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Daily Arts editors, writers not the only
ones who've been duped by lying bastards

By Alexandra Jones
Daily Arts Alpha Bitch
In November 2004, the editors of The Michi-
gan Daily's Arts section were appalled and infuri-
ated to learn that a soon-to-be-maligned Associate
Editor had plagiarized many of his articles. This
discovery, calamitous to the Daily's reputation as
a newsgathering publication, spurred feelings of
outrage, the likes of which Daily editors had never
felt before. And then, in April 2005, it happened
again - with a different, up-and-coming former
film editor.
Now, Oprah Winfrey - and millions of devot-
ed followers of her talk show's book club - knows
exactly how Daily Arts felt.
In late 2005, Winfrey chose author James Frey's
supposed memoir, "A Million Little Pieces," as a
selection for her book club on the basis that she
found the gritty "truths" about Frey's years of
substance abuse and redemption to be inspiring.
In fact, it was discovered that many of the book's
details were false, much like the review of "Sin
City" and the feature article on Kurt Cobain that
Daily Arts plagiarists had pieced together from
pathetic bits of journalistic thievery.
Winfrey's promotion of the spurious tome,
which purported to chronicle Frey's alcohol and
crack addiction, catapulted him to fame. The bald-

faced liar's ability to fleece the talk-show host,
who only wanted to celebrate his inspiring "life
story" earned him a 17-week stint at the top of The
New York Times's Paperback Fiction list.
Similarly, the two Daily Arts plagiarists -
who swiped snippets of articles from the likes
of Yahoo! Movies Web pages and allmusic.com
listings - conned their senior editors into grant-
ing them sub-editor and even associate positions,
not to mention the grossly undeserved courtesy of
believing in their talent as artists and their integ-
rity as fellow human beings.
Just as Winfrey angrily and tearfully confront-
ed Frey on her show and, hopefully, destroyed his
credibility forever (the audience's booing during
Frey's mealy-mouthed half-admissions of wrong-
doing were particularly satisfying to watch) the
Daily Arts plagiarists were terminated from their
positions. Now, their names are never mentioned
without a string of unprintable epithets, as well
as warnings to young Daily Arts writers to avoid
such sleazy, unconscionable actions as cribbing
parts of other writers' stories and then pretending
that their articles weren't total bullshit.
Outgoing Managing Arts Editor Adam Rotten-
berg summed up his feelings on the Frey fiasco
with a quote from the film "The Big Lebowski":
"This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in
the ass," said Rottenberg, who dealt with the fall-

courtesy of
Salon.com
Winfrey feels
the same
surging combi-
nation of Indig-
nation, disgust
and rage simi-
lar to that felt
by Arts editors
In November
2004 and
again In April
2005.
courtesy of
Salon.com
"I did not
have sexual
relations with
that woman!"

out of both Daily Arts plagiarists. "That asshole
got what was coming to him."

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Daily Arts editors
watch first soap opera

By Adam Rottenberg and
Douglas Vincent Wernert
Daily Arts' Dynamic Duo

It's our last issue as editors of this
paper. We watch way too much TV, but
we recently came to a rather startling
realization: We've never covered soap
operas.
Ever unflagging in our mission to
bring important media coverage to
campus, we geared up for an emotional
journey down to Harmony, the magi-
cal town that serves as a backdrop for
NBC's soap opera, "Passions." The
episode, brilliantly entitled "Theresa
Locks Ethan in Room with Her," taught
us some very valuable lessons.
First, if you're madly in love with
somebody and you don't want him to
leave you for his wife (And who hasn't
been there?), all you have to do is lock
the door to the living room, cleverly
sequestering the key in your cleavage.
It was all for naught, however, as Ethan
revealed to Theresa the real reason they
had a daughter together: "She wouldn't
even be here if you hadn't tricked me
into impregnating you!"
Secondly, if you foolishly call your
The book
you like
really sucks
By Amanda Andrade
Daily Arts Grosse Pointe Latina

girlfriend "Maya," when, in fact, her
name is "Fancy," (an easy mistake, no
doubt) the best way to get out of trouble
is to passionately declare to Fancy how
important your old girlfriend once was.
Whoops. That one might not work out
too well.
Moreover, hypnosis works!
There was also this crazy old
woman vaguely reminiscent of a 1930s
B-movie crone; we weren't quite sure.
She watched everything unfold in
a cauldron, which may or may not
double as a pasta cooker. Hopefully
that thing gets other channels because
watching this shit will make her head
explode.
Throw in some random porno-esque
music, some woman complaining on
a phone and three people staring at
a mapfor half an hour and you have
yourself some truly compelling epi-
sodic television.
But the most valuable lesson of all:
"Passions" is best left as a punchline
for Spike on "Buffy."
Watch today on "Passions" for the
electrifying follow-up, "Passions goes
Bollywood." We couldn't make this up
if we tried.

This review will
be written with the
same level of lit-
erary merit as its
subject.
It no good.

The DaVinci
Code
By Dan Brown
The Publisher

Figure out how to go to
college for yourself, idiot

By Melissa Runstrom
Daily Arts Mom

A freshman is
one who needs
a book to adjust
to college life is.
Shelve this one
right into the
trash.
"Navigating
Your Freshman
Year," written
primarily by two
students at Brown
and Harvard,
doesn't hesitate
to look at the
harsh underbel-

not pathetic, but
Navigating
Your Fresh-
man Year:
How to Make
the Leap to
College Life
- and Land
on Your Feet
By Students
Helping Students
Students Helping
Students

Nuggets of wisdom such as, "Take
a walking tour ... don't be afraid to
use a map," will keep even the most
experienced senior on the edge of
his seat. And how would any fresh-
man make it though the year with-
out the sage advice to study or take
a vitamin - even though, "It won't
ward off colds and sickness, but it
will help."
The book takes a shockingly dull
look at dating, but does get props for
using the term "sexile" correctly.
Anyone who purchased this guide
probably needed the dictionary to
complete his college applications.
The text is dull and doesn't even
pretend to be comprehensive. Per-
sonal stories are painfully authen-
tic, seemingly written by freshman
- not a positive feature.

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