0 e e a' 6 e4 6p 12B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, November 13, 2003 I1 JOEL HOARD - ' r< FOOLED THE ROCKS THAT I GOT The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine IS THAT A FLYER IN YOUR HAND? Hello there, kind sir or madam. I see you have a flyer in your hand. What can I do for you? You want me to vote for your friend for MSA representative? Your up-and- coming band is playing a free show this Friday? Jesus loves me, and you want me to come to heaven with you? Thanks. I appreciate it. No, really, I do. But you better just hang onto that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I think people should get to know each other before they give one another flyers. It all goes back to the "don't take candy from strangers" mantra that was etched into my brain at a young age. It's a defense mechanism, really. I'm natu- rally distrusting of strange people who try to hand me things - even things as seemingly harmless as candy and flyers. At least that's how it started. Now, it's turned into a game. Walking to and from classes is such an unexciting and uninspiring experience that I'll do just about anything to make it more interesting, and dodging flyers is cer- tainly one way to do it. The Gifts of Improv underground 8:30pm, FREE! d Nakfd iRackiam Auditornum 8:00 pm, $7, MUTO and at the door, 763-TKTS Mass Destrucion Forum 7:00 pm, Hussey Room, FREE! Most flyers are easy to avoid. The majority of flyer distributors don't have their hearts in it, anyway. A sim- ple scoff or a "no, thank you" (depending on your mood) will dis- miss them. Others have more engag- ing salesperson-personality types and will try to appeal to you with a smile and a slick delivery. Spot these people and avoid them, or if they're directly in your path, sneak behind them. In my years here at the University, I've gotten pretty good at dodging flyers. In fact, only one person has ever gotten me. I remember it vividly. It was Sept. 21, 2000, a chilly fall afternoon. I was walk- ing on East Liberty Street. As I approached the Michigan Theater, where Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader was speaking that day, I saw a gentleman handing out Nader flyers. No problem, I thought. I'll just sneak aro nd him. Little did I know that the man before me was a master flyer dis- tributor. I attempted to walk behind him as a crowd of people passed on the other side. I thought I was in the clear when my rival spun quickly and deliv- ered a flyer right into my hands. It was truly awe inspiring. I was devastated. I went home and spent the rest of the day crying in my bedroom. It almost made me want to vote for Ralph Nader. Almost. Discussing this topic earlier this week, my friend Scott told me that I should take each bit of paper offered to me from each strange person who offers it. He said that as one of the enlightened few, I should take it upon myself to rid the world of flyers by taking every one that I can. The soon- er the flyer distributor runs out, the sooner he or she is off the street. But in the end, it's a matter of trust. You never know what that person wav- ing the flyer at you has on his or her mind. What's in it for this person to get her friend elected to MSA? Exactly how bad is this guy's up-and-coming band? Does Jesus really love me, and what's heaven actually like? Sometimes I get curious, but I never have the guts to find out. It's simply not worth the risk. - You should feel honored if Joel takes one ofyour flyers. That means he likes you and trusts you. He can be reached atj.ho@umich.edu. BRE MOUNTAIN/D The Sou Beach Di can improi waistline Goin' South thought I had made a new best friend, but the relationship just didn't work out. For almost two weeks My whirlwind affair with the South I By Rebecca Ramsey Daily Weekend Edito ABG Communication Phone: (734) 213-5801 522 East William Street - Next to Cottage Inn Then look to your good neighbor State Farm*agent. Through an unbeatable alliance with Fortis Health*, I'm offering flexible and affordable insurance coverage. If that's what you're looking for, come see y me today: Clement Gill, Agent 2801 S State St Ann Arbor, MI 734-761-6381 _ clement.gill.b06e@statefarm.com (two!), I had a solid union with the South Beach Diet. Yes, I admit it - I got involved with a fad diet. The basic concept of a fad diet has always intrigued me. The sheer logic that a trendy way of eating (or not eating) can set individuals en route to quickly morphing into lithe beings is simply beguiling, but these diets are not fixations that I would normally subscribe to. As shallow as it may seem, our perception of body size has come to reflect what others think of us. People draw connections between shape and personality and, as a result, our shapes uncon- sciously influence the way we define ourselves. For example, someone who may be on the larger size would probably, and unfortunately, be deemed lazy more so than someone