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September 07, 2005 - Image 52

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Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 2005-09-07

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ARTS

Sc

een

10

S

Daily Arts all-stars Jeffrey Bloomer and Evan McGarvey dish on the sum-
mer's hottest movies and other pop culture fascinations - Tom Cruise
and Katie Holmes, Michael Jackson and Ross Perot - along the way.
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Director: George Lucas
Released: May 19.

Cast: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman
Box Office: $373,926,219

Evan McGarvey: I just think no one really cares
anymore. I'm excited about "Batman Begins"
and "War of the Worlds." "Star Wars" - we
know how it ends. Jar Jar Binks is a slightly more
racist version of the Ewoks. And Natalie Portman
stopped being hot about halfway through "Closer."
So, I'm not going to pay money to see it.
Jeffrey Bloomer: Okay, Jar Jar Binks is in the
movie for five minutes. It made approximately $50
million in its first day. And people are going, lining
up dressed as Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker.
People still care.
EM: People lined up a couple of years ago to vote

for Ross Perot. So I don't really trust big long lines
of people gathering together.
JB: People lined up a couple of years ago to vote
for Ross Perot? ...
EM: A lot of people line up and do dumber things
and smarter things than go see "Star Wars." It just
doesn't seem to me like justification for why it's a
good movie.
JB: I never said it was a good movie. I said
people cared.
EM: All right, I guess you got me there.

*1

Batman Begins
Director: Christopher Nolan
Released: June 15

Cast: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson
Box Office: $183,140,850

EM: Two words - fucking sweet. It's going to be
awesome. Scarecrow - underrated villain. Christian
Bale, hopefully, channels that "American Psycho"-
Upper East Side rage into Bruce Wayne. That's the
only bulletproof movie of the summer, so far, that I
just don't think has anything majorly wrong with it.
JB: It was a bulletproof plan: had Christopher Nolan
as director, Christian Bale as star.
EM: I'm breaking out my costume I had when I was
12. I'm wearing that shit for Halloween.
JB: The thing with Katie Holmes though is that it's
a good performance in that movie.
EM: Yea, she looks like she'd be a cute girl in

Gotham. Gotham clearly isn't like babe central ...
It doesn't look like New York or L.A., where you're
just going to have gorgeous, Peruvian supermodels
walking up and down Rodeo Drive. Katie Holmes,
she's a cute girl, and that's perfect. She's not a babe,
but I think she's got the look of a 'Batman' chick.
JB: Have you seen "The Gift"?
EM: Yea, she was like naked for five seconds.
Woop-dee-fucking-do.
JB: Okay, you can't call Katie Holmes not a babe,
though. She has that girl-next-door quality. Maybe
she's not a babe.
EM: She's a chick. She's a hot chick.

al

War of the Worlds

Director: Steven Spielberg
Released: June 29

Cast: Tom Cruise, Miranda Otto, Dakota Fanning
Box Office: $192,435,922

S

EM: I cannot watch a movie with Tom Cruise now
without imagining him jumping up and down on a
couch like my nephew when he's forgotten to take
his Ritalin. He's just screaming about how in love
he is. Katie Holmes? Was Katie Holmes in diapers
when Tom Cruise was learning how to drive?
That's fucked up.
JB: Oh shut the fuck up! Who cares about age
between actors? Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
are one of the hottest celebrity couples in the last
five years.
EM: "War of the Worlds," I really have no interest
in. Like, yea, Spielberg. I'm waiting for Spielberg's
movie he's doing about the Munich Olympics.

That's going to be unbelievable.
JB: I think "War of the Worlds" is going to be the
highest-grossing movie of the summer besides "Star
Wars." It's Steven Spielberg. When has he ever gone
wrong with special effects? I'm not counting the
"Jurassic Park" sequel; that wasn't his fault.
EM: But the thing is Steven Spielberg just can't
make a brilliant movie. He can make a fine,
respectable -
JB: "Schindler's List."
EM: Are you telling me with that source material
you couldn't make a good, Oscar-winning movie?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Director: Tim Burton
Released: July 15

Cast: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, Helena Bonham Carter
Box Office: $56,178,450

EM: I'm going stoned, man. There isn't anyone in
that movie sober. First of all, a Johnny Depp movie
fucked up? 20 times better. I mean the dude came
on set fucked up to "Pirates of the Caribbean."
JB: If you're going stoned, you're going to be
running out screaming.
EM: Why?
JB: Because it looks freaky as hell.
EM: I know, that's the point. Those little oompa

loompas are just like little Michael Jacksons -
pale, with gloves on, harassing kids. It's so bizarre
and British, all this physical violence on children.
It's so weird and creepy.
JB: They're trying to downplay that though. If
you watch the trailer, the PG thing before it is
half the size of the movie's title when they finally
show it.
EM: If they wanted to do it badass, it would have
gone PG-13 and just had it all creepy and shit.
Now that would be a movie I'd pay money to see.

all. "m!mrpI RMS emi~k

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