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February 10, 2005 - Image 18

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The Michigan Daily, 2005-02-10

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U V w V V w

8B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, February 10, 2005

The Michigan Daily -

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I/

6

I1

Daily writers face off over sex and relati
- kGuys only want oi

racking the female code

By CC Song
For the Daily
Hey guys,
So you've spent tons of money on
the perfect Valentine's Day presents
that she's wanted, and you've been
extraordinarily nice to her the whole
night. You took her to the Chop
House. You held her hand on the way
from the parking lot to the restaurant
because the weather in Michigan is
just unbearably cold. You've been a
real gentleman, and by the nonstop,
lovely smile on her face, you know
you've done a good job to please her.
Now you're back in your place
with her, with pink champagne on
ice and soft, dimmed lights. You
want to end this perfect day with
some intimacy. All right, you might
say, "Hey, I did not do all that just to
lure her to my bed" and stop reading
this article, thinking that you're bet-
ter than 20,000 guys on campus who
might be taking down notes.
But just in case if you want to end
your day with some intimacy, here's
a little help to get you started.
Most of us females do think about
sex and fantasize about it, so unless
your honey tells you that she wouldn't
let you touch her before you get mar-
ried, you shouldn't be worried about
whether she will slap you when you
place your hands in between her

thighs. In fact, most of us would like
it better if guys would talk about sex
and initiate it. Sometimes girls like
foreplay, and sometimes they don't.
But since girls are born (or taught)
to be more romantic than guys,
some good foreplay would
enhance the sex.
So what's good for foreplay?
Most girls come up with this
answer: a good mas-
sage. No elbows, no
knees, no walking on
her back and crack-
ing her bones; a girl
just want a nice, light
massage that relieves
her tension. We are also
smart enough to pick up
the hint that you might
want something more
from the massage.b
So how do you figure
out her innermost fan-
tasies? Talk about it. I'm
sure your friends have told
you that even though girls
might act like prudes, most
of them really don't reject the
idea of sharing fantasies.
Girls sometimes would like
talking about fantasies to let you
know what they want. Don't gag
and laugh at her when she tells
you. You should be glad that
she's open enough to share her

secrets with you, and you should follow
up and let her know what your sexual
desires are. You like to be dominant all
the time and she might want to have the
same level of power during sex, so this
is a good chance to reach a compro-
mise. She likes it plain but you love
to switch to different styles to show
how good you are. Again, figure
out what you both want through
the conversation. Maybe
you'll find out both of you
like the excitement of get-
ting caught - some girls
do like that, but they like
it when people they don't
know catch them.
So I've given you tips on
what you can do, now here's
what you should always avoid
doing. Don't jump right into
the physical act - all the girls
I've talked to agree on that.
Girls are way more romantic
than guys can imagine, and as
innocent as we are, we would like
to believe that you're not a sexual
beast. Avoid the cliches - candles
and rose pedals. Avoid dirty and
offensive words. These things
really turn us off and make us
cancel the next date and the
following date. Oh, and we
might as well just break
up now if we don't get the
respect.

By Nikki Black
For the Daily
Sitting down to write this, I fig-
ured it would be a piece of cake.
What do boys want? I only need one
word... TWIIIIIIINS! Type it out in
extra large font and print it, that's all
they need.
Then I realized, maybe its unfair
of me to encapsulate the wants and
desires of a deep, sophisticated gen-
der with a word immortalized by
asinine beer commercials. After all,
boys must want more than a pair of
blondes in short skirts, so here is
what I came up with.
Boys want women (usually). More
specifically, boys want women
who don't want them back. If you
are uninterested, already taken or
just plain disgusted by a boy, rest
assured you have his heart forever.
Or at least until an even more averse
girl comes along.
Boys want sex ... with virgins.
That's right, everything your mom
told you is true. Well at least, she
was right about boys wanting sex
from virgins.
If no virgins are available (and
lets face it, none are) boys want a
girl who will experiment in the bed-
room; one that's a little wild, who
can share in his fantasies and who
enjoys sex ... but before you break

out the harnesses and handcuffs
ladies, remember the dreaded slut
factor.
A boy is quick to blur the
distinction between the
girl he shared an amaz-
ing physical connection
with, and the girl from
the bar doing the walk
of shame, heels in hand,
the next morning.
Boys want to be
your knight in shin-
ing armor. There is
nothing a boy loves
more than to take
care of his girl ...
but not to be hassled
about your prob-
lems.
Want your oil
changed, dog
walked or trash
taken out? You have
two options: wait
for him to notice
(and remember, boy
time is a little like
dog years, seven year
old garbage could be a
day old as far as he is
concerned) or ask him
about it and become
the ball-and-chain
who nags.
Boys want girls

1
1

Do men really know what women want?

