The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com Tuesday, February 13, 2007 - 5 Blondes don't All have more fun gown uv I'mnotsure how much Ibelieve pre- in karma, but I do know some ing people in the celebrity world eno have been getting more than their her., fair share of comeuppance this Sp week. anot For what may be the first time in facti my lifetime, the infamous practice cize. of using one's, um, private tapes com to achieve fame may have back- lie fired. Random socialite Kim Kar- at a dashian, known mostly as a Paris Hilton pal, is threatening to sue over the release of an apparent sex tape. No wonder, since it report-_ edly. involves her get- ting "showered" on at the end. Even worse, her co-star is Ray J, brother of singer Bran- BERNIE dy. No one wants to see that. Hopefully, instead NGUYEN of turning into Hilton's protege, Ms. Kardashian will sim- in h ply get saggy, wrinkled and disap- prov pear into the night. May It seems no one can write a But column anymore without men- "Yos tioning that Queen of Class, Brit- up," ney Spears herself. Poor Britney is getting her fill of it this week, with some frightening pictures of her underwear getting snapped by a stranger at a club now float- ing all over the Web. Not to men- tion her ex-boyfriend, some guy a named Justin Timberlake, just released the music video for his newest single "What Goes Around Comes Around," starring a differ- to g ent smoking hot blonde - Scarlett rock Johansson. No significance in the scor title, of course. Jess To heap even more coals on the the fire, Britney's latest ex, model- New someone-or-other Isaac Cohen, O spilled the beans to News of the rity World about his "relationship" on 1 with the pop star. Those beans riou include graphic details about her Britney's bad habits, nympho-like fren sex cravings and a simperingly com charitable insight into her general roe downward spiral. Among the juicy Ann details? That Britney keeps her any wedding dress framed on her bed- exce room wall - and left it up when he This spent the night at her place. As if turn that weren't bad enough, Justin expl and K-Fed (with the way things net have been going, it seems fruit- R less to call him Fed-ex) gave each cert other a friendly hug at a Grammy in li party. Even her exes are band- k-7 up against her. It's almost ugh to make you feel bad for Almost. peaking of the Grammys, her trio got some sweet satis- ion - the Dixie Chicks. Ostra- d from the country-music munity after lead singer Nata- Maines's disparaging remarks THE UNDERBELLY OF MODERN SUBURBIA By JEFFREY BLOOMER ManagingEditor concf de sin (a c ne Gr Eno. E. be! to rec inf ter to er fig ve wl yer ne as J u car anda Ba Bri .nd ert in 2003 about Presi- The titular children are immaterial in "Little nt Bush, the Chicks have Children," everywhere and nowhere at once. nce been the subjects of The film's episodic odys- documentary, released a sey of modern suburbia has w album and won all five them kin to cheating parents,* rammy awards they were the sitting-duck targets of a Little minated for, including released pedophile and, most st album of the year. Not ominously, witnesses of the Children o shabby. foolish exploits of the film's At Showcase And even though we adults, who are not so far off ally can't stand her over- from children themselves. Newline flated face, tanorexic The second feature from implexion and vapid chat- actor/director Todd Field, whose first film, "In the r, Jessica Simpson seems Bedroom," remains the consummate American have found a new tool masterpiece of the past decade, "Little Children" ght with Nick Lachey to is haunted by an implacable menace that enve- ho's better at life. John lopes the characters' lives. Set in desolate mid- ever knew what hit him. summer, the film's main arc concerns Sarah (Kate oe Simpson always says, Winslet), who fancies herself an "anthropologist" n't cover those suckers studying the behavior of suburban women. a little bit of skin is bound Inalong,amusinglynarratedopeningsequence set in a sunny park, Sarah's dispassion with being a mother is clear, looking on as the other women ad week for chat about their depressing sex lives. Suddenly, a man arrives, who the other women have chris- tneyJessica tened "The Prom King" (Patrick Wilson, "Hard Candy"). Someone bets Sarah $5 she can't get his number. She does, and a kiss, setting off a chain reaction the inevitably leads to many long after- noons with the man and his son, and, eventually, Mmm ... hedonists. an affair. The Prom King, or Brad, has a story too- he has a gorgeous wife (Jennifer Connelly, "House of Sand and Fog") and abeautiful son, products of a life that has become quietly dissatisfying for him. When his filmmaker wife sends him off to study for the bar exam every night, he skips the library and watches neighborhood teens skateboard at a nearby park, seeing in them an escape, a reminder of the possibilities he once had himself. Meanwhile, not many streets away, a con- victed pedophile returns to his mother's home, the target of a "committee of concerned parents" who are outraged he has moved so close to the city's parks. His mother tries to set him up on a date. "Maybe if you get a girlfriend closer to your own age, it will help," she tells him. "I don't want a girlfriend my own age, Mom," he replies. "I wish I did." These parallel stories converge in the custom- ary fashion,butwhatreallyinterests Fieldis look- ing at the underbelly of the idyllic streets where his camera so fondly lingers. Often the third-per- son narrator (like the contemplative voice-over in Alfonso Cuaron's "Y tu mamaitambian") will sim- ply cut away from the action and comment on the secrets of the characters and the people around them, which seem to be the only thing they all share. Hollywood values suburbia as a go-to set- ting for superficial stories about overcoming con- formity, but