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November 13, 2003 - Image 11

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The Michigan Daily, 2003-11-13

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r r . a .





The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magaine

14B -The

Michigan Daily - Weekend MIgazine - Thursday, November 13, 2003






La Izenberg
For the Daily


... ..... ..... .. ......... ...

So much for the afterglow.


Bi umow
TOP 10
1. Shock N YAI, Toby Keith
- 'Cause you don't mess with
God's Amenca
2. Afterglow, Sarah
Mcachlan - Sarah and after-
glow, this was made for us.
3. Now that's What I Caff
Music VoL 14, Vanous Atistst
- Only the Schick Quatro can
rival this for sheer ridiculous-
ness. When is itgon to stop?
4. The Very of Sheryl
Crow, Sheryl Crow - Doesn't
she only have like four albums any-
wa . The SpeakedboxxxlTe
Love BelowOutcast- Big Boi
said he was going to give up pot
... interesting.
6. Blood in My Eye, Ja Rule
- Was Ja an extra in Kill Bill"
cause then he definitely would
have gotten blood in his eye and
in his mouth and his ear and .
7. Great Amercan
Songbook VoL X~ Rod Stewart
-We,the American public, collec-
tively feel one volume was quite
8. Measure of a MWA,. Clay
Aiken - I'd normally take a bun
of cheap shots at Clay but there's
not enough room.
9. Payable on Deaty P.O.D.
- Hmmm, isn't it a little late to
be putting out a self titled
album? Just checking.
10. Chicken'nBeer, Ludacois
- A collective groan was heard
across the U.S. when thousands of
people realized that this is music
and not just coupons for chicken
and beer.

I( t o much cmp in my head / So many rubbishy
facts /So mani alf-baked / Theories and opin-
ions / So Many public figures /1I care nothing
about / But who stick like pitch _.. So much crap, yet / So
much I don't know / and woukd dearlp like to."-- from
"Doves," C.K_ Williams
Past midnight when you decide to cut through the Law
Quad. Be closer to 12:30 by the time you get to her house.
Insincerely warm for November, the trees more than half
empty already. The ivy burns crimson along corners the
stained glass, leaves scatter out over the lawns like yellowed
photographs. Slump down on the steps of the chapel and dig
your palms into your eyes. Think. Just relax, and think, and
an idea will come. Have plenty of time, just need to think.
Mutter a curse for not having a single Tuns on you. Qught
to know better by now
It wasn't suppose to be like this. Graduate early, you said,
why the hell not? Seemed like a reasonable idea. Brain must
be full by now, don't want to over-polish it. Easier to find
something in the winter. You'll be ahead of the competition.
Simple proposals are the most dangerous, handing you a
bucket of paint and luring you into a comfortable corner or
skipping the pretense and matter-of-factly tossing you off a
cliff. Your jaw is stone, your stomach is fire. You are a bal-
loon to be popped.
Five classes and 40-plus hours a week at what theoretical-
ly still is referred to as a part-time job. Commitments replace
friendships. Antacids replace food. Leave the embrace of the
warm bed and Google job searches when you can't sleep.
The straining glow of computer screens replaces dreams.
Your father most likely still likes you. He thinks he is
being helpful. He thinks you need to be reninded, prodded
like a pack animal. He doesn't sleep either. Learn to remem-
ber this; counting to 10 doesn't always do the trick. Accept
business cards from him and put them in your wallet.
Promise to send the e-mail on Monday.
Well-rehearsed excuses buy extensions. Articles can be
written on the page. Pretend to be a jazz musician improvis-
ing manic brilliance while hacking out what will make you
shudder in the light of day Nobody reads anyways.
Inconceivably strange and elaborate plans will start to
make all sorts of sense if you simply repeat them often
enough. Feel free to laugh while humming them like
mantras, Eventually you believe them, like an addict condi-
tioning himself on either side of rehab. You could work for
the Federal Emergency Management Agency You could
design cereal boxes and milk cartons. Somebody has to write
People, somebody has to open a bar in Alaska with a genial-

ly eccentric parade of regulars, who at every turn have such
,emarkable and amusing insights that publishers/television
execs would have no choice but to fall all over each other if
somebody had the foresight just to transcribe their lives.
Strong minds bend too. Bells ring, you drool.
Nails are made to be bitten, honor's an expendable com-
modity. Cross lines and fingers, check off lists. Snap at some-
body at least once a day. Tunnels have lights, swear to your-
self, tunnels have lights. Scowl like it's going out of style.
Wrap a paper napkin so tightly around your finger at lunch
your friend will point it out to you and ask if you're OK.
Make broad statements about economic cycles and hiring
markets. You are shampoo, you are air-freshener. With the
proper packaging everyone will want to buy. They will gath-
er the children together in the den on bended knees and mar-
.vel that they ever thought they could get through a single
solitary day without the awe-inspiring glow of your pres-
ence. Gee, they'll say as they puff on their pipes and give the
wife a playful squeeze, aren't the marvels of modern living
so conveniently swell?
The pile of books on the nightstand will get bigger. You
will learn to play guitar later. Drum your fingers and wait,
just wait. Carryout beats cooking anyways. People forgive
you; it's their job. Your third wind is usually the most impor-
tant, the one that carries you through till morning. You're
probably too young for it to be arthritis. People get the chills
all the time, literally all the time.
Remind others you are tired. The dry heaves don't count
as actually being sick. Pressure is a gift nothing would ever,
ever get done if it weren't for the proverbial gun being
shoved in your temple. Secretly hoard compliments while
remaining outwardly indifferent. Think of it as balance. Try
not to make her cry so much.
Sputter at earnestness; laugh at those who still raise their
hands in discussion. Caring, are they actually caring?
Volunteer nothing. Have your bag on your shoulder before
the hours even up. If there is one immovable law of fashion,
it's that a scowl is always in style. Try not to dissect others, but
assume they are dissecting you. Wear paranoia like a blanket.
Hold your breath whenever the computer freezes.
It all goes so quick.
And it's over.
-Scotts column earlier appeared as an essayfor class.
His editors initially vetoed this submission, but thev now
see the wonderfid irony ofa column about deadlines being.
on a deadline. He can be reached at sserilla@umichkedu.

