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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, January 29, 2004
Random: Bush, Brady played catch in Oval Office-
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magaz
A guide to who's where,
what's happening and why
you need to be there ...
ila rot tn...t+ fnr anmnia CAMPUS CINEMA
By Joel Hoard
Daily Arts Writer
The Michigan Daily: Hi, is
Random: You have the wrong num-
TMD: Who's this?
TMD: Ben, this is Joel Hoard from
The Michigan Daily. Would you be
interested in participating in this
week's Random Student Interview?
R: Maybe. When is it?
TMD: Right now.
R: All right. Fine.
TMD: OK, where are you from
TMD: This must be the first time
you've seen snow then, right?
R: Not exactly.
TMD: How are you adjusting to it?
R: It's working out well. They just
need to plow a little faster.
TMD: Are you skipping a lot of
classes because of the weather?
R: No, I've actually gone to every
TMD: That's good. You're doing a
lot better than I am. How late into the
year is it still appropriate to say
"Happy New Year?"
R: Oh, you can't say "Happy New
Year" past, like, I think past the first
week that we're back in school. That's
the cut-off point.
TMD: Have you been following the
race for the Democratic presidential
TMD: Now, do you think that
Howard Dean drives a monster truck?
R: No, I don't.
TMD: But if he did, what do you
think he would call it?
R: A sweater. Was he the sweater
guy or is that the other guy?
TMD: Actually I've seen them all
wear sweaters, but I think you're think-
ing of Wesley Clark. But if Howard
Dean did drive a monster truck, what
would it be called?
R: Destination Unknown.
TMD: I like that. Now, in the now-
famous clip of Howard Dean yelling a
lot, he said he was coming to
Michigan. Are you afraid?
R: No, I'm not afraid.
TMD: You should be.
R: He lost. He'll change his mind.
TMD: He's not coming now?
R: I don't know. He changes his
mind a lot.
TMD: After the New Hampshire
primary, Howard Dean fired his cam-
paign manager. Can you give me an
impression of that happening?
R: (meekly) You're fired. I don't
know why, but you're fired.
TMD: I need a little more emotion.
R: (yelling) You're fired!
TMD: Can you give me a
R: Hey ya, you're fired.
TMD: No, you know what I'm
looking for - the Howard Dean
R: Actually I don't.
TMD: Do you think NASA lets
President Bush drive the Mars rovers?
R: If he wanted to, I'm sure they'd
let him drive it.
TMD: What do you think the legal
limit is for driving the Mars rover?
R: George Bush, I'd say 0.2.
TMD: Did you watch the State of
the Union address?
R: I did.
TMD: Did you see that Tom Brady
was there? Do you think he played
catch with President Bush afterward?
R: Seeing that it was snowing out-
side and there were major terrorist
attacks, they probably played catch at
the White House - in the Oval Office.
TMD: Have you been getting a lot
of these virus emails?
R: Yeah, I got about 35 yesterday.
TMD: Who do you think is respon-
sible for that?
R: Some pissed-off college student
TMD: Are you a pissed-off college
R: At times I'm pissed-off, but I
wouldn't know how to write a virus.
TMD: Do you download music ille-
R: No, actually I use the iTunes
store. I know people that got busted
TMD: You've never downloaded a
single song illegally?
R: I've downloaded about 2,000
illegal songs, but I stopped.
TMD: I'm actually from the
Recording Industry Association of
America. You're pretty much screwed
R: You have no evidence. I deleted it
TMD: I'm recording this. I just got
an admission from you.
R: That's fine.
'TMID: What kind of music do you
R: Alternative rock.
TMD: You a fan of hip-hop?
R: Not really.
TMD: Can you name your favorite
two white rappers other than Eminem?
R: I like OutKast.
TMD: No, white rapper.
R: White rapper? There are no other
TMD: What are you, racist?
R: Extremely. No, not at all. There
are no other white rappers that are real-
ly doing well.
TMD: What about Bubba Sparxxx?
R: Never heard of him.
TMD: He's actually black. He just
won't admit it. Now, Britney Spears
just got married to one of her high
R: Then she got divorced 52 hours
later or something.
TMD: Right. Now, do you think
they consummated their relationship?
R: I'm sure they did.
TMD: Were you there?
R: I wish I was there.
TMD: There's also a rumor that P.
Diddy and J. Lo are back together.
How do you feel about that?
R: I think she's a slut with a big ass.
She can't decide who to marry. I don't
even find her hot. Her ass is too big.
