0 12B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, November 18, 2004 knee-sla ppin homoerotikism with Andrew Gaerig THE 10 BEST NON-'DIE HARD' MOVIES OF ALL TIME The Michigan Dail 'm a music snob, and over the course of the last four years, I've found that the single word most often associated with those two is "prick." Which is fine. I'm a prick (Case in point: two weeks cography (which is actually a mis- ago my mother half-jokingly asked nomer, as most of their work is on me to stop using our family sur- vinyl ... you see what I mean?), but name in print). I may know every in the real world, this pretty much nook and cranny of Flying Saucer means that people don't like me Attack's mostly out-of-print dis- that much. I In order to remedy this problem, I've taken pretty much the opposite stance on film and cinema: I don't know shit about anything, and as such, I like really awful movies. I think the Die Hard series is the best trilogy ever produced, that "The Day After Tomorrow" was laudably acted and that "Mighty Ducks 3" is not only a fine film, it's a whole- some look at the state of boarding schools, disadvantaged kids and the fourth most popular profes- sional sport in America. All of this allows me to sleep pretty well at night, except for one thing: People still don't like me very much. I fig- ured that my awful taste in mov- ies would produce enough guffaws to at the very least balance the amount of hatred my music elitism produces. Worst case scenario, I'm back even, right? Not even close. As a truce, I figure I'd put it all out there: The 10 Best Non-"Die Hard" Movies of All Time. If we can't get along after you read this, then just be glad we don't share a last name. 10. "G.I. Joe" The classic battle between Joes and Cobras for the Broadcast Ener- gy Transmitter really isn't all that interesting, but no movie list is complete without an animated fea- ture. 9. "Deep Blue Sea" The movie in which LL Cool J hangs out with a parrot and shark eugenics produce ultra-intelligent killer sharks. Those who see the movie always seem to remember Samuel L. Jackson's inspirational speech, in which he is eaten, mid- movie, by an ultra-intelligent kill- er shark, the single most surprising plot development in any movie on this list. 8. "The Fifth Element" This movie gets worse every time I watch it, and yet, Bruce Willis in an orange tank-top is somehow enough entertainment to justify this. two-hour monstrosity. It also contains Chris Tucker's most toler- able performance and flying taxi cabs. European! 7. "Reign of Fire" I'd like to be able to say that this movie has it all, but it doesn't even-come close. Mostly, it just has dragons, axes and trans-continen- tal tension. In the end, the Europe- ans and Americans learn to work together to destroy the mother dragon. Bonus points for lack of believable romantic subplot. 6. "Bad Boys 2" The fact that this movie devolves (nay, evolves) into Will Smith and Martin Lawrence fighting the Cuban army would be enough to satiate most appetites. That it clocks in at a robust two-and-one- half hours and still makes you feel all fresh and warm inside is just icing on the embattled, good-cop! bad-cop cake. 5. "Alien: Resurrection" I'm not ashamed to admit that I've only seen the first 20 minutes of this movie. In those 20 minutes, however, it separated itself from the generally well-regarded origi- nal "Alien" in two very important ways. First, there was more than one alien, and by the time I fell asleep, they had already escaped their cage. Second, it contains one of cinema's finest lines, in which Ron Perlman nimbly avoids end- ing a sentence with a preposition: "If you hang with us for a while, you'll find out I am not the man with whom to fuck." 4. "Predator" Besides all of the obvious jokes about how this movie features two men who held the. office cf state governor, we get lines like "If it bleeds, we can kill it," gunfights with jungle drug lords and the least compelling female lead, well, ever. The juxtaposition of man and nature vs. alien is the long-lost literary conflict your high school English class skipped. 3. "National Treasure" I know what you're thinking. "Nic Cage sucks." "This movie isn't even out yet." "Andrew, you haven't even seen this movie." And you see, I agree with all three of those statements on a number of levels. But when it comes right down to it, I think this movie must be one of the 10. best ever, despite Nic Cage. The previews have shown enough raw brilliance to warrant its inclu- sion on this list. 2. "Die Hard 2: Die Harder" Alright, I'm really sorry: I sim- ply couldn't think of 10 other good movies. 