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8B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, December 4, 2003
JOEL HoARD - DoN'T E FOOLED Y HE ROCKS THAT GOT
BACK IN MY DAY,
CELEBRITIES DID THINGS

The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazi

Who the hell is this Paris
Hilton girl I keep hearing
about? Is she some singer?
The new Britney maybe? No? Is she
an actress then? Not an actress either?
Well, then what exactly does she do?
Oh, she doesn't actually do anything?
Unless we count going to parties and
nightclubs and making amateur porn
tapes. Well, I don't think those should
count for anything.
So how did she become so famous?
Just because she has rich parents and
stands to inherit $30 million? There
are lots of kids with rich parents who
stand to inherit millions of dollars, so
why aren't they as famous as Paris
Hilton? Like the Bush twins, for
example. They're about the same age
as Paris, and as far as rich, famous
and powerful parents go, you can't do
much better than the leader of the free
.world. Why aren't they media dar-

lings? Why don't they get to be on
magazine covers? Oh, that's right;
they're ugly.
That's the other key to Paris
Hilton's rise to the top: she's not ugly.
Fortunately for her, she has that per-
fect mixture of filthy rich parents and
good looks that's all the rage these
days. Sucks to be the Bush twins.
I'm not saying Paris is completely
untalented. She's very good at posing
on the red carpet, and she had that
one line in "Zoolander," which she
didn't screw up (at least in the take
that made it into the final cut).
But she still hasn't really done any-
thing. When people ask her what she
does for a living, what could she pos-
sibly say? My guess is, "Fuck off." It's
her way of avoiding the truth that she
doesn't do anything. It's her only
option, really. I don't think it's gener-
ally acceptable to list your occupation

as "socialite" on business cards and
resumes, either - at least not yet.
But Paris Hilton isn't the only one to
have achieved celebrity status for not
actually doing anything of substance.
Reality TV shows have created an
ever-growing mass of undeserving
celebrities. Just about everyone has
been on at least one reality TV show
(I've been on six myself, and there's a
seventh in production).
But while Paris Hilton and your
average reality TV celebrity are both
famous for doing nothing, the key dif-
ference between them is that the reali-
ty TV celebrity does something
outside of the show. While they never
become famous for being accountants
or sales reps, they still are account-
ants and sales reps. Everyone knows
the infamous Puck for being a colos-
sal prick to his housemates on "The
Real World," but he was also a bike

messenger. Paris Hilton can't even
claim something as lowly as that.
And now in a most amusing turn of
events, Paris Hilton is becoming a
reality TV star herself. She and long-
time friend Nicole Richie (daughter
of singer Lionel Richie) are the stars
of "The Simple Life," which debuted
on FOX Tuesday night. The show has
Hilton and Richie completely out of
their element and shows the ultimate
clash of cultures: two rich, cosmopol-
itan blondes working on an Arkansas
farm. Hilarity ensues.
But the undeserving celebrity phe-
nomenon is nothing new, really. Of
course, there have always been people
unworthy of their status. The British
have been doing it for ages with their
royal family, practically worshiping
them for doing absolutely nothing.
It's something relatively new to the
United States, however, and I like to

think that we Americans haven't got-
ten to such a sad point as the British
yet. Our undeserving celebrities are
typically relegated to punch-line duty,
and we hold people like Paris Hilton
in contempt just for being themselves.
Like Andy Warhol said, "In the
future, everyone will be famous for
15 minutes." Warhol has been proven
right time and again. Celebrities come
and go all the time. We love them one
day, then forget about them the next.
It's what keeps VHl in business.
But perhaps it's time to update his
original statement to reflect our cur-
rent state of affairs. Maybe it should
go something like "In the future,
everyone will be famous for 15 min-
utes without doing a goddamn thing."
- Joel is completely deserving of
his celebrity status. He can be
reached with autograph requests at
j.ho@umich.edu.


Desperate, stranded writer bums ride from Marco's Pizza

FOREST CASEY/DAILY

By Aliya Chowdhd
Daily Arts Writer

A friend and I were recently stranded at a strip
.mall just off campus after attending a self-defense
class (something in which, by the way, everyone
should invest). The cab that had dropped us off
promised to return, and being virgin cab-riders
from the Midwest, we had naively believed him.
Needless to say, the cab never came. After a phone
call to another cab company and 25 minutes of
waiting without a cab, we became desperate.
Already significantly late for respective
meetings, our eyes rested on the Marco's Pizza

sign and a light bulb had gone off. Could we
pull it off? Would its employees assist two
already icicled college girls just trying to get
back to campus? It was worth a shot.
As I said, we were desperate.
We inquired about their delivery conditions,
decided on a large cheese pizza to satisfy the $7
minimum and popped the big question, "So, do
you think you would be able to deliver us with
the pizza?"
The initial look of confusion on General Man-
ager and part owner Chris Marco's face told us he
had never before been propositioned in this man-
ner. After marinating on the idea for a few sec-

onds, he had just one question for us: "Where do
you want to be delivered?" Unable to contain our-
selves, we were tremendously grateful - laugh-
ing and jumping up and down in the store (both
out of excitement and because it had generated
heat to thaw us). The pizza came out of the oven,
we said "thank you" once more and were on our
way with Colin, the driver.
As a result of this one bizarre situation, we had
made a new friend, had a story from our "college
days" on which we can reflect back and had dis-
covered an enticing new pizza place in the heap of
Ann Arbor pizza places.
In fact, the pizza is one of the best in the

area: The crust is soft, buttered and sprinkled
with parmesan cheese. Marco's also offers a
taco pizza variety that is lacking in campus-
neighboring locales. Marco's offers specials for
University students during finals and even
accepts all competitors' coupons.
Chris Marco did not need to help us out that
day; he could have just as easily turned us away
as most other pizza places probably would have
with their "no delivery of people" policy (yes,
pizza places actually do have these). His consid-
eration is indicative of the quality of his pies -
he not only cares about his customers, but he
also makes excellent pizzas.

