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Wednesday, November 2006 The Michigan Daily
VOTE FOR PLUNDER AND SECESSION ON TUESDAY
Pirate Party candidate
for Congress in Iowa's 1st District
Alaskan independence Party candidate
for governor of Alaska
James Hill's Fu Manchu moustache is the best facial It takes a special kind of person to run on a seces-
hair sported by a politician since Chester Arthur. He's sionist platform, as Wright does with the Alaskan
running as a pirate in Iowa, a landlocked state. On his independence Party. Surprisingly, his party is Alaska's
campaign Web site, Hill says he "would have your wife third-largest political party with 17,798 registered
right in front of you. I would smoke the last of your members in 2002. When he ran for governor in 1978,
glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your he took 2.9 percent of the vote. At times, Wright has
liquor cabinet dry. However, know this my friend. I admitted he doesn't care whether he wins. He seems
will never break an oath to uphold the public trust." dedicated, though: The 76-year-old claims he'll contin-
God bless America, matey. ue to run for governor until he dies or is elected.
Sometimes we take the legislative process into our own hands. This year, Michigan resi-
dents have the opportunity to vote directly on five ballot proposals. Here they are:
This proposed constitu-
tional amendment would pro-
hibit the state Legislature from
spending parks and recre-
ation revenue on things other
than parks and recreation.
A yes vote on Proposal 1 sup-
ports writing a set of conserva-
tion and recreation funds into the
state Constitution. If this propos-
al passes, user fees like state park
entrance and hunting license fees
would go into these funds and
could not be diverted for other
uses. This proposal was placed on
the ballot by the state Legislature
and is backed by Lt. Gov. John
Things to consider
1) Proposal 1 would earmark a
portion of state revenue.
2) Proposal 1 would add the
word "snowmobile" to the state
This proposed constitutional
amendment would prohibit the
use of race or gender in university
and public sector admissions, hir-
ing and contracting.
A yes vote on Proposal 2 sup-
ports banning the consideration
of race in university admissions
and hiring. It would prohibit the
University from using race as a
factor in admissions, scholarships
and outreach programs as well
as in hiring decisions. Proposal 2
was placed on the ballot through a
signature drive and is opposed by
both the Democratic and Republi-
can gubernatorial candidates and
all major-party candidates state-
Things to consider
1) Proposal 2 would take effect
sometime this December and
would likely affect this year's
2) California and Texas saw
minority enrollment plunge at
their flagship universities after
the use of race-based affirmative
action was banned.
This proposal is a referen-
dum on a 2004 law establishing a
mourning dove hunting season.
A yes vote on Proposal 3 would
support establishing a mourning
dove hunting season in Michi-
gan. In 2004, the state Legislature
voted to allow morning dove hunt-
ing for the first time in a century.
After the first season, opponents
of the practice succeeded in gath-
ering enough signatures to force a
statewide referendum on the bill.
Things to consider
1) Proposal 3 would reclassify
mourning doves as game birds.
They are currently classified as
songbirds in Michigan.
2) At least 39 states already have
a mourning dove hunting season.
Proposal 4 is a constitutional
amendment that would prohibit
the government from using emi-
nent domain to condemn private
property and transfer it to a pri-
A yes vote on Proposal 4 would
prohibit state and local govern-
ments from repossessing private
property for economic develop-
ment and would establish a higher
level of proof of public interest.
The proposal comes as a reaction
to the 2005 Supreme Court deci-
sion Kleo v. City of New London,
which upheld the government's
right to condemn private prop-
erty for economic redevelopment.
The proposal would prohibit the
government from seizing private
property for transfer to another
Things to consider
1) Proposal 4 would limit gov-
ernments' ability to foster large-
scale urban redevelopment.
2) Under the new law, if the
government seizes an individual's
principal residence for public use,
it must pay the individual at least
125% of property's fair market
3) Michigan's current emi-
nent domain laws affords prop-
erty owners greater protection
than the laws upheld by the U.S.
