4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, November 12, 2004
OPINION
4
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ANN ARBOR, MI 48109
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EDITED AND MANAGED BY
STUDENTS AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
SINCE 1890
JORDAN SCHRADER
Editor in Chief
JASON Z. PESICK
Editorial Page Editor
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority
of the Daily's editorial board. All other pieces do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
NOTABLE
QUOTABLE
44'Fifty-one percent
of the American people
lacked information (in
this election) and we
want to educate and
enlighten them."
- Filmmaker Michael Moore on plans
to make a sequel to "Fahrenheit 9/11," as
reported yesterday by CNN.com.
ALEXANDER HONKALA VCo
Pub' c tF.- VALM "
'4A1MPL'E L
*POO S AF D iz, tco
0o 'v GCot t-cX
4
How to win a seat and be successful
JASMINE CLAIR T II. /\E\ANiN F
*4
S tudent government
elections take place
next week. If you are
one of those ambitious indi-
viduals, starved for popu-
larity and desperate for as
many votes possible, then
you may be interested in the
following my top-10 power
moves for success. Follow
these rules and you'll be on your way to the Michi-
gan Student Assembly chambers!
One: Pledge to bring a Taco Bell to campus.
On those late nights when I need to make a run
for the border, I have to make a 15 to 20 minute
trip to a distant land just to get my hands on a
crispy chalupa. Clearly this is unacceptable, and
if this year's candidates truly care about the stu-
dent population, they will swiftly move to sat-
isfy our endless desires for crunchy tacos and
seven-layer burritos - all to be charged onto our
Entree Plus, of course.
Two: Wear your Greek letters proudly. Don't
be ashamed that your frat brothers and sisters
got your new pledges drunk and forced them
to have a huge orgy. This will definitely get you
that popularity that you've been longing for, as
students will see you as their key to happiness. If
free alcohol and sex can't send young co-eds to
the polls, honestly, nothing else will.
Three: Put your cell phone number on all of
your pieces of literature. When people see your
bright pink flyers strewn all over Denison Hall,
they'll have a reason to call you ... And even
better, when you lose the election, you can use
the leftover leaflets as a pimping tactic. Who
needs a pen and paper when you've got a nice
5 x 4 complete with picture, phone number and
evidence of your lameness, such as "vote for me
because I have school spirit."
Four: SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! I promise that
this will make you lots of happy new friends.
Despite popular belief, people actually love hav-
ing their inboxes filled with junk mail from people
that they have absolutely no desire of knowing or
voting for. Clever e-mails claiming that we know
each other from econ class are the greatest, espe-
cially because I've never actually taken an econ
class in my life.
Five: Harass those voters! When you're sweep-
ing the halls, pay no attention to the no solicita-
tion signs because what they really mean is their
vote isn't for sale because they're already voting
for you. And there's nothing wrong with a friendly
reminder of why they're voting for you, is there?
Of course not.
Six: Harass those voters some more! Don't be
afraid to call anyone at two o'clock in the morn-
ing. Why? Because these people are actually up
and waiting for your call. You sound great over the
phone, and your voice rambling on forever is like
music to any sane person's ears ... especially at
two in morning - in fact the earlier the better.
The campus would love to receive 5 a.m.-wake up
calls from your campaign, and I guarantee that
they won't forget your name, whatever it is, on
election day.
Seven: Don't forget the power of Sexy Grandpa.
Make that hike up to North Campus and into the
Bursley cafeteria, where you can join forces with
the campus's best chef and political spokesperson.
If you can't get a high-caliber athlete to pose with
you for your T-shirt picture, Sexy Grandpa is obvi-
ously the next-best alternative. He'll get you votes,
man.
Eight: Now's a good time to start going back
to class ... and actually staying awake. Face-to-
name recognition is priceless. Sure, freezing your.
ass off on the Diag handing out leaflets works,
but nothing draws more attention than having
your cell phone going off in the middle of class
to a Jay-Z tune. So go ahead and brush the dust
off of those books, and your shoulders for that
matter, and put mommy and daddy's money to
good use.
The last two pieces of advice are for those
extremely ambitious individuals, who not only
look to gain popularity, but also hope to estab-
lish change - because it's rough out here on
the streets of Ann Arbor.
Nine: Never, ever, ever expose your conser-
vative thought. If anyone ever finds out that
you voted for Bush, your MSA career is over.
Described as uncompromisingly liberal, MSA
is notorious for tarring and feathering mem-
bers with diverse viewpoints. Representative
Charles Adside III can tell you all about this.
After being reamed out by Jason Mironov and
Co. for merely suggesting that both sides of
Proposal 2 be reviewed, he quickly learned
that there is only one right way in MSA, and
that's Left way.
Ten: MSA touts diversity and appears to wel-
come individuals from different backgrounds;
however, this is all a figment of MSA's imagi-
nation. There's a high turnover rate within the
chambers, especially among minorities, for a
simple reason: It's their way ... or their way.
So if you plan to institute change, just make
sure that it's popular, because within MSA,
what's popular is always best, even if it makes
no sense at all.
