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April 15, 2004 - Image 16

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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Maazine - Thursday, April 15, 2004

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The Michigan Daily - Weekend Nag
JOEL HOARD - GET THAT PAPER

CREME DE LA CREME

THE DAILY CHOOSES THE BEST OF ANN ARBOR

THE WORST OF ANN ARBC

The city of Ann Arbor captivates iong-term
residents as well as students who make this
Midwestern town their home for a short
period of time. The highly opinionated citizenry
makes a set of memones that is unique to each

resident. Thus, it is difficult to decide who is the
best or worst of any category.
Annually, a reader's poll measured the best as
determined by online readers. This year, The
Michigan Daily also publishes winners based on

the staff's preferences. Polls, pizza contests and
testimonials allow the staff to write about their
favorites. Though differing tastes provide oppos-
ing perspectives we are proud to present this
amalgamation of'the Daily staff's diverse views.

Best of Random Student Interviews..........................................Page 3B
The most thought-provoking and riveting interviews of the year.
The winners are........................................................ ..Page 5B
The staff of The Michigan Daily chooses its favorites from around the city and the University.
MostUnderrated Restaurant...................................................Page 6B
Frank's Restaurant remains one of Ann Arbor's best-kept secrets.
Best Vegetarian, Dessert/Birthday Treat.....................................Page 7B
Seva and Stucchi's win their respective titles.
Best Breakfast. ..........................................................Page 8B
Cafe Zola is an often forgotten but dynamite breakfast spot.
Worst Fashion Trend.....................................................Page 9B
Ever wanted to declare your social affiliations on some of your most obscure body parts? Ass-pants
are a definite no-no.
Photographs .............................................. . .............Page 10B
The most memorable photographs of the year from around the city.
Best Bathrooms...............................................................Page 13B
Powder room, WC. or lavatory, these Ann Arbor restaurants maintain clean, visually-pleasing and
interesting restrooms.

Best Weblog, Departed Business............................................Page 14B
GoodspeedUpdate.com provides up-to-date information about the goings-on around the city, the
University and the world.
The exodus of local businesses has left many looking for answers regarding the state of small busi-
ness in Ann Arbor.
Best Sports FansU' Tradition.............................................Page 15B
The fanfare in Yost Arena and on Football Saturday is the most exciting way to bring together thou-
sands of Michigan fans.
Worst University Website .................. .................Page 1 6B
The newly renovated Wolverine Access hinders the registration process.
Worst University Building, Classrooms.............. ......Page 17B
The Modern Languages Building and the Frieze Building offer little aesthetic appeal.
The Michigan Daily Pizza Challenge.....................................Page 18B
The Michigan Daily analyzes pizza venues around the city.
Most Obnoxious Greek Event................................................Page 19B
The antics of Rush manage to win this most coveted prize.
Worst Residence Hall....................................................Page 20B
Because of an outbreak of the stomach flu, nearby construction and its distance from Central
Campus, Mary Markley Residence Hall wins this category hands down.

So this is it, Ann Arbor - my last Weekend
Magazine column. What should I write
about? I could follow the theme of this
issue and highlight the best that the city has to
offer. But that's not very original or interesting
(plus it's really hard to find things to like here),
so let's find something else. I could piss off the
Christians again with another insensitive take on
their religion or Mel Gibson. But that's gotten
kind of old, so that's out, too. Maybe I could do
something warm and fuzzy and go out on a
happy note. But that's just not my style, so forget
that shit.
What if I take this issue's theme and turn it on
end? What about the worst of Ann Arbor? What
about the things that no one likes, or at least the
things that no one should like?
I like that, but I should probably set up some
rules to make sure things are fair. First, my vote
is the only one that counts. Second, I'll choose
winners (or are they losers?) first and then make
up categories for them.
Worst Acronym: BAMN
Your full name is the Coalition To Defend
Affirmative Action, Integration And Immigrant
Rights And Fight For Equality By Any Means
Necessary, so by my calculations, your acronym
should actually be CTDAAIAIRAFFEBAMN.
That you shorten it to just BAMN does not make

you any less ridiculous.
And by the way, do you really mean "by any
means necessary?" Last I heard from you, the
only means you used were yelling a lot and call-
ing everyone who dared disagree with you a
racist. Back in my day, "by any means necessary"
meant blowing up buildings and having heads of
state assassinated.
Let me suggest a new name for you. How
about the Federation for Unrelenting Complain-
ing and Kvetching By Any Means Necessary?
You'll find the new acronym much more efficient
and accurate.
Worst Building: The Frieze Building
You look so nice on the outside, but, as we
all know, it's what's inside that counts. It's bad
enough that you used to be a high school, but
do you have to flaunt it? I finished high school
four years ago, but having classes in you every
semester makes it feel as if I never left.
There's only one way you can make it up to
me: Let me use one of your lockers. I haven't
had a locker since middle school. Lockers are
so bad-ass.
Worst Local Band: All of Them
Whether you're Oblivion, Donkey Punch,
Funktelligence or some other marginally tal-
ented Ann Arbor-based band, you share two

things in common: 1) You suck. 2) You'll
never be popular outside Ann Arbor. Give up
the music and focus on your philosophy
degrees.
Worst Fraternity: All of Them
So as not to discriminate, I won't single any
one of you out. There's a reason people call you
shallow, drunken simpletons and uneducated, all-
around worthless people. It's because you are
shallow, drunken simpletons and uneducated, all-
around worthless people. I'm pretty sure you're at
least 60 percent retarded, too. I won't 'say any-
more than that because it's just too easy.
Worst Race/Ethnicity: White
What's the deal with white people? We
have to be the most uninteresting and point-
less group on campus. All the cool races and
ethnicities have groups like NASA, BSU and
IASA, but what do we have? Nothing. I'm so
ashamed that I've resorted to weekly melanin
injections.
Worst Person: Louie Meizlish
You are the most disgusting, despicable,
worthless person I have ever met. You make
me hate life.
Worst Bar: All of Them

