10 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, March 14, 2006 ARTS THE 'EYES HAVE IT PRIMAL HORROR FLICK EMBRACES ROOTS AND SHOCKS ALIKE By Jeffrey Bloomer Managing Arts Editor We all know where this is going. A squarely middle-American family goes on a cross-country road trip through the rural South'- west to celebrate their par- ents' silver. Their post-MTV belle of a teenage daughter The Hills complains she would rather Have Eyes be in Cancun; their adoles- At the Showcase cent son decidedly wears two and Quality 16 shirts even though they're Fox Searchlight in the middle of the desert; their eldest daughter's new husband bickers back and forth with her father, taking the usual territorial strides. We know these people. When they stop at a gas station conveniently located in the middle of nowhere, the attendant tells them of a "shortcut" down a nearby dirt road. "It's not on the map," he says kindly. A shortcut. Right. That the attendant happens to be the father of a local band of disfigured cannibals comes as little surprise to us, but these are nice people, and so the unsuspecting bunch jovially drives on. We can't help but sigh: This can't possibly end well, and we were just starting to like these people. All true, but then Alexandre Aja's "The Hills. Have Eyes" is, of all things, a thematically complex movie. A remake of Wes Craven's cult classic of the same title, the film unabashedly rejects the postmodern-comic chic of its con- temporaries, opting for pure graphic horror and a cultural undertow that digs deeper than the shiny array of carving knives and pick axes that otherwise drive its narrative. Bucking the genre's new tendency toward shock-fueled exhibitions of hopeless torture and death, Aja - following his frustrating but still effective French import "High Tension" (known more tellingly in cult circles as "Switchblade Romance") - writes and directs his film inde- co'rtes o f"V "OMG! We're soooooooo fucking asinine!" '8th' is 'Laguna'-lite By Ben Megargel Daily Arts Writer TV REVIEW MTV sure knows how to appeal to its viewers' insecurities. As the March dol- drums set in and a large percent- age of America is at a peak of pale- ness, the channel premieres "8th & Ocean," a reality 8th & Ocean Tuesdays at 10:30 p.m. MTV Courtesy of Fox Searchlight Just think of it as IM head-bussin'... pendently of the recent slew of blood-drenched epic slag, allowing his characters life beyond the typical who-will-die-next screenplay engine. All the right elements are in place - the impossibly squalid gas station, the desolate ghost town home to the resident cannibals, the curious backstreet canyon filled with abandoned cars and luggage - but the film uses them only as a stage to pursue its more compelling inter- est: the effect the trauma has on the quintes- sentially American nuclear family. The Carters are flag-touting red-blooded conservatives, the father a lifelong police detective who takes the back roads for fun and chides his new son-in- law as a product of his liberal education ("He's a Democrat; he doesn't like guns," he playfully tells his son). This dynamic becomes key, the American ico- nography seeping into nearly every scene as the villains point fingers - a bit too righteously, to be sure - at U.S.-sanctioned nuclear trials for the area's devastation. Its trail is everywhere: A character stabs his aggressor with the broken- off end of an American flag, the drape sticking out from his head as if he were conquered ter- ritory. A villain does an eerie rendition of "The Star Spangled fanner" as he pursues the fam- ily. There's even a low-angle shot of a trium- phant would-be victim after he brutally fights off an attacker set against a classically patriotic soundtrack - this being the central left'leaning character. The clash between values old and new, rural and urban, combined with a fearful look back at the past, are at the heart of the film, easily taking onscreen dominance over the story's tra- ditional foundation. This is rich and unexpected work - bizarre but oddly satisfying - with Aja using the genre framework as his forum for teasing out deeply rooted social anxieties. And then it's entirely possible to overlook these considerations and get lost in the movie's uncommon visceral grasp. It houses scenes of stunning brutality, but there's a method to its madness: The extra-textual wanderings return to the forgotten roots of a genre once marked by its knack for exploring painful cultural under- pinnings. The movie closes abruptly with the obligatory franchise-begging final shot, but that's OK - Aja makes no attempt to reinvent the genre, just to return it back to form. And that he does. show that follows a group of aspiring Miami-based models attending a dizzy- ing cycle of photo shoots and nightclubs. Though completely mindless, the show is the perfect combination of babes and bitchiness, or as MTV advertises, the "latest obsession." The premise is almost embarrassingly simple: Modeling agency Irene Marie Management contracts promising hotties, setting them up in "model's apartments." The show chronicles the insanely com- petitive nature of living with people who could steal your job at any moment. In the first episode, the archetypal cast of reality cardboard-cutouts is estab- lished. Britt is the innocent newcomer from Kansas who was home-schooled her entire life. Kelly and Sabrina are the blonde