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I'm Better Than You

in in the sun
I Guest Column
By Chris Gaerig

THz DAILT DisH

Socially resp
Adamo D'Aristotile, School of A
By Jar

o the school year is finally coming to
a close and summer is right around the
corner. While the sororities are worried
about what shirts to wear with their Uggs and
short skirts, everyone else has more impor-
tant things on their mind: What the hell am I
going to do this summer?
Unfortunately, I'll be getting my slave on
in a factory, at least some of you will have
more positive (and cleaner) things to look
forward to. For some, that job at Hollister
might still be open - but you might've
drank too much this year and we all know
they don't hire any fat people, so watch out.
For others, it may be back to delivering
papers and cutting lawns.
But there are always the illustrious
under-achievers. You know those people
who go home for the summer and mooch
off of mom and dad's money with nothing
better to do. They sit around and actual-
ly want to go back to school for lack of a
social life.
Here's to you, slackers. These are the
things you should be doing this summer:
Baseball: Playing or watching is fine with
me. Fantasy baseball might even suit your
fancy. In all honesty, it doesn't really mat-
ter which one as long as you're partaking in
America's favorite pastime.
Attentioni
You Know What F
0 h, spring is in the air.
The sun has finally started to
show itself again. The temperatures
"re inching their way back toward nor-
malcy and people are putting their winter
jackets back in the closet.
Some of the greatest sights in my life
have occurred in the spring on this very
campus like looking out over the Diag
with everybody lying on the grass, play-
ing frisbee and just generally mingling
after long months of what seems like
hibernation.
As I walk out of Mason Hall, observing
such happiness, there shouldn't be any-
thing that would dampen my mood. But
there is.
As I reach the epicenter of activity in
front of the Grad, my demeanor takes on
an entirely new look.
I am asked by a few guys dressed in
tuxedos about whether I want to go see a
Glee Club concert. In the process of ask-
ing me this question, they then proceed to
stick a piece of paper directly in my face.
So I have gone from watching euphoria
in the Diag to looking at the hand of some
guy dressed in formal attire, who also
happens to be asking me if I would like to
hear him sing at Hill Auditorium.
There are several ways in which you
can get rid of people like these choir boys.

In recent years, Baseball has fallen off the
map. For God's sake, Japan won the World
Baseball Classic over Cuba. JAPAN! And
it's because you don't care enough about the
sport that we lost. For shame.
Learn to drive a stick shift: Have you
ever said to yourself, "I really wish I was as
awesome as Nick Cage?"
Well obviously, we all have, so learn to
drive a fucking stick shift. Stealing cars
just isn't as fun (or as cool looking) if it's an
automatic transmission. I promise, once you
learn how to drive one, you'll look down on
people who don't. Then you'll be a little be
more like me, and isn't that what we're all
striving for anyway?
Speaking of me, that's another thing you
can do this summer: study my Facebook pro-
file and e-mail me so that you can come back
to school as my clone. Trust me, your friends
will be impressed, more girls will like you
and you'll just genuinely be a better person.
My falsetto might be a little hard to mimic,
but given practice and careful attention, I
think you can do it.
Get a new record collection: I assure
you, your music selection is terrible. Spend
some time this summer in your local record
store - there's one nearby your house, and

I'm not talking about Best Buy. Talk to the
people selling the records. They're your new
teachers. Please, say this to them verbatim:
"I listen to bad music. What should I listen
to?" They will help you. It'll be OK.
And while you're at it, buy a turntable.
They are much cooler than CDs and MP3s,
and they sound better too. Plus, they're cheap-
er. While at said record store, look through
their extensive (and it'll be extensive) selec-
tion of used records. Think Pink Floyd is a
good band? I'll let you keep thinking that
(incorrect as it is) and so will the store. But
they'll also sell you a copy of Dark Side Of
The Moon for $5.
Read a book: As unorthodox as it might
sound, I'm telling you to read and not binge
drink (while you're reading at least). And
"The Da Vinci Code" doesn't count as read-
ing. As a side note, the movie looks horrible
too. When you have that urge to see Tom
Hanks with scraggly long hair, watch "Cast-
away" instead.
But back to reading. It turns out most
people on campus either don't know how to
read or simply don't do it. Read some Shake-
speare and Steinbeck and randomly refer-
ence them in class. While the teacher might
think you're an idiot, every girl in class will
be in awe of your vast knowledge of litera-