TMD: Who would you rather have,
Ben or Diddy?
R: I'd rather have J. Lo.
TMD: No, you get Ben Affleck or
R: Ben. P. Diddy is like this sleazy
guy. And we have the same name so I
like Ben better.
TMD: I heard that Joe Namath is in
rehab. Do you really think he's an alco-
holic or is he just looking for a free
place to stay?
R: Probably both.
TMD: Are you planning on watch-
ing the Super Bowl this weekend?
R: I am.
TMD: Are you going to a party?
R: Yeah, just in the hall.
TMD: What kind of food should be
served at a Super Bowl party?
R: There should be multiple kegs.
TMD: Beer is not food. I'm sorry.
R: It can be.
TMD: Are you gonna freeze it or
R: They should have beer popsicles.
You need pizza, wings, chips, dip and
all that good shit.
TMD: Which quarterback is better,
Tom Brady or the other guy?
R:The other guy.
TMD: Do you know who the other
R: Not a clue.
TMD: His name is Jake Delhomme.
Can you spell "Delhomme?"
TMD:: No, you're wrong.
R: Yeah, I figured.
TMD: He's French, so it's OK. I
need a prediction for the Super Bowl
(Random thinks for 30 seconds.)
R: The Rams are gonna win by 14.
TMD: I'm sorry, but the Rams
aren't in the Super Bowl.
R: Are you kidding me?
TMD: No, it's the Patriots and the
Panthers. Would you like to try again?
R: Of course. The Patriots are gonna
get probably... The Patriots are gonna
get 24. The Panthers are gonna get...
They're gonna get 48 I think.
TMD: No, I'm sorry. You're wrong.
It's actually gonna be Patriots 35,
Panthers 10. Well, thanks for helping
me out. Happy New Year.
Writers: Eric Chan, SravyaE
DowdGabe Edesone LaeS
Freedman, Ian Herbert, Joel Hoard,
Kevin Hollifield, Megan Jacobs,
Michelle Kijeck, Adam Rottenberg,
Niamh Slevin, Anthea Stolz,
Photo Editors: Tony Ding, Brett
Photographers: Jason Cooper, Jef
Lehnert, S hubra Ohri, Ali Olsen
Cover Art: Trevor Campbell
Arts Editors: Todd Weiser,
Managing Editor, Jason Roberts,
Scott Serilla, Editors
Editor in Chief: Louie Meizlish
The Big Bounce Raise your hand nice and
high if you absolutely would not want to be
stuck on an island, or any other isolated
locale, for that matter, with Owen Wilson.
Being with Mo' Freeman wouldn't be all
that bad, though. At Showcase: 1:20,
3:20, 5:25, 7:30, 9:50, 11:50.
The Perfect Score If it already isn't, then
the question on everyone's mind should
definitely be: How did Scarlett Johansson
nni ~ niiisMil
and uaIus ies get co-cast Tor a movie
about SAT sabotage? At Showcase: 12:55,
3:05, 5:15, 7:20, 9:30, 11:40.
You Got Served A lil' bit of that hip-hop
flava' mixed into a story 'bout street danc-
ing, friendship and the damage that com-
peting in the former can do to the latter. Ya
dig? At Showcase: Noon, 12:30, 2:15,
2:45, 4:30, 5:00, 6:45, 7:15, 9:00, 9:30,
21 Grams See Above. At
Theater: 7:15, 9:45.
21 Grams Come discover the weight of the
human soul, and get a free seminar, led by
Benicio del Toro and Naomi Watts, on how
to play the role of a cracked-out maniac.
That's a hard deal to pass up. At Showcase:
12:20 AM (Fri. and Sat.).
Along Came Polly They say the interplay
between Jenny Anniston's fresh, chic
bohemian and Ben's overbearingly system-
atic risk analyst is fab-u-lous (Note: scathing
sarcasm intended). At Showcase: 1:00,
1:30, 3:00, 3:30, 5:10, 5:40, 7:25, 7:55,
Big Fish It's kind of like "Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory"... except it's not about a
chocolate factory, and it's set in the dirty,
dirty South...and it features a fun-loving giant
and Steve Buscemi. At Showcase: 12:45,
3:25, 6:10, 8:45, 11:20. At Madstone:
1:05, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45.
The Butterfly Effect It's your first big oppor-
tunity to explore the morbid psychological
doldrums of the main man of TV's "Punk'd".
