A NIGHT AT THE BAR
HOW-TO PAGE 3B.

ARE YOUA GUITAR HERO?
AN OBSESSION EXPLAINED PAGE 4B.
B
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 8,2007

The dark
days of
film
his is the worst time of the
year. Every day I wake up
and it's four degrees out-
side. As the Daily's film editor, on
Sundays I walk five miles to the
office to assign new movies to be
reviewed. And
every film staff
meetinggoes
somethinglike,
"And this week
we have 'Epic
Movie.' Who
wants it? C'mon
guys. Anyone?
(45-second PAUL
pause) Anyone?" TASSI
And I don't
blame them. There's about a three-
or-four month period starting
after New Year's where the movies
released usually range from bad to
worse. By my count, blockbuster
season begins at the end of May,
when whichever new "Star Wars,"
"X-Men" or "Spider-Man" movie
gets released on my birthday. But
we've got a long road until then,
so let me show you what the dark
months bring us this year.
So far this winter season, "Alpha
Dog" proved to me that I can still
be offended by movies. Watching
a crying 15-year-old be executed?
Offensive. Finding out it was a
true story and those involved are
1 still mourning or awaiting trial?
So offensive. On a lighter note,
"Smokin' Aces" was some sort of
nightmare that involved chainsaw-
wielding Nazis, Van Wilder taking
himself seriously and Ben Affleck
with a leather-daddy mustache.
Chilling. And finally, I was pleased
to induct the epic werewolf love
story, "Blood and Chocolate," as the
newest member of my "worst of all
time" list between "Rollerball" and
"My Giant."
In the near future we've got a
vast spread of delights. This week,
for instance, there's "The Messen-
gers." Yes, the studios have heard
your demands and can clearly see
that you want more horror mov-
ies with scary children pointing
ominously at things. If that's not
enough "The Hills Have Eyes 2,"
"Hannibal Rising," "The Aban-
doned" and "Zodiac" should thor-
oughly convince you to never leave
your house again since you will be
attacked by mutated cannibalistic
ghosts who read horoscopes.
On the "comedic" front (and
I use that term loosely) we have
"Norbit," Eddie Murphy's appar-
ent attempt to get everyone to not
take him seriously again, because
nothing goes together like "Acad-
emy Award Winner" and "fat suit."
"Music & Lyrics" also comes out
soon, which I'm very much looking
forward to as I seem to have devel-
oped a completely heterosexual
crush on Hugh Grant. Have you
seen "About a Boy" and "Love Actu-
ally?" The charm!
Also somewhat promising are
"Hot Fuzz" and "Reno 911!: Miami,"
two cop comedies from the guys
who brought you "Shaun of the
Dead" and, well, "Reno 911!" In the
law enforcement theme is "Breach,"
in which Eyan Philippe tries to
expose Chris Cooper as a spy in the
true story of the greatest national
security breach in history. The
storylooks like it could be intrigu-
ing, but I keep having terrifying
flashbacks to "The Good Shepherd."
On a much stranger note, we
have "Black Snake Moan," where

a very grizzled-looking Samuel L.
Jackson has a half-naked Chris-
tiana Ricci chained up in his house.
I'm just confused. Is it a comedy,
a drama or an excuse for Samuel
L.to be in another movie involv-
ing snakes? I guess we'll find out.
Justin Timberlake is in there too
somewhere. Apparently someone
See TASSI, page 6B

Which one are you?
What your bar says about you
Compiled by the Daily Arts staff

ASHLEY'S
338 S. State St.
You enjoy the finer things
in life. You want your beer like
you want your women: foreign
and stout. When you have more
than 70 of these beauties on tap,
then surely you've stumbled into
heaven (or where your GSI holds
office hours). Ashley's is undoubt-
edly the beer-snob watering hole

- its plug is "Friends don't let
friends drink cheap beer." A fre-
quenter of Ashley's won't buy
bricks of PBR or be caught near
a frat keg, and drinks beer at
room temperature (because it's
supposed to be served that way,
not because it's been left out for
days). If you find yourself drink-
ing beer that's darker and heavier
than coffee, you're a philosophy

major and your beard is uninten-
tionally ironic, you might just be
at Ashley's.
CONOR O'NEILL'S
318 S. Main St.
If Conor O'Neill's is your reg-
ular stomping ground, you're
obviously the type of person who
strives to get something more out
of your weekday nights. Whether

you like the crooning voice of
guitar player Jerry Sprague on
Tuesday nights, need of a good
pint, a drunken Monday night
game of trivia or are simply try-
ing to get in touch with your Irish
roots, Conor O'Neill's is worth
the ice-cold trek to Main Street.
Just don't be the guy who orders
Guinness and fish'n'chips just to
fit into your surroundings - they

all know you're not Irish.
LEOPOLD BROS.
523 S. Main Street
If your idea of a wild night at
the bar includes board games,
then Leopold Bros. is your bar.
This spacious Main Street pub,
with its high, vaulted ceiling and
long wooden benches, is reminis-
See BARS, page SB


L ST
Feb. 8 to 11
The Daily Arts
guide to the
best upcom-
ing events - it's
everywhere you
should be this
week and why.

ON SCREEN
See "Marie Antoinette" tomor-
row in the Natural Science building.
Sophia Coppola's latest tracks the life
of Marie Antoinette, the infamous
queen everyone loves to hate. Coppola
took an unconventional, sympathetic
approach, portraying her as history's
most misunderstood monarch. If for
no other reason, the film's lavish cine-
matography and astonishing costume
design is worth checking out. Doors
will open at 7:30 p.m.

ON STAGE
We know you love "American
Idol," watching every episode hoping
one day you too will be lucky enough
to stand face-to-face with Simon
Cowell. Tomorrow, "Michigan Idol"
is looking for stars. It might not be
the big break you've dreamed of, but
at least you'll get the chance to prove
yourself in front of skeptical peers.
The first round of tryouts will be
held tonight at 9 p.m. in the Michi-
gan League Ballroom.

AT THE MIC
Joe Devito, a suburban New York
native and rising-star comedian,
will make his debut appearance at
the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase
this weekend. Described as smart
and likeable, Devito combines of
deadpan one-liners and self-depre-
cation. Devito has been featured on
Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham."
He'll be around Thursday through
Saturday at 8 and 10:30 p.m. Tickets
range $8-$13.

IN CONCERT
EveEnsler's "Vagina Monologues,"
a series of monologues performed by
various women each professing their
own unique perspective on sexism
and female empowerment, is com-
ing to The Ark. All proceeds will go
to SafeHouse Center, a local non-
profit organization committed to
ending domestic violence and sexual
assault. Itgoes on Fridayat 8p.m. and
Saturday at 2 p.m. Tickets are $25 in
advance and $30 at the door.

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