a The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
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Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 5B
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the b-sidel Thursday, Nsvemher 16, 2006 - 5B
Extr cre iot .DWHEN YOU CN'T GET TO
xtra credit H.D CAMERON HOW TO GET
WITH YOUR GSI
By WHITNEY DIBO
Daily Arts Writer
He studied literature in London. She's get-
ting her Ph.D. in history. He's writing a phi-
losophy dissertation on Immanuel Kant. She's
a genius at the econ homework you just can't
get. And despite being a just a few years older,
your graduate student instructor is in a posi-
tion of power. Which, despite the obstacles it
presents, is also kinda hot.
The attractive GSI is an enigma. He marks
you late to discussion, she grades your papers
and writes assignments on the blackboard just
like your third-grade teacher - but the GSI
is also well within your dating range. Unlike
the aspiration of sleeping with a professor
(which usually comes with complications like
a 20-plus-year age gap and perhaps a spouse
that also works in the department), the GSI
rendezvous is a far more attainable, practical
endeavor. The only real challenge is breaking
down that barrier of authority and cracking
the feigned wall of professionalism the respon-
sible GSI likes to exude. Here are some tricks of
the trade for getting beyond the blue book, and
snagging that sexy academic before the semes-
ter is over:
1. Office hours are a must. Tucked away in
the intimate cubbyholes of eighth floor Haven
Hall, you and your GSI are innocently forced
into close contact. Hovering together over a
possible paper topic can lend itself to more than
just a good thesis statement. Also take note of
any posters or books in the office that may give
you a good conversation starter (i.e. "You like
'On Walden Pond'/the Beatles/'The Godfather'
too? That is my absolute favorite book/band/
movie of all time," etc.)
2. However, if your GSI is the kind to
keep his door ajar, the possibility of faculty
intrusion can severely hurt your game. For
this reason, out-of-the-office office hours are
the best way to go. Inside a campus coffee shop,
you're both just 20-somethings having a scone
together. Even better, meeting at a midday bar
like Ashley's can offer the perks of slight ine-
briation.
3. The "after-class linger" can also be an
effective tactic, and is quite easy to create the
pretense of "not understanding the material."
This lingering can often progress into a side-
by-side hallway walk, or even into a sunny Diag
stroll. A recurring theme here: get out of aca-
demic buildings.
4. Surprisingly, e-mail contact can be a
good way to break the ice with your GSI of
choice. Gradually de-formalize the greeting
and signature of your e-mail, eventually sign-
ing your name with only your first initial and
using openers like "hey you." Throwing in a
joke about dumb students in the class can also
aid the cutesy e-mail banter.
5. IfyourGSlisthe kindto attendlecture,
sit strategically. In smaller classrooms with
awkwardly close desks, the inevitable shoul-
der-brush or foot-tap might open the floor for
a sheepish "Oh, I'm sorry" followed by awarm,
if-only-you-weren't-my-GSI smile.
6. If your GSI is the accessible, I'm-cool-
enough-to-give-students-my-phone-num-
ber type, that number is a golden opportunity
that shouldn't be missed. If you're feeling par-
ticularly courageous on a Friday or Saturday
night, accidentally drunk-dial your GSI. The
conversation should go something like this:
"Oh my gosh, this is Danny from History 319?
I'm so embarrassed. I meant to call my friend
David - he is right next to you in my phone."
This is a risky move, one that could prove
insanely awkward come Monday morning.
But if you've been following suggestions one
through five throughout the semester, your
GSI may just take your after-hours phone call
as an opportunity to ... go over the intricacies
of your latest exam at her apartment.
7. But perhaps the best opportunity to go
from square one to homerun with your GSI
is the unplanned bar run-in. Lurk around
Ashley's or one of those Main Street bars. If
this gift from the get-with-your-GSI-gods
presents itself, there is one commandment you
absolutely must obey: Do not, under any cir-
cumstances, bring up class. This is not a chance
to get a sneak peak at your midterm grade. Do
not bring up the fluorescently lit classroom
while in the musky haze of the bar. This is your
chance to go in for the kill.
It's almost Thanksgiving break, so if you
haven't already begun cozying up to your GSI
of choice, now's the time to buckle down and
study the techniques that have worked for
lusty undergrads since the start of the "discus-
sion era."
A SINFUL SUGGESTED BOOKLIST
Getting off without gettingthe pages sticky
Mmm, a pint of Boddington's at Conor's, followed by
heavy debateon postmodernism and heavy petting.
OK - maybe not. Sometimes actually pursuing the GSI
that's thetfire of your loins isn'tthe best idea, espe- t
Ballywiththe University'spolicy strictlydiscouraging
instructor/student f raternization. And there are cer-
tainlyother lusty taboossthat are best lefttin the mind
or on the page. But vicariously enacting your sexual
fantasies through literature, even the most perverseor
depraved, shouldn't be a problem.
"Delta Venus,"Anais Nin
"Lolita," Vladimir Nabokov
"Naked Lunch," William S. Burroughs
"Lady Chatterly's Lover," D.H. Lawrence
"TheUnbearable Lightness of Being"({not centered on
sex, but top-notch sex scenes), Milan Kundera
"Justine," Marquis de Sade
"American Psycho," Bret Easton Ellis
"Ulysses," James Joyce
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: Biting that midterm exam in ecstasy ... over a great
discussion, getting hands-on during office hours and the tools for ensuring an A.
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