IM WEBER
Listen up: Some
advice from
The Realest
shouldn't
even be writ-
ing this col-
umn. As a recent
graduate of the
University of
Michigan, I was
happily enjoying
retirement when
word reached me
that no one had
stepped up to write a sports column
for incoming freshmen. Then I
thought back to my orientation:
Three days hardly prepared me for
the next four years.
Not that I will be any more successful
in 18 inches of a column.
But as an outgoing senior, there's a
duty to try. So I warmed my fingers
back up and decided to let you in on the
most important things to know going
into your freshman year.
The football team will never win
on the West Coast.
Michigan went 0-4 out there dur-
ing my time at the University. Grant-
ed, Michigan should have lost to
USC in the Rose Bowl. But the
Wolverines beat themselves against
UCLA (2000), Washington (2001)
and Oregon (2003). There isn't a
game planned on the West Coast dur-
ing the 2004 season, but there is still
time to ruin your sophomore through
senior years with home-and-home
deals like Michigan had with Wash-
ington and Oregon (although it's still
unclear when the Ducks will travel to
Ann Arbor).
Never shit a shitter.
I'm not sure what it means, but it's
from Super Troopers - it must be true.
Don't use the line, "Hey, you
were in my orientation" on a hot girl
after your first semester.
For some reason, using that line dur-
ing your junior year makes you look
like a stalker. Who knew?
No, the men's basketball team
does not run plays.
There are certain things that work in
theory but not in real life and thus
crumble - like communism. Then
there are things that don't work in theo-
ry or in real life but still exist, like the
motion offense. Enjoy the next four
years of watching coach Tommy Amak-
er swirling his index finger.
Never download your own
pornography.
Downloading pornography off Kazaa
is like having unprotected sex: You are
just waiting for it to bite you in the ass.
This really can't be emphasized enough.
There are so many viruses out there that
will destroy your brand new computer
from Mom and Dad. One of the best
parts of the dorms is having access to
the Network Neighborhood, where
some pervert will share a whole library
of X-rated cinema.
Don't be fooled by the hockey or
softball teams.
The hockey and softball teams have
a connection beyond the icers serving
as the grounds' crew for softball
games. Each squad usually got the
advantage of hosting the regional dur-
ing my four years, subsequently
advancing to either the Frozen Four or

the College World Series three times a
piece (imagine how crazy people
would go if the NCAA sold regional
sites for the NCAA Basketball Tour-
nament to schools that don't necessar-
ily hold the top seed). Once there, the
Wolverines went a collective 0-9 (the
College World Series is double elimi-
nation, making softball's failure twice
as impressive).
If you aren't on the list at a frat
party, just say that you are friends
with C.J. or Hunter.
Trust me on this one.
k Speaking of frats: Never go to a
party at Phi Psi - ever.
By the time you leave the University,
the question "Did you ever party at Phi
Psi?" will be a joke among your friends
about how stupid you used to be, like
owning Pumps or listening to the New
Kids on the Block.
Never use homework as an
excuse not to do anything.
I spent my first two years busting
my ass to get in the business school
and a year and a half busting my ass
in the business school. Then you
end up as a second semester senior
realizing you're about to be reward-
working 70 hours a week in a
c ubicle.
Do The Claw instead of The
Chop at Michigan football games.
Look through the rest of the New
Student Edition for a complete explana-
tion of how to execute The Claw. A lot
of people think The Claw is really stu-
pid - it is. But so is the wave. What's
your point?
Top five things to eat when you
are drunk.
Pancheros

ft Awit £tIaN u


NEW STUDENT EDITION

Fall 2004

SECTION E

op

Ready for roses
MICHIGAN 35, Ohio State 21

Leave Carr
alone; enjo
the rid
L ast Sunday in
the Michigan
football full-
team meeting room,
Lloyd Carr addressed
his players, just six
days away from the
biggest game of their
lives.
Usually, at this par-
J. BRADY ticular weekly meet-
MCCOLLOUGH ing, Carr asks his
All About the Cause team, "Men, are you
in or are you out?"
NOVEMBER 24, 2003 But this week, with
the Big Ten title and a
grip on the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry hang-
ing in the balance, Carr thought he'd mix it up
a bit.
"Men, I know you're in, but it won't be
enough to be in. You have to be on," he said to
an eager bunch of Wolverines.
I'm in! I'm on! became Michigan's team
motto going into its titanic clash with the
Buckeyes. The Wolverines wore rubber bands
with their new mantra inscribed.
I'm in! I'm on!- it's really not that catchy,'
but boy did it work.
It makes sense, too.
The Wolverines are always in - they
wouldn't be playing football at Michigan if
they weren't. This entire season, even in loss-
es at Oregon and Iowa, I never got the feeling
this team wasn't giving its collective all.
But the Wolverines were clearly off, espe-
cially on special teams. The offense and
defense were on at times, off at times. On
means being disciplined and focused. At least
that's what my on is.
I credit Carr for recognizing that it wasn't
enough for his team to be in, no matter how
talented the Wolverines are.
In their 35-21 win over the Buckeyes, the
Wolverines were on. They turned the ball over
just once. Tailback Chris Perry didn't even
hint at fumbling. The punt coverage was spec-
tacular, as punter Adam Finley pinned the
Buckeyes inside their 20-yard line four times
out of six punts. The Wolverines gave up just
one punt return for three yards and didn't let
Ohio State's kick returners get loose one time.
Some would say Carr made sure his team
was on this week because his job as Michi-
gan's head coach was in jeopardy. Rubbish.
Lloyd Carr's job is safe. If you don't think
so, your name definitely isn't Bill Martin or
Bo Schembechler.
I think it's time we all get used to Carr
(career record of 86-25), at least until he
decides to hang up the headset.
See CARR, Page 2E

eI

Michigan senior Tony Pape and junior Matt L.entz embrace after the Wolverines' 35-21 win over Ohio State at Michigan Stadium on Nov. 22, 2008. This
was the 100th rivalry match between Michigan and Ohio State.
BlueclinchesLtrip toPasaden