Gross in millions of dollars
1. The Matrix Revolutions
(48.4) - Wait - $48 million?
That's why I didn't see it opening
weekend, I would not be a part of
that overinflation.
2. Elf (31.1) - Poor Will, so
much promise, so muchvtalent
and so many unfunny movies.
3. Brother Bear (18.5) -
Please refer to him by his proper
name, Big Bear Who Runs
Through the River in Winter Time.
4. Scay Movie 3 (10.3)-
The scary thing about this movie
is that they have already made
two of them.
5. Radio (7.2) - Run, Forrest
Run. Oh wait that was from the
first version of this movie.
6. Love Actually (6.8) - If
they would cut out one or two of
the stories this movie would be
the greatest ... for me to poop on.
7. The Texas Chainsaw
massacre (4.9) - You know I
bet if they put Foster on the case
they would catch him much
faster. After all, he is super.
8. Mystic River (4.7) -
Is that what R. Kelly is calling it
these days?
9. Runaway Jury (4.6) -
They should have made "Zoolander
2: Runway Jur "instead.
10. School of Rock (3.0) -
What this movie needs is Drew
Carey singing "Cleveland Rocks,
"that would make it the bomb.
Carey and Black are ... The Big
Boned Band.


he rumors are true: The
Freshman 15 is real. Yes, it
exists. Formerly made into

a derogatory joke by such novel-
ties as T-shirts reading "Fresh-
men: Get 'Em While They're
Skinny," the infamous weight
gain has proved itself to be a real-
ity. But fear not, it is one that can
definitely be avoided.
Then why are new students still gaining weight?
The phenomenon becomes known to most while still
in high school. Many students, especially girls, come
to campus with a seemingly inevitable black cloud of
extra pounds hanging over their heads. However, the
real culprit proves to be ignorance about good nutri-
tion, among other bad habits, striking freshmen as
soon as they set foot on campus, and often is unrelent-
ing throughout one's undergraduate existence. These
often-unapparent causes are the actual enemy when it
comes to fighting weight gain. It's time the phantom
Freshman 15 came into the open.
In a recent study conducted by experts at Cornell
University, incoming freshmen were examined with
the purpose of finally uncovering the facts about cam-
pus weight gain. According to the study, "The fresh-
men, on average, gained about 0.3 pounds per week,
which is almost 11 times more than the weekly
weight gain expected in 17 and 18-year-olds and
almost 20 times more than the average weight gain of
an American adult." What could possibly be causing
these mysterious pounds? The answers are more obvi-
ous than we would like to think.
Ruth Blackburn, a residential dining hall nutrition
specialist, sees many of the same unhealthy habits in
many of the students who come to her with concerns
about weight gain. For instance, something as simple
as skipping breakfast (a favorite bad habit of fresh-
men) can generate a "feast or famine" reaction in the
body, causing all those late-night snacks later on to
metabolize slower.
Late-night snacks: a major habit that can put on the
pounds quicker that you can say, "I'd like to order a
large pizza." The body burns fuel during the day, not at
night, when many college freshmen are consuming the
majority of their
calories. "Body image is just sc
And what's a col- of in a new setting."
lege student's ulti-
mate favorite snack? -{
You guessed it -
"Alcoholic bever-
ages contribute a tremendous amount of calories that
people aren't even aware of," Blackburn explained.
With nutrition habits like these, it's not all that hard
to see why the average freshman has a hard time stay-
ing svelte at school.
Simple changes in other behaviors that all fresh-
man face, simply as part of becoming acquainted with
college life, can also lead to weight gain over time.
The dining halls themselves, with their all-you-can-
eat buffet setups, entice freshmen to pile their plates

Actually, he will sing naked.

Dorm cafeterias often contain calorie traps.
high and then lick them clean. Instead of asking,
"What am I really hungry for?" Residence hall diners
tend to become hungry for whatever they see in front
of them, no matter the nutrition contents. Dining halls
contain calorie booby traps lurking at every corner,
even in something supposedly harmless, such as a
salad bar, where nuts, cheese and dressings abound
with no apparent limit. And since nobody's watching

Girls claim that the new setting adds a new spi
on one's own body image. What used to be a gen
uine concern for good health has become ar
attempt at self-improvement, simply for the sake o
"looking my best," blurring the line between "feel
ing healthy" and "being pretty." These feelings ca:
lead to equally bad eating habits and disorders
given all these incoming anxieties, it's not surpris
ing that many freshman girl
are simply scared to eat th
snacks: a food provided to them by th
that can Put University.
nds quicker Since the Freshman 15 is mor
say, 'd like fact than fiction, it is important to
ge pizza." know how to avoid it in healthy
ways. There is hope. There ar
many simple behaviors that fresh

over what you eat, the amount of
freedom when it comes to food
is enough to make most fresh-
men get lost in buffet euphoria
and stuff themselves.
Other less obvious habits that
automatically change once on
campus include the "eat-and-run"
syndrome, causing students to
choose higher-fat (and easier to

Late night
major habitit
on the poui
that you cans
to order a lar

grab) foods over

................ .. ... ............ .. .... .