The Michigan Daily - SportsMonday - September 13, 2004 - 3B
A true comedy of errors for Blue
The Comedy of Initial Road Game Errors: A Maize
and Blue Tragedy
Parts I-V (A.D. 2000-2004) -
-King Lloyd the First
-Terry, Prince of Offense
-The Chorus - Ann Arbor's noblemen,
passionate followers of King Carr's reign
-Backfield Houdini, Esq.
-Goat, Earl of Special Teams
-'Irnoverus, Merchant of Momentum
-Sir Lastgasp Fallshort, Archbishop of
the Two-Minute Drill
Scene I. Ann Arbor. Thursday night in early September.
Enter the Chorus.
The Chorus. [Between beer pong shots] King Lloyd will lead us;
To a National title, no doubt;
BCS he'll surely feed us;
Every game will be a rout;
On January 4, the only thing we'll be hopin';
Is that we'll have that calendar day open. Exeunt.
Scene II. A dimly lit room in Schembechler Hall.
Enter King Lloyd the First and Terry, Prince of Offense.
King. Terry, my boy, our plan doth have flaws none: Ultra Con-
Prince. 'Tis true my great king. Cut the playbook in half. Dar-
est we let our players actually play in hostile territory. Run, run,
pass shall show us the way. [Both characters share an evil cackle]
Scene I. Saturday afternoon, on the sidelines of a hostile road
venue, possibly on the West Coast. First half
Enter King Lloyd and Prince Terry. [Following many inadequate
Prince. So money, our gameplan be. Thou art a just man.
King. Hast though ever questioned me, Terry? Sirrah, there's no
logic in trying to win. For trying not to lose, our safest bet will be.
Enter Backfield Houdini, Esq.
Houdini. King Lloyd, Prince Terry, for my services, you inquired.
Prince. Houdini, a slight advantage and satisfaction be mine in the
present. Your ineffectiveness and relative disappearing act today
shall not concern us. I grant you the spotlight. We shall sit on the
ball and avoid the dreaded ... Turnoverus.
King. BLASPHEMY! Terry, thou shan't utter that name again!
Scene IL Halftime. Back in Ann Arbor.
Enter the Chorus.
The Chorus. [Watching NBC's self indulgent coverage on a 40-
inch big screen] King Lloyd doth confuse;
Us chorus shan't know why;
He doth refuse to use;
Every facet of the offense - my Oh my;
If we continue to be unimaginative and ride Houdini, too;
By God, our worst nightmare shall most definitely come true.
Scene I. On the sidelines of the hostile road venue as the second
Enter King Lloyd, Prince Terry and Backfield Houdini.
King. Come hither, Houdini.
Houdini. My Lord?
King. This game is ours, however slight our lead may be. Of this,
I am sure. We shall expand from the original plan a hair and take
it to the air, but only a few yards down the field. For the only thing
that could mark our demise be . .
King. TERRY! Refrain from letting that wickedness leave your
Prince. Anon, sir. For that I am dearly sorry.
King. Houdini, thou shall stick to thy plan.
Enter Turnoverus, Merchant of Momentum Swings.
Turnoverus. Haha! I'm here, thou hast remained turnover-free
too long, Lloyd. You'll crumble under my brute, game-changing
Prince. My Lord! What shall we do? With the presence of Turn-
overus, thine gameplan is useless.
King. Stick to the gameplan! Don't fret, just continue to hand the
ball to Houdini.
Prince. My Lord, Houdini cannot achieve a thing. 'Tis time to
summon Goat. Maybe he'll change our fortunes.
Enter Goat, Earl of Special Teams.
Prince. [Shocked beyond belief] IT CANNOT BE TRUE! Goat
has teamed up with Turnoverus! Stab mine eyes with ye pen, for
I cannot stand to watch. While our lead decreases, Turnoverus
seems to be increasingly mighty. Exeunt.
Scene I. Back in Ann Arbor.
Enter the Chorus.
The Chorus. [In teary-eyed disbelief] Our King is a bum;
'Tis easy to notice if you look;
Lloyd, take it to the air some;
Open up the friggin' playbook;
If we lose, our ranking shall take a big fall;
And that will be a great embarrassment to us all. Exeunt
Scene III. On the sidelines of the hostile venue, late in the fourth
Enter King Lloyd and Prince Terry.
King. The time has come. No longer shall we wait. Get me Sir
Enter Sir Lastgasp Fallshort, Archbishop of the Two-Minute
Lastgasp. At your service my King, mine efforts be.
Prince. [After a huge surge by Lastgasp]Lastgasp is doin' it! A
win is attainable. Exeunt.
Scene IV. Back in Ann Arbor.
Enter the Chorus.
The Chorus. [Between joyous leaps] Finally, thine offense is
Where was this all game?;
Blitzkrieg! The aerial assault is goin';
We're finished with conservatism - so lame;
I can't believe I can say this - YES!;
We're right back in the BCS. Exeunt
Scene V. On the sidelines at the hostile venue, with the clock hav-
ing just expired.
Enter King Lloyd, Prince Terry and a hundreds of students cel-
ebrating the opposition's win.
King. Terry, what happened? Was our gameplan flawed? At least
our boys fought hard in the closing ticks, when we finally put the
game in their hands.
Prince. Good luck with the press. The hell out of Dodge shall be
where I'm getting. Exeunt.
Scene I. Saturday Night in Ann Arbor.
Enter the Chorus.
