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2B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, September 16, 2004
Random analyzes Nixon s
Stargate, Muppet sex scandal
By Doug Wernert
Daily TV/New Media Editor
The Michigan Daily: Hey, is
Princess there?
Random: (A male answers) Oh,
yeah yeah yeah, right here.
TMD: You've been selected to do
the Random Student Interview. Do
you got a few minutes?
R: Yeah, sure.
TMD: Cool. First question: What
was the bigger scandal: The Clinton/
Lewinsky scandal or the Richard
Nixon Waterworld scandal?
R: Waterworld?
TMD: Yeah.
R: That wasn't a scandal, my
friend. "Waterworld" was a movie.
TMD: So what was the scandal
name?
R: Watergate.
TMD: No, you're thinking of
Stargate.
R: Oh yeah yeah yeah, that's right.
Stargate.
TMD: That's what I thought.
Which catchphrase is more played
out: Li'l Jon's "WHAT'?" or Ali G's
"Booyakasha?"
R: The third one.
TMD: There were only two.
R: No, there were three.
TMD: All right. Define the word
"crunk."
R: Combination of being drunk
and high at the same time.
TMD: Really?
R: Yeah, or it could be many other
things.
TMD: What about skeet skeet?
R: The process of ejaculating on
your partner's ... you know, any part
of her body, her face or her body,
anything.
TMD: What about Li'l Jon's pimp
cup? Do you think it would be awe-
some to take to a party?
R: Oh yeah, because if they saw
that cup, you wouldn't even have to
... you could just push right up to the
keg and it would be filled.
TMD: Yeah, definitely. Did you
watch the Olympics?
R: Uh, sort of.
TMD: What did you think of
Michael Phelps?
R: He could swim.
TMD: Yeah, he really could swim.
If you saw Phelps walking around
campus, would you be like "Man,
that kid's got a goofy smile" or would
you be like "What up, goldie?"
R: I'd have to say the second
one.
TMD: OK, have you been follow-
ing this election?
R: Somewhat, yeah.
TMD: I think for undecided vot-
ers, Bush and Kerry should face off
in some kind of contest, like arm
wrestling or something. Now, if you
could have Bush and Kerry face off
in some kind of contest, what would
it be?
R: See who could make it across a
pool filled with Jello the quickest.
TMD: What about a board game?
R: Stratego.
TMD: Who would win?
R: Kerry.
TMD: Why not Bush?
R: Bush isn't that quick.
TMD: Oh, nice. If you were a hot
dog and you were starving, would
you eat yourself?
R: Of course, who wouldn't?
TMD: I know I would. OK, who's
cooler, Princess: LeBron James or
Rick James?
R: Rick James. Even though he's
dead, he's still cooler.
TMD: Tom Brady or Marsha
Brady?
R: Have to go with Tom Brady on
that one.
TMD: But Marsha Brady was hot.
R: Yeah, but she's old now.
Keyword being 'was.'
TMD: What about Screech Powers
vs. Austin Powers?
R: Neither.
TMD: But Screech had a robot.
R: A lot of people have robots.
I myself have a computer. That's a
robot. Am I cool?
TMD: Your computer can talk?
R: If it wants to.
TMD: What can it say?
R: Anything it wants to.
TMD: And Austin Powers had
mojo. That doesn't make him cool?
R: No, that was fake. It was a big
Communist scam.
TMD: The whole mojo thing was
a Communist scam?
R: Oh yeah.
TMD: Princess, jeez, come on!
Did you ever find it weird that
Marsha Brady was hit in the nose
with a football and Tom Brady's
profession was playing football?
R: I did. I once contemplated
that for hours. It's daunting to think
about that.
TMD: It is daunting, Princess.
R: Yeah, I don't know what my
mom was thinking when she named
me that.
TMD: If you were a girl, what
would your name have been?
R: Probably Peter.
TMD: If you could "Punk" any-
body, who would be at the top of
your list?
R: You.
TMD: Me? Well, my list is the
Pope, Jared from Subway, Mr. T and
Mary Sue Coleman.
R: Mr. T is good.
TMD: What about Mary Sue? You
wouldn't Punk her?
R: On the weekend, maybe.
TMD: Who would be better to
cuddle with: Sweaty Patrick Ewing
or sweaty Al Roker?
R: Hahaha, both at the same
time.
TMD: Same time?
R: Yeah.
TMD: Then you could have a
little sandwich. What year are you,
Princess?
R: Freshman.
TMD: Have you ever stepped on
the M?
R: Nope.
TMD: Have you heard about that
curse if you step on it?
R: Yeah, you fail your first exam.
TMD: You should go over there
and step on the M and see what hap-
pens. Do you roll like that?
R: No, that would require a lot of
effort. It would require walking.
TMD: Yeah, that would kind of
suck. And then you would have to
walk all the way back, too. It would
take like 20 minutes. Who's got that
kind of time?
R: And (live on) North Campus
too. I'll have to take a bus.
TMD: Yeah, that's like your
whole day right there. Then you
wouldn't have time to introduce
yourself to people and be like "Hey,
I'm Princess." What's a better
ode to footwear: "These Boots Are
Made for Walking" or "Air Force
Ones?"
R: "Air Force Ones."
TMD: Just because Nelly's in it?
R: I think it's, you know, all the
factors. Mainly it's because he's got
the band-aid on his face, that's a
main selling feature right there..
TMD: OK, now if the "Muppet
Babies" was really a soap opera,
who would Miss Piggy have an
affair with: Fozzy or Gonzo?
R: Both, at the same time.
TMD: Just like Ewing and Roker
and you.
