2B-The Michigan Daily - Thursday, October 19, 2006

{the b-side}


Die Hard (1988)
Directed by John McTiernan
Starring: Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman
By Chris Gaerig
Daily Arts Writer
What's the greatest Christmas
movie ever made? Some might
argue the sadistically funny "Bad
Santa." Others might say Tim
Allen's "Santa Clause." Still others
might say "Frosty the Snowman." :
Unfortunately for allofthesepeople,
they're all wrong. The hands-down,
no-questions-asked best Christmas
movie of all time has to be the 1988
classic "Die Hard." The only other
film that may challenge this holiday
benchmark's Christmas cheer and
excellence is the film's follow up
"Die Hard 2: Die Harder." But let's
not get into that argument.
"Die Haid" is the archetype her 
for the terrorist-versus-American doub
action thriller: German (or from the
some other Eastern European coun- Al P
try) terrorists, muscle-bound hero "Fan
and enough one-liners and conti- wife
nuity errors to fill a novel. Bruce marr
Willis plays the down-and-out New B
York police officer John McClane, does
who has flown to Los Angeles to him.
be with his estranged wife Holly ists,
Gennero McClane (Bonnie Bede- in al
lia) during her company's annual moth
Christmas party. Shortly after to go
McClane arrives at the party, it's ber (
taken over by a dozen gun-toting and 
"terrorists" And after they take CB r
control of the building and take the afrai
guests hostage, McClane breaks line
away to wreak havoc on their well- terro
laid plans of thievery. B
Let's not forget what makes "Die Hard
Hard" what it is: the edge-of-your- and]
seat fight scenes and egregiously it tal
over-the-top explosions. Bruce Wil- prise
lis can fight. And he can fight well. roris
Throughout the movie, his charac- he's
ter encounters a number of different goini
battles (one-on-one, two-on-one, die.'
three-on-one, etc.). Amazingly, their
he makes it out of all of them. But twor
what's different about McClane is Whe
the amount of damage he takes dur- snoo
ing the fights. He gets shot, blown ately
up, hit with flash bangs, showered prota
in glass and beaten to a pulp. And (and
he shows his wounds. Where many McC
American heroes will take a deep com
cut on the shoulder and be done McC
with it, McClane is on the brink of bullet
death more than once due to sheer shoo
blood loss. So
Interestingly, and one of the girl.
things that makes McClane a final
believable character and "Die had
Hard" slightly more realistic, is the and
fact that McClane is not the super- agair
confident, attractive, bachelor hero ist is
everyone's grown accustomed to. worl
He's a middle-aged New York cop via n
- although he totally has that snaz
scruffy-hunk thing going on - with other
a wife (estranged as she may be) Well
and two kids. There's a love interest perfe
but no damsel in distress as Holly porai
Gennero is as sharp and searing as pee-I

