Friday
October 6, 2006
sports.michigandaily.com
sports@michigandaily.com

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TAKE TWO

Sparties make it

easy...
t's not even fair, really.
Do you think I get a kick
out of this?
Winning an argument against a
State fan about which school is
better is like beating
Matt Trannon in a
spelling bee.
Or Jeff Smoker in
a sobriety contest.
Or a Michigan
State clock operator
in a job-efficiency
competition.
Or Tom Izzo in an
"I'm-tall-enough-to-
ride-roller-coasters" St
contest.
Or Mateen Cleaves
in a ... nevermind. Too
You get the picture.
I could go on, but
the fact is everyone
knows the truth already. I go to
one of the finest universities in
America, both academically and
athletically. You, uh, had a good
women's hoops team a few years
back.
So why should I have to point
this out to everyone?
I was raised with sound prin-
ciples: Don't kick someone while
they're down, pick on someone
your own size - you know,
pretty routine stuff.
Telling Michigan State stu-
dents they're eventually going to
be bagging my groceries is pretty
redundant (big word, look it up).
So why should I do it?
Well, because I can. And
because it's fun.
You Sparties are like the
annoying little sibling who
always wants attention. So here
you go, here's your attention.
Year after year, students at
Michigan State get geared up
for this "rivalry." Last time I
checked, a series as lopsided as
67-24-3 in favor of one team isn't
considered a rivalry. But hey, I
know common sense isn't your
strongpoint - I'll cut you some
slack there.
Maybe I'm just a sick person,
but I find it funny to listen to
Spartan fans argue why their
school is better. But then I find
out that some of you're actually


L-
e
B
0

and un
serious, and it just makes me sad
for humanity.
Let's tackle the usual argu-
ments ...
Our basketball team is better
than yours.
Congrats on own-
ing us over a 10-year
period. Now you're
just 21 games away .
from tying us in the
all-time series. But
don't worry, I'm sure
Drew Neitzel and
Marquis Gray are
the second coming
of Magic and Mo-
COTT Pete. And why do
SELL you always seem to
Soon? leave out other sports
in your arguments?
Hmhmh. (Michi-
gan has never lost
a Challenge Cup to Michigan
State, which rewards the best
all-around school for sports in a
given year.)
Our school has hotter girls.
I hear a couple of them can
even read, too. Those are the
keepers.
We party so much harder than
you guys.
Once we learn how to riot after
wins, losses and ties in sporting
events, maybe we can enter your
league. But until then, I guess
we're not worthy. And actually,
your habit of charging people for
cups at house parties is smart.
You guys better make money
now, because I doubt that Michi-
gan State diploma is going to do
you any good after college.
We farm dem fields bettuh den
you guys.
Yes, yes you do. Congrats.
So there you go, you got atten-
tion. And hey, if you ignore
rankings for sports and academ-
ics, ignore our esteemed alumni
compared to yours and ignore
common sense, then you may
have that rivalry you Sparties so
desperately desire.
But be careful what you wish
for.
Even though I couldn't care
less about Michigan State stu-
dents, the Michigan football
players will. When your battered