R: Pretty much. And one of the
other little animals would be vid-
eotaping.
TMD: Now would the Swedish
Chef have a role in this?
R: Yeah, he would be the pimp.
TMD: What would Kermit be
doing?
R: I don't know ... he'd probably
be knee-deep in a heroine addic-
tion.
TMD: Yeah, that just makes
sense. All right, well thanks a lot.
Look for this in Weekend.
R: Have a good day.
tableof ~contents
2Bf 'The Random
Student Interview
3B Column:
Andrew Gaerig
Vinyl makes
a comeback
Column:
Adam Rosen
Primitive Vintage
i 2'snew
fashion hotspot
Point/Counterpoint:
Alien vs. Predator
The Rant: Sucky
breakup songs
Weekend
Entertainment:
I H te, 9Lqve
The Daily Arts
Mix Tape
Profile:
Michigan
Undergrads
Short Fiction:
Coyote Woman
MAGAZINE
The freshman 15. Summer intern-
ships. Applying to business school.
Finding a job in the real world. The
challenges and anxieties facing Univer-
sity undergrads every autumn would, if
lined up end to end, extend longer than
The Link bus route. Each new year at
the University brings with it the promise
of new experiences as well as obstacles,
no matter which concentration has been
chosen that month.
FmsT-YEAR STUDENTS
For most freshmen, college is daunt-
ing. Students usually live in dorms for
the first time, and adjust to a whole new
world of professors and graduate student
instructors. For freshmen in the School
of Music, however, life gets a little more
complicated.
Aside from the typical stresses of
freshman year, Music freshmen Kristin
Linn, a euphonium player from Raleigh,
N.C., and Jordan Henry, a tuba player
who hails from Angola, Ind., were appre-
hensive about another aspect of their col-
lege experience: intimidation. "They're
all really nice people," Linn said of her
older peers, "but all such amazing musi-
cians. It's a good way to learn, though;
I didn't want to go to a school where I
would be the best."
The School of Music also adds classes
to otherwise packed schedules, espe-
cially for Henry, a double major in tuba
performance and Residential College
creative writing. Since most music class-
es are on North Campus, Linn likes liv-
ing in Bursley Residence Halls, merely
a short walk away. Henry, meanwhile,
learns the way of the bus. Despite this
The Michigan
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, WHERE HAVE Y(
A LOOK AT FVE MICHIGAN UNDERGRADS: THEIR PASTS, THEIR PRESENTS, THEIR EXPEC']
By Ashley Dinges
and Megan Jacobs
Daily Arts Writers
ALI OLSN/Daily
Jordan Henry, a music student,
enjoys his newfound independence.
inconvenience, "It's a great place to be
independent, to think and feel on your
own," said Henry. They are also discov-
ering the amazing number of ways to
be involved at the University; it is only
the second week of school, and Linn has
joined the figure skating club. "They
definitely don't have those in the South,"
she said.
Average freshmen may be most
impressed with the campus, the party
scene, the late-night pizza or the wide
range of extracurricular activities, but
these School of Music undergrads find
their favorite factor of the University
with the school itself. For Linn, it is Prof.
Steven Davis, director of Concert Band
and a teacher of undergraduate conduct-
Film student Andrew Laurich prepares for the unpredictable future of pos
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ing. Henry, meanwhile, has a different
favorite: "Professor Fritz Kaenzing,
professor of tuba and euphonium, is one
of the best musicians I've ever met," he
said. "He's the reason I came here."
SOPHOMORE SUCCESS
Though many freshman enjoy the rush
and excitement of being independent that
comes along with their first year at col-
lege, many sophomores savor the feeling
of being settled in a place they can call
home. For Art and Design sophomore
Claire Haranda, giving up the palm trees
and breezy lifestyle of her native Hawaii
for frigid Michigan weather was an easy
transition. "I needed a complete change,
in a more intellectual environment. I
needed to get away from the relaxed
mentality they have there," she said.
Though her father studied engineering
at Michigan, Haranda spent her entire
life on the island of Oahu. But after her
first year in Ann Arbor, she decided to
spend the summer in the mitten state,
too. "This is my home, when I go back to
Hawaii, I freak out," she said.
One aspect of the University that set
it apart for Haranda was its diversity
of cultures, an environment similar to
life in Hawaii. "There are a lot of ste-
reotypes, but it's different here because
we're all learning and going toward
a common goal of being more open-
minded," she said. She explained, "You
can get yourself into different things. It's
not just about doing your own thing, it's
about experimenting with other peoples'
interests and cultures."
Haranda said she will use the coming
semesters to focus on personal growth
and to strengthen her portfolio. She plans
to use her experiences from the past
school year and summer in Ann Arbor
to push herself to give "110 percent."
expectation of what the next year w
hold, Haranda replied, "I need to be ve
self-motivated. I know that I need to
beyond what is asked of me."
THE BIG PICTURE YEAR
By their third year, many stude
have found their place at the Universi
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Writers: Ashley Dinges, Andrew
Gaerig, Andrew Horowitz,
Megan Jacobs, Puja Kumar, Evan
McGarvey, Doug Wernert, Alex
Wolsky
Photo Editors: Elise Bergman,
Tony Ding, Ryan Weiner
Photographers: Forest Casey,
Alexander Dziadosz, Shubra Ohri,
All Olsen, Christine Stafford
Cover Art: Elise Bergman
Arts Editors: Jason Roberts,
Managing Editor
Adam Rottenberg, Alex Wolsky,
Editors
Editor in Chief: Jordan Schrader
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Claire Haranda gets back into the swing of her Art and Design studio.