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Personal Statement
Shacking up with squirrels ByEmilyBeam
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My parents' reactions - a mix of 40 percent
panic and 60 percent denial - made itclear
that getting an apartment with my boyfriend
was a big deal. My mother was forced to aban-
don her advice that had served so well for
previous gentlemen callers, that I should ditch
him and "concentrate on my studies." For-the
12-month duration of the lease, we were joined
together legally. Scary. If this was a mistake, it
would be a big one - and someone would end
up living in their parent's basement.
For someone who's never had a room-
mate, this living together thing can be pretty
tricky. Our apartment feels suffocatingly
small at times (probably because it is), and
we're both convinced, in Lake Wobegone
fashion, that we each do well more than our
share of chores.
But by far the biggest challenge is, well,
the apartment itself.
At first, I congratulated myself on the deal
we found - $600 a month rent split two ways
with no security deposit. The apartment's
character is evident in the bright pastel
walls and clashing hunter-green carpet. The
kitchen resembles the set of"I Love Lucy."
And then there's the story about the Hit-
ler-worshipping teenage neighbor who shot
a woman on ourhouse's front porch nearly
50 years ago. We have a copy of the 1960
issue of True Detective magazine with the
story in it.
The apartment's charm lasted a week.
Then the pipes started moaning - loud
enough to wake the poor tenant downstairs.
After a number of voice mail messages, it
was fixed two weeks later.
By this point, however, the apartment's
less apparent quirks had come through. We
had to prop up our furniture on cardboard to
account for the slant of the floors. Our doors
don't close completely, and the screens on
the windows are really just pieces of mesh
leaning against the window frames. Chang-
ing our first light bulb was an ordeal: The
insides of the fixture came out with the old
bulb and had to be coaxed back into place.
The closets are about 20 degrees cooler than
the rest of the apartment; they now double
as cellar to store fruit. The heat shuts off
without warning for hours at a time.
It would have been useful to have discov-
ered these things before signing the lease. I
confess that I was too excited by the bathtub
with feet and the prospect of being a little
closer to real grown-up status to ask too
many questions. It happens.
What we can't be blamed for not asking
about is the squirrels. A few months in, they
started scampering inside our walls. They
also showed up in my dreams.
Then they got brave (or cold) and ventured
through the 6-inch by 6-inch hole in our cabi-
net. The half-eaten apples left on our counters
and floor firstcaught our attention, but then
Be wary when your
landlord doesn't ask
for a security deposit.
we spotted one running along our windowsill
- on the inside. They got busy constructing
a nest of plasticbags and apples in the cabi-
net beneath the sink. Our standard protocol
- calling the landlord a few times and wait-
ing a week or two - was not acceptable this
time. We called animal control ourselves, and
within a few days our residentsquirrels were
evicted and the holes plugged up.
Even without the squirrels, our trusty
boxelder bugs esure we're never really alone.
Prior to moving in, I had never heard of
or seen a boxelder bug. They clung to our
screens by the hundreds when we moved
in. I assumed they'd die when it got cold.
Instead, they moved in with us. Now the
bugs spend their days leisurely crawling
up our walls, swimming (and dying) in the
toilets and bathtub and flying into my face
and hair. I hear you can kill them with soap
and water, but I never bothered. I'll claim it's
because they're not harming anyone, but it's
really just that I'm worried cleaning them
out would just invite another disaster.
When our landlord said he was planning
renovations, we had another suggestion
- demolition.
Character-building is the nicest way I've
come up with to describe our apartment.
Sometimes I'll confess - it sucks. But it's
also ours. Soare the squirrels, the boxelder
bugs and the story of the crazed, shot-gun
wielding neighbor. In that way, it's perfect.
Besides, our next apartment, which will
have a security deposit, surely couldn't be
any worse.
- Emily Beam is a LSA senior and a Daily
editorial page editor.
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