{the b-side}

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6B - Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom


TASSI
From page 1B
My advice to the Academy to
get people to tune in this year is
to make the show shorter. No one
cares about sound mixing or what
the best foreign language animated
short was. After these extraneous
categories are cut, the only people
allowed to give speeches are the
top.six categories I mentioned
above because I don't care how
many people worked together to
make "Happy Feet" come to life.
And when you do win, you're only
allowed to thank 10 people (God
included), and there can be no off-
topic diatribes about fuel-efficient
cars or the war in Iraq. There, now
the program is a clean two hours
and people might actually make
it to see what wins Best Picture
without falling asleep, onlyto read

about it on Yahoo! News the next
morning.
So as Isit in a hot tub under
the California stars watchingthe
awards this Sunday, I'll think of
you, my fine readers, and how I've
surely inspired you to take part in
watchingthe pretentious ceremony
of self-indulgence that is the Acad-
emy Awards. And when you think
you can't make it through another
second of the costume director for
"Marie Antoinette" thanking every
person she's ever met, just remem-
ber to persevere. Maybe something
will win that you actually care
about. Maybe someone will make
a truly thoughtful and inspiring
speech. Maybe Scarlett Johansson
will have a wardrobe malfunc-
tion. Well, maybe not - but we can
dream can't we?

Q&A
Somebody call
'Reno 911!'

By PUNIT MATTOO
Daily Arts Writer
Ben Garant, Kerri Kenney and
Thomas Lennon (a.k.a. "Reno 911!'s"
Travis Junior, Trudy Wiegel and
Jim Dangle) dropped by The Michi-
gan Theater earlier this month
to promote their film "Reno 911!:
Miami," in theaters tomorrow. The
Michigan Daily caught up with the
Reno characters for this interview.

of Germans down there. For some
reason there were alot.
TJ: And Germans with Brazilians.
TW: Mmhmm.
TJ: And I don't mean couples. I
mean waxed professionally.
TMD: If you guys got stranded,
which one of your fellow cops
would you eat first?
JD: I'm glad you asked that because
I've been thinking about who I
would eat on this squad for years.
TJ: What?
JD: You don't think Jones looks
delicious?
TW: Not in that way.
JD: You don't think he looks deli-
cious like a slow-roasted ham?
TJ: You're saying that we should
slow roast the guy.
JD: I'm not saying we should, but if
we had to ... I would use some parts
of Jones and put it in banana leaves.
Soak it in some lime.
TMD: Any songs in particular that
you listen while in the car?
JD: I put a cassette of (country
singer) Aaron Tippin in Car 9 about
a decade ago, and it doesn't come
out. So if you're in Car 9, you're

PETER SCHOTTENFELS/Daily

"Reno 911: Miami" will open tomorrow nationwide.

gonna be hearing "The Sky" pretty
much all day.
TJ: Why is your Tippin cassette so
sticky?
JD: Um, I'm not made of wood. I'm
ahumanbeing. Some ofmy cassette
tapes are sticky. A lot of things in
my house are sticky. If I came to
your houses and looked around ...
TMD: Computer area possibly.
JD: Yeah. Computer, mouse. Fuck
it. What if you're sitting in front of
the Dell and having some honey?
Yeah, the Dell, you heard me. I'm
not made of wood. Sometimes I'm
covered in honey in the privacy of
my living room. Is that a crime? I
don't think so.
TMD: Unless the windows are
open.
JD: Well, that's what the lady said
also.
TMD: What other cities do you

want to go to?
JD: I would like to go to Scotland,
to see the Scottish lifestyle.
TW: You just want to weara dress?
JD: Yes, I do, and I want to do a
caber toss ..: It's where you, well
you're in a dress, and you take an
enormous log. And you and anoth-
er fella see how hard you can throw
your log across the yard. And I'm
gonna be the first one to sign up to
do it.
DJ: Do they do it for a Scottish
Pride Day?
JD: You mean like rainbow pride?
TJ: Yeah.
JD: No, this is for regular Scottish
people.
TW: Now I do kinda wanna go.
JD: See, men in dresses throwing
logs at each other. I'll toss off those
Scottish guys in a second, flat. I
will. You can quote me on that.

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