA HELLYEAH!!!!"This guy knows what I'm talking about. I'm talking, of course, about the metal supergroup Hellyeah. On the cover of the sampler for their self- titled album, the group's name is spelled out in big, bold capital let- ters (said letters are on fire). On its MySpace, puns abound, from the obvious "Hell Week is Here" to legitimate self-proclamations of "Hot Shit." I don't know who these guys are, but they seem larger than life, and I dig that kind of mentality in a metal supergroup. The pyro- technical infatuation is sort of cool, too. Musically, Hellyeah is revolu- tionary mix between traditional metal and Southern country. How- ever, on the sampler, there are only three songs, and they don't provide enough of the raucous, face-melting guitarworkthatthe group will soon be known for. Sure, their sound is derivative of almost every other metal band, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it! Granted,Ihaven'tproperlyheard the full album, but with song names like "Alcohaulin' Ass" and "Alco- haulin' Ass (Acoustic Version)," I predict nothing less than metal's own Sgt. Pepper's. Except that Mas- ter ofPuppets already accomplished that. Well, whatever. Some will argue that we should've saved our first five-star review of 2007 for a highly antici- pated album like the upcoming Radiohead, or maybe Detox (if it ever sees the light of day). I dis- agree - the Hellyeah sampler is a testament to Hellyeah's technical skill and badass vision. These guys are redefining rock'n'roll with an energy and recklessness that truly befits their dynamic name. At a timewhen metal has become arguably the most moribund genre of music, maybe the best compli- ment I can pay these guys is that their sampler kinda makes me want to wear a prefaded trucker hat and blast their music out of a big fucking pick-up, honking the horn inces- santly and yelling out in defiance of nothing, "Rock on! Hell yeah!" But seriously, this band sucks. It's not just their name. They really suck. BRIAN CHEN By DAVID MEKELBURG DailyArts Writer If you're driving around by your- self listening to a comedy album - a strange act in itself - and it makes you laugh out loud despite a self- conscious urge to keep a straight face, then you're probably listening to Monty Python. Reissues of the British com- edy troupe's Contractual Obliga- tion Album, Matching Tie and Handkerchief and The Album of the Soundtrack of the Trailer of the Film of Monty Python and the Holy Grail are reminders that important com- edy albums don't come around any- more. Everyone remembers the dry, quotable humor found in the Monty Python films like "Holy Grail," but these albums are the true height and essence of their comedy. Sure, there are tons of skits where a man walks into a shop asking for something the shop doesn't sell - a classic Python situation - and those are hilarious. But it's the cut- ting, socially conscious humor that makes their work, tackling hard- hitting issues like race, religion, the threat of nuclear war and Finland. While picking a best album of the three would be silly, Contractual Obligation certainly provides the harshest (and funniest) criticism of 1980s society. "I Like Chinese," on Contractual Obligation, is an ode to Chinese peo- ple, who Python apparently see as a soothing alternative to the brutish rest ofthe world.Ever politically cor- rect, Python's Eric Idle sings, "I like Chinese / They only come up to your knees / Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please." If reinforcing stereotypes or being blatantly racist toward the Chinese isn't enough controversy, there's always "Never Be Rude to an Arab" on the same album. Instead of singling out a group (as the title would suggest), it asks listener to refrain from being rude to an entire list of groups like the Irish, Jews and blacks. Of course, the track follows up this kind suggestion with a nega- tive stereotype that exemplifies said rudeness. With Broadway conquered, Python returns to CDs. These tracks are certainly some of the most provocative and out- landish, but without the subtlety that defines most of their w ork, they would mean little. It's easy to be shocking, but what Python does is much more difficult: They toy with your expectations. The Holy Grail album leads the listener to believe he is about to hear a soundtrack comprised of songs from the film. And, the album does contain songs and clips straight from the motion picture. But it's also much more. On perhaps the funniest track (excluding scenes from the film), "Logician," a man speaking with a vaguely German accent claims to be a logician. He proceeds to explain in lofty fashion why the previous clip on the album, the scene where the townspeople prove a woman is a witch by com- paring her weight to that of a duck, is scientificallyinaccurate. The logician then descends into a tirade about how his wife doesn't understand logic and how she's screwing the milk man. Somehow, this rant turns into the logician explaining how he ended up having sex with his wife on the floor of his home. And that's the beauty of Monty Python. Every line is another 180-degree turn from where you expected to go. On Matching Tie and Handkerchief, the paradoxical flow takes the form of a lecture on medieval agrarian tendencies set to heavy metal. On Contractual Obliga- tion, it's a bishop doing a beer com- mercial set to heavy synthesizers (three contradictory items!). The new editions bring the skits and songs a new clarity. The mix- ing on the albums is perfect. You can hear the mumbling asides in the sketches without making the more epic numbers seem any quieter. The albums also contain bonus interviews and promotional mate- rial from when the albums were released. At first, you could easily confuse these interviews with dry skits on the album. It's refreshing to hear that members of the Monty Python crew are actually like that. They banter as if they're in costume and in your backseat. I I 4 4 UM ForYour Best Choice in * New revolving student loanf Financial Services * 'M' checks * Free online banking 24/7 * ATMs on campus umcu.org -Three campus branches email:umcu@umcu.org * StudentViSA credit card phone:734-662-8200 Why television loves an asshole. michigandaily.com 4 4 4