Proposal Sis a legislative initia-
tive that would establish manda-
tory minimum annual increases in
A yes vote on Proposal 5 would
support minimum annual increas-
es in statewide education fund-
ing. Proposal 5 would compel the
state to increase funding to school
districts, community colleges and
universities by the annual rate
of inflation or 5 percent, which-
ever is lower. The proposal would
also cap the level of contributions
that school districts and universi-
ties must make to their employee
pension and healthcare funds
- forcing the state to cover any
Things to consider
1) The proposal would cost at
least $565 million in the first year.
2) UniversityPresident Mary Sue
Coleman opposes the proposal.
3) Although not a constitutional
amendment, this proposal would
require a vote of the state Leg-
islature to overturn it, a situation
that is essentially impossible in
the current political climate.
4) Statewide education funding
has been cut numerous times since
ANN ARBOR BALLOT
There are two minor tax pro-
posals on the Ann Arbor ballot
this year. One would amend the
city charter to establish a 1.1 mills
property tax for the purposes
of park maintenance. The other
would levy a 2.0 mills tax for road
reconstruction from 2007 to 2011.
The road reconstruction millage
would replace a current road main-
tenance tax that is set to expire at
the end of this year, while the park
millage would replace several
smaller park millages that are set
YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK
"Vote or Die," a clip froma2004 episode of"South Park"
P. Diddy is just like Santa Claus: He knows when you've
been bad or good, and he knows whether you'll vote. Fresh
off his "Vote or Die" campaign, this South Park clip satirizes
Puffy in action for democracy. The clip depicts one of the
many deadly fates that await an American non-voter: being
gun downed by a hip-hop mogul.
BY THE NUMBERS
Total contributions from gubernatorial candidate Dick DeVos
to his own campaign.
DeVos's annual salary as governor if he wins.
Source: MichiganSecretary ofState.
You get to vote where you
puked during your first Wel-
Gloss over that bad memory of
spraying vomit on your RA's shoes
with a potent shot of democracy.
Several on-campus buildiegs that
will be polling places on Tuesday
are normally stumbling grounds
for intoxicated students on Satur-
day nights. While you're weigh-
ing the morality of dove hunting,
reminisce about where the bleach
stain beneath your feet came
You can get high on democracy
Cast your vote as millions have
done before you. There is nothing
more glorious in the world than
the right to vote for candidates
you've never heard of. Your vote
may bring world peace, end star-
vation, win you $1 million (only
if you live in Arizona), help raise
your parents' taxes or get you laid.
Besides, if you don't vote, you're
letting the terrorists win. Stay the
course. Or cut and run. Or topple
capitalism (but only if you vote
Youget to be the Decider.
One of the great things about
democracy is that it lets you feel
connected to your elected leaders.
Voting on Tuesday could teach
you how to scribble notes asking
Condoleeza Rice if you can go to
the bathroom, how to make fun
of blind reporters and what to do
if you wake up on the floor of the
Oval Office with a pretzel lodged
in your esophagus. Of course, if
this were a dictatorship, it'd be a
heck of a lot easier, just so long as
you are the dictator. But we aim
to be a competitive nation. We
vote. We decide. We are the decid-
ers. You're doing a heck of a job,
We suggest the finest beer or single-malt
Scotch that you can afford. After all, election
night is a classy affair. All rules apply until
major TV networks incorrectly report final
When a politician says "God bless America," all participants must
put their hands over their hearts. The last to do so must drink for
two seconds. For the next 30 minutes, he or she must be referred to
exclusively as "Coward."
Take two sips any time a TV journalist or party hack utters any
of the following phrases: "campaign of lies," "mounting pressure
against Republicans,""sway undecided voters."
When a politician or TV reporter says "stay the course" using a
negative tone, take one sip. If they say it in a positive tone, take
If Proposal 2 passes by more than 10 percent, finish your beer.
Then finish everyone else's beer. Be sure to stay away from the
Diag for the next three days.
5When a candidate mentions his opponent in his victory speech,
take one sip. If the crowd boos, take another sip. If the candidate
doesn't quietthe crowd, take three sips. If someone sitting next to
you boos, finish your beer. Then boo.
If the Democrats take control of the House, drink a beer. If they
take control of the Senate, pop open the champagne. Depending
on your political views, guzzle it or throw it through a window.