Men are more complicated than I

By Evan McGarvey
Daily Music Editor

What do you girls want?
I'm pretty sure it has to do with listening,
not making fun of your mother and perhaps
even turning off my Wu-Tang records. I'm
not perfect, but neither is that ex-boyfriend
with the sky blue eyes and easy laugh who
you won't seem to stop talking about.
I'm guessing that you, average girl, want
me to do the damn near impossible. Fix
that, emotional support this. But most of all,
I think you want to borrow my old lacrosse
jacket and tell all your friends how amazing I
am at making out.
Wait, I'm damn sure about that last point.
Basically, whatever you want, just tell me.
I can speak Chinese and Persian, but I can't
read your mysterious language of hair flips
and opaque AOL profiles. I know you want
me to predict your needs and emotions, and I
think you want be to cradle you in my arms,
soothing you in some strong, caring but not

totally misogynist manner.
Note: This whole being a boy thing is fuck-
ing hard.
And honestly Michigan girls, you are so
damn beautiful. I'm tired of hearing people
bashing the look of Ann Arbor women,
demeaning you and comparing to some other
college's girls. Even though you never give
me the time of day anymore, you're brilliant,
confident and amazing women who are now
dating total assholes. Seriously, I'm con-
fused.
Chances are I blew it when we first met.
I could have come on way too strong, lean-
ing in and asking question after question
at that party. Or maybe I shouldn't have
showed up two hours late to our first date
to that hockey game.
Yeah, about that, I was totally ... like ...
fixing my broken homework ... I mean car.
When you got dressed after our first awk-
ward hook-up I figured I should have prob-
ably been a little more assertive and maybe
not worried too much about the music.

Sorry, I couldn't help it. I hate Fleetwood
Mac. I didn't want to kiss your gorgeous,
warm neck and think about Stevie Nicks.
My bad.
Trust me, girls are freakier than you could
possibly imagine. And the one attribute that
matters more than anything? Stamina. Can't
nothing get done if you're only lasting ten
minutes each round.
You were putting on your green sweat-
er that always smells like violets when I
began to second-guess myself. I think you
probably wanted me to keep telling you
how beautiful you are, how much fun I was
having hanging out with you. But again, I
would've sounded either too suffocating or
too insincere. Fuck.
Oh, I'm really sure you hate being
called "ladies." Makes us guys sound
like we're on a crappy MTV dating show.
Sweet, I got one! I totally understand
girls!
Basically I think you want an honest, intel-
ligent but not arrogant, Brad Pitt/Cary Grant

clone, who's flexible about
waiting for you to get
dressed and a wildcat,
check that, a respectful
wildcat in the bed.
But listen, stop dat-
ing those really ques-
tionable boys you're
dating.
SYou
know, the -
ones who spend
45 minutes doing their hair; the ones who
watch their carb intake; the ones who
plan on "totally going to law school" but
yet have trouble identifying most state
capitals.
I know we're on the same page when it
comes to those tool-sheds.

By Evan McGarvey
Daily Music Editor
The long held stereotype is that we men
are simple beings. All we require is a
steady dose of food, copious amounts
of free time and
flashing
images
projected
across a
television
screen.
Yes, yes
and yes.
Sure most of
us have little quirks, favorite
bands that you can never dispar-
age to our faces, sexual habits
you can never train us against
and an ungodly affinity for Chi-
nese food. But for the most part all
we really want is a girl who laughs
when she falls down, knows when to
stop asking questions and looks as good

after 15 minutes of preparation as she
does after two hours.
I mean, I'm all in favor of pretty
dresses and regular bathing, but some-
times you need to realize that "a party"
doesn't always mean "an elegant dinner
party with the Belgian ambassador where
thou should drape your form in a bejew-
eled dress and the finest in makeup." That
pretty blue blouse will do just fine.
The main difference between man and
women is this: all humans are brutally
honest beings; men just act this way on a
regular basis.
Women have to be peacemakers their
whole life. You have to be considerate
of other's feelings and actually get stuff
done. We get to yell, fight and act out.
So, when a girl can just walk up to a man,
state the truth, no bullshit, no games and
do it with a confident smile ... me likey.
In short, do everything. Be a girl and
make us food. Burp. Dance a waltz like a
pro. Know who John Coltrane is. If you've
aced your classes in feminism, you'll

know these little pink and blue boxes are
called "gender roles." Men hunt, women
gather. Men teach babies how
to swim and kill things.
Women soothe sick chil-
dren and tell stories.
Not to get completely
Bowie-androgynous with ;
you, but sometimes it's
refreshing to see a girl go
fishing, wear pink and
make a wicked cor-
ner kick all in the
same day.
As for sex,
take charge, let
me take charge,
basically it's free -
reign. We boys
have
been
getting
hit with
plenty of
informa-"s

tion,
reall
is ol
pull
lim
on]
Th
roo
A

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