4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 27, 2006 a hdc Alk AL IW. HMrn-jD S O low IWA"WINF tfdvl l JASON Z. PESICK Dueler in Chief SUHAEL MOMIN SAM SINGER Editorial Page Editors ALISON GO Managing Editor T RUTH NOTABLE QUOTABLE ''I tried to hug Pesick once, but he hid under a desk." - Melissa Runstrom, Daily Arts Editor, on her nearly romantic, but ultimately traumatic, encounter with the Daily's Editor in Chief. NOTABLE QUOTABLE, TAKE TWO '' From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty- two of the youths." II Kings 2:23-24, New International Version. 0 EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SINCE 1890 420 MAYNARD STREET ANN ARBOR, MI 48109 tothedaily@michigandaily.com The "Z" stands for Zorro! How to 'right' a letter to the editor THE MICHIGAN DAILY OKAY, MAYBE WE DRANK - A LITTLE T he rants print- ed below are prime exam- pies of what we at Daily Opinion would never want to see in a letter to the editor - ever. But we do enjoy receiving your letters, sent to tothedaily@michigandaily. com, of course. The didactical writing samples included below provide an extensive, but not compre- hensive, list of exactly what not to do when sharing your thoughts with the Daily. We at the Daily's editorial page have some addi- tional tips. What does it take to be a Daily letter writ- er? Lots. You must write complete, coherent sen- tences. You must use capital letters and excla- mation points sparingly. You must not lie. Please write letters to the Daily, rather than forwarding us an angry letter you penned to a third party, be it the President, your ex- boyfriend or even a columnist you hate. And please, please don't make stuff up. We spend hours upon hours trying to dig around on the Internet to find out if your claims that your dog was crowned prince of Scalevia or that Osama bin Laden is dead are true. It's annoying. We'd rather be sleeping, drinking or doing our homework than wast- ing our time on your rubbage. But even if you can't meet these require- ments (and they sure are stringent), write us anyways. A truly "good" letter not only meets, but exceeds these criteria. It offers new insights - maybe we even chuckle when we read it. Or maybe, you'll change some minds. Win some hearts. All those good things. The opinion editors have had an excellent time this evening. They can be reached at editpage.editors@umich.edu. iT'S A NEW ERA AT DAi.Y Opn . OR AT LEAST IT WILL E-- STARTING MONDAY. E-MAIL US AT OPINION@MIIGANDAILYCOM MINDLESS RANTS TO THE EDITOR Editors' Note: The following let- ters are excerpted, without further editing, as they were submitted via e-mail to tothedaily@michigandaily.com. We have taken the liberty of replying to their authors. The first letter, sent from bringbackameric athebeautiful@gmail.com, was submitted as part of a campaign to get President Bush to send a letter concerning illegal immigration to President Vicente Fox of Mexico: Americans all at risk from 'illegal Mexican invaders' DEAR MR. PRESIDENT: This letter is to notify you of extremely serious IMMIGRATION PROBLEMS that have begun to "BOIL OVER" in our Country, the United States of America. We urgently need your help to rectify the matter imme- diately. The American people are rising up daily and notifying us here in Washington of a major threat to our people, our country, our way of living,rour entire economy and our National Security. They are upset and they are pointing out to us with utmost seriousness that we, here in the hallows of Washington dormito- ries, were "asleep at the switch", concerned about votes, and apparently oblivious to a very serious "INVASION" of our GREAT COUNTRY by illegal Mexican invaders from your country. THIS INVASION MUST CEASE IMME- DIATELY !!! We want you to call your people back to their home country NOW !!! DO IT NOW !!! IT CAN BE DONE - REGARD- LESS OF WHAT ANY NAY-SAYERS SAY. IT CAN BE DONE - IT MUST BE DONE ... NOW!!! Editors' response: The author of this par- ticular batshit crazy letter is a little con- fused on history. America invaded Mexico in the 1840s, taking half their country in the process. Do you really think white people would have named all of California's cities in Spanish of their own free will? Osama bin Laden merely Bush's propaganda tool TO THE DAILY: Osama Bin Laden is dead. There has been a death announcement, a funeral, and a read- ing of his will, widely published by foreign newspapers. He died of kidney failure, prob- ably in December of 2001. That is why, despite all the torture, he still hasn't been found. As CNN reported, "But by December [2001], of course, that tape that was aired then, he's barely moving the left side of his