Wednesday
March 29, 2006
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Who will win, and who will become the next Food Network star?
Fox's new reality bites

By Mark Schultz
Daily Arts Writer
"Unanimous" has the potential to
be the world's shortest reality show.
The program's
nine contestants Unanlmous
only have to decide
which one of them Wednesdays
deserves the $1.5 at 9:30 p.m.
million prize. Fox
The catch? None
of them can leave an isolated, under-
ground bunker until they make a unani-
mous decision. But "Unanimous" doesn't
offer the standard immunity challenges or
raw-maggot consumption of other real-
ity shows, surmising that simply housing
nine people in isolation will prove treach-
erous enough.
The show preys - as many reality
shows do - on the idea that people are
greedy, manipulative, hate spending time
with strangers and would sell their souls
for enough money. It's a traditional real-
ity-show premise: Create the situation and
let conflict happen naturally by exposing
the ugliness of humanity.
Sadly, like most real-life network driv-
el, "Unanlmous" doesn't attempt to com-
ment on society, opting instead to turn
human selfishness into a living peep show
for voyeuristic viewers.
The show's contestants - or charac-
ters, since they seem almost like a crudely
assembled dysfunctional TV family -
are painfully stereotypical and obviously
chosen to get on each other's nerves. And,

of course, each tries vehemently to argue
their own case for why they deserve the
big cash prize: There's the hillbilly truck
driver who needs to support his family,
the 42-year-old temp who just needs to
escape from his inane life and the min-
ister who claims to have God on her side,
even if she did falsely file for bankruptcy
to get a tax exemption.
The characters are all equally
annoying whiners who spend their
time either forcing their views on oth-
ers or arguing why they should get the
money. There's no discernible "good
guy" here; every contestant has fiend-
ishly ulterior motives, and - even for
a reality show - they all seem espe-
cially conniving and deceptive.
It hardly seems sad at all, then, that
one of these self-interested jerks has to
be voted off on the first show. Instead
of the standard elimination vote, the
contestant is instead voted off in a blind
process where each person's secret is
revealed, and the person harboring what
the group deems the "worst" secret is
eliminated. It's quite appropriate for
the show, as most of the contestants are
brimming with artificiality even as they
attempt to conceal their own folly.
"Unanimous" leaves the viewer guess-
ing by saving the results of the elimination
vote for the next show, but the attempt at
piquing our interest decidedly fails. In the
end, the contestants will likely feel pathet-
ic for how they've acted to obtain such
fleeting happiness. Still, they won't feel as
low as any viewer unfortunate enough to
have to trudge through what is only Fox's
latest attempt to out-trash itself.

Courtesy of NBC
Dougray
Scott:
poor man's
George
Clooney.

'HEIST' TURNS TABLE ON CONVENTIONAL CRIME DRAMA

By Michael Passman
Daily Arts Writer
When was the last time network television
produced a drama centered on the other side of
the law?
Outside of a few premium-channel shows, post-
Sept. 11 television has shied
away from society's perpetrators Heist
and has taken a liking to cops,
prosecutors and government Wednesdays
agents. In what seems to be the at 10 p.m.
network's hundredth new drama NBC
in the last nine months, NBC's
latest cops-and-robbers dud, "Heist," should never-
theless be commended for trying to be different.
Unfortunately, different isn't always good, or in
this case, even very original.
"Heist" follows a gang of sly criminals in pur-
suit of their next big sting. In typical fashion,
Mickey O'Neil (Dougray Scott, "Dark Water")
assembles a diverse group of crooks, each with
their own specialties and quirks. In pursuit
of them is Amy Sykes (Michele Hicks, "The

Shield"), an uptight L.A. detective.
Mickey's group aims to knock off three Rodeo
Drive jewelry stores just prior to the Academy
Awards - because who wants stock jewelry when
you can have Rose's pendant from "Titanic"? If
this sounds familiar, it should. Change the setting
to Las Vegas, the jewelry stores to casinos and the
Oscars to a title fight, and we
have "Ocean's Eleven" for A bevy of
television. But I'm sure that's
purely coincidental. nerforman
Regardless of the parallels r
to any number of Hollywood and thread
blockbusters, the premise of
"Heist" is more equipped for characters
a feature film than a weekly the
drama. If the pilot is any show i
indication of things to come, even deep
the writers will surely draw
out the big heist longer than
they should and include other spinoff jobs for as
long as possible. This isn't the sturdy platform a
strong weekly drama requires, but it remains to
be seen what will be done to change it up in the
long run - that is, if there is a long run.
While the plotline is shaky in its own right, a

n
e:

bevy of marginal performances and threadbare
characters drives the show into an even deeper
hole. Out of the entire gang of crooks, not one of
them is captivating or unique.
The only character who has any potential is
Detective Sykes, who Mickey spots stealing razors
in the pilot. Crooked cops are nothing new, but all
five-finger discounts aside, Sykes
riarginal doesn't seem to be one. She does,
g a however, bend the law, and while
ies it's only hinted at in the pilot, NBC
reps have said we can expect her to
bare fall in love with Mickey.
What "Heist" has going for it
drives are some decent action sequenc-
es. The pilot's cleverly conceived
ito an double robbery is enthralling and
r hole. managed to rise above the stock
setup that surrounded it.
Unless "Heist" is able to find
some standout characters in its extensive cast,
it seems destined to fail. The individual perfor-
mances are unimpressive, and the premise alone
doesn't seem to fit the medium. But then again,
neither did a plane crash, and that seems to have
worked well for another network.

