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IOM' STUDENT T N'I'RVT EW

Random's parents love him
By Chris Gaerig | Asso 'iie . Magazine Edio

andom: Hello?
The Michigan Daily: Hi. is
aron there?
R: No he's not.
TMD: Who's this?
R: This is his roommate.
TMD: What's your name man?
R: Matt.
TMD: Hi, I've got great news. This
is Chris from The Michigan Daily and
you can do the Random Student Inter-
view this week.
R: I can do the what?
TMD: The Random Student Inter-
view. Do you have a couple of minutes?
R: Yeah, sure.
TMD: First question: What do you
think about Florida winning the NCAA
Tournament?
R: I mean, they're a great team and
I think Noah is a great player. So, they
deserved it.
TMD: Yeah, that's true. What do you
think about the women's NCAA Tour-
nament?
ME R: I really couldn't care less about
the women's Tournament.
TMD: Yeah, that's what I was think-
ing. Do you even know who won?
R: Maryland. They played Duke in
the finals. Maryland beat UNC in the
semifinals.
TMD: Well there you go. Sounds
like you know a lot about it actually.
R: I mean, I do know a little bit but I
still couldn't care less about it.
TMD: Very well then. Who do you
think people care less about: women's
college basketball or the WNBA?
R: WNBA. Absolutely no one cares
about the WNBA.
TMD: That's pretty harsh. What do
you think about Big Ten Burrito and
them having to change their name?

R: They have to change their name?
TMD: Yeah, you didn't hear, about
this?
R: What do they have to change it
to?
TMD: It's up in the air. There's a
contest going on right now where you
can decide what their name will be.
R: Why do they have to change their
name?
TMD: Because the Big Ten is being
pissy.
R: I didn't hear about that. It's kind
of funny.
TMD: It's pretty terrible actu-
ally. If you could change the name of
Big Ten to anything you want, what
would it be?
R: Um, no clue actually. Let me
think ... I don't know. Something to
do with Michigan. Maybe Wolverine
Burrito? Something like that.
TMD: That's pretty lame.
R: I know.
TMD: All right, next question: Do
you have a dog?
R: No ... oh, at home I have one.
TMD: At home, yeah. Obviously you
don't have one in the dorms. What's its
name?
R: Um, Daisy.
TMD: That's a pretty boring name.
Do you have a sister or something?
R: Uh, yeah I do have a sister.
TMD: I was going to say, I hope you
didn't name your dog Daisy.
R: No, I didn't name my dog Daisy.
TMD: That's good. Is it like a poodle
or something?
R: Actually it's a shih-tzu.
TMD: Oh, a shih-tzu, that's a pretty
cute dog. Daisy is a good name for a
cute dog.
R: Yeah.

TMD: Do you think your parents
love you?
R: I do think my parents love me.
TMD: On a scale from one to 10.
how would you rate their love for you?
R: A 10. I don't understand where
these questions are coming from now.
TMD: Why not?
R: These make no sense.
TMD: That's the point. How much
do you think your parents love your sis-
ter on the same scale?
R: Step-sister, and they love her ... 10.
... Seriously, this is getting nowhere.
TMD: If they had to rank the two of
you, where do you think you'd be?
R: She's my step-sister so we have
different parents. We'd both be the exact
same.
TMD: OK, so you'd both be num-
ber one. That's a pretty good deal. How
many times a day do you wish you were
Shaq?
R: Um, zero.
TMD: You never wish you were
Shaq? Why not?
R: Because he's a douchebag.
TMD: Shaq's a douchebag? No way,
he's awesome.
R: All right, you can answer the ques-
tion yourself then.
TMD: I wish I could be him about
six to seven times a day.
R: Well, not everyone's like you I
guess.
TMD: Yeah, not everyone is like me.
How many times a day do you wish you
were Mary Sue?
R: Actually zero to that one too.
TMD: Zero to Mary Sue. You never
walk around campus thinking, "I wish
I were Mary Sue so I could yell at peo-
ple?"

TMD: What do you think about
"Snakes On a Plane?"
R: I don't know. I don't care about
snakes on a plane.
TMD: You know about the movie
though right?
R: No I don't.
TMD: What? Do you follow any-
thing? What do you pay attention to?
R: What?
TMD: Do you follow anything?
R: I like sports. Like I told you, I
know everything about women's college
basketball but don't care about it.
TMD: Well, "Snakes On a Plane" is
the new Samuel L. Jackson movie where
he fights snakes on a plane.
R: That sounds like the stupidest idea
I've ever heard.
TMD: It's getting a lot of press. A lot
of people think it's going to be amaz-
ing. They're already talking about best
picture of the year.
R: All right, this conversation is end-
ing unless you actually have a point. Are
you really from The Michigan Daily?
TMD: Yes. This will be in the paper
tomorrow.
R: What section?
TMD: The Statement.
R: What's the writer?
TMD: Chris Gaerig. I'm the associ-
ate editor of it.
R: Chris Gaerit?
TMD: Gaerig. Like the baseball
player. Like the disease.
R: Gehrig?
TMD: No, Gaerig.
R: So it's not like the baseball player.
TMD: It's pronounced the same way.
Kind of like the disease. Let's keep
going. What are your plans for sum-
mer?

TMD: Where are you going to
work at?
R: No clue.
TMD: That's cool. Are you going to
go anywhere?
R: Probably California.
TMD: You're just going to go out
there and surf and hang out with your
bros?
R: Sure.
TMD: I might go to California
myself. Maybe we could meet up.
R: Can't wait.
TMD: What are you more worried
about: bird flu or SARS?
R: Neither.
TMD: You don't hang out with open
markets? Play with chickens and things?
SARS is everywhere so I am pretty wor-
ried about it.
R: Usually just East Asia.
TMD: How tall are you?
R: Seven-foot-2.
TMD: You're 7-foot-2? That's a lie.
It wouldn't surprise me though. Maybe
that's why you don't want to be Shaq.
You've got to be pretty tall. But how tall
are you?
R: Five-foot-8.
TMD: That's pretty sweet. What's
the tallest thing you've ever done?
R: That didn't make sense.
TMD: Well the tallest thing I've ever
done is touch the rim in basketball.
R: That's jumping. That's not being
tall.
TMD: It's like doing tall things. I'm
not that tall so ...
R: All right, I can almost touch the
rim in basketball.
TMD: See there you go. But that's all
I've got for you man.
R: Can't wait to see it in the paper.

R: No, I don't care about that. R: Um, stay at home and work. Bye.


2B -- The Michigan Daily - Thursday, April 6, 2006