The first 100 to enter the door get compli-
mentary "I'm a major tool" trucker hats. At
Showcase: 1:10, 1:40, 4:15, 4:45, 7:10,
7:40, 9:45, 10:15, 12:10 (Fri. and Sat.),
12:40 (Fri. and Sat.).
Cheaper by the Dozen Steve Martin's
career is dangerously close to its demise.
Expect Armageddon when he and Eddie
Murphy opt to co-star in a family-oriented
comedy. At Showcase: 12:15, 2:25, 4:40,
6:50, 9:05, 11:10.
Cold Mountain Why don't we give Jude Law
an Oscar for spending several dull, boring
hours trekking through the Carolina wilder-
ness, only to conclude his journey with a
sappy, worthless love address to the former
Mrs. Tom Cruise. At Showcase: 12:35,
3:35, 6:35, 9:35, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.). At
Madstone: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00.
The Cooler Throw your hands in the air, and
wave 'em like ya just don't care. And if you
like the Vegas gambling scene and Bill Macy
naked, everybody let me her you say, "Oh,
yeah-er". At Madstone: 1:10, 3:15, 5:20,
Girl with a Pearl Earring If you thought "Lost
in Translation" gave too much camera atten-
tion to Bill Murray, then maybe this movie
will be more appropriate for you: You get to
stare for a couple of hours at Scarlett
Johansson posing for a painting. At
Showcase: 12:30,2:55,5:20, 7:35, 10:00,
12:15 (Fri. and Sat.).
The Last Samurai This movie may seem a
trifle unnecessary to those of you who
thought that the "American Ninja" sextet
told sufficiently the story of the great white
ninja warrior. At Showcase: 6:15, 9:15,
12:15 (Fri. and Sat.).
The Lord of the Rings: The Retum of the
King Yeah, yeah, yeah. The king's retumed,
you're going to win your Oscars, and Peter
Jackson has finally risen from the armpit of
Hollywood. Tell us something we don't know,
Gandalf, you old dustbag. At Showcase:
12:10, 2:30, 4:00, 8:00.
Lost In Translation This film finely showcas-
es the hilarity of Bill, Scarlett and Tokyo at
large, but if, like most men, you're going just
to gawk at Ms. Johansson, see "Girl," listed
above. At Showcase: 12:20, 2:40, 5:05,
7:45, 10:05. At Madstone: 1:20, 3:20,
5:20, 7:20, 9:20.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of
the World Yeah, whattup. How 'bout a shout
out for almost rivaling LOTR in Oscar nomi-
nations. What's up now, Frodo, you broke
fool? At Showcase: 12:40, 3:40, 6:40,
9:40, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.). At Madstone:
1:00, 3:30, 7:00, 9:40.
Monster Who would've thought that thirty
pounds of flab and a match with Christina
Ricci could make everyone's favorite "Italian
Job" star into an amazingly realistic, mur-
derous whore? At Showcase: 12:50, 3:10,
5:30, 7:50, 10:10, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.).
Mystic River Clint Eastwood is living proof of
the utter coolness of cowboys. Everything
great he has done he owes to the heroes of
the Wild West. Two cheers for gun-slinging
roughnecks. At Showcase: 1:15, 4:10,
7:00, 9:55, 12:35. At Madstone: 1:40,
3:15, 7:05, 9:45.
Peter Pan The ethical question at the heart
of Pan's tale: Would you trade, if given the
option, the ability to love for a green suit, the
ability to fly and a handy little fairy? It does-
n't get much easier than this. At Showcase:
Something's Gotta Give Jack's charm
and Diane's confident, BrynaMawr swag-
ger are believable. But Keanu as the
romantic, strapping doctor? Give us a
break. You might as well cast Gov.r
Schwarzenegger as Hamlet. Didn't he do
a skit like that in "Last Action Hero?" Ok,
nevermind. At Showcase: 1:05, 3:45,
6:30, 9:20, 11:55. At Madstone: 1:15,
3:45, 7:15, 9:45.
The Station Agent A cozy little tale of an
undersized chap who fancies isolating him-
self in abandoned train stations. Somehow
a garrulous hot dog vendor and a SUV-driv-
ing, middle-aged gal get hurled into the
equation to complete an intriguing circle of
friends. At Madstone: 5:20.
Teacher's Pet Nathan Lane really needs to
spread his wings and start doing projects
other than sub-par family fare. Well, we
shouldn't be too hard on him; "Win a Date
with Tad Hamilton" is a solid start (bitter cyn-
icism emphasized). At Showcase: Noon.
