Thursday, September 21, 2006 - The Michigan Daily - 5B Stroke my ego, please: The memoir dies slowly By Kimberly Chou Associate Arts Editor The best line in Chuck Klos- terman's book "Killing Yourself To Live" - a rambling, roadtrip dissertation on rock music deaths, which, of course, ends up being about much more than its proposed subject - occurs after numer- ous pages of erudite, though often overly self-referential thought. Klosterman says to his reader that at some point (after the afore- mentioned pages of snuck-in self- congratulation), he or she "will also complain about the author's reliance on self-indulgent, post- modern self-awareness, which will prompt the person you're convers- ing with to criticize the influence of Dave Eggers on the memoir- writing genre." The truthfulness of that self- conscious statement is refresh- ing. Or at least it would be, if it were easier to accept Klos- terman's admission, because, well, it's Chuck Klosterman. He listens to the KISS solo albums - all four of them, including Peter Criss's - wears painfully indie glasses and a Martha Stew- art shag of a haircut. He's from North Dakota, for God's sake. That's not the problem - after music geek is chic in a very mid-1990s, I-wish-I-were-Ste- phen-Malkmus-and-hey-I'm-think- ing-of-moving-to-the-Village ... and-I-used-to-wear-goggles-in- gym-class kind of way. But after acknowledging and seemingly emphasizing his uncoolness, Klosterman slips in mentions of all the publications he's written for (at present, Esquire, SPIN, The New York Times magazine, ESPN) and how he eats whatever he wants because he goes run- ning, like, all the time. Or a note that he's boning some really hot chicks. Not just one - there's a hot, random blonde as well as the Residential College-type standby best friend. And one named Lenore. Klosterman's recent book sign- ing at Borders Books and Music prompted this gem from a friend of mine: "I've never simultane- ously hated and loved someone so much as I do right now." Eggers - best known for the Pulitzer-prize nominated "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" - is more self-indulgent. "AHWOSG" is an almost-mem- oir, a book based on life after the deaths of both of his parents only a few months apart, some parts slightly exaggerated to make him sound like a better person than he actually is. How many women had Eggers slept with by age 25? It's somewhere in the mid-20s, and he will tell you in detail. How many of his friends has he convinced to move out to San Francisco to work at his start-up Might magazine (this is the early '90s by the way)? Sev- eral, and one of them gets in this near-death accident and the Eggers character visits her at the hospital numerous times and is super pre- cious about everything. Okay. Later on in the story he admits he wasn't actually that good friends with Co-worker Who Had the Ter- rible Accident and that the character Guy He Keeps Saving From Suicide is actually related to somebody else in a different way. That's not so bad; there's a disclaimer that this isn't "really" a memoir. He also uses some at-the-time-unorthodox "lit- erary devices" - having his eight- year-old brother talk as the voice of a shrink, talking to people that aren't there, like Alanis Morrissette in that one crazy music video, a device Klosterman will later crib. It's not quite as it sounds here; you have to actually read the book to catch his often too self-congrat- ulating tone. But it's really hard to hate on someone who had to raise his kid brother essentially on his own after the death of his parents. Or some slightly nerdy, oddly sexy ATXILA a r lSA RA H A T the Michigan Daily Account Executve ofthe week "Check out my bad-boy haircut." rock critic for wanting to remind people that he a) has a life b) gets laid, for those that don't believe in his social skills. Maybe it's just a complex; I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. Maybe the Klos- terman detractors and Eggers haters wish they were as success- ful. Most people I've noticed who disliked either writer are writers themselves, or just incredibly cynical. Yet I have this theory that at least a portion of the peo- ple that like Chuckie Klos idolize him because they only wish they knew as much about pop culture as he did, and they're person- ally kind of a troglodyte in that department. But the rest of us are just envi- ous. We despise people who are just like us that succeed and have more of an allowance to be pre- tentious fucks. Why are the rest of us Midwestern, Ratt-loving, former high school basketball players not writing for Esquire or Mcsweeney's and doing national book tours? Whatever. I'm going back to E.B. White. THE POWER TO TEXT F REELY WITH SPRINT. New ultra-thin Katana' by Sanyo' Available in 3 colors Built-in camera Buetooth*technology Get 300 free text messages a month for 12 months. In-store exdlusive off"er -for students witha valid college ID. Ato r2 4nonth, a ey h r month ey e. Take pictures, listen to music and text, text, text on Sprint's slim new phones. These new phones start at $79.99 after instant savings and mail-in rebate. Requires activation on a new line of service and two-year subscriber agreement. Calling plans start at $29.99. Othermonthlychargesapply. Seebelow Rrquires two-year subscriber agreement. MP3 Phone Fusic' by LG* Bailt-in MP3 Player Bluetooth'technology Built-in 1.3 MP camera rit POWERUP Together with NEXTEL CALL 1-800-Sprint-1 CLICK Isprint.com G to the nearest Sprint or Nextel retailer Operadores en Esparo disponibles. Sprint stores +Hablamos Espaol [ Nextei store with sprint products ANN ARBOR Briarwood Mall NJ 7349137933 2827 Oak Valley Drive 734-662-1101-: 235 S. State Street 7349134800 BRIGHTON 8270 Movie Drive (.w 810-844-0670 CANTON 46014 Michigan Ave. N 734-495-0526 JACKSON 1514 N. West Avenue 517-782-7006 Westwood Mall N 517-7688924 NORTHVILLE 20095 Haggerty Road 248-7354100 PREFERRED DEALERS 8 LOCATIONS Orbit-Tech 866-22-ORBIT BELLEVILLE Metro Paging& Cellular 734699-9080 METRO DETROIT Xcell Wireless 866-XCELL99 "Rates exclude taxes and Sprint Fees (induding USF chargeof up to 2.67%that varies quarterly, cost recovery fees up to $2.83 per line, and state/localfees that vary by area). Sprint Fees are not taxes or govemmentlrequired charges. Coverage not available everywheere. Available features and services vary by phone/network. The Nationwide Sprint PCS Network reaches over 250 million people. Offers not available in al markets, Additional terms and restrictions apply. Subject to credit approval See sture or sprint.com for details. Service Plan: Plan incudes base minutes that vary depending on plan selected. Additional minutercharges apply. See Service Plan Guide for details. Up to $36 activation and $200 early termination fees apply per line. Deposit may be required. Nights 7pr to 7arr and Weekends Fri. 7pm to Mon. 7am. Partial minutes charged as full minutes. Sprint may terminate service if FOCUS majorityof minutesperrrmontb arr oved wile roaming Instant Savings. Offerrendst10/22/06 or whilecsupplirs last. No cash backlaxes excladed.Activation atltimesofpurchase required. MailIn Rebate. Requires purchase by 10/22/06 and activation by 10/22/06. Rebates cannot exceed purchase price. Taxes excluded. Line must beactive 30 consecutive days Allow 8to12 weeks for rebate. Free Text Messaging: Text message overage is $0,10 per rmessage. To avoid charges you must contact us prior to the billing end date of the 12th plan month. 02006 Sprint Nextel All rights reserved. SPRINT, the "Going Forward" logo, the NEXTEL name and logo, the FOCUS ON on diving. - DRISING logo and otherstrademarks are trademarks of Sprint NexteLAllthird-party product or service names are property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.