Fashio
Addicted to t
"Project Run
tongued desi
the cake, wh
your Wednes
not. Start wa
drama on th
to fill the voi
And if you ca
and making 
doesn't coun
favorite Nick
bold, trendy
colorful kniv
him to desigi
premiere ofs
Yet another 
into fashion,
collection of
husband. And McClane often mainstream
its his own ability to survive Justin Timbe
night, telling L.A. officer Sgt. back (for rea
owell (Reginald VelJohnson of collection of
uily Matters" fame) to tell his clothing line,
he's sorry for destroying their less than a y
iage. Trace Ayala.
utallofthat's nottosay McClane nightlife spot
n't have his cocky swagger to a traditional
Before the onslaught of terror- invited a hos
he gives one of the greatestlines Hilton sisters
I action films: "Yippee-ki-yay, "Grey's Anat
erfucker" He's also not averse Diaz to Los A
ading head terrorist Hans Gru- The William F
Alan Rickman, "Harry Potter for both men
the Goblet of Fire") over their with a cocky,
adios. And he's sure as hell not Sounds like s
d to drop a completely clichdd
after capping another pesky ic
ist. M usic
ut what really makes "Die
" great is that it never wavers Singer Nick L
never apologizes for the turns from sad sac
kes. There are really no sur- Ever since hit
s throughout the film. Ifa ter- songstress A
t is coming to shoot McClane, been portrays
going to find him, there's ex-union. Wh
g to be a fight and he's going to have release
When the L.A. police send in release has p
tank, the terrorists hit it with ahead. What
rockets,just for good measure. surprising 54
n Hans is caught by McClane copies as Sit
ping around, he immedi- has sold only
devises a plan to kill our Simpson's la
igonist and almost succeeds an unreal thri
would've if it weren't for that Lachey i
lane's quick wit). And when it the first time
es to the film's climax, where
lane has two enemies and two
ts, you can be assured he will
t them both. Fabolous is n
at the end McClane gets the days. The 28
His self-conscious friend Al on a $15,001
ly shoots someone again (he
shot a child in his early career
never pulled his gun on anyone Best
n) after a thought-dead terror-
still alive. Hans is dead. The
d is safe. And they drive away Detroit'
McClane's party transport, a "Best of D
zy limo. Sounds like every of all that
American action flick right? bases, froi
, sure it does. But "Die Hard" nomics, ra
cted everything that contem-
ry action movies do. So yip- Best Co
ki-yay, motherfuckers. Organiz
apparently
in the met

n
he Bravo network? Now that
way" has ended and sharp-
gner Jeffrey Sebelia has taken
at are you supposed to do with
day nights? Study? Of course
itching the slicing, dicing
e new season of "Top Chef"
d left by the hit design-a-thon.
n cook (boiling ramen noodles
peanut butter sandwiches
it) check out season two fan
Verreos' latest creation: a
apron emblazoned with large
es which Bravo commissioned
n to coincide with the
eason two of Top Chef.
popular musician has crossed
creating a buzzed-about
clothing too expensive for the
and too gaudy for the sidewalk.
rlake is trying to bring sexy
il) with the spring 2007
his newly created William Rast
which Timberlake launched
ear ago with childhood friend
Timberlake chose a popular
to debut his line rather than
fashion week outlet, and
t of A-list celebrities like the
, Eve, Patrick Dempsey of
umy," and girlfriend Cameron
ngeles' Boulevard3 club.
Rast line features clothing
and women, and is infused
sexy, audacious attitude.
someone we know.
achey has suddenly gone
k to having the last laugh.
s very public divorce from
essica Simpson, Lachey has
ed as the lesser half of the
ile both Simpson and Lachey
d post-split albums, Lachey's
ulled ahead in sales. Way
's Left of Me has sold a
15,000 copies, twice as many
mpson's A Public Affair, which
218,000 copies so far. While
st album, In This Skin, sold
ee million copies, it seems
s holding his own again for
since the dissolution of 98*.
ot feeling so fabulous these
-year-old rapper was released
0 bail today after he was shot

4

and later arrested early on Tuesday in the
trendy Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan.
Fabolous, aka John Jackson, is accused
of possessing two loaded firearms and
was arraigned on five counts of criminal
possession of a weapon. A member of
Jackson's posse paid Jackson's bail in cash
- fifteen stacks of $1,000 bills fresh in
their bank packaging - at the hearing. An
assailant apparently bumrushed Jackson
and a trio of friends, unloading a clip into
the rapper's thigh before running away.
Jackson and his crew promptly hopped
into a white Dodge Magnum and took off,
attracting the attention of police when they
ran a red light. After stopping them, officers
found two unlicensed semiautomatic
pistols in the vehicle. Fab and his
buddies immediately denied ownership
of the weapons and were arrested.
Film
Hollywood studios have featured film
posters on popcorn bags at the multiplex
for years, but now the dental-care
industry plans to take it to the next step.
Following in the widely criticized footsteps
of commercials before movies, the
DenTek Oral Care Company will distribute
570,000 popcorn bags with samples of
floss picks and a coupon for $1 off future
purchases in the coming weeks. The ad
will reportedly read "Don't you just hate it
when popcorn gets stuck in your teeth?"
On one hand, it's an ingenious gimmick,
but since American audiences have put up
such a ruckus over short advertisements
before movies, something tells us it
isn't a wise movie to get between them
and their (grossly overpriced, nutrient-
draining) concession food. Time will tell.

