The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
rthe b-side Thursday, November 2, 2006 - 3B
w
By KIMBERLY CHOU
and ANDREW SARGUS KLEIN
Daily Arts Editors
The digital clock on the bedside table is blink-
ing red as the alarm clock clicks into a MIDI
version of Chris Brown's "Move That Booty."
Calc III textbook and papers strewn across the
floor, half a fifth of Triple Distilled perched on a
stack of records, a pair of familiar pants wedged
in the gap between the bed and wall. Outside
the window, the air is slate-gray and damp, the
lawn already littered with red Solo cups from
early-morning tailgaters.
Sleep slowly seeps from your eyes as you take
stock of the situation: Where am I? Did I have
sex last night? Was it good? Would I care?
There are many ways you could have got-
ten into this situation - a long week, too little
clothing, too much tequila, a combination of the
above. The following is a laundry list of poten-
tial scenarios and combinations thereof.
a) "Oh my God, where are my panties?"
The one-night stand
So maybe you didn't sleep with him. But you
still slept over, and now walking through the
Diag in your barn-dance outfit proves much
more daunting than the 3 a.m. stumble to his
Packard Street house last night.
Wash your face. The raccoon look is a dead
giveaway that you've been out. And probably
being a slooty-sloot.
Find your clothes. Sometimes this is a
problem. To avoid unseemly glares by passers-
by, make sure what you're wearing on bottom
matches your shoes. It doesn't matter if you're
wearing a miniskirt and stiletto pumps in line
at Espresso Royale when everyone else is try-
ing to make it to lecture on time - what looks
worse is if you're wearing borrowed lacrosse
shorts and fuck-me boots.
Don't look guilty. Maybe you're just dressed
up for an interview ... at Ddjs Vu. Or the GSI is
offering extra credit to anyone who comes in
costume to your anthro discussion.
Work in your work out. One of the most
widely circulated stories on collegehumor.com
- there's even a Facebook.com tribute - is
a piece titled "Avoiding the Walk of Shame."
Hunter College's Jake Hurwitz advises you to
"pretend you're jogging" or "ride a bike" (given
that you have one conveniently stored some-
where). This works especially well if you're
wearing, say, spandex from an '80s-themed
party.
b) "Just give me five minutes, I'm fine."
Inability to exit the party withoutfalling
asleep or vomiting
The music is churning in your soul - along
with that burrito. And when the soul-purging
moment arrives, you're just in front of the toi-
let. Which could also be your bed for the night.
What to do?
If they see you. If you're friends with the
people who live in the house, laugh about it
together and shake it off, understanding that
Facebook pictures and unwanted body ink are
the norm.
If you're not, find the front door immediate-
ly. Be courteous: Make the bed if you were put
in one, make sure there aren't any mysterious
stains, etc. If you're feeling especially altruistic,
clean that shit up.
Consequences. You're probably hungover.
The best solution is not to drink more, or take
Tylenol, actually. Personally we're big fans of
Gatorade, but greater sources (Google, about.
com) recommend this beverage:
The No-Alcohol Hangover Mix
one part olive oil, one raw egg yolk, salt and
pepper, one-two tablespoons of tomato ketch-
up, a dash of Tabasco and worcestershire sauce
and some lemon juice (or vinegar). Mmm.
Eggs are actually great after any night where
you've been actively destroying your liver and
lungs. The amino acid N-acetyl-cysteine works
to rid your body of toxins.
Stay away from coffee or soda; like alcohol,
they're also diuretics and will simply make you
more dehydrated. Drink a lot of water. Pee. Skip
lecture, maybe.
c) "I was at the UGLi, I swear!"
Falling asleep duringfinals week and how to
make it not look like either a) or b) happened as
you're walking home
Relax. We all work hard, we all play hard.
Sometimes, the two confuse each other. Some-
times your alarm clock is a burly Fishbowl cus-
todian named Jeff, inquiring as to your health.
Shake it off - it happens.
Check yourself. Did you get any work done?
(Hey, at least you were in the right place.) Real-
ize that you can only live to fight another day,
gather your belongings and allow Jeff to escort
you from the building.
d) "Who the fuck wrote on me?"
The timeless prank of drunken tattooing
Worst-case scenario. So you're already an
hour late to your dentist appointment. After
scrubbing the phalli off your forearms and
cheeks, you gamely tell the receptionist your
tardiness was a result of sickness and resched-
ule for later that day. Upon returning home, you
realize several elaborate renderings of genitalia
were left unchecked on the back of your neck,
plainly visible for anyone to see - especially
when you turned and walked away from said
receptionist. You are a dick. Almost literally.
Your bluff is exposed as the shallow lie it is.
Best-case scenario. It's a) non-permanent
marker, b) riddled with typos, c) ... who are you
kidding? You look like a dick. Still. Almost liter-
ally.
Nothing is permanent. Permanent marker
can be removed in several ways. Actually, only
one: bathing. We know dorm showers aren't
spectacular, but neither is "BALLS" written on
your forehead.
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: Workingthe walk of shame, fortunately delible tattoo-
ing, a hard night's morning and the lucky pedestrian's favored mode of transportation.
Jerusalem Garden: Fast service, falafel
ByKIMBERLYCHOU,
PUNIT MATTOO
BERNIE NGUYEN
Daily Arts Editors
Punit Mattoo: Ever since I
moved over to the east side of
Ann Arbor, Jerusalem Garden has
replaced Big Ten Burrito as my go-
to place for cheap, bordering-upon-
ethnic food.
Bernie Nguyen: Forget the eth-
nic part, I just like the food. I dis-
covered Middle Eastern cuisine my
freshman year and didn't venture
beyond hummus until I ventured
into shwarma, tawook and kafta.
Kimberly Chou: I'm kind of a
falafel addict. Since I got to Michi-
gan I realized eating meat was an
unnecessary cost, and a lot of the
time the only good thing left is
falafel. Plus Jerusalem Garden's
falafel doesn't overwhelm you with
that weird lemony aftertaste like
the patties at Amer's.
PM: Kim, please continue with
your Asian stereotypes. I always
test any teas lunch or dinner is auto-
JG falafel recipe trumps all. The
patties are deep-fried in a way that
they're crunchy on the outside, but
not greasy - they're like grainy, tex-
tured kind of crunchy, while moist
in the middle without being mushy.
Ah, so good.
PM: Glad to see that you're so
feeling articulate tonight.
BN: The combination plate has a
ridiculous amount of food, right?
KM: Yeah - at $5.99, it includes
a choice of rice or mjaddara and a
salad. The Garden's definition of
salad is arbitrary: You can get a gar-
den salad, tahini or tabouleh, but
also a hulking side of hummus and
pita instead.
BN: Hummus!
PM: Calm down, Bernie. The only
thing is, it's a little out of the way for
the average Hill dweller, and hard to
spot if you don't know what you're
looking for.
KM: That's true. It's sort of
tucked away, next to Earthen Jar,
and it's a chilly walk. But it's totally
worth it.
Jerusalem Garden, at the corner of Fifth and Liberty Streets, is Daily Arts' pick for
falafel.
matically better if you add meat. No
exceptions. That's why I stick with
with tons of garlic sauce. If I'm feel- nt an FnST IC
ing classy, I'll go with a chscken
shwarma plate.
BN: Yeah, I love that, too. The TUrn Fa ll In t Sum r
garlic sauce is more yogurty than
pasty - a nice improvement. The
only thing I don't love is rubbsng ^'t
cold shoulders with a dozen h-Ta fastic D
ers waiting for their takeout in the
small space. thuhsd y, November 2ndhu-rN
KC: But the thing is, it doesn't
even matter because, whether
you're dining in or picking up, the
service is so fast.
PM: The hippies have turned to
capitalism!
BN: And they're damn good atlit.
Welcome to the dark side.
KC: I have to thank them for the
falafel plate.
PM: Yeah, that's such a deal.
BN: nd Idon' eve realy lke Huron Village Ctr. j l Jackson Business Ctr.
BN: And I don't even really like (Baes & Noble complex) (Across from Pnera Bread)
falafel that much. 3227 Washtenaw Ave., Ste. E 5245 Jackson Rd., Ste. B
KC: Daily Arts editors agree: The Ann Arbor-677-2800 Ann Arbor.222-4900
innarbortans.com
ner for a BUCK!
)liar Daysdy
ooo '. micn a Ae., )unoe - 'ue'--
627 South Main St., Ann Arbor " 213-2279
1747 Plymouth Rd., Ann Arbor * 994-9088