smaller in size. Put simply, I have never really felt the necessity to embark on a diet craze. Inheriting a small size from my parents and maintaining an active lifestyle are factors that have kept me relatively tiny. And due to a severe and seriously schizo- phrenic stomach condition, I have been on doctor's orders to avoid foods that trigger my irritability: breads, cereals, pastas and other wheat and gluten- laced foods (foods that carbophobes on the Atkins diet keep a 20-foot distance from). However, when I heard about the eponymous status of renowned cardiologist Arthur Agatson's South Beach Diet, my eyebrows perked up. In his book, aptly titled "The South Beach Diet," Agatson proposes a three-phase diet that virtual- ly anyone can stick to for the rest of his or her life. Based on the bikini hot-spot, the diet immediate- ly rose to fame due to its magical promise: During the first phase, you can lose eight to 13 pounds, and most of the weight melts off of your stomach! So, with that guarantee in mind, I said "why not" and jumped onto the fad-diet bandwagon to begin Phase 1. During this two-week phase, I was to subsist on three decent-sized meals of vegetables, chicken, cheese and nuts. This seemed easy, since I was already accustomed to a similar diet. I said good- bye to fruit - a major staple in my diet - sugars (damn!) and starches (no prob). My future looked promising. have no problem reac Beach Diet ing Phase 2, the pha inwhich you reintr r duce fruit and who grains into your di (and lose one to two pounds a week), and then eve on to Phase 3, the life-long maintenance phase. But there's a catch: Alcohol is strictly forbid den during the first phase. This means no sip, r taste and while it's pathetic to admit, no fun at th bar for two whole weekends. Such a decree exists since alcohol has a hig glycemic index (i.e., cocktails are easily conver ed into sugar, but don't worry. Red wine is late encouraged for its cardiovascular benefits) an often leads to the dreaded beer-belly endemic. Still, with a svelte stomach and no fear < developing a gut, I figured that I could have couple of drinks and not be physically affected Therein lies the root of my eventual demise. "One beauty of the three-phase structure of th South Beach Diet is that you can move easily fror one stage to another," Agatson explains in his boo This exemplifies how the diet really can be loyal friend: when you cheat on it and play wit new and more entertaining friends, it will take yc back when you come crawling on your knees. won't judge you for your mistakes. I was able b move back and forth between phases, and I wi gladly tell you that I restarted Phase 1 twice - after each weekend during my tryst the first phas In the chapter devoted to the reasons people fa on the South Beach Diet, Agatson describes th dieters begin to improvise on their own. This hal pens when people start to lose weight and the think they can begin to cheat a little, so they hav a cookie after dinner. This triggers the mind int remembering that baked goods tasted great, an dieters often fall into a daily dessert trap. I' vouch for that - on the day I decided to resta the diet for the second time, I indulged myse with an oatmeal cookie, and I couldn't stop think ing about it for the rest of the week. In the end, my attachment to the South Beac Diet had failed. There are many, many Agatso devotees, which explains why his book has staye hot on The New York Times' bestseller list for 3 weeks. However, the whole fad diet charade ju: wasn't for me. I suppose it was because the die has the potential to be such a good companion but that I was not a compatible match. After al you always crave the thrill of straying from thos who will wait around for you. The fad diet posed itself to be merely the mak- ings of a good story, but as I got into the diet, I really became devoted. I was assigned a job - and I was going to follow it. Agatson tells his fol- lowers "to eat so that your hunger is satisfied," so I listened, and I ate. He is almost completely right about Phase 1. Not only did I agree with his claim that this phase is "shockingly painless," but I also did not miss the sweets. Instead, I enjoyed my newfound "healthy" way of eating. The premise of this diet is exactly that: If you alter the way you eat, and thus dramatically change your blood chemistry, you will lose weight. After a mere four days of cashews, tuna, chicken breast salads from Greeks,' sugar-free Jello-O and a few soy lattes, my jeans were already feeling loose around my waist. I was obsessed. My abs looked more defined and I couldn't have been hap- pier when I looked in the mirror. I thought I would www.umich.edu/-uac uac.info@umich.edu 734-763-1107 hAG: LUWA> ' Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.® statefarm.com* State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company Home Office: Bloomington, Illinois FORTIS Soi~d partners, flexible solutions"~