Thursday, September 28, 2006 - The Michigan Daily - 58

ALL TIED UP
How TO TIE A NECK TIE, BECOME A MAN
By Andrew Grossman and Donn M. Fresard
Daily Arts Writers

Oh, contemplative side glances.

Bringing down
i, the 'Road'

By Caroline Hartmann
Daily Arts Writer
Some people have called
Jack Kerouac's "On The Road"
the defining stamp of the Beat
Generation, an unequaled expo-
sition of the sacred road trip or
a penetrating portrait of Ameri-
can youth.
I am not one of those people.
Written from the perspective
of Sal Paradise (his name is a
travesty to the ironic pun), him
and his buddy Dean Moriarty
decide to break free from East
Coast banality and take on the
vast expanse of America. Dean's
go-getter attitude and reckless
spirit drive the novel forward as
the two travel around the coun-
try with nearly empty pock-
ets, meeting up with displaced
friends and acquaintances along
the way.
Though the story is usually
lionized as an original outlook
on the period - roughly cen-
tered in the '50s - Kerouac's
inspired melodrama isn't the
first of its kind.
Backtrack 27 years when
John Dos Passos redefined the
structure of the novel as we
know it, allowing for alternate
viewpoints of varied charac-
ters, the general press and auto-
biographical commentary. Dos
Passos used this framework to
maintain a polished critique of
the country during its transition
to an industrialized, capitalist
society.
As for the book's philosophi-
cal footing, the Lost Genera-
tion of the '20s was far more
effective in its decoding of the
human psyche, from the non-
sensical Dada movement to the
complexities of Mallarm6.
In "On The Road," the intel-
lectual pursuits of Dean and
his mentor Carlo Marx pro-
pose irrationality (bordering
on insanity) as the means to
discovering one's inner dimen-
sions, but their objective is lost
among trivial drinking binges
and promiscuous indulgences.
Finding value in marginalized
commodities and stripped-down
souls isn't a new idea, and "On
The Road" essentially recycles
a concept that's already been
exhausted in early-20th-century
literature.
How can Dean and Carlo be
symbols of intellectualism if
they're never actually raised to
a higher spiritual ground? You
could argue that they've reached
a deeper understanding of rela-
tionships and the larger social
system through their travels
- a stretch at best - but by the
end of the book Dean is noth-
,ing more than a haggard man
chained to the limitations of
marriage and the middle class.
If knowledge gained is never
exercised in reality, does its sig-
nificance remain valid?

Dean is hardly a prophet. His
overstated obnoxiousness is a
mockery of what he's trying
to accomplish; he's genuinely
entertaining at first but war-
rants pity in the end.
Sal isn't much better. He
appears to be the only nor-
mal one in the bunch, but this
is his downfall as much as his
strength. Sal agrees to every
foolhardy scheme Dean invents
and becomes a hollow sidekick
by default.
Even if you can get past what-
ever mixed reactions you might
have of the cast, the predictable
plot leaves much to be desired.
Sure, for the first hundred pages
the trek to Denver is gripping and
the thrills of Frisco exalting, but
when Sal and Dean revisit the
same hotels to down the same
shots and screw the same girls,
let's be honest, their youthful fol-
lies get painfully old.
If you must adopt Kerouac's
cynical - yet oddly romanti-
cized - vision of exploring the
sweeping expanse of America,
so be it, but do so only at the
expense of preexisting acclaim.
Just because a piece of work is
considered the social pillar of
a decade, it doesn't mean you
have to settle for Kerouac.

For a few decades now, Ameri-
can men have largely dressed
like a bunch of louts: Rather
than striving to look our best, we
dress as informally as we can pos-
sibly get away with in any given situ-
ation. Ask anyone who works in a
decent restaurant how many grown
men they see wearing cargo shorts
and T-shirts. Men have even been
spotted wearing jeans at funerals.
At some point, this trend is going to
have to reverse itself; otherwise we'll
eventually spend all of our time in
bathrobes andslippers. Wanttobeon
the forefront of the return to dressing
well? Learn to tie a necktie.
Let us guess. You only have one
tie, and you never really tie or untie it
- your dad knotted it for you years
ago, and you take it out of the back of
your sock drawer once or twice a year
for job fairs and fraternity "formals"
(actually it's semiformal, but we can
only expect so much). Throw out that
tie; it's ruined and won't ever hang
well again. Buy a decent tie, clip out
this article and tape it to your mirror.
This is your first step to being a man.
Four-in-hand:
The simplest of the knots, and
probably the only one you'll need,
especially if you wear mostly but-
ton-down and straight collars. Some
are wary of the four-in-hand because
it's slightly asymmetrical, but that's
actually agoodthing - you're going
for a rakish, devil-may-care look. Or
at least as devil-may-care as one can
look ina necktie.
Hang the wide end of the tie about
a foot below the narrow end. Bring
it across, then underneath the nar-
row end. Wrap the wide end around
again. Pull it up through the loop at
your neck, then through the outer
loop in the knot. Pull tight and adjust
so the tie hangs straight.
Half windsor:
A larger and fussier-looking knot
than the four-in-hand, the half Wind-
sor should be reserved for spread col-
lars and men with very long necks.
The half Windsor is decidedly not
rakish. Only use it if you need to.
Hang the wide end of the tie about

III~'' I[~ Li~

CLC TS REVOR CAMPBELLDaily
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT:
The seven steps to a four-in-hand.
a foot below the narrow end. Bring
it across, then underneath the nar-
row end. Push the wide end all the
way down through the loop at your
neck. Bring the wide end across
againthenpull itupthroughtheloop.
Pull it down through the front of the
knot that has begun to form. Tighten
the knot, then pull the two sides of
the tie at the collar tips to make the
knot a triangle. Pull the narrow end
to bring the knot to your neck.
Full windsor:
Don't bother learning the full
Windsor. Trust us. Unless you're
doing sports commentary for ESPN,
you'll never need it.
The dimple:
A well-formeddimpleisessential if
you want to look like you know what
you're doing in a necktie. To achieve
the dimple, pinch the fabric directly
beneath the knot as you tighten it.
Keep trying until it comes out right.

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