body. So he's clearly got diabetes. He has low blood pressure. He's got a wound in his foot. He's apparently got dialysis ... for kidney problems." How could he have stayed alive for over four years, having aged so enormously in just three months since 9/11? His existence is perpetuated because he is Bush's "Emmanuel Goldstein" perfect- enemy character. The only evidence of his continued exis- tence is a few poorly recorded tapes (and in at least one case, the "confession" released on December 13 2001, a poorly-chosen body double was used). Since I know you're a "liberal" newspaper as they say, this should certainly interest you: "President Bush has opened a six-point lead over John Kerry in the first opinion poll to include sampling taken after the new Osama bin Laden videotape was broadcast on Friday night." (Telegraph, 10/31/04) Just as the BBC article you quoted said of the latest tape: "The BBC's Justin Webb in Washington says that in the US the immedi- ate political effect of the tape will probably be to boost support for President George W Bush." If the 2004 video was a fake, it was pre- cisely what the Bush regime (which is in command of the CIA, may I remind you) used to tilt the election from Kerry toward Bush. For more background on the facts I've stat- ed, please see: http://tinyurl.com/7d73d. Please try to be a better newspaper; Amer- ica is in peril. Adam deAngeli Alum Editors' response: Oldspeaking crimethink- er deAngeli unbellyfeel Ingsoc. Big Brother is doubleplusgoodl To revert back to what Orwell's 1984 referred to as "oldspeak:" Of course bin Laden's dead. Members of the Inner Party - which of course includes the indepen- dent student media - have known this for years. How a lowly prole such as deAn- geli came across this information, how- ever, is beyond us. We already took care of Winston Smith; someone else will pay for this. We have no qualms about admitting bin Lad- en's death in print. This paper's going down the memory hole tomorrow anyway. Adam, be warned: The Thought Police will be paying you a visit at the Planet soon. I a I r. (,'r(Jr / iti ClAr (iY2t ( JASON "ZESTY" PESICK Editor in Chief pesick@michigandaily.com 647-3336 Sun-Thurs. All night long EDITORIAL STAFF Alison Go Managing Editor Farayha Arrine Managing News Editor NEWS EDITORS: Michael Kan, Jameel Naqvi Suhael Momin Editorial Page Editor Sam Singer Editorial Page Editor ASSOCIATE EDITORIAL PAGE EDITORS: Emily Beam, Christopher Zbrozek OPINION COLUMNISTS AND NONEDITORS: Sara Eber, Brian Slade Ian Herbert Managing Sports Editor SENIOR SPORTS EDITORS: Megan Kolodgy, Sharad Mattu, Matt Venegoni SPORTS NIGHT EDITORS: Gabe Edelson Adam Rottenberg Managing Arts Editor ASSOCIATE ARTS EDITORS: Alexandra M. Jones, Melissa Runstrom ART SUBEDITORS:Amania AndradeVictoriaaEwa.ls,Sarah Pessoan Ryan Weiner Managing Photo Editor ASSOCIATE PHOTO EDITORS: Jason Cooper ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITORS: Doug Wernert Magazine Editor go@michigandaily.com arrine@michigandaily.com momin@michigandaily.com singer@michigandaily.com herbert@michigandaily.com rottenberg@michigandaily.com weiner@michigandaily.com wernert@michigandaily.com / AMPH JRTH FL lON TO* O F JONATHAN "I'M NOT A JEW!" DOBBERSTEIN Business Manager business@michigandaily.com 764-0558 Mon-Fri. 9 a.m. - 9:23 a.m. BUSINESS STAFF Christine Hua Display Sales Manager ASSOCIATE DISPLAY SALES MANAGER: Alexis Floyd SPECIAL SECTIONS MANAGERS: Emily Cipriano Ryan Van Tassel Classified Sales Manager ASSISTANT CLASSIFIED SALES MANAGER: Kristina Diamantoni Erin Ott Online Sales Manager Andy Tai Finance Manager Breeshna Dobberstein Finance Manager Erica Brehmer Layout Manager The Michigan Daily (ISSN 0745-967) is published Monday through Friday during the fall and winter terms by students at the University of Michigan. One copy is available free of charge to all readers. Additional copies may be picked up at the Daily's office for $2. Subscriptions for fall term, starting in September, via U.S. mail are $110. Winter term (January through April) is $115, yearlong (September through April) is $195. University affiliates are subject to a reduced subscription rate. On-campus subscriptions for fall term are $35. Subscriptions must be prepaid. The Michigan Daily is a member of The Associated Press and The Associated Collegiate Press. 4 4 I L I Campus Tan "The only tanning salon on Campus" Ann Arbor District Library "I r1 jr Should Religious Beliefs be a Qualification for Public Office? Tuesday, January 31, 7:00 - 8:30 pm Downtown Library Multi-Purpose Room 1 1 MR \irPPrn~rian a l r~IC:Pn~rAIC rii ncci Look your best on Spring Break! I Chr 611 Church Street - ~ti :; 'l Tql I