Torque Please don't judge motorcyclists
using this piece of filth as the standard.
There are great shows about iron horsemen;
they're called "American Chopper". At
Showcase: 10:20, 12:05 (Fri. and Sat.).
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! The premise
is one of the worst ever to make it to the big
screen. Oh, yeah, and in case you weren't
aware, it's made by the same folks who
brought us the "Legally Blonde" series.
What a lovely little coincidence. At
Showcase: 12:25, 2:35, 4:50, 7:05, 9:10,
Girl with a Pearl Earring See Above. At
Michigan Theater: 9:30.
In America For once, a movie that's
supposed to be warm and moving
that's actually good. At State Theater:
Monster See Above. At State Theater:
Hot Ice Is that one 'a them oxy-
morons? It's melting! Habitat
Ultralounge, Weber's Inn, 3050
Jackson Road, Ann Arbor. 8:45 p.m.
The Ron Brooks Trio No truth to the
rumor that Ron is feverishly preparing
his trio for the Super Bowl halftime
show. Bird of Paradise, 312 S. Main,
St., Ann Arbor. 9 and 11 p.m. $5. 662-
Hernan Cattaneo The Argentine Paul
Oakenfold. Boring millions of South
Americans. The Necto, 516 E. Liberty
St, Ann Arbor. 10 p.m., $10 ($15 under
Emerson String Quartet For its I
UMS concert, the Quartet perfoi
quartets by Haydn, Beethoven,
Shostakovich, showcasing why
ensemble is considered one of
best performing today. 8 p.r
Rackham Auditorium, $22-$40; 7
In America See Above. At S1
Theater: 2:15, 4:30, 7:00, 9:15.
Donnie Darko Loads of fun witl
wacky teen and a dark rabbit who he
him avoid his own death. At S
Girl with a Pearl Earring See Abo
At Michigan Theater: 4:00, 7:
Monster See Above. At State Thee
2:30, 4:45, 7:15, 9:30, 11:45.
Psychedelic Psaturdays Hey! Th
not how you spell Saturday. Ru
Souls, 23 W. Cross St., Ypsilant
p.m. $3. 483-8834.
25 Suaves Alternate title for '
Bachelorette.' Elbow Room, 6
Washington St., Ypsilanti. 10 p.m.
Chef Chris & the Nairobi TrioC
Chris is guaranteed to be cookin
the fun. Zing. Tap Room, 201
Michigan Ave, Ypsilanti. 9:30 p
Simon Shaheen Qantara Dazzling
teners with his soaring techniq
melodic ingenuity, and the unparall
grace with which he deftly leaps i
traditional Arabic to jazz and class
21 Grams See Above.
Theater: 7:00, 9:30.
If you would like to learn more about MIT Lincoln Laboratory,
please attend our informational session or visit our website.
To apply, please submit your resume to MIT Lincoln Laboratory's
website at http://www.ll.mit.edu/careers/careers.html
(Click on College Recruitment)
Girl with a Pearl Earring See Above. At
Michigan Theater: 7:15, 9:45.
In America See Above. At State
Theater: 7:00, 9:15.
Monster See Above. At State Theater:
Rob Moses I don't know how God
would feel about Moses hanging
around at a speakeasy. T.C.'s
Speakeasy, 207 W. Michigan Ave.,
Ypsilanti. 6 p.m. Free. 483-4470
The Carbon Leaf Carbon dated. Turns
out they're from 666 B.C. Evil. Blind
Pig, 208 S. First St., Ann Arbor. 9:30
p.m. 9:30 p.m. $7 ($10 under 21).
Soldiers of the Constellation Q Dukes
of the Stratosphere were such a great
band. Of course, they had the added
advantage of having members of XTC.
Elbow Room, 6 S. Washington St.,
Ypsilanti. 10 p.m. $5. 483-6374.
Monday, February 2, 2004
5:30 PM, H.H. Dow, Room 1010
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
If you are pursuing a degree in:
* Computer Science
Put some power behind your ideas. At MIT Lincoln Laboratory,
your research and ideas will be transferred directly into the development
of leading-edge, real-world applications, including air defense, space
surveillance, communications and air traffic control systems.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
An Equal Opportunity Employer, M/F/D/V.
U.S. Citizenship is Required.
or a comparable field, our technical staff members
welcome the opportunity to consider you for an
MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effec-
tive for Saturday and Sunday only.