Field is wisely disinterested in such generalizations. He wants to know what's hap- pening onthe streets, notwhat they represent. This added fascination with the peripheries of the characters' lives naturally leads to some thematic discord, and it doesn't always work, but it's also a central force in the storytelling. Brad joins a night football league, and the bizarrely theatrical games they play come in stark contrast to his afternoons spent sport fucking in Sarah's attic. The transitions can be jarring, but since Field frames each sequence as a standalone com- mentary on its subject, they ultimately piece into a convincing whole and climax in unison at the same park where the film began. This is exquisite work, lushly envisioned and photographed, getting at the backbone of Tom Perrotta's novel without a ball-and-chain adher- ence to its plot.With its willingness to explore the characters from different angles - even Brad's marginalizedwife gets asubplot,involvinga.child who last his father in Iraq - the film's dense web of metaphors has its loose ends, but it allows for an almostliterary complexity. "Little Children" is pure cinema, a gift to its actors and to the audi- ence, but that's not what makes it so enthralling. It's Field's commentary on the incidental aspects of the characters' lives -the book clubs, the town park, the guy who takes lunch orders at work - that really sets the movie apart. et you your very own weepy er. Although in our eyes, the e might as well be Nick: 0, ica: -10. We still can't forgive heinous parade that was "The 'lyweds." f course, amid all this celeb- chaos, Anna Nicole Smith died hursday. Despite the "myste- s circumstances" surrounding death, the unbelievable media zy, the abhorrently numerous parisons to Marilyn Mon- and our own loathing of "The a Nicole Show," we don't have thing to say about her death pt that it's a sad, sad thing. s week's biggest celebrity news ed out to be a tragedy, fully ofted by every major news work. est in peace, Anna Nicole. You ainly didn't have enough of it fe. Eddie Murphy tanks as triple personality By MITCHELL AKSELRAD For the Daily "Norbit" was directed by the man responsible for Tim Allen's recent "Shag- gy Dog" * remake - take that asa warn- Norbit ing. Opening A with a sw At Qualityl6 wihaslew and Showcase of offensive jokes targeting Paramount blacks, whites, Asians and the morbidly obese, "Norbit" only gets worse, tossing our infant title character out of a car and on to the doorstep of a Chi- nese orphanage. Though Norbit is ultimately raised by Mr. Wong, the first character in Eddie Murphy's thespian hat trick, he's rescued from the clutches of some mean- spirited punks by Murphy's second - the young, massive Rasputia. She's as unpleasant as she is large, and Norbit finds himself inexplicably tied to her for life. Though Rasputia has no loving sentiments for Norbit either, for some unexplained reason she refuses to divorce him, and even enforces their union with the help of her three intimating brothers. The rest of the story vaguely PRANKS FROM involves something about a real- estate scam and Norbit's long- lost love Kate (the notably svelte Thandie Newton, "Crash"), who has returned to town in true heroine fashion to both buy Nor- bit's old orphanage and marry a predictably chauvinist fianc6, Deion (Cuba Gooding Jr., "Jerry Maguire," another wasted talent). Scheming with Rasputia's broth- ers to buy the orphanage, Deion is determined to marry Kate to gain control of the real-estate, meaning Norbit has just enough problems to last him about an hour and 42 minutes. The fat suit just isn't cutting it as comedy anymore. Let's not kid ourselves. As beau- tiful as Newton might be, we're here to see Eddie Murphy "dolled up" as a 400-pound woman, and the makeup department delivers a laudable effort to make Rasputia look real. In the end, though, no amount of putty will pad the view- i (+ ^ The bookies say this man has 2-to-9 odds to win an Oscar. No shit. AlE T U BlEED Then Enter This Essay Contest!. Write 50 words on what you think is missing frm today's music scene and enter to win: FREE TICKETSto see brandnew artist PAULO RUTINIin concert and aFREE CD The winning essay will also be printed in the Michigan Daily! Runners-up will receive a free copy of Palo's brand new albumhese Streets! Jump start your journalism career and enter the Paolo Nutini New Music Essay Contest! er from the film's overabundance of offensive inanity. Rasputia isn't nearly as hateable as the movie's writers, director and cinematog- rapher - how many minutes can we really watch Eddie Murphy's Rasputia squeeze into lingerie? You'veheard allthe fallout:How could Eddie Murphy follow up an AcademyAward nominated partin "Dreamgirls" with this crap? Why is this talented comedian subject- ing us to the same jokes based on vulgarity and scatology? The sad part is there are some wasted funny moments in this parade of tastelessness, including a handicapped talking dog and Eddie Griffin ("Undercover Broth- er") as a hip pimp named Pope Sweet Jesus. Even these attempts at wit end up cliched gags, however, produc- ing eyerolls rather than laughs. Murphy's certified talents as a shape-shifter ("The Nutty Profes- sor") are wasted when the shape he takes just sucks. CR IT"ai UNON Please submit all essays by email to curtse@umich.edu by Febuary 27, 2007 < Wux ULttL V\O BI l u u w'V W) Uj sn, u I " New revolving student loan " 'M' checks * Free online banking 2417 " ATMs on campus - Three campus branches - StudentVISA credit card ForYour Best Choice in Financial Services umcu.org email: umcu@umcu.org phone: 734-662-8200 Inpiato*Epoain*ducation UEBESIT vFMoIIMfAN C! N 'l a 4pNMjFNyyy4 /cf''.. Y - N cc I ii. ww.gols1m d Ges-1- ntoGelc& Ccrdt5 G-400~ t;-i-dne-5c~~/ 7._ I ~ hi FEBRUARY 13, 14,15,11,20,21 - ONE WIE[K ONLY! 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