4 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, March 2, 2004 S OPINION 420 MAYNARD STREET ANN ARBOR, MI 48109 opinion. michigandaily.com tothedaily@michigandaily.com EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SINCE 1890 JORDAN SCHRADER Editor in Chief JASON Z. PESICK Editorial Page Editor Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. NOTABLE QUOTABLE t(If there's one thing actors know - other than that there were no WMDs - it's that there is no such thing as best in acting." - Sean Penn, first-time Academy Award winner for his performance in "Mystic River," during his acceptance speech Sunday night. IT GETS HARDER EVERY YEAR... O0L COLIN DALY THE MICHIGAN DALY You said what to my Lady? AUBREY HENRETTY NEUROTICA 0 s part of my continuing effort to exploit stereo- types in unusual ways, I would like to share with you the story of how Ralph Nader helped me get in touch with my masculine side. I'm not talking about rock music and comfortable shoes - neither of which you're likely to catch me with- out, and both of which I make look hot, thank you - or any of the other com- mon-sense necessities too often associat- ed exclusively with the male of the species. No, I am referring to that time- honored testosterone tickler, the fight, the scuffle, the brawl. I used to think fighting was just for the quiet psychotics and the loud lunkheads in life, the walking time- bombs and the uberjocks. Over the past several years, my male friends and acquaintances have been chipping steadi- ly away at this illusion. If the sweet, intelligent young gentlemen I have known are at all typical, the desire to rumble has far more widespread appeal than I thought. It is, as they say, simply a guy thing. Here is what they've told me: Deep down, most guys have "Fight Club" com- plexes. They dream of limping, eyes blackened and noses broken, into smoky rooms filled with other tough guys, shrug- ging and sniffling and saying "You shoul- da seen the other guy." Or, at the very least, they want to be certain they could kick someone's ass if need be. I'm sorry if this seems like too gross a generalization, but as I said, I'm not setting out to shatter any stereotypes here. Not this week. Anyway, I like to think of myself as an empathetic person. I feel your pain, and so on. But I just could not wrap my brain around this one, couldn't conceive of a sit- uation in which I would enjoy beating someone senseless. Maybe it's because I don't like the sound of bones cracking. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. I did know plenty about the socially normative female equivalent of brawling (calculated, mali- cious psychological abuse), but physical violence just seemed unnecessary. Repul- sive, even. I wanted nothing to do with it. Until last week, that is. When Ralph Nader announced last Sunday that he was officially running for president again, my imagination beamed me directly into a dingy bar on a Satur- day night after one drink too many. Think about it: This year's election has all the makings of a great barroom brawl. There's the guy with the legitimate bone to pick (me, the voter), backed by the buff bodyguards John (a.k.a. presidential candidates Kerry and Edwards, who will, if there is a God, team up and run on a single ticket). There's the smirking brag- gart (Dastardly Dubya, whose ass they are all preparing to kick), flanked by his faithful cronies - the dishonest duo, Ashcroft and Cheney - who sneer enthusiastically at the good guys and laugh too loudly at all of the braggart's jokes. Notice Ralph Nader is not part of this fantasy. Yet. I'll get to him in a minute. So, here's what was happening: Dubya was standing at the bar, making crude and unreasonable demands of Lady Lib- erty (the bartender), who was far too classy to punch him in the face or torch his ten-gallon hat, either of which would have been perfectly acceptable under the circumstances. Just as I was glancing over at Kerry and Edwards and wonder- ing if they were thinking what I was thinking, poor, misguided Ralph came swinging down from the rafters in a Superman costume. He had the right idea at heart, but he looked ridiculous. And, frankly, scrawny. He told us to stand aside, that he was here to save the day. He told us to "relax," that we could still kick the shit out of Dubya in the name of Liberty if we were strong enough, and who were we to deny Ralph a left hook or two? The point is not that Ralph doesn't deserve a-fair shot at Dubya. The point is, some people who might have jumped to our aid in the event of an all-out brawl are going to be mesmerized by any guy who would make an entrance like that (in tights, no less). They'll back him and not us, and with Lady Liberty's honor at stake, you'd think he'd see that. Still bursting with my newfound brava- do and sense of chivalry, I just wanted to shake him and say, Ralph, you know we'll always be tight - I voted for you last time, you know that - but for God's sake, stay out of this. This doesn't involve you, man - it's not your fight to fight. We'll take care of it. Just walk away. 01 Henretty can be reached at ahenrett@umich.edu. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Daily wrong, Christ's bones did not break during crucifixion TO THE DAILY: I just wanted to make one correction to an. otherwise excellent article about "The Passion of the Christ" (Celluloid Jesus: Gibsons vio- lent vision hits theaters, 03/01/04) that claimed that when Jesus was being stretched to fit on the cross in the movie, his bones were broken. Actually, his shoulder was dislocated. The rea- son why I mention this is because one prophe- cy about Jesus in the Old Testament is that his bones would not be broken (Exodus 12:6, Numbers 9:12, Psalm 34:20, John 19:36). This is also why it's significant that even though the men being crucified on either side of Jesus had their legs broken, those of Christ were not. Instead, he was speared in the side. JOSH CALHOUN LSA sophomore Gibson's 'Passion' offers accurate account Of biblical events TO THE DAILY: I appreciated the honest review of Zach Mabee, Daily film editor, on the recent Mel Gibson film, "The Passion of the Christ" (Celluloid Jesus: Gibson 's violent vision hits theaters, 03/01/04). I recently experi- enced the film, and agree that any concerns about anti-Semitism or historical accuracy should be dismissed. The film is quite true to the biblical account and except for a few events that I did not recognize from the Gospel records, was thoroughly true to what actually happened when the Romans - who followed the example of the. Phoenicians - scourged and then crucified their victims. Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah and His sufferings were vividly pictured. Thank you Mabee for pointing out that everyone: Gentile, Jew, Muslim and all of us bear equal responsibility for the death of Jesus. And we must also remember that blood offering of the Lamb of God far sur- passes the moral teachings, life and exam- ple of Jesus. We learn from these things, but without his death on a cross, burial and bodily resurrection, Jesus is no different from other religious figures. My loyalties lie in Jesus's camp, and I am forever grateful. DOUGLAS KEASAL Rackham Reference in photo caption is inappropriate TO THE DAILY: The caption to the film still from Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," atop the Daily review of the film (Celluloid Jesus: Gibson 's violent vision hits theaters, 03/01/04), shows the bloodied and tortured Jesus Christ being whipped, as he carries his cross down the Via Dolorosa to his agonized death, saying "Thank you sir, may I have another!" This robbery of language from Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist" - in which Twist asks for another bowl of gruel - with a possible reference to the English habit of caning obstreperous youth at aristocratic "public schools" like Eton or Harrow, is extraordinarily twisted and offensive in the context of Christ's crucifixion. What's next for the Daily, showing Jews at Auschwitz saying "Gee, I sure enjoyed that shower?" Or slaves waving their chains and saying, "I sure love all this free jewelry Massa gave me?" Let's hope not. Unmerited suf- fering isn't too funny. A Daily columnist wrote a column sev- eral months ago which gratuitously insult- ed Mother Teresa, to great public outcry. Now, "Thank you sir, may I have another!" shows the Daily has yet to learn. This read- er will thank the Daily not to have another repeat of this anti-Christian trivializing-of- brutal-violence, and wholly inappropriate, nonsense. DAVID BOYLE Alum Letter includes incorrect information Bush's proposal makes civil unions, domestic partnerships illegal TO THE DAILY: It is not true that states will be able to define other legal arrangements for gay cou- ples (Students blast Bush's call for amend- ment, 03/01/04). This is the text of the proposed amendment: "Marriage in the Unit- ed States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any state, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups." No law shall be construed as to require the legal incidents of marriage be conferred on unmarried couples. No law could require, for example, that a partner in a civil union have spousal rights in medical decisions - that would require a legal incident of marriage be conferred on an unmarried couple. This amend- ment is not about the name "marriage," it is about the bundle of rights associated with it. Bush may have claimed that states should be left this ability to define these legal arrangements, but that is a lie. The amendment he supports explicitly makes that illegal. This amendment would make all meaningful domestic partner- ship or civil union laws illegal. Have no illu- sions. Read the amendment. ANDREAS DUUS PAPE Rackham LETTERS POLICY The Michigan Daily welcomes letters from all of its readers. Letters from Univer- sity students, faculty, staff and administra- tors will be given priority over others. Letters should include the writer's name, college and school year or other University affiliation. The Daily will not print any let- ter containing statements that cannot be verified. Letters should be kept to approximately 300 wo-rds. The Michian Dlv reserves the 6 0 6 0 ._ -- - -- - __ - max:: L _3 ..._,...... ,,... .Cy. .,. .., ..,..,... A ~ - A