The Chorus. [Between beer pong shots] Cannot believe we fell
That team is quite a joke;
A BCS Bowl, we're now going to abort;
The rest of the year, we'll definitely choke;
Us members of the chorus may as well be dead;
But first things first - let's obtain King Lloyd's head. Exeunt
Shakespearian playwright Gennaro Filice thought he was com-
posing an original work, but fifth-year senior sports editor Chris
Burke claims this story has been kickin' around Ann Arbor for...
well... as long as he's been at school. Gennaro can be reached at
Freshman outside hitter Katie Bruzdzinski helped Michigan at the Michigan/Pepsi Challenge this weekend with 13 kills vs. Oakland.
Rosen earns 300th victory
By Erin Saling
For the Daily
The Michigan volleyball team buried its opponents
in the early season and continued to pack down the
dirt this weekend.
At the Michigan/Pepsi Challenge, the Wolverines
(7-0) swept previously undefeated Florida State 3-0 to
emerge as tournament champions.
Michigan - off to its best start since 1998 - pad-
ded its record with an important victory as it cruised
past intrastate contender Oakland 3-0 (30-10, 30-12,
30-18) in the tournament semifinals.
Freshman Katie Bruzdzinski led Michigan with 13
kills on 19 attempts for a .632 attacking percentage.
Sophomores Megan Bowman and Erin Cobler were
monsters at the net, combining for 11 blocks. Fresh-
man Sarah Draves was impressive in her collegiate
debut with three kills and two digs. The solid start in
the early season is a result of the impressive and trust-
ing performances of the underclassmen.
"The freshmen are really great," Cobler said.
"They do not use the excuse of being young for lack
Freshman middle blocker Lyndsay Miller credited
the strong performance to the team's veterans.
"It's awesome, just awesome," Miller said. I never
expected it to be like this, and I am having so much
fun. The upperclassmen have supported the freshmen
since day one. There has been really good communi-
cation among the team.
"I'm just so happy I can help."
Oakland worked for its only lead of the match in the
third game, but the brilliant serving and hard attacks
by the Wolverines forced the Golden Grizzlies to
make 34 attack errors and an embarrassing .157 hit-
"It's really important for us to be encouraging and
ready for what's to come," Cobler said. "Every match
is important to us. We have to go out there and take
care of business."
The victory against Oakland not only gave Michi-
gan its sixth consecutive win of the season but it also
gave Michigan coach Mark Rosen his 300th career
victory. Rosen is eight shy of his 100th victory with
"I don't put a lot of stock into personal milestones
like that," Rosen said. "It's nice, but we still have a lot
of unfinished business. I hope they keep me around
long enough to go for another 300."
Michigan will go for win number eight when it faces
Virginia Tech (4-3) next weekend.
How the spikers got there
Before beating Oakland and Florida State at the Michigan/Pepsi Challenge, the
Wolverines battled Eastern Michigan. Here's how it went:
In their first round game against crosstown rival
Eastern Michigan, the Wolverines swept the Eagles
(32-30, 30-26, 30-17). Michigan was down 29-27 in
the first game, but a kill by senior Jennifer Gandolph
and two mistakes by , Earn allowed Michigan to.
take the lead and, eventualy, the first game. The
Wolverines then cruised in the next two.
Eastern Mich. 1-2
'M' runners win with teamwork
By Chastity Rolling
Daily Sports Writer
Michigan coach Mike McGuire encour-
ages team efforts at cross country meets.
The Michigan women's cross country team
opened its season at the Indiana State Invi-
tational this weekend. The Wolverines took
first place overall, with a score of 34. Arkan-
sas came in second with a score of 50.
Instead of having just one person shine
on his team, McGuire prefers his athletes
to understand the importance of team-
work, even in an individual meet.
The consistency of the Wolverines'
times showed in the victory.
Overall, Michigan runners took three
of the four top positions. In the individual
races, Megan Metcalfe of West Virginia
fished first with a time of 17:07.
"(Megan) is a good runner," said
McGuire. "She was (one of the) top ten
(runners) in the nation."
Junior Rebecca Walter came in second
place with a time of 17:15, two seconds
faster her best effort last season. Seniors
Sarah Pizzo and Andrea Parker followed
in third and fourth with times of 17:44 and
Another Michigan trio finished just sec-
onds apart from one another. Sophomore
Jackie Gayson came in 18th-place with a
time of 18:33.21, sophomore Jessie Stew-
ard came in 19th (18:33.53) and freshmen
Alyson Kolmeier finished 20th (18:35).
"These consistent times were not a coin-
cidence," McGuire said. "(These trios) run
in groups in practice."
Practice for the team began on July 1,
after a three-week break from the track
and field outdoor season. It was a needed
break, due to the fact that most cross coun-
try runners also run long distance for the
To transition from track to cross coun-
try, McGuire gathers his athletes in north-
ern Michigan for an eight-day training
So it comes as no surprise that when
teams train together for as long as this
team has, they cross the finish line togeth-
er. Practices make athletes. And for Michi-
gan, its athletes do not stand alone.
So far the practices have paid off for the
team. McGuire wanted to ensure that the
team "keeps getting better".
And the Wolverines have an oppor-
tunity to improve on their already solid
foundation this Friday at the Spartan Invi-
IN TRAM U R AL S
The University of Michigan
Department of Recreational Sports
Intramural Sports Program
Mon, 09113 ONLY
11:00 AM-- 5:30 PM
$88.00 per team
Mon, 09/13 ONLY
11:00 AM - 5:30PM
$88.00 per team
Mon, 09/13 ONLY
11.00OAM-- 5:30 PM
. Entry Fee:
$50.00 per team
Yost Ice Arena
(Frat, GFS, Res Hall, Ind Men, Ind Women & Sorority)
x$88.00 per team
Entries also Play begins:
taken online Sun, 09/19
This is B.U.
This could be you.