6B - Thursday, October 26, 2006

.the b-side~

The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com

Have a hell o' Halloween: Last-second costume

By PAUL TASSI
Daily Arts Writer
The purpose of Halloween for
the college crowd isn't to have a
scary costume. Those preteen days
are over. These days it's entirely
too hard to down a beer or make
out with someone wearing a "Fri-
day the 13th" Jason mask. College
costumes should be funny, sexy or
badass, but ideally a combination of
the three. These ideas that can be
thrown together quickly and may
help in your quest to get laughs,
get laid or at least get ahead in the
keg line.
For the incredibly lazy guy
Everyone has blue jeans, a white
T-shirt and aviators. Put them
together and you're Maverick,
Iceman or any of the other homo-
erotic flyboys from "Top Gun." If
anyone questions your costume,
just get really close and click your
teeth at them.
For the symbiotic couple
Guys, wear a suit, sunglasses
and gel your hair. Girls, wear a
nice dress and draw some tattoos
of crosses, dragons and tigers on
yourself. Grab some baby dolls
(ethnically diverse preferred) from
the Salvation Army and you're
everyone's favorite planet-saving
entity, Brangelina.
For the desperate girl - Wear
your best lingerie with nothing
else and you're a French maid,
mistress, madame, dancer or any
other profession you'd like to jus-
tify by wearing 18 square inches
of fabric in 30-degree weather.
For the desperate, slightly
more creative girl - Linge-
rie and a cowboy hat makes you
Nancy from "Sin City." It doesn't
matter if you haven't seen the
movie - every guy has and will
rate you a notch higher above
a French maid for the effort.
For the desperate but clev-
er guy - Wear medical scrubs
and tell girls you're Dr. Derek
"McDreamy" Shepherd. It doesn't
matter what yo-. actually look like.
Any female on campus will jump
on the chance to nail you if she can
role play as Meredith Grey.

For the two friends trying
real hard to be badasses - Each
should wear a heavy black coat (no
Northface allowed), black T-shirt
and sunglasses. Get matching per-
manent-marker Virgin Mary neck
tattoos. You can pretend you're
Irish for one more daya year while
you roam the streets as the vigilan-
tes from "Boondock Saints." Plus
you'll be the two warmest people
out there.
For the wannabe world savoir
- All you need is a plastic gun, a
pocketed vest and some balls to
be CTU agent Jack Bauer. Run
around yelling "We don't have
TIME!" in peoples' faces. Then
receive instructions from Chloe in
your imaginary earpiece and run
off again, screaming "NO TIME!"
For the "Office" fan - Tape
three black construction paper
circles in a column on your white
T-shirt. When people ask what
you are you tell them, "a three-
hole punch version of (your name
here)." If you don't get this refer-
ence you need to have better taste
in television.
For the die-hard horror freak
- Duct tape a fake (or real) chain-
saw to your left arm and hold a
plastic shotgun in your right. Put
on a severely ripped blue shirt and
you're the king himself, Ash from
"Army of Darkness." Take pride in
having the coolest costume that no
one will ever, ever get.
For the trend-spotter - All
you need is a cheap suit, fake
mustache, goofy smile and Jagsh-
emash! Borat is the new Ron Bur-
gundy, so try to be the first to hop
on the bandwagon. Know at least
15 funny Borat quotes before going
out. This is a perfect night to use,
"We make sexy time?" It will prob-
ably work.
For the love of God, at least do
something. Any respectable party
won't let you through the doors if
you don't have a costume, and by all
rights they shouldn't. Halloween is
second only to St. Patrick's as the
best party weekend of the year, so
just put in a little effort and you'll
have a lot more fun that you would
otherwise.

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CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: Maddox with one half of Brangelina, Nancy Callahan's getup, one heck of a Boondock Saint and everyone's I

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