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6B - Friday, November 17, 2006
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
THE GAME
Friday, November 17, 2006 - 3B
.
Unblemished record sparks recollection of'97
So many reasons
to hate Ohio State
his column is one of the tough-
est assignments I've ever
received.
Asking a Michigan man like me co
limit his attacks on Ohio Sale meto
to just over a half-page is like
asking former Congressman
Mark Foley to choose just one
page. It's not easy.r
I could go after the entire,
crappy state of Ohio - its
ugly highways, its uglier cit-
ies and its poor judgment in ,
M' picking presidents.
I could go after the city of SIN(
Columbus, which is easily the
worst of the 10 Big Ten towns The Mi
I've seen. There's no charac- Do
ter at all, justmiles and miles
of decrepit strip malls and
chain restaurants.
I could go after The Ohio State Uni-
versity and spend the next 500 words
mocking its hilariously low academic
standards.
But since Michigan and Ohio State
are entering what could be the greatest-
ever installment of The Game, I'll try
to limit my attacks to what's relevant
- the respective football programs and
what surrounds them.
In Wolverine country, we take the
Michigan-Ohio State game seriously.
A win sets off an all-night party; a loss
sparks an evening of misery.
We're not nice to Bucknuts that
invade our town every other year, not
by any stretch. Wearing scarlet and gray
usually earns you some choice words
from the Michigan faithful, or maybe
even a stray water balloon tossed in
your direction.
But you guys take it to a new - and
disturbing - level. Buckeye fans have
been known to assault opposing fans
while the Columbus cops turn a blind
eye. To Ohio State fans, a sucker punch
is an acceptable form of behavior when
a Michigan student is on the receiving
end.
That's not rivalry. That's not fun.
That's sick. And Ohio State fans should
be ashamed of it, instead of touting
physical intimidation asa reason why
Columbus is a tough place to play.
The same dichotomy (It's a big word,
I know. Ohio State students, I recom-
mend dictionary.com.) applies to the
respective athletic departments as well.
In Ann Arbor, the visiting Buck-
eyes are greeted by a friendly athletic
department representative, who guides
the team to the visitors' locker room.
In Columbus, the visiting Wolverines
are greeted by not-so-friendly attack
dogs, ina "security measure" that Ohio
State takes against no other team.
Seems a bit excessive, especially
when the hardened criminals usually
hail from Columbus (insert your own
Maurice Clarett joke here).
But when your all-time record
G
is
ail
against Michigan is 39-57-6, you need
every unfair advantage you can get. At
least that's how the screwed-up think-
ing goes in Bucknut country.
Michigan boasts some of
the most iconic traditions in
sports. Touching the Go Blue
banner. Winged helmets. The
world's greatest fight song:
"The Victors."
What do you guys have? A
fat tuba player who high-steps
to dot the 'i' in a script Ohio.
Wow. I can feel the goose-
ER bumps already.
And you couldn't even come
chigan up with that lame-ass tradition
ily on your own. The Michigan
Marching Band invented the
script Ohio formation in 1932.
Then again, since when has Ohio
State been renowned for producing
anything of value?
We invented the polio vaccine. You
invented the burning couch.
And, of course, no dueling column
would be complete without mentioning
that smarmy coach of yours. I'll give
credit where credit is due - Jim Tres-
sel has done a solid job rebuilding the
program that John Cooper gutted. And
yeah, there's that 4-1 record against
Lloyd Carr.
But sweater-vest's empire is built on
lies ... and recruiting violations ... and
academic shenanigans ... and paid-off
players. The mountain of evidence
implicating Tressel is simply staggering.
Looking for some entertainment?
Type "Tressel allegations" into Google
and have a field day.
This guy is so corrupt that he was
even involved in dirty dealings at Divi-
sion I-AA Youngstown State.
At Ohio State, that trend has con-
tinued with Maurice Clarett's loaner
cars, Troy Smith's $100 handshakes
and laughable "classes" like golf,
sports officiating and AIDS Awareness.
(These are actually online in the Ohio
State course guide - the school isn't
shy about it.)
At Michigan, we don't pay our
recruits (at least in football) and our
athletes go to real classes. Stunning
stuff, I know. But that doesn't hold us
back at all. Last I checked, we're unde-
feated, too.
On Saturday, Ohio State-and Michi-
gan will face off in what might just be
the greatest regular-season college
football game of all time. Predictions
aren't my strong point, so I won't make
any guarantees about what will go
down in the Horseshoe.
What I will say is this: May the class-
iest team win.
- Singer hopes to see South University
Avenue rocking when he returns from
Hell on Saturday night. He can be
reached at mattsing@umich.edu.
Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith is a Heisman Trophy candidate.