04
Variety is the spice of India,:
korl'Al.lima Masi.A.,.,..: bingst~'r-- .
S ou I~her ..'.....t.Ann. 4".

Just like mom makes it.

Cel~b~feOnt 22na An~nWvit#ary!
71a~s ,e 769,5722 21161 W. S aszrinw
11:30-10Yell 8cSgt 11:30-11 Suh 12-10

By Anthea Stolz
Daily Arts Writer
After listening to two of my house-
mates pine for their mothers' home-
made Indian food and after hearing
their critiques of Ann Arbor's Indian
restaurants (in which they declared
that no food compared to mom's), I
welcomed the opportunity to accom-
pany them to Madras Masala, the
most recent addition to Ann Arbor's
Indian restaurant collection.
Madras Masala, with its cumin-
colored walls and colorful cuisine, is
just a hop away from campus. The
restaurant takes its name from two
Indian words. Madras is the name of
the southern seaside capital city of
the state of Tamil Nadu, located on
the Bay of Bengal. Masala, a culi-
nary term used all over India to refer
to a spice, a blend of spices, or a
method of cooking. The menu boasts
not only south Indian fare, but Indo-
Chinese and Moghlai dishes as well
and many vegetarian options.
Within the borders of India, there
exists a great spectrum of culinary
variation. South Indian cuisine dif-
fers from that of the North in a
number of ways, including the
selection of spices, the incorpora-
tion of small amounts of coconut,
the methods of cooking and the
,presence of specia lentils, (dais) and,

soups. However, I couldn't resist the prom-
Dosa and uttapam are two tradi- ised warmth of soup on a bitter cold
tional Southern dishes that appear night and so I started with a rather
prominently on the menu at Madras. selfish appetizer. Piping hot when it
A dosa is a thin crepe-like pancake arrived, the tomato soup was thick,
that can be served alone or with other flavorful and agreeably piquant. The
foods. The thickness and spice level fresh coriander garnish provided not
of the dosa varies but it is served only a nice color contrast between the
with a selection of chutneys. An utta- red of the soup and the green of the
pam is a thicker version of dosa used herb, but also had added another layer
as bread or topped with vegetables. to the flavor of the soup.
One of my favorite things about Next, we ordered two dosas for
Indian food is the intricacy of the the table, one Mysore Dosa, which
flavors. There is no such thing as was paper-thin and spread with a
homogenous taste; complexity is the spicy chutney, and a Madras Masala
name of the game. One spice rarely Special Dosa, which was a bit thick-
dominates, and a magically harmo- er and filled with potato and onion.
nious balance prevents the individ- Each was served with three dipping
ual character of any spice from com- sauces, two to cool the fire, coconut
pletely disappearing. The mystery chutney and a tomato-based sauce,
that surrounds the blending of and a third, dangerously hot sauce,
spices continues to baffle me, so all to increase the heat if the kitchen's
I can do is enjoy the dishes crafted spicing of the dosa wasn't adequate.
by those who have mastered the art. Arriving with a good amount of
For those unfamiliar with Indian spice, I found that adding the very
cuisine, be cautious of the spice spicy sauce catapulted me past my
level. If you are worried that a dish spice threshold. In contrast, the sweet
will be too hot, ask your server to coconut chutney had a very soothing
see if it can be adjusted to your effect on my enflamed taste buds.
taste. A Masala dosa, basic and A word of caution: A dosa, although
tasty, is a good introduction to fairly thin, is deceivingly filling and a
Southern Indian fare. meal in itself. If you are having more
In principle, I think that the best dishes following the dosa, opt for an
way to enjoy Indian food is to order a unfilled dosa to conserve valuable
number of dishes for the, table-to share. ,s tomach space, or, bring along many

friends to share the dishes.
We continued our dinner wi
lamb vindaloo, a northern dish ai
vegetable briyani (a rice dis
cooked in a sealed pot). Both we
excellent, but the lamb was slight
better. Served in a thick gravy th
when prepared at a medium spic
level wasn't too hot, the lamb had
tangy, almost sour, aftertaste.
In spite of very leisurely servic
the meal was declared a success an
even my most discerning housema
was pleased. The only criticism wa
that the Northern Indian dishes we
not as satisfying as their southe:
cuisines. Future customers shou
stick to the South Indian specialtie
Madras has to offer.
Dinner entrees are very reaso:
ably priced from $5.95 to $11.95 an
dosas run between $4.95 and $7.9
and a dosa lunch buffet is availab
daily for $7.95 Monday thru Frida
and for $8.95 Saturday and Sunda
Carry-out is also available.
Madras Masala is located at
328 May ard Street. It is ope
Mondy-Friday for lunch
11:30a.m. - 3p.m. and dinne
5-10p.m. Open Saturda
noon 0:30p.m. and Sun ay
noon-9:30p.m.

4,