twins with an intense case of sib- ling rivalry. Though the guys haven't been individually established yet, Teddy seems to be the consummate player while Sean is the group clown. At its most basic level, the show is pure entertainment. Though many believe pro- ducer Tony DiSanto's ("Laguna Beach") shows are completely scripted, it's easy to not care how fake the drama is. Call it superficial, but the girls would be divert- ing enough with the volume on mute. When Sabrina is hosed down in a white sheer bathing suit, there are few hetero- sexual men who would object. And the male models - at times prettier than the girls - will satisfy those interesed. What makes "8th & Ocean" more than softcore porn is the humor, both inten- tional and not, that peppers the models' interactions. The girls treat each other horribly, with Sabrina and Kelly the most obvious candidates for the Obligatory Super Bitch. Somehow, though they are identical twins, Kelly is the "superior" model, and makes this clear to Sabrina on a regular basis. Another exciting prospect for girl-on- girl crime is Britt, who is bound to be completely corrupted by her female con- temporaries. This type of nasty behavior is mean-spirited and even a little sad, but it's totally entertaining. In contrast to the girls, the guys are sur- prisingly down to earth, acting more like a group of friends than competitors. It's interesting to see a male perspective on the modeling world, especially when they hilariously comment on the physical dif- ficulties of controlling themselves while modeling with girls. Although"8th & Ocean" is surely vapid trash, it is without question some of the most enjoyable garbage on television. For all those trying to reach the higher ground by avoiding the show, give it up. You can't deny hot people are fun to watch, and you may as well join in. Just don't forget to turn the volume off. 4 Even Depp can't escape stale biopic . by David R. Eicke Daily Arts Writer Since writer Stephen Jefferys has written a movie (his first) about a play, it is only fair that another play appear in this review - a play about a movie: Intern: "Oh man, the reel fell in the toilet." Director: "Whatever. Just The Libertine At the Showcase and Quality 16 The Weinstein company with each other, but you can find more insight and wit in a Snoop Dogg song. Depp plays Rochester a.k.a. John Wilmot, a 17th century Poet Laureate type, who is sort of a Don Juan meets John Donne meets Ty Cobb. He's a filthy, womanizing, megalomaniacal genius/ drunkard with a fondness for vulgar language and an appetite for inexpensive whores. But he also loves theater. Isn't that nice? In fact, the plot is that, up until he meets actress Elizabeth Barry (Samantha Morton, "In Ameri- ca"), he loves nothing but the theater. They meet just after Wilmot is assigned to write, in play form, a "tribute" to current King Charles II's (John Mal- kovich, "Being John Malkovich") reign. He takes her on as a pupil after she is booed off stage and makes a bet with his friends that he can turn her, "She's All That"-style, into the most desired actress in England. During the tutelage process, he falls for her and subsequently begins to write his play. When the play debuts, however, it turns out to be, basically, DildoFest 1674. Natu- rally, the King is insulted, and so Wilmot runs away. He remains hidden for sixth months, dur- ing which time he slowly deteriorates, mentally and physically. "The Libertine" is the story of said deteriora- tion. Throughout, he rots. His hedonistic life- style, from which he has ceased to draw any pleasure, gradually corrodes him until he begins to look like a fruit that's been left in the base- ment. "The Libertine" plods along, the main events seeming unimportant, until it culminates in a disappointing scene of supposed redemp- tion. It's sleep-inducing and possesses an almost malodorous quality with its grainy color and depressing sets. The one impressive aspect of the film is the makeup job. The artists manage to transform Depp, one of People Magazine's 50 most beauti- ful, into one of the ugliest characters ever caught on film. During the last 30 minutes, he's almost unrecognizable. In the very beginning, while Depp is still simply a little baggy-eyed and pale (not yet gruesomely deformed), he delivers the film's pro- logue. Its first words. are, "Allow me to be frank: You will not like me." At least he's honest. fish it out and throw it in the mail." Yes, "The Libertine" isn't the cleanest of films. It wasn't meant to be. But rest assured, what it lacks in cleanliness and color, it makes up for in self- conceit. In its attempt to be a daring exploration of an inevitable human despair,-it winds up nothing riore than a trite, hackneyed misanthropic rant. The words that spill from the Second Earl of Roch- ester's (Johnny Depp, "Pirates of the Caribbean") mouth are sometimes well chosen and often rhyme 0 Courtesy of The Weinstein Company Wilmot was bawdy, but he still didn't write "2 Way Freak." I F~Y f-I I 4 S ?ou may be eligible if you: - Are troubled about your lack of sexual desire - Are 18 years or older - Still have regular menstrual cycles - Are in a stable relationship with one man for the past year - Do not suffer from any psychiatric conditions except mild depression 1411 111111 [gMj' $100 back! Receive $100 back through Kaplan's Rebate when you enroll in a Kaplan course in March. i