A

TOP: Sacha Baron Cohen in "Borat."
BOTTOM: Nick Lachey.
According to industry tracking, Sacha
Baron Cohen may be no match for Tim
Allen. The research, as reported in L.A.
Weekly, suggests that when Cohen's
"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America
for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of
Kazakhstan" opens in theaters Nov. 3,
its biggest competition - Allen's holiday
exploitation flick "The Santa Clause 3"
- may sink it at the box office. Citing
polls that suggest Cohen's cross-cultural
satire may be "too elitist" for heartland
moviegoers, the report said the ultra-hyped
film's business potential may be limited
primarily to college students and other
niche audiences. We're not sure this is
such a bad thing: Do we really want people
in rural Kentucky seeing this movie?

4

- Compiled by Caitlin Cowan
and Jeffrey Bloomer.


of the best of Detroit
s stellar weekly, Metro Times, just put to print its
etroit" issue, an extensive, voter-based compilation
is time-tested and user-approved. They cover all the
m restaurants to strip bars, public reform to eco-
cial issues to the arts. Here's a few of the gems:
mmunity Ritual To Adopt: The Makeout Party
ed through myspace.com or a similar site, you can
live it up old school - I mean, high school - style
ro-Detroit area.

417 E. Liberty St., Ann Arbor
Word.
Best Sign That "Hey, Hey, The Blues Are All Right!": The
Attic Bar
11667 Joseph Campau, Hamtramck
OK, best "best of" category. Ever. Seriously. Any establish-
ment wreathed in this golden strain of laurel must be checked
out. Apparently The Attic Bar plays host to the blues about
four days a week. What about the other three?
Best Reason To Stop Mourning The Loss Of Zoot's Coffee
House: Bohemian National Home
3009 Tillman St., Detroit
Surely to my disadvantage, I am not familiar with Zoot's
Coffee House. But damn, I had the pleasure to catch Extra
Golden at the Bohemian National Home, and it's a wet
dream of a venue. I'm just glad Metro Times has given me
an excuse to talk about it. The cover was five bucks, the
smoky ambiance terrific-if-drafty and the stage set deep
to provide a lush, natural reverb. Check out their myspace.
com account.
- Andrew Klein

Best Culture Clash Inside A Strip Club: Bazouki Lounge
432 E. Lafayette Blvd., Detroit
Gather your change, fellas, we're going to the CoinStar then
headin' on over to the Bazouki Lounge. Metro Times says it
best: "The Bazouki resembles what a strip club might have
looked like if it existed in the lobby of an airport Ramada in
Soviet-era Russia."
Sorry, love, my weekend's booked.
Best Record Store: Encore Recordings


heard. Miles rarely cut loose and laid
out in the upper register the way he
does here, and the result is downright
dirty jazz-rock and proof that Miles
really could assemble "the greatest
rock band you ever heard."
At this point you're hopefully
a good way into your journey and
have probably got the whole pac-
ing thing. Other albums to consider
along the rest of the way include
classics like The Allman Brothers's
At Fillmore East, Fela Kuti's
Gentleman or Magic Sam's West-

Side Soul. For those more inclined
toward a narrative arc, Prince Paul
weaves a masterful tale through A
Prince Among Thieves, and Frank
Zappa's Joe's Garage will keep you
occupied for a couple hours.
So the next time you're about to
hunker down for the long haul, don't
forget the most important part of a
successful road trip: righteous tunes
(close second goes to snacks).
- E-mail Cargo at
lhcargo@umich.edu.

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