1. "Alien vs. Predator" This might be the pinnacle of my cinema consciousness. The only thing missing is a health meter for Alien and Predator, "Street Fighter 2"-style. They could have left the human characters out, for all I care, but not even that hurdle could detract from this masterpiece. I have not made even a rudimentary attempt to enjoy another film since this was released. I am totally sat- isfied. In addition to skipping class to see "National Treasure" this week- end, Andrew is also looking for someone to watch "The Sandlot" with him. If you are interested in making a weekend of it with a guy who thinks the dollar bill is trying to tell him something, let him know at agaerig@urmich.edu. STATION continued from page 4B see anyone and the voices have stopped -- it must have been some- one on the street - so we keep going. Heading up the first two flights of stairs is always tricky. There are stairs that scavengers have stripped of their marble, leaving only a thin sheet of rusted metal that won't support your weight; graffiti artists have put their spray paint to practi- cal use and labeled many of these "bad step:" There's a sort of societal feel to much of the graffiti on the walls; besides the Sharpie drawings of penises, occasion- al swastikas and territorial scribblings, visitors have numbered the entrances to each ascending floor. While many occasional explorers leave their names and a date, one name appears on doorjambs, in the stairwells and on office walls most frequently. Catfish, rumor has it, lived in the Depot until just recently. He supposedly charged rent to other homeless people who sought shelter there, collected enough money to get an apartment, and got himself a job. Catfish is real, I know; he recently provided commentary for Gary Glaser's short film on the train station. On the third floor, we leave the stairs to peek through glass-spiked window panes into the lobby. Further up, we look out the window of one of the rubble-filled offices onto the close-cropped grass of Roosevelt Park. Once home to a fountain, the park now serves as a no-man's-land between two of the city's car-clogged arteries and the still-imposing osteol- ogy of what used to be the Gateway to Detroit. We continue up the stairs, skipping broken steps and hugging the wall (the banisters have been gone for years). Every few floors we'll stop and check the view. It's late after- noon, around 5 p.m., and in November that means it's getting dark. Pink and peach burn past the smog-softened skyline, and for the first time today the city doesn't look like something to be ashamed of. Between the horizon and the train tracks, hundreds of semi trucks jostle each other in a slow over the Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ontario. It's hard to believe that this industry and activity - so much of it made possible by the businesses that operate out of Detroit - has passed the city by. I've heard that the decline of the Michigan Central Depot didn't begin when Amtrak took over the Chicago- Detroit route in 1971, or with the race riots in the '60s, or even after thou- sands of American soldiers passed through it on their way to report for duty during World War II: It began after the Depression, when the trolley lines that brought passengers to the Depot from all over town shut down. The three of us keep climbing, 18 stories in all, until we reach the roof- top. Up there, we see gorgeous murals and graffiti, the whole city before us on one side and the river on the other. We're standing on the top of Detroit's forgotten ruins, and at that moment, there's no place I'd rather be. The growing prevalence of automo- biles - a product of the industry that put Detroit on the map - was eclips- ing public transportation even then. Far away from the rest of the city, the station languished as train travel grew less popular and the surrounding area decayed. The Big Three killed my baby, I think. I've only been inside twice and the station already feels like a sanctuary to me, a holy place that shouldn't be revamped and painted up like a casino, or salvaged as the new police headquarters. We need to hold on to some relics of Detroit's great- ness, revitalize the barely-breathing areas of town and make this place somewhere good to be - with respect to the past. Detroit deserves to have a reminder of its struggle remain, something more real than a monument or a statue. Since December 26, 1913, the Michigan Central Depot has been here. It deserves better than history - it deserves to stay. ARRE FOREST CASEY! 0. This arched window at the back of the station allows access to the seco story roof on the outside and affords an overhead view of the lobby inside I Experience. It sets us apart. School of Information students apply what they learn as they learn it. Our Practical Engagement Program ensures that students pick up relevant, valuable experience through field placements, internships, and part-time jobs before they graduate. Our own Career Services staff helps students find the right job when they graduate. Be part of it. Connect with SI. UOL DEINV EDR MT M ICG N UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN Before SI: BA, Computer Information Systems At SI: Human- Computer Interaction After Sl: Software Engineer, Northrop Grumman si.umich.edu/admissions Our master's program students hold degrees from more than 70 academic majors. Applications accepted now for winter 2005 and fail 2005 terms. Pick up your SI application CD in 404 West Hall or request one online at si.umich.edu/admissions. Earn your Master of Science in Information in Archives and Records Management; Human-Computer Interaction; Information Economics, Management and Policy; Library and Information Services, or tailor your own to fit your career needs! U Open windows on the building's landings light the precarious stairs during the day and afford explorers a breathtaking view of the city's skyline.