2B - Thursday, February 1, 2007 fthe b-sidel, The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com a What Disney is all about By CAROLINE HARTMANN DailyArts Writer We've all heard the rumors: Phallic symbolism in "The Little Mermaid," a starry sky spelling out S-E-X in "The Lion King" and "Fantasia" as an animated acid trip. Disney might be the quintes- sential source for innocent children's entertain- ment, but it's also been targeted as a cesspool of sexual innuendo and unspoken drug references. Remember sitting mere inches from the TV screen, your thumb hovering over the pause button, eagerly waiting for that single instant of scandal? of course, you never caught it on the first try, so the next half hour was spent rewind- ing and re-watching, turningup the volume and turning it down. Was that the priest's knee flashing Ariel or his boner thrusting forward? Is Aladdin actu- ally whispering "take off your clothes" on the balcony, or am I just imaginingthings? But some speculation is believable, making clever detective work all the more complicat- ed. The animation crew at Disney reportedly defended the "sex" stars in "The Lion King" by claiming that the letters were actually "SFX," short for the special effects team. And the phal- lic imagery on the cover art for "The Little Mermaid" was supposedly a last-minute stab at Disney after the designer was fired. Few Disney classics have escaped the inappropriate rap sheet, least of all "Who Framed Roger Rab- bit," where the overtly sexual themes are far less ambiguous. Jessica Rabbit has even come under attack for an unforeseen and well-placed smudge of brown ink. It's one thing when impolite images are a a "Mario Kart" - Whether it's the idea of setting it in the des- ert, driving on a rainbow or She helplessness of being hit by a ted shell before the lump in Wario Stadium, this game gase instant credibility to Nintendo 64. We don't usually condone auto rac- ing as a sport, but using three mushrooms as a speed boost pro- sides a convincing argument. "Madden '94" - Thanks a lot, Madden '94. You basi- cally deprived me of my childhood. Snow day? Why bother sledding when I can spend countless mind-numbing hours perfecting my game? Beach with friends? Not when I could lead Brett Favre to his 18th consecutive Super Bowl MVP trophy. "Tony Hawk Pro Skater" - Grinds, ollies, heel flips, pop- shove its - not exactly the most common names in the sports world, but they were to many youngsters when THPS arrived. From absurd locations to building-to-building jumps, the game gave children everywhere, not just emo kids, a chance to expe- Something's not right with this picture. visually discernible, but what about drug-use hypotheses that can only be guessed at? There's no way to prove that Snow White's seven dwarves actually represent the seven stages of cocaine addiction, as convincing as the theory might be. And even though it's hard to imagine any sober person conceiving Alice's psychedelic cartoon-trip down the rabbit hole, it's techni- cally a legitimate argument. So the question remains: urban legend or indisputable fact? The only evidence that Disney is responsible for their suggestive extras is the video recall issued on "The Rescuers" after viewers across the nation saw a plainly nude model swinging in the background. But beyond that, we're left to argue between speculation and hearsay. Moving beyond the allegations themselves, what motives could possibly drive the Disney Corporation to include such asinine pranks in its films? obviously the creative minds at work are adults, but it's hard to believe that even the most jaded employees need to get their kicks this badly. Sure, Disney makes an effort to appeal to its older audiences, but these aren't exactly "Shrek's" accessible jokes we're talk- ing about. And I think it's pretty clear that the elementary-school group hasn't zeroed in on all the controversy, so we can rule out deliberate juvenile corruption. Then there's the answer that no one wants to hear: Our painstaking attention to detail has been wasted on - gasp! - non-existent mishaps. Are Disney's coincidental blunders simply the result of careless oversight? or worse, are we searching for something that isn't there at all? When an entity as powerfully influential as Dis- ney becomes a monopoly of virginal entertain- ment, we're fueled by an intense desire to see it come crashing to the ground. But in the end, does the debate really matter? Whether or not Disney's intentions have been realized, whether or not we've been sadly mis- led, the shock value and quest for crude humor have been more than accomplished. We've all had a good laugh over one blooper or another, and our prurient interests have been sufficiently satisfied. Isn't that enough? The gaming system that started it all - -oA Jam.