I

Hip-hop royal elevates
lyrics, beats to new level

Mencia still inane, offensive on DVD

By Chris Gaerig
Associate Magazine Editor

By Daren Martin
* Daily Arts Writer

"I'm from the bay where we hyphy
and go dumb / From the soil where them

rappers be gettin'
their lyrics from,"
E-40 proclaims on
a track from his
latest, My Ghetto
Report Card. Even
if you've missed

E-40
My Ghetto
Report Card
Warner Bros./Wea

this Bay Area hip-hop legend for the past
14 years - though his last seven albums
have all reached the Hip Hop Top Ten
- you've definitely heard his influence
on the rest of the rap world.
Having coined phrases such as "It's all
good" and "fo'shizzle," E-40 has tran-
scended the hip-hop sphere, introducing
the streets into pop culture. His efforts
culminated in the creation of the Bay Area
movement simply known as "hyphy."
Don't know what hyphy is? Check
out E-40's second track, "Tell Me When
To Go," for a detailed display of the gat-
tling-gun beeps, schizophrenic snares

and heaps of chants that comprise its
distinctive sound.
With its similarity to the "crunk" aes-
thetic of Southern rap, it should come
as no surprise that Lil' Jon served as
the executive producer of Report Card.
Each track comes laced with deep,
spiraling beats, even when the tempo
slows to a crawl. The hooks are also
strong, and slightly more subtle than
the usual Lil' Jon fare. It still sounds
like the king of crunk; his trademark
simple rhythms with divergent sounds
accentuate E-40's unique half-vernacu-
lar, half-spitifire style.
E-40 hits each track with the speed of
a racehorse, but that's not what makes his
style so singular. He emphasizes unusual
syllables in words, fluctuating his voice
to the rhythm of each track. This distinc-
tive style combined with his nasally pro-
nounced slang leads E-40 to a sound as
enjoyable as it is unusual.
But E-40's style is reason enough to
check out every track. It's not all fronting
- his lyrics actually carry some weight.
E-40 pounds each track, repping the Bay
Area to the fullest, while expressing his
love of ghetto life and women. The first

Want to know what's funny?
If you ask Carlos Mencia, fart jokes,
"beaner" or "wetback" in every sen-
tence, comparing everyday idiots to
the mentally challenged and rich, white
stiffs are all unquestionably hilarious.
Mencia's distorted blend of racial
humor and social commentary inex-
plicably got him his own show, "Mind
of Mencia," on Comedy Central.
Despite his best intentions, his jokes

using terms like
Mind of
Mencia
Season 1.
Comedy Central
are predictable,

track, "Yay Area," has already become
the anthem of Northern California hyphy
fanatics and hip-hop enthusiasts alike.
In "They Might Be Taping," E-40 spits,
"Getting along like a female weave /
Cooler than anti-freeze / Bust you in the
coat like Eddie Murphy did Deluise." Lis-
teners don't just hear his lyrics; they lov-
ingly decipher them.
Report Card is also filled with guest
appearances on nearly every track. Bay
Area legends Too $hort and The Federa-
tion and newcomer Keak Da Sneak loom
large on many tracks. Mike Jones and
Juelz Santana also provide verses.
The beats always hit hard, and when
E-40 flows, listeners can't help but enjoy
his unique pronunciations, rhythms and
rhymes. His voice is like an instrument in
itself, and on this Report Card, that's more
than enough for a high mark.

DV SI~l~

watered-down and, rather than insightful or even biting,
just plain offensive.
In "Mind of Mencia's" uncensored first season, Men-
cia - essentially the only actor/character on the show,
- boasts his own intelligence and his hatred of moronic
low- and working-class men and women. He complains
that people don't understand his jokes, and talks down
to his television and studio audiences. And after these
antics, he'll proceed to make a joke about a lap dance
or Mexicans doing lawn work. Truth be told, the only
people who don't understand his jokes are probably frat
guys too drunk to dance to "Lean Back."
Mencia also boldly states that no one is beyond
his omniscient eye of scrutiny or safe from his sear-
ing tongue. His jokes are about - but not limited to
- blacks, whites, Hispanics, Renaissance re-enactors,

midgets and basic morons. But he fails to parody any of
these groups tactfully or tastefully. He never manages
to get through an episode without making a joke about
Hispanics jumping the border or cutting lawns, and
even manages to drop the N-bomb several times in one
episode. First J-Lo, now Carlos Mencia (and he doesn't
have Diddy to bail him out).
But arguably the most offensive joke Mencia uses
is his signature "dee dee dee," where he imitates the
mentally challenged, essentially equating them to uned-
ucated fast-food workers and anyone else he deems
unintelligent. He even has a Oscar-mocking skit called
the "dee dee dee awards," in which he distributes awards
for sheer stupidity.
In addition to Mencia's racially fueled standup, the
episodes are inflated with uninspired skits. "Confucius
Carlos" has Mencia dressed as a monk and answering
- you guessed it - jokes about race. He then proceeds
to bring out a woman with huge boobs and makes a joke
about her and the "midgets on her chest." "Ask Whitey"
and "Carlos the Dinosaur" are similarly juvenile and
flop even harder than his monologues. The useless and
tearfully boring extras are the only aspect of the DVD
set worse than the skits themselves.
The first season of "Mind of Mencia" carries a paren-
tal warning stating, "This program is recommended for
mature audiences only." That's a thame. Probably the
only people that will find it funny are 6th graders and
those with a comparable level of maturity.
Show:
Special Features: *