ture. Awesome.
Drink: I know, I know, you're all saying,
"But Chris, I can't drink when I am living
with my parents." To this, I can only say
"bullshit." If you don't have any friends at
the University during the summer, you need
a serious social makeover. Everyone knows
someone that's staying here. Drink with
them.
For those out-of-staters, I know there's
a college in your state, somewhere. Find
it and make friends with their chapter
of SAE. You're going to want to vomit,
but make sure it's because of the alcohol
and not just hanging out with these guys.
Do it for your own safety. Safety? At a
frat? Well no, but when you come back to
school and begin the demolition of your
liver again, it would be better if you had
some conditioning. Drinking is like work-
ing out: the more you do it the stronger
your muscles/liver get (no matter what
your jaded old doctor says).
I've given you enough things to do this
summer. Take my advice or not, I really don't
care. But you won't suck nearly as much if
you do.
- Chris can be reached at
cgaerig@umich.edu

Instead of completing a masterpiece to
be displayed for public in a gallery, Art
and Design senior Adamo D'Aristotile
has spent his final year at the University
developing a corporate identity for a stu-
dent-run group called Crossing Borders.
Crossing Borders is sending six stu-
dent to Vietnam this summer to work on
health research and was in dire need
of funding. Luckily, D'Aristotile
came to the rescue and was able
to help them gain legitimacy in
the eyes ofldonors.
The Michigan Daily: What
were the requirements for the
project?
Adamo D'Aristotile: It's
a 12-credit capstone course
which is six credits over two
semesters. All graduating
seniors are required to take
this class now. You can basi-
cally choose what it is you want
to do for this course, so having a
concentration on graphic design,
I decided I wanted to do some
design work.
TMD: Why did you choose to get
involved with Crossing Borders?
AD: Over the past year or two I
have been getting involved with the
volunteer world and the nonprofit
world. So I decided that I really wanted
to look into how the nonprofit world can
market itself.
Originally, I was going to work with
three different organizations. A friend
in the Art School suggested I contact
the head of Crossing Borders, David
Duong. She said that he needed some
design work done - possibly a logo
made and things like that. That was how
I originally got in contact with them.
Once I got connected with the organi-

zation and found out more about them, it
really occurred to me that this would be a
very, very worthy cause to help out. They
needed a lot of work done. They were in
their first year and didn't have an identity
established at all.
TMD: What was it that drew you to
graphic design as opposed to art that can
be displayed more prominently in a gal-
lery?
AD: I actually spent two years in the
College of Engineering when I first got to
Michigan. I was planning on doing a joint
degree between Mechanical Engineer-
ing and Industrial Design. When I real-
ized engineering wasn't for me I switched
to the Art School and dabbled in a few
things.
I had previously done some 2D work
and some website design and I found I had
a knack for it. Over the past few years in
the art school I've really become interest-
ed in corporate identity. When this project
came along and I had the opportunity to
bridge these two worlds I was interested in
- graphic design and nonprofit organiza-
tions - I had the opportunity to compare
nonprofit organizations and their images
to commercial organizations who don't
have to worry about where their next dol-
lar comes from.
TMD: How has your corporate iden-
tity helped Crossing Borders?
AD: It actually has helped out quite
a bit. There's an interesting balance that
needs to be struck. You really need to
portray a professional image to garner
respect from possible donors. But you
also need to somehow show that you need
money.
It was a really hard balance to strike,
but I think being a student and not quite
knowing everything there is to know
about design helped me strike that bal-

ance. It wasn't the most professional
that could be done for them, but it;:
helped to establish them as an orgi
tion.
TMD: How did your professors
colleagues in the School of Art
Design receive your work?
AD: It was kind of interesting. A
kids in the Art School get into very
sonal projects and design. Graphic d
by its nature is not personal - it
about the client and it's a utilitarian 1
At the same time, it does have to
vey a lot of feeling. It very much s
a purpose of communicating ideas,
that respect it was very different fron
other projects that were going on.

