8 - The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, March 22, 2006 A hard day's 'Night' ARTS Fox's 'Loop' lacks By Ben Megargel Daily Arts Writer By Blake Goble Daily Arts Writer It seems that every filmmaker in the world can get his hands on high- octane CGI effects __........_ these days. Night But what many of Watch them seem to for- get is that there are At the State only two reasons to Theater use CGI: economic Fox Searchlight concerns that make achieving comparable real-life effects too costly, or a director's delusion that indiscriminately hurling special effects at the audience will make it forget the plot. The new fantasy-horror epic "Night Watch" embraces every aspect of the latter. The film, an age-old tale of good versus evil, is the most commercially successful in Russian history. The title refers to a band of vampire peacekeepers patrolling the shadowy streets of modern-day Rus- sia, fighting to maintain a balance between "light" and "dark." The Night Watch, led by Anton (Konstantin Khabensky), must fight to prevent the forces of darkness from spreading. Countless archetypes and clich6s are slammed together amid the barrage of visual effects - there's a prophecy about a child, a virgin eternally cursed with the ability to open a vortex and the climactic final showdown. If memories of "Underworld" or "Blade" emerge, it's for a reason. This kind of vampire schlock has been done to death. The tendency of the night creatures to "de-fang" themselves figuratively via peacekeeping missions and satiating fixes of pig blood from the local butcher severe- ly detracts from their cool factor. Directed by Timur Bekmambetov (who is turning the film into a trilogy), "Night Watch" is like having your eyes assaulted by a spastic bat. There's no such thing as too much editing in this film. It's nice to see the American influence reaching across the oceans; they clearly get MTV and Bruckheimer over there. But for all this, "Night Watch" has some genuinely creative special effects. Flipping trucks, veins replacing entire flesh structures and even some cleverly organized subtitles are just a few high- lights. But after a while, the film becomes so aggressively flashy that viewers may Courtesy o fox Searchlight Fangs. Scary. In a halfhearted attempt to capitalize on the critical acclaim of the recently axed "Arrested Development," Fox dropped "The Loop" The Loop as a midseason replacement. But the network's perennially mediocre sitcom Wednesdays assembly line has failed yet again: "The at 9:30 p.m. Loop" is little more than a watered- Fox down, inferior version of a better show the network had a harder time pitching to audiences appar- ently unwilling to take a risk. The concept of young professionals juggling new careers and their old college lifestyle sounds promising enough, but "The Loop" chooses to recycle lame jokes in a show that will no doubt mysteriously disappear from the schedule by the fall. Someone's out of the loop, and it isn't us. The show's basic premise covers the awkward transition college grads make into their first serious job while their friends continue to get drunk more nights a week than not. Brett Harrison ("The O.C.") stars as Sam, a 23-year-old working as an executive at a major airline company. His roommates - including his slacker brother Sully (Eric Christian Olsen, "Not Another Teen Movie") and secret crush Piper (Amanda Loncar, "CSI: Miami") - fill out the principal supporting roles, while the fringe parts of the large cast go to various characters who work with Sam. Among the most egregious offenses the show commits any development are the over-the-top performances, with characters coming off more as caricatures than actual people. As if this wasn't enough of a distraction, it also also annoyingly chimes in with written descriptions of certain moments in freeze frames, such as "Boss." The bludgeoning lack of subtlety or nuance here is almost offensive. The show's repeated attempts to follow in the huge foot- steps of "Arrested" are completely futile - this is much safer material brought to life by a far less talented cast. The lone exception is Joy Osmanski as Darcy, Sam's secretary, who deadpans about being fourth in her class at MIT and still having to make copies and manages to emerge from the monotonous lull that otherwise pervades the series. Though there are a few other funny lines scattered among the wreckage, on the whole, the show never takes off in any original or even particularly entertaining direc- tion. In the pilot, Sam's non-mutual obsession with Piper drives most of the action. But the theme of "boy-who-has- no-hope-with-the-perfect-girl" is heavily tread territory. Who really wants to get depressed watching such pitiable drivel in a sitcom? Even the obligatory female sexual pred- ator who works with Sam feels like a reheated version of Nina from "Just Shoot Me." But what really sinks "The Loop" is its unwavering insis- tence on appealing to the lowest common denominator. The show attempts to be a critical darling and a brainless crowd pleaser, but when you try to make everyone happy simulta- neously, you will inevitably fail. Of course, Fox shouldn't worry too much. They'll always have "American Idol" to keep them on the radar, however bleak the signal. start to think they're in the middle of a rave. Case in point: a fight near the end is lit with a swirling fluorescent light bulb. Did I warn of possible seizures? The movie is a byproduct of the post- "Matrix" generation of filmmaking. So many other movies have been jammed with excessive CGI that it takes away the sense of danger and inimediacy previous- ly achieved by real stunts. Sure, it's neat to be able to stop an entire 3-D battle graphi- cally to let people walk amid the chaos. But what's the point? I m more Spring ses Registration Don't let summer s 114 undergraduate and - Arts and Sciences - Education and Human Se Health Sciences Learn more at www.oakland.edu The free Michigan Uniform Guest applicatic k7 CI Il U 'p If you're spending your summer in the metro Detroit area, keep moving toward graduation as a guest student at Oakland University, where we offer nany courses that can directly transfer to your home institution. Choose from e than 1,000 diverse classes in two convenient seven-week sessions. sion May 1 - June 21 April 7 - April 30 Summer session June 26 - August 16 Registration April 7 - June 25 slow you down! 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