November 24, 2003
By J. Brady McCollough
Daily Staff Writer
Sitting in the visiting locker room at Kinnick
Stadium after their 30-27 loss to Iowa Oct. 4,
the Michigan football team's seniors were in
the midst of some major soul searching.
The Wolverines were 4-2 and had lost
their chance at a national championship.
With one more loss in their remaining six
games, the seniors would likely leave Michi-
gan without playing in a Rose Bowl.
"We never thought we'd be 4-2 at that
point in the season," Michigan fifth-year
senior captain Carl Diggs recalled. "I never
imagined that."
But celebrating their 35-21 win over Ohio
State Saturday on a rose-covered field with an

emotional student body, the Wolverines were a
long way from their somber locker room in
Iowa. With six straight wins, three over top-10
teams, Michigan rewrote the script of its sea-
son, clinching its first outright Big Ten title
and Rose Bowl berth since 1997.
"It's like a storybook (ending)," senior
tailback Chris Perry said. "It feels surreal
right now, but after I get home and sit down
and think about it, it'll feel even better."
Perry better have gotten some ice before
he sat down. Struggling with pain in his
right hamstring throughout the 100th meet-
ing between Michigan and Ohio State, Perry
ran for 154 yards and two scores on 31 car-
ries. The Heisman Trophy candidate also
caught five passes for 55 yards, giving him
his fifth game this season with more than
200 total yards (209).

Perry and quarterback John Navarre bene-
fited from a determined offensive line,
which shut down one of the nation's most
dominating defensive fronts. The Buckeyes,
previously leading the country allowing just
50.5 rushing yards per game, gave up 170 to
the Wolverines. The Michigan line also gave
Navarre ample time to throw, holding the
Buckeyes without a sack.
"It's a great feeling," Michigan offensive
tackle Tony Pape said. "That was the num-
ber one defense in the nation. They're the
defending national champions, and they
were a great defense."
Michigan coach Lloyd Carr had to resort
to trickery to get the Wolverines on the
board with 39 seconds left in the first quar-
ter. To the delight of the 112,118 strong at
the Big House (a new NCAA record),
See OHIO STATE, Page 3E


Caers fight of Knigh ts;
capture NIT championship
April 2, 2004 18 seconds left.
By DUn Rosn "We just knew we had to focus," Michigan guard
Daily StaffWriter Danieln Hrtn said.

d

NEW YORK - The Michigan basketball team found
a way to bounce back.
After pushing aside the disappointment of being left
off of the NCAA Tournament bracket just a few weeks
ago, the Wolverines rebounded to win the NIT with a
62-55 victory over Rutgers at
Madison Square Garden last night.
"We're definitely on a high right r .a SS
now," freshman forward Brent Pet-
way said. "Selection night we may have been on a low,
but then we got that phone call (from the NIT) and we
knew we had to go play some ball."
The Wolverines made it interesting down the stretch
against the Scarlet Knights. With 1:51 remaining, senior
Bernard Robinson gave Michigan a 56-48 lead with a
pair of free throws. But the team hit just four of its next
nine foul shots to let Rutgers get back within four with

And that's exactly what the sophomore did, knocking
down two freebies from the charity stripe with seven
seconds on the clock to ice the win and the NIT title.
The Wolverines were once again led by the young
backcourt of Dion Harris and Horton, the tournament's
MVP. The duo combined for 27 points and eight assists
on the night.
Harris got things rolling early. The freshman, who
was later named to the All-Tournament team, buried a
three-pointer to cap a 9-2 Michigan run to start the
game. The Wolverines led by as many as nine in the
opening stanza, despite shooting just 38 percent from
the field and hitting on just 6-of-11 free throws.
Rutgers forward Herve Lamizana, a third-team All-
Big East selection, kept his team in the game in the first
half with an emphatic shot-blocking display. The 6-foot-
10 senior tossed aside five Michigan shots in the first 20
See NIT, Page 5E

R.YAN WEINtj
Michigan senior Bernard Robinson cuts down the net following the Wolverines' 62-55 win
over Rutgers in the NIT Championship game.

NCAA reverses postseason ban; cites 'excessive' penalty

September 26, 2003
By Bob Hunt
Daily Staff Writer

It's official: The Michigan basketball team
can dream to dance.
The NCAA Division I Infractions Appeals
Committee announced yesterday it has
reversed the basketball team's postseason ban
for the upcoming season. The committee cited

understood the issues and distinctions and why
it was different, and why we felt the original
Infractions Committee had not really judged
them," said University President Mary Sue
Coleman, who addressed the Appeals Com-
mittee in August.
The ruling is the official end to the
NCAA's investigation into the program's
misdeeds in the early to mid-1990s involving
booster Ed Martin, who gave $616,000 and

unpleasant chapter in the University history
has ended once and for all," Michigan Athletic
Director Bill Martin said. "We have learned
some hard lessons from this experience, but
we emerged from it with a stronger program
and a renewed commitment to the highest
standards of integrity."
Prior to the 2002-03 season, the University
imposed penalties on itself after conducting its
own investigation, including returning more

ners in addition to its own postseason ban.
But the NCAA imposed even more penalties
in May after conducting its investigation. These
included placing the program on probation until
2006, reducing one scholarship through the
2007-08 season, banning the four former play-
ers who received money from any relation with
the program for 10 years and the additional
postseason ban that was lifted yesterday.
The University then appealed the postseason

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