E-mailproves lsucks
S o here I sit - on a Wednesday, no less refineries and the giant exhaust pipe that aims
- with the campus of The Ohio State directly at the freeway and through the stench of
University burning around me. Fifty- Detroit - make a quick stop at the McDonald's
thousand students working toward byche border, snatch a plate from an
worthless degrees from an institu- - - Ohio vehicle, and continue your voyage
tion that offers courses in AIDS through the Buckeye state. Make sure
awareness, golf and Tango, flipping to keep an eye out for our state troop-
over desks and Volkswagens in ers, however. They'll probably be able
anticipation of the biggest game ever to smell the rotten eggs and dead skunk
to grace the illustrious history of emanating from your car.
Ohio State football. It's just Wednes- "Keep your Michigan gear to a mini-
day, and asI sit here attempting to mum, or wait until you are inside the
write this column, so many won- Y'o'Tr stadium to display it," reads point No. 2.
derfully derogatory images and Again, excellent advice. Displaying
thoughts fly through my underdevel- WOODS your allegiance to a team that melts
oped, Ohio State-educated brain. from the glare of a gray-haired, 50-year-
I see a massive building in Ann The Lantern old man who dresses like Pee Wee Her-
Arbor that more closely resembles man's father is certainly embarrassing.
the genitals of Jenna Jameson than Better to wear a "Flint High class of
a football stadium. I see Chad Henne choking '72" T-shirt and a "Built Ford Tough" hat. You'll
like Charlie Weis at a Hooters' all-you-can-eat slide right by like a bound-for-a-freeway-ditch
wing day. I see the great Lloyd Carr wrinkling Escort on an assembly line.
faster than an old man's scrotum while Jim "Avoid High Street in Columbus."
Tressel coolly chalks up yet another victory. I I'm not sure if your dear old dean has ever
see all these things so clearly and colorfully, I been to our city before, but High Street is defi-
almost considered using them in this column. nitely not a problem - by itself. To best avoid
But then I saw this letter from Michigan Dean injury, verbal abuse and possible death, you
of Students Sue Eklund addressed to those Wol- might want to consider dodging the follow-
verines stupid enough to make the trip to Beirut ing areas: Lane Avenue, Woody Hayes Drive,
... er ... Columbus. Woodruff Avenue, St. John Arena, Ohio Sta-
"We know that it can be uncomfortable being dium - shit, the whole city north of downtown.
in an opposing team's environment, especially Columbus ain't exactly a one-stoplight town,
when the stakes are so high. We would like to folks. Proceed with extreme caution. We're all
offer a few suggestions in order to help you stay fucking crazy, and we're everywhere.
safe and have a positive experience this week- "If at any time you feel unsafe, you should
end," wrote Eklund. call 9-1-1 for assistance. UM campus police also
Fair enough. I imagine most students at will be available in Columbus to support our
Michigan grew up in Michigan, a place so fans. You may call them with non-emergency
devoid of passion for college football one could concerns at (734) 216-9159," the letter finishes.
consider John L. Smith's self-face slap inspiring. That's right, kiddies. In lieu of Michigan
In Columbus, a city of nearly two million, we mothers breast-feeding their children on their
pack more than 500,000 fans onto campus for trip to Columbus, the University of Michigan
game days, the sight of which is undoubtedly police will be here to provide nipple-suckling
intimidating to the uninitiated. I get it. A few for those who feel they might be beaten and
helpful hints to virgin Wolverine football fans pepper-sprayed by Ohio State police.
couldn't hurt. On second thought, what was that number
"Try carpooling to the game; if possible, again?
drive acar with non-Michigan license plates,"
reads point No.1 on the letter. - Scott Woods is a senior in journalism
This is brilliant. On your way down I-75 and a sports editor at The Lantern. He can
- over the crater-sized potholes, past the oil be reached at woods.250@osu.edu.
all everyone is talking about, even
though the Ohio State-Michigan
game has yet to be played.
So, I guess I was just a few months
ahead of the pack.
Maybe it was because I've been
watching Michigan football since I
could walk. It could be thatthe Wol-
verines' offensive coordinator during
the National Championship cam-
paign, Mike DeBord, returned to the
post this year. Or, perhaps, reading
newspaper clippings from the 1997
season gave me that special foresight.
You see, starting with the Colorado
game, I collected Michigan's front-
page photo from the Grand Rapids
Press after each win and taped it to
my bedroom wall. Little did I know
how many clippings would follow.
I put up the lead photo fromthe
34-8 win over Penn State with a
smile on my face, having anxiously
anticipatedthe showdown against
the vaunted Nittany Lion defense, led
by LaVar Arrington and Courtney
Brown. I watchedthat game at my
grandma's house in Chicago and after
the Wolverines demolished Penn
State, I was so elated that I had to
reenact the contest in her yard the
next day.
I almost didn't think the Iowa win
would make it on the wall, especially
mouth and taunt Heisman Trophy
winner Charles Woodson that day.
Boston sauntering into the end zone
after Woodson tripped will forever be
seared in memory. Too bad for Bos-
ton, so will Woodson's interception in
the fourth quarter.
