The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com {the b-side} Thursday, December 7, 2006 - 3B HOW-TO The preparation and the homecoming. THE ART OF CRAFTING THE PERFECT PAPER (AT THE LAST MINUTE) PUTTING ON THE BEST FACE FOR THE HOMEFRONT By CHRISTINA CHOI Daily Arts Writer At this time of year, it always seems that your previous gloating about an exam-free syllabus begins to come around and bite you in the ass. Tough.But whether you're hav- ing nightmares about the research paper that you should've spent all semester on or regretting the night you decided to play flip cup instead of writing that four-page response on a drug-addict documentary, fear not - this is the guide for you. Step 1. Situate yourself. A true last-minute paper calls for a balls- to-the-walls approach. Gather your essentials (laptop, course notes, toothbrush) and head for the most boring place on campus. This isn't the second floor of the UGLi. While finding an empty study car- rel at the Hatcher Graduate library is nearly impossible, the reference room on the second floor is crowd- ed but quiet. When in doubt, follow the engineers. Step2.Avoiddistractions.Pick your zoom juice of choice and stick with it. A good beverage should ide- ally give you two to three hours of focused writing time. It'll be pain- ful, but log off AIM and Facebook and put your cell on silent. Bring food to avoid wandering off-task in the name of nourishment. Now you are ready to start writing. Step 3. The art of B.S. If you have absolutely no idea where to start, reread the instructions and write out the most basic answer to the question. A quick and dirty outline such as "Movie was trippy, drugs suck, people in movie are sadly doomed" will help you. Now that you know what you want to say, expand it. What was the movie about? Define "trippy." If you get really pressed for an argument, start talking about "the other." You don't have to know what that is, just do it. It never fails. If it's a research paper, take advantage of Internet databases like Proquest that are accessible through the library's website. This is a fast way to find sources if you've never checked out a book in your college career. Note: Wikipe- dia is not a credible source. Master the -fine art of skimming - read the first couple sentences of every other paragraph until you find the I ttVU K CAMPBELL/Daily Books will help, but it's up to you to reel back in your high school sweetheart. information you need. Step 4. Introductions and con- clusions. Great papers don't have one-sentence thesis statements that can be easily underlined by the grader. But in this situation, try to come up with a statement that succinctly describes what you're trying to say and make sure you actually say it. This may be easier to do after writing the body. Similarly, your conclusion isn't going to be mind-shattering, but remember to summarize what you talked about and why. Avoid combining your last point with your concluding para- graph, as it will make the paper seem incomplete and rushed. Step 5. Don't forget the small things. If you need six sources, don't be a wimp and settle for four. Little things, like including a cer- tain reference from class or follow- ing APA/MLA format, may count for more than you'd expect. Also, By WHITNEY DIBO Daily Arts Writer Whether you're making that first back-from-college impression or solidifying your image before enter- ing the work world, presenting your college self to those high school buddies over the holidays can be tricky. And although pretending like you don't care is a great tactic in achieving a certain post-high school status, Daily Arts knows you do. So take out your TrapperKeeper and start taking notes, because that high school crush (or nemesis) is bound to be barging back into your life in just a few days. Changing your image altogether isn't recommended. It's much eas- TREVOR CAMPBELL/Daily ier to magnify or tweak your high you can do to make it easier on yourself. school self so as not to startle your don't skimp on a read-through high school friends. If you try to do for organization and grammati- a complete 180, it will most likely cal errors that spell-check doesn't backfire - forcing your friends to catch. While this may take 15 pre- either call you out on it, or talk shit cious early-morning minutes, it's about you. better than attempting to catch a wink of sleep and waking up four For example, it's easy to go hours later to find you've missed from chilled-out-high school kid the deadline. Suggestions for the to guitar-playing-pot-smoking- length-impaired: tiny changes college philosopher, as long as in spacing (2.1 instead of 2) and you have the goods to back it up. ctrl+F7 (the thesaurus shortcut). Case in point: If you claim you and Always proceed with caution when your college friends "blaze all the attempting to cheat the system - a ' time," it looks pretty bad if you can't paper that doesn't sound like you light up without burning your eye- wrote it is a bad sign, and only fools lashes, or if you can only strum an will attempt to use Courier font. A chord on that brand-new Martin lying on your bed. Step 6. Be realistic. While this may not be your best work, expect- If it's the "intriguingly smart ing an A from a three-hour endeav- and studious" look you're after, or instead of a 30-hour one may be start dropping words like "dis- a bit much. Instead, remember to sertation" and "thesis" early save frequently, stay focused and on. You don't have to go into a full don't crash until after the paper explanation, of course, as long as is safely in your professor or GSI's you stick to obscure topics (i.e. hands. Nigerian film, the economic stabil- ity of Latvia, etc.). Start conversa- tions with sentences like "There's a scholarship program in Cambridge I'm applying for .:.." or "Have you read Orwell's 'Politics in the Eng- lish Language' recently?" Beware: If you go too far with the preten- sion, someone might just ask to see the first few pages of that disserta- tion. Or maybe it's the "guy-who- knows-everyone" image you'd like to bring home. This one is relatively simple - colorful flyers, scattered to-do lists and a constant- ly ringing phone are the essentials. And be sure your many clubs/orga- nizations have functioning websites for when your skeptical friends Google your name. If you did join a fraternity or sorority while at school, avoid using Greek jargon like "broth- erhood" and referring to your new friends as "sisters." Don't ask "what house" your friends live in. The tactic will only backfire, lead- ingyourhighschoolfriendstothink you're totally brainwashed and have lost your identity amid deafening sorority chants and brain-cell-kill- ing fraternity hazing. does double duty, saying both "I'm old enough to grow facial hair" and "I didn't care enough about you high school kids to shave it." Drink responsibly while at home. Nothing says uncool like a college kid who can't handle his liquor.Your high school friends will immediately infer that you never drink at college, never go out and have no friends. And what about that old high school crush? Well, you have two options: 1) Ignore them. This way they'll figure you've gotten yours during college, and have completely forgotten about that time behind the old oak tree. The snuff could switch your crush from unattainable to in- the-bag. 2) Be bold. Walk right up to that cutie from 10th grade biol- ogy and fearlessly hit on him like a pro. This tactic says "I've hooked up with a lot of drunk frat boys in the last four months, and now, I know a thing or two." So go home and dazzle your high school friends with these helpful tips. Leave them behind in January saying, "Wow, (yourname here) has really changed/grown up/gotten hotter in college." Good luck. Don't underestimate the power of a new look. For girls, a random change of hair color, length or even the sudden appearance of bangs can scream "I'm four months older and lovin' it!" And wear those cute Urban Outfitters hats you were ' too self-conscious to wear in high school. Nothing says "College has changed me" like a taupe paper- boy hat cocked to the side. And boys, two words: facial hair. If you can grow it, scruff it up this winter =W. rtd break - the five-o'clock-shadow y71777 DAILY ARTS. 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