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Weekend
Seio Weekend Editor: N"m lvn
Editor: SravyaChirumamilla
Writers: Lindsey Bieber, Nicole Frehsee, Katie Marie Gates, Brandon Harig,
Josh Holman, Megan Jacobs, Punit Mattoo, J. Brady McCollough, Ellen
McGarrity, Ruby Robinson, Amanda Shapin
Photo Editors: Elise Bergman, Tony Ding, Ryan Weiner
Photographers: Dory Gannes, Mike Hulsebus, Shubra Ohri, Christine Stafford
Cover Photograph: Tony Ding
Arts Editors: Jason Roberts, Managing Editor
Adam Rottenberg, Alex Wolsky, Associate Editors
Editor in Chief: Jordan Schrader

Sorority Rush: Line up the ducks

By Nicole Frehsee
Daily Arts Writer

September in Ann Arbor signals the
arrival of the Black Pants Brigades -
legions of mostly freshmen girls who, in
their alphabetically organized troops,
storm the University's campus. They
travel from sorority to sorority, holding
up traffic as they cross busy streets in
single-file lines like obedient ducklings
following their mother.
This group's odd behavior can be
attributed to only one age-old tradition:
sorority Rush, or Recruitment, its offi-
cial title.
A disclaimer is necessary here. I'm
not knocking aspiring sorority girls, or
Rushees, as they're colloquially termed.
In fact, I rushed my freshman year. My
black pants-clad legs shuffled to sorori-
ties in the rain; I answered questions
about my hometown, my major and
which dorm I lived in about 200 times; I
was a hair-flipping gum-chewer. Having
experienced Rush firsthand, I feel free to
comment on it.
It's no secret that Rush is obnoxious.
Even if it was a secret, the secret would
be out five minutes into Rush's opening
night when sorority girls can be heard
from virtually any spot on Central Cam-
pus, screaming their houses' names to
the tunes of bad 1980s one-hit wonders.
A word about the music: If the student
body was collectively seeking a
Depeche Mode revival, there would be a
showing of VHI's "I Love the '80s" in
Angell Hall. Unfortunately, no one

wants to hear repeated screeching by
girls thrashing around like headless
chickens to "I Just Can't Get Enough."
During Mixers, the name given to the
first round of Rush, girls briefly visit
each of Michigan's 15 sororities. The
earsplitting effects of Mixers result from
windows being pounded on, pots and
pans being clanged together and the
impact from hundreds of girls jumping
up and down at the same time, which
probably registers at least a two on the
Richter scale.
The noise emanating from sorority
houses isn't the only aspect of Rush
that makes non-Greeks want to stick
their fingers down their throats. Dur-
ing the weeks that Rush takes place
- typically from mid-September to
the beginning of October - one is
likely to witness multiple crying
scenes transpiring on the steps of the
Michigan Union. The melodrama
usually follows the ranking process
whereby each girl orders her desired
houses by preference. A long,
drawn-out exercise in ScanTron eti-
quette - you're screwed if you can't
properly fill in a bubble and if you
forgot your No. 2 pencil, forget it -
this practice invites indecision and
inspires tearful phone calls to mom
about not knowing which houses to
select. No one should have to push
through a maze of sniffling girls just
to get a Wendy's Frosty.
Though the Rushees largely con-
tribute to the spectacle that is Rush,
the most controversial aspect of this
ritual is the rules that govern it. Regu-
lated by the Panhellenic Association,
an administrative body that monitors
sororities to ensure compliance with

its constitution, Rush is taken serious-
ly. Very seriously. There are guidelines
ranging from how long each Rush
group can spend in a sorority house to
what, if anything, the Rushees are
allowed to take out of the house when
they leave. Violations of these rules
are notoriously termed "Rush Infrac-
tions" and are punishable by Panhel
law via a fine for the offending house.
Sororities' desires to avoid the long
arm of the law are evident in frantic last-
minute hunts for napkins, cups or other
paraphernalia a Rushee might have acci-
dentally removed from a house, and in
incessant bell-ringing signaling that time
is up and the Rushees must leave.
If, upon exiting a sorority, a Rushee
is discovered holding the napkin into
which she spit her gum, an infraction
awaits the unlucky house. Similarly
ill-fated are the sororities in which a
girl is using the bathroom when the
timekeeping bell sounds. Too bad if
she doesn't have time to pull up her
pants; she's thrust out the front door
faster than Bill would have pushed
Monica under the desk had Hillary
walked into the Oval Office.
If indiscriminate bathroom removals
aren't convincing enough, an anecdote
from my Rush experience exemplifies
the stupidity of the Rush process. I was
one of the abhorred napkin holders - a
Rushee who vacates the sorority premis-
es while unknowingly smuggling paper
goods. Lucky for the infraction-doomed
sorority, a sister spotted the crumpled
tissue in my hand. With an urgent
response reserved for "code blue" situa-
tions, she seized the napkin as I was
walking out the door, saving her sorority
from the wrath of Panhel.

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