This year, I feel like I'm watching
the 1997team, just in person and on
field turf.
When quarterback Chad Henne
bootlegs out of the pocket and hits
the tight end dragging across the
field, I have to rub my eyes to make
sure it isn't Brian Griese to Jerame
Tuman.
When you compare the two quar-
terbacks, Griese and Henne bear an
eerie resemblance to each other - at
least inthe waythey manage the
offense. Yes, Henne has put up better
numbers over his career and started
as a true freshman, while Griese had
to wait until his fifth year to start
every game. But, under DeBord's
control-the-clock offense, neither
turned the ball over much, and both
came up with the clutch throw when
his team needed it.
If Griese wanted to stretch the
field, he looked for his favorite
receiver, Tai Streets. Watch ESPN
Classic, and you can see how danger-
ous Streets waswhen DeBord called
'm not going to say I told you so, when Michigan trailed 21-7 at the
butI saw this classic matchup half Listening to the game on the
coming. radio while inthe car, I could only
It was the season opener close my eyes and point
against Vanderbilt. When heavenward when line-
I began writing, all I could backer Sam Sword inter-
think of was the 1997 cepted a Matt Sherman
National Championship pass with31 seconds left to
team. For some completely end the game and keep the
illogical reason, I just had Wolverines perfect.
that gutfeeling. Butcome on, the best
Unfortunately, one of my KEVIN and biggestphoto came
fellow editors thought it was jpJj1 afterthe Ohio State
too soon to start the National ----- contest. Buckeye wide
Championship hype. The Sixth Man receiver David Boston
Well, 12 weeks later, that's felt the need to run his
his number.All Griese had to do was
throw it1Oyards farther than he
thought Streets could run, and the
receiver would make the catch.
Henne's go-to man, Mario Man-
ningham, possesses the same speed
and abilityto get behind the defense.
In his one-plus years at Michigan,
he's made the clutch catches and
draws double coverage just by trot-
ting onthe field. Taking the com-
parisonto the next level, they both
share the same number (86). If that's
not enough to convince you, nothing
will be.
And then there's the defense.
Who could forget Sword and the
way he patrolled the middle of the
field? His biggest hits remind me
a lot of the licks a certain middle
linebacker puts on opposing running
backs. David Harris has the speed,
tenacity and grit to mirror the former
All-American.
Look atthe front four of the 1997
team, and youhad defensive end
Glen Steele coming off the end. At the
time, I never thought I'd see another
with the combination of speed and
strength that Steele brought to the
table.
Hmmm ... I think this year's Wol-
verine squad boasts a similar force
off the edge.Defensive end LaMarr
Woodley has been dominate for the
Michigan pass rush. Sometimes it
seems like no one even attempts to
block him, he gets downfield so fast.
And when you mix his quickness
with his power the way I've only
seen Steele do, you have a force to
be reckoned with. Ask Notre Dame
quarterbackBrady Quinn as he rides
by in his Gator.
Now, this lastone may be alittle
bit of a stretch. Charles Woodson
was hands-down the greatest college
football playerI ever watched. So, on
the surface, Leon Halllooks like he.
can't match up with greatness. Wood-
son had the flair for the dramatic
and unbelievable plays, like the one-
handed interception on the sideline at
Michigan State. Hall, using his atten-
tion to detail, steadily locks down his
side of the field.
Woodson may have been a more
Charles Woodson was the standout on the 1997 National Championship tear
versatile player, but Michigan coach
Lloyd Carr calls Hall the most tech-
nically sound cornerback he's ever
coached.
So there you have it.
The 2006 Michigan team is just
celebrating the 10th anniversary of
Carr's lone national championship a
year early.
But even with all of the similari-
ties, this year's Wolverines don't want
to follow the 1997 squad in every
respect. The Rose Bowl just isn't what
it used to be.
Iknow Inever predicted that.
- If you'd like copies oftthe1997
Grand Rapids Press front-page photos,
Wrightwill happy to send them to you.
He can be reached at kpwr@umich.edu.
PROCRASTINATION STATION
Michigan 22
Ohio State 28
Play of the game - After
Michigan DT #80 blocked a Michi coach Scott Bell:
kick to give the Wolverines "It suced when QB #7gotknocked
one last chance to win, QB out early on, but QB #19 filled in
#19's pass intended for WR nicely. Just kidding, I hope he dies
#86 on the next play was in- a painful death. But coach Wright
tercepted by Ohio State CB #3, played well. He deserved it."
sealing the game.
- Player of the game - Ohio State coach Kevin Wright:
Ohio State WR #8: The un- "If I hadn't blown up in the Ball
sung WR took Michigan's 'D' State game, I'd have been Michi-
by surprise, corralling nine gan and lost this game. The QB
catches for 140 yards and two #19 package just doesn't cut it in
scores. Columbus.'
HAT IT MEANS TO RE A
^ WOLV RN
MICHIGAN FOOTBALL I OUSE t
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