8 - Tuesday, March 6, 2007 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com Underage and loaded H ollywood's underage crowd has been outdoing itself lately. Last week, Forbes magazine released its rich- est young 'uns under 21, and the vampirish Olsen twins topped the list with reported $40 million earnings last year from H their Dualstar empire, which includes kid- BERNIE die retail lines and straight- NGUYEN to-DVD mov- ies. Sadly, from the looks ofthings, both will perish with the sunrise, so they won't be able to enjoy the fortune they've spent on ratty fur coats and foot- deforming Balenciaga booties. Coming in second? Harry Pot- ter himself, earning an estimated $18 million in 2006. Parents every- where might want to avoid pointing him out as a role model, however, considering his latest theatrical achievement - getting naked on a London stage as a horse-obsessed teenager in "Equus" (the full-fron- tal pictures are up). Lindsey Lohan made the list, too, although between rehab, ciga- rettes and more handbags than she can possibly use, that fortune will no doubt drain very quickly. Did anyone else think she was 21? How does someone attend AA meetings when they're not even legal? Legal or not, She's also been seen hitting the clubs nearly every night since she left rehab not too long ago. That's the way, Lindsay. Others might say stay away from tempta- tion, but I say the best way to fight fire is with fire. The Barton sisters have also known their share of temptation. Last week, 19-year-old Hania Barton (did anyone know who Hania was until a few days ago?) was caught crunching pills big enough to sedate a horse. A fam- ily announcement that she was checking into rehab for an addic- tion to prescription drugs quickly followed. Not to be undone, big sister Mischa (of late "O.C," fame) paraded around for the paparazzi with a "cigarette" in hand. As much as we hate to admit that Hilary might be the only one of her star generation to turn out somewhat normal (there's no love lost between that Duff and us), it's a little annoying that it seems to be the card she's playing the most. Duff's newest album is titled With Dignity, and while Duff hasn't been seen partying down in the clubs of Los Angeles, she's more boring than anything else. And speaking ofboring, one final note. Erstwhile Spelling heir Tori, eternally pregnant (doesn't it seem like it's been about two years now?), opened a bed and breakfast with husband Dean McDermott. We're now taking odds that her baby will Hollywood's youth know how to party. be named something like Twinkie or Vitamin or Dollarbill, and as a result will have a falling out with Tori similar to the one she's cur- rently experiencing with her own mother. Honestly, Tori named her bed and breakfast Chateau LaRue - after her pug. Her pug. Props to Tori, however, for capitalizing on her wee ounce of fame as much as possible: A reality show, oh-so- cleverly titled "Tori and Dean: Inn Love," will chronicle her adven- tures on the Oxygen network. PS: Since when does opening a bed and breakfast take you straight to the top in Hollywood? - Nguyen is already at the top of Hollywood. E-mail her banguyen@umich.edu. 'Black' and blues JACKSON REGULATES WITH TOUGH LOVE, CHAIN By MITCHELL AKSELRAD For the Daily With remakes, popular comic-book adapta- tions and hyped-up sequels constantly filling the venues of most cinemas, it's not often that audiences have the opportunity to see a *** truly original movie. In that respect, Craig Brewer's "Black Black Snake Snake Moan" is a rare delicacy. Well, maybe that's pushing it Moan - there's not really anything A delicate about it. Atthe State Brewer first touched bases Theater, with audiences with his 2005 Quality16 Sundance hit "Hustle & Flow," and Showcase and this follow-up detailing the unlikely bond between an Paramount old blues musician and a young, Vantage tortured nymphomaniac is another tale of hope and good- ness found in the most unlikely place. Samuel L. Jackson ("Snakes on a Plane"), the go-to Hollywood presence who never lets his audience down, plays Lazarus, a farmer whose old passion for playing and singing the blues has been recently refueled by the departure of his cheating wife. His problems only get worse when he finds a beat-up, unconscious, half-naked 6 6 Wait till you see what's on the other end of the chain. young woman on the side of the road. That would be Rae (Christina Ricci, "Prozac Nation"), a local girl with an uncertified sex addiction and head full of bad memories. Lazarus brings her home and sets her on his couch to recover from her drugged-up hangover. After some casual investigation, Lazarus learns of his charge's long history of wild behav- ior, and when Rae finally comes out of her feverish hangover, she finds herself chained to Lazarus's radiator - a precautionary method to keep her locked up while he "cures" her of her "wicked- ness." Thus the battle of wits, and an unlikely friendship, begins. With that unconventional story and a strong range of acting (with the lackluster exception of surprise-cast Justin Timberlake, as Rae's soldier husband Ronnie), "Black Snake Moan" has a lot of potential - but a few unsettling problems as well. Neither writer nor director knows whose story this is. By the end of the film's first act, the situ- ation has Lazarus as the recently wronged pro- tagonist and little nympho Rae as his challenge, but the film's final chapters shift focus to the rela- tionship problems of Rae and Ronnie. This is not to say supporting characters shouldn'thave their own stories, but when Lazarus is not even active in that film's climax and when his problem's solu- tion has nothing to do with his decision to help Rae, it becomes clear the movie suffers from mis- direction. This ties in to the movie's other main problem - there is no clear conflict. Is it Lazarus vs. Rae, Rae vs. her mother, Rae vs. her past, Lazarus vs. his ex-wife, Rae vs. Ronnie? By the end of the film, half the problems introduced are left unan- swered, and not in the good way. That being said, this isn't that other Samuel L. Jackson movie with "Snake" in the title. Its col- orful dialogue and inconspicuous, unpretentious direction are both laudable. You just don't need to stand when you clap. Hazietwood's last effort a weak finale By KIMBERLY CHOU AssociateArtsEditor Lee Hazlewood has terminal cancer, and if he wants his last hurrah to involve his 7-year-old granddaughter singing "Some Vel- vet Morning," more power to him. After all, the man never was one to stick to the rules. Much like the rest of his career, this album reflects a mash-up of styles with heavy country-western influence: the circus waltz of "Fred Freud," the sobbing, power-ballad flair of "Please Come to Boston," the combination of wry spoken **" word with a coun- try-western base Lee on "White People Haziewood Thing." Hazlewood Cake or Death chooses to open E the album with Ever the cafe-tune "Nothing," which, quite frankly, isn't much, but reflects his frequent I Get 300 free text messages a month for one year. Sign up for new service and show a valid college ID at the Sprint store. After 12 months, pay the regular monthly fee. LAj illl:= '99k, choice of a female guest for his own solowork.VaguelyRandyNewman- esque with its simple orchestration and walkabout rhythm, Hazlewood plays the May-December love act with a breathy European girl. The duo coo lines involving various ways to "say nothing" to each other: Hazlewood doing his befuddled cowboy-with-a-Euro-fetish and his lady foil responding in appropri- ate, flirty fashion over a few wood- winds and a terribly unrealistic digital piano. But its necessary to give Hazlewood props for rhym- ing "love and pain / ying and yang /still the same." "Baghdad Knights" - where Hazlewood has the priceless cho- rus comparing military service to "playing football / with a gun" - bizarrely combines earnest blues rock with showy, Broadway brass and a freestyle jazz flute. Hazlewood's voiceover near the end of the track, after one of the flute solos, sounds as if he's coming through an intercom. As a produc- er whose earlier work influenced a young Phil Spector, you'd think Hazlewood would have learned to restrain his sometimes superfluous impulses. Though he falters, the listen- er familiar with his charming, kitschy Western persona wants to give Hazlewood the benefit of the doubt. We love this guy because he produced and sang on some fan- tastic Nancy Sinatra tracks. While she's still mostly known for being Frank's daughter, without svengali Hazlewood, she wouldn't have that deliciously campy karaoke clas- sic ("These Boots Were Made For Walking") or a somewhat erotic ode to nature ("Some Velvet Morn- ing," later resurrected by pop cul- ture figures like Lydia Lunch). We like him because he came out with themed albums with titles like Cow- boy in Sweden justbecause he could, even when few in the mainstream cared. And we want him to do well because he was recently diagnosed with terminal illness, and Cake or Death will be his last album. When an artist is finishing what he knows will be his last album, whether it's released posthumous- ly or not, longtime fans or at least earlier fans cross their fingers for it to be The Best Album of (Said Artist's) Oeuvre. Warren Zevon. George Harrison. We want them to take heed of those oft-quoted Dylan Thomas lines and go barnstorming out, drunk and riotous, when that good night comes. Or at least with a three-stars-or-above album." So Hazlewood isn't quite what he used to be. It'd be ridiculous to expect the 77-year-old Hazlewood to still be wearing the psychedelic cloak of his cowboy noir days, but there's enough of that spark left to leave you hoping - take the campy surf of "The First Song of the Day." Musically, Cake or Death isn't much. But the voice of tracks like the saccharine, yet admittedly ten- der "T.O.M. (The Old Man") is one of a weathered artist embracing his mortality in his own highly themat- ic, often campy terms. 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