There' no joy in
East Lansing yet
don't even know where to begin. field) and subsequently erased a
These dueling columns are 17-point MSU lead. Once the game
usually just a chance for reporters ended in triple overtime, my friends
from the respective newspapers to had to pry a noose off my neck.
boast about their team and trash the Finally, last year, Spartans fans
opposition's fan base. saw field goal kick-
But I'm fresh out of ing so bad that the
ammunition. No jokes "laces out" jokes were
about ugly coeds or exhausted before the
trailer-trash fans will be stadium emptied.
seen here - not when But here we are
half the MSU roster is again, ready to root fo
in the infirmary and the the Green and White
head coach is a dead and spit venom at the
man walking. Maize and Blue. I guess
Dew Stanton is that's what makes us
nursing sore ribs, Javon Spartans fans. We're
Ringer's right knee ETHAN gluttons for punish-
is torn to shreds, the CONLEY ment. We get our hops
offensive line is as stur- The State News up every September,
dy as a house of cards only to have them
and the coaching staff whisked away in Octo
has been in the fetal ber and November.
position for the last two weeks. We're the Red Sox to Michigan's
"Fire Smith!" chants are a virtual Yankees, the Phil Mickelson to the
lock for the next home game (not Wolverines' Tiger Woods.
that they'll be very loud, since Ohio But we've got hope, and the Spar
State fans are sure to fill all the tans love to play the spoiler.
empty seats). On Wednesday, The John L. Smith is the first to admit
State News even received a three- it: He's coaching the players Lloyd
page letter from a 1995 MSU gradu- Carr didn't want. Some were on a
ate demanding Smith's firing. It was recruiting visit to East Lansing for
express mailed from Maryland. MSU's last-second victory over
Somewhere in the "Old Line State," Michigan in 2001. They watched
there's a guy who'd rather spend Jeff Smoker lob the ball off his back
$14.40 complaining to a student foot and into T.J. Duckett's hands for
newspaper about a football coach the game-winning touchdown. They
than going to a movie or ordering a saw a pile of green-and-white-clad ~
pizza. There's even a nasty rumor players form in the end zone. They
coming out of Nike's headquarters watched students rush the field as
- apparently the company is going security helped them from the stands
to cease production of MSU hats and to the turf.
sweatshirts, opting to embroider the Those recruits - high school
"swoosh" and a Spartan helmet on seniors at the time - imagined
the front of brown paper bags. themselves in the same position,
So yeah, it's a sad state of affairs and thought, "I can't wait to be a
right now. MSU hasn't lost this many Spartan."
consecutive games to Michigan Now, they're fifth-year seniors
since 1983, when Reagan was in the with four losses to the Wolverines
White House and Lloyd Carr was a weighing on their shoulders. Trus
bushy-tailed assistant coach with his me: They're not about to lay dow
nose up Bo Schembechler's ass. and let Michigan stamp "0-5" on
Let's recap: their foreheads. Banged-up quar-
The 2002 game wasnjust a com- terback and make-shift offensive
plete and utter domination by the line be damned - they're going
Weasels: a 49-3 drubbing that should down swinging.
probably be erased from the books, It may not be this year, it may
since MSU's All-American wide not happen with these players,
receiver was probably high out of and it may not happen with this
his mind and the would-be starting coach. If the Spartans lose, you
quarterback may have been strung- won't hear any complaints about
out in rehab. conspiring clock operators, blind
The next year wasn't much better. referees, evening start times or
We watched Chris Perry rack up 51 a simple, "I thought our team
carries for 219 yards - at Spartan deserved better" You certainly
Stadium, no less - then blow a kiss won't hear George Blaha proclaim
to the student section. Hey, why not? that the end result was "thievery!'
When you run the ball down some- or that "this game was stolen!"
one's throat for three hours straight, We'll get over it, and say, "We'll
you've written yourself a license to get them next year." Eventually
taunt whomever you choose. At the one of those "next years" will end
time, I thought it was the worst foot- with a victory. The Spartans will'
ball game I'd ever endure - just a beat the Wolverines again. They're
long, slow, painful death at the hands due. And when it finally happens,'
of Perry and the hulking Michigan you can bet East Lansing will
offensive line. I should've known enjoy the victory more than any
better. win Michigan fans have celebratei
Carr forgot that Braylon Edwards in years.
was on the roster in 2004, but sud -
denly came to his senses in the - Ethan Conley is a Stale
fourth quarter (maybe he couldn't News football reporter. He can be
see Edwards because of a crowned reached at conleyet@msu.eda.

Sparty squad limps into the Big
House fresh off a beating from
Illinois (!), it will get the atten-
tion you crave so much.
But do you really want the
attention of an undefeated team
that has your number? Do you
really want to anger the most sto-
ried football program in history?
On Saturday, expect Drew
Stanton to get knocked down
harder than a drunken student
trying to get in Amadou Ba's
way.
Expect a sendoff for the only
coach that can actually make

ANGELA CESERE/Daily
Bobby Williams look like a good
coach.
And most importantly, expect
more proof that the best thing
about East Lansing is that it's
just 45 minutes away from Ann
Arbor.
- Scott Bell is greatly
anticipating hate mail from
Michigan State students. He
won't even make fun of them for
all the spelling and grammar
mistakes. He can be reached
at scotteb@umich.edu.

'M' looks to axe Spartans for Paul
By Matt Singer or less. And the contest for the And Michigan State comes into have to be prepared for a tougl
Daily Sports Editor Paul Bunyan Trophy has gone into Ann Arbor wounded more than physical game."
overtime the past two seasons, just psychologically. During the The uncertain status of quarte
Forget the records, the momen- with the Wolverines coming out Illinois game, starting running back Drew Stanton, the Spartan
tum and the injuries. on top both times. back Javon Ringor went down heart and soul, makes matter
Tomorrow, Michi- On paper, there's with a knee injury, sidelining him worse for Michigan State. Th
gan State's coming no reason to expect for the season. Big back Jehuu fifth-year senior left the game wit
to town - so throw that this year's game Caulcrick will take Ringor's place bruised ribs against Illinois buti
conventional wisdom THIS 'WEEKEND will be so tightly in the Spartan backfield. probable for this week's game
out the window. Any- Michigan State at contested. No. 6 "(Caulrick) is not as fast as the Big House. If Stanton can't g
thing can, and will, Michigan Michigan comes Javon Ringor, but he is just as backup Brian Hoyer - who near!
happen. Tomono, in flying high after good," Michigan linebacker David led Michigan State to a comebac
"I think it's tense," 4:30p.m. victories over Notre Harris said. "He is very power- against the Illini last week - wi
MichigancoachLloyd Michigan Stadium Dame, Wisconsin ful. You have to wrap him up. He take center stage.
Carr said. "I think it's ESPN and Minnesota. breaks a lot of arm tackles, so we See SPARTANS, page 10.

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one of those weeks
where everybody in
the state chooses up
sides. There's a lot of passion in
this game, and there's always a lot
of guys that are playing as hard as
they can. That's what happens in a
rivalry. It's the ultimate competi-
tion. And when you look back at
the history of this series, there's so
many great games, great players."
Five of the last seven years, the
Michigan-Michigan State match-
up has come down to eight points
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Meanwhile, the bot-
tom has fallen out
on the once-promis-
ing Spartans, who choked away a
17-point lead against Notre Dame
and then blew a game against Big
Ten doormat Illinois.
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