I

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nerds: Don't give me your flyers
Really Grinds My Gears? I Campus Life Column
By Mark Gian notto

First, the best method is to simply scowl
at them. Most of the time, flyer people are
very shy and easily intimidated. This is
my go-to maneuver when confronted in
the Diag.
Then there is the polite, "not interest-
ed" response that will usually get rid of
them. But with the very aggressive flyer
people, this doesn't always work. They
are so persistent about their cause that
good etiquette means nothing to them.
You have to remember: these people have
no shame, that's why they're in the Diag
to begin with.
And then there is the very unorthodox,
but very successful method of avoiding
the Diag altogether. My friend Greg will
skip the pavement portions and just walk
across the grass in order to get to classes.
But I am an advocate of not allowing these
people to affect the way I live my life.
Don't get me wrong here. I don't mind
singers. I don't mind the Alaska Coalition
or cool concerts at the Blind Pig. If that's
their thing, then that's their thing. But
don't force it on me. I didn't want your
flyer yesterday, I don't want it today and
I'm not going to want it tomorrow.
But that is beside the point. The real
question is, what makes these people
hand out stuff in the Diag? I can't believe
it is very successful. And it makes the

people who hand these flyers out look
like dorks.
I mean, a tuxedo in the middle of the
Diag is not cool, no matter how sweet you
think it is.
But the Glee Club isn't the only prob-
lem. They are just an example of the many
student groups who continually offer stu-
pid flyers that very few - if any - stu-
dents will actually read.
These flyers are just annoying. If I'm
listening to my iPod, with my eyes look-
ing at the pavement, it probably means
I don't care about your student group. I
respect that you are part of one, but don't
try to force it on me.
And I don't think I'm alone on this one.
Just yesterday, I counted seven people
from seven different organizations hand-
ing out paraphernalia for their respective
causes. So I stood and watched for a few
minutes. There were at least 100 people
who walked through the Diag during
those few minutes, and I would say maybe
10 of them took flyers. But of those 10,
none of them kept them past the nearest
trash can.
These people are just like telemarketers.
Except with the flyer people, you get to
see what kind of jackass does this type of
stuff. There is a face to be pissed off at.
Is there anyway I can get on a don't

bother list for the flyer people?
But the best way to solve this problem
is to simply get rid of the flyer people
altogether. They are annoying and add
nothing to Michigan. There needs to be
one day where these student groups can
get their message to the masses.
Oh wait. That's called Festifall. Why
can't we just get them to be annoying
on that day, and avoid all of the tension
between regular students and flyer peo-
ple?
The administration needs to make a
new rule. No more paper in the Diag. The
only time these fools can annoy the mass-
es is during Festifall.
I hope if you know one of these flyer
nerds, that you will let them know that
their services are no longer necessary.
Let them know that they should maybe try
and be a little more creative than printing
flyers when they want to let people know
about their organizations.
Remember, every time someone rejects
your literature or throws away your flyer,
it's just another piece of your dignity
going down the drain.
- Giannotto realizes he pissed a lot
of people off this semester, but he doesn't
really care. If you have a problem, he can
be reached at mgiann@umich.edu

The -Weekend list

I'Yi da\

4.7.06

Dicks and Janes
The Dicks and Janes, an a capella
singing troupe, the Dicks and Janes
come in concert will perform at 8
p.m. in the Pendleton Room in the
Michigan Union. Tickets are $5 for
students and $8 for everyone else and
are available at the door.
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Indie-rock newcomers Clap Your
Hands Say Yeah finally make their way
to Ann Arbor, bringing their unique
sound to the Blind Pig. Doors are at
9:30 p.m. Tickets are $14 for the 18 and
up show and are available at the door.

Satrday 4,06
Arabic Music Ensemble
The School of Music presents this
small chamber ensemble preforming their
form of urban, Eastern Mediterranean
music. The group consists of reed flutes,
plucked dulcimer and other traditional
instruments. The free concert begins at 8
pm. at Rackham Auditorium.
Tally Hall
The Ann Arbor pop quintet Tally
Hall returns to the Blind Pig with
Down the Line. Doors for this all
ages show open at 7 p.m. Tickets
are $10 and available at the door or
online at www.blindpigmusic.com.

Su~ndayT

4 9,06

The Comedy Show
Delta Tau Lambda sorority, presents
famous comedians Tarome Wright,
Mel Bender and Martez Townsend. The
show is at the Michigan League Under-
ground and begins at 7 p.m. Admission
is free.
Steve Gillette & Cindy
Mangsen
Steve Gillette and Cindy Mangsen
come to Ann Arbor. They come to The
Ark with their form of contemporary
folk music. Doors for this 7:30 pm. show
open at 7 p.m. Tickets are $1350 and are
available online at www.theark.org.

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10B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, April 6, 2006

The Mich