-ll:istuaes is nnree woros:"Hes on tire. With a fiery ball scorching the net and players soaring above the rim, this arcade-style basketball game brought atti- tude to the hardwood. Plus, you can't beat the duo of Seattle Supersonics Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp. "Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball" - Forget that not a single player looked anything like its real-life counterpart. This game was great to play with friends because of the ridiculous differences in pitch speeds. Nothing is better than striking out your friend on a 40 MPH change up. a "Jordan vs. Bird: One-on-one" - We can't condone stereo- types, but somehowJordan vs. Bird made it work. The game cen- tered around a one-on-one match-up, but the real showstopper was the game's other features. the dunk and 3-point-shooting contests. Only one character could compete in each event - Jordan in the dunk contest, and Bird in the 3-point-shooting one, Coincidence? We think not, By MARK SCHULTZ DailyArts Writer Christmas Day 1994 was the worst day of my life. Well, that might be hyperbole, but atthe time, as I sat with my head in my hands weeping and cursing, it seemed that my 7-year-old life couldn't get any worse. What could drive a normally happy and well-adjusted boy to tears on what was normally a day of material celebration? Well, that Christmas I had only asked for just one thing: a Super Nintendo. As you probably guessed, my beloved SNES didn't arrive. I still don't really understand why my parents chose to torment me another full year before bestowing upon me the gift of 16-bit graph- ics and unequalled gameplay. All I know is the day I first popped that "Super Mario World" cartridge in, I knew I was experiencing some- thing special. "Super Mario World," "Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past," "Ken Griffey, Jr. Baseball" ... I can recall these titles at a moment's notice because I still have the games and still play them. I also own the incredible "Super Mario All-Stars" compilation, which includes all the "Mario" games released on the original Nintendo. Not in the history of mankind had so much entertainment and fun been con- tained in a cartridge only four inches wide. It's easy to talk about "Mario," but the beauty of Super Nintendo was that even the mediocre games were enjoyable. A game as obscure as "James Bond, Jr.," which I picked up used at Blockbuster for $3, still had a great deal of enter- tainment value. The vast SNES library derived a game from every conceivable vein of '90s pop cul- ture. There were games based on movies, like "Jurassic Park," and "Wayne's World," and games based on TV shows, like "Bart Simpson's Nightmare," and "Animaniacs." Even Izzy, the mascot of the 1996 Summer Olympics, had his own game. It even had an adaptation of "Sim Cit for ever bizarre y appeal w tendo the time. Super were - 4 around. ( tioned "I represent SNE rit into. ground b ball" and - which, as well a fortably r of today. had no r nobody c, y." There was something want to jump with Scottie Pippen yone - no matter how 20 feet in the air and dunk a flam- our taste - and that mass ing basketball? as what made Super Nin- Back in the heyday of Super Nin- best-selling system of its tendo, there weren't lines of people camping out to buy games, and Nintendo's sports games there were no kids fighting each and still are - the best other over the last copy of "Super Games like the aforemen- Star Wars." That's because Super Ken Griffey, Jr. Baseball" Nintendo didn't take itself too seri- ted a pleasing middle- ously, and its quality was so good it sold itself. It may be hard for cur- rent college students to understand the child's why their parents miss the days of oversized vinyl records, and in 20 MC o pyears we may have a hard time e of passage explaining to our children why a ad~lescence. cheap system with poor graphics . cwas so much fun to play. My Super Nintendo is now 11 years old, cov- ered with dirt and stains, and every etween the earliest "Base- year my aging copies of "Mario All i "Golf" Nintendo games Stars" and "Super Mario World" were generic in gameplay are a little less likely to work. So, s title - and the uncom- I implore you, get your old Super 'ealistic "Madden" games Nintendo out of the basement - or, "NBA Jam" might have if you don't have one, browse eBay real basis in reality, but - and rediscover the magic of the ared. After all, who didn't first great video game-system. "Duckhunt" - As a child, holding up the gun long enough to shoot 10 rounds' worth of ducks was a sport in itself. The only thing But I only wanted to shoot that dog that pointed and laughed whenever I missed. What an asshole. I "FIFA '98: Road to the World Cup" - This was a game of stars, including all the best players in the world. What it lacked in graphics, it made up for in how many goals were scored per game. Better yet, the opening mon- tage had Song Number 2 by The Blur ("Woo Hoo!"). IMx @ JJI 4