Well my little grasshoppers, I've taken you
as far as I can. Good luck to you all!
I4
4
Clair can be reached at
jclair@umich.edu
Bush's crumbling currency
SAM SINGER MARKET WAXTCH
was a post-election The U.S. current account deficit has sur- (the equivalent of almost two-thirds of the U.S.
firework display for passed the $500 billion mark, and foreign trade deficit over that period), Asian banks have
Republicans waking markets are being flooded with slowly depre- created a precarious, self-fulfilling prophecy
up that Wednesday morn- ciating U.S. currency. In the month of Sep- - the more capital they withdraw, the weaker
ing. Stock composites across tember alone, the United States imported their remaining investment becomes. Left with
the globe were sparkling $51.6 billion more goods and services than it an unsustainable currency strategy and a waning
- the flares visible from exported. Despite the currency's low altitude, buck, the banks are left with two choices: weath-
Wall Street to Tokyo. Here The Economist contends that if left to pure er the storm or jump ship.
at home, the Dow Industri- market forces, these record-breaking trade Although the cyclical custom of refinancing
als and the S&P 500 rallied, imbalances would bring the dollar's asking the strength of the ailing U.S. dollar will seem
with listings rising at close price even lower. The proof, it argues, is in the tempting, currency speculators are slowly begin-
to 3-to-1 margins on the NASDAQ and New York numbers. Since 2001, the greenback has seen ning to understand the concept of prolonging the
Stock Exchange. Out east, the Nikkei jumped a a 30 percent dive against the euro, but only a inevitable. Riding out a currency squall only
point, and the London Stock Exchange closed at 14 percent fall in general trade-weighted terms makes sense when there is land on the horizon.
a two-and-a-half year high. throughout the same period. Although there is no definitive timetable for an
The financial festivities came in anticipation The extra support has come from the coffers Asian banking exodus, intensified growing pains
of four more years of pro-market leadership from of Asia's central banks - the same financial within these rapidly maturing economies are
Washington - another term rife with economic institutions dollar optimists have leaned on to likely to discourage short-term capital outlays.
stimulus packages, privatization programs and make their case for the monetary status quo. Take China, where fears of a hard landing have
with any luck, tax cuts - lots of tax cuts. Indeed, According to this camp, the U.S. economy can triggered the country's first interest rate hike in
with almost 18 consecutive months of the last two passively finance its current account deficit nine years, or Japan, where warnings of infla-
years consumed by vigorous growth and employ- by simply waiting for capital to arrive from tion, once solely confined to the contents of eco-
ment recuperation, President Bush's reputation as Asia. The conventional supposition among nomic mythology, have resurfaced in consumer
a market-motivator seems to have preceded him. these idealists: In order to keep exports com- price indexes.
But as the election-time smoke clears, economists petitive; budding Asian economies will seek to While growth surges are always fun for the
are concerned that the two-year-long, low-interest, hold their currencies down by amassing large whole family, the Bush Administration cannot
high-spending joyride American consumers have reserves of U.S. dollars. Thus, as long as the continue to fuel them at the expense of the U.S.
relished may have come with a hefty price tag spirit of competitiveness subsists in Asia's currency. If the dollar nosedives, the steep short-
- the stability of the dollar. export markets, there will be sustained demand term rate increase that will likely result would
This past week the price of the dollar sank to for the dollar, and the U.S. can continue down be enough to wipe out the economic progress of
$1.30 against the euro, a gold-medal trading low the path of least resistance - right? Wrong. Bush's first term and then some. Higher borrow-
for our tumbling tender. Hardly news to currency The economies of South and East Asia are ing costs would prompt an increase in savings,
traders, the dollar's recent decline places it towards not the frail, post-traumatic stress, currency-peg- and the dramatic slowdown in consumer spend-
the bottom of a three-year-long foreign exchange gers they were in the late '90s. As their markets ing would herald the return of the post-Sept. 11
slide. Yet while staggering, it isn't the expansive have grown more robust, treasury departments economic lethargy that got us here in the first
scope of the buck's plunge that troubles econo- throughout the continent have come to terms place.
mists. More chilling is that without the financial with the many hazards of dollar-dependence.
sustenance of a few central banks in Asia, the drop Most profoundly, by accumulating more than Singer can be reached at
would have been a lot worse. $1 trillion in U.S. currency reserves-since 2001 singers@umich.edu
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
4
'Marriage' is a heterosexual
tradition that should be
preserved for heterosexuals
TO THE DAILY:
I nm m ri , i r ren n c ti A ndrewam n r'c,
people can see why white people shouldn't
be allowed to use it, even though they are
just people too, and all men are created
equal. That word has historical meaning that
would be drastically changed just because
other people want to be included in it, and
it would be unreasonable to ask that of the
llac-r omminity Marriao nr t ldheAnled
couple just as white people have the right
to act black as long as they don't use the
"N" word. The only problem though is that
in order for me to make sure that marriage
didn't change, I had to vote against homo-
sexuals having their civil unions. I think
most of the people who voted for Proposal
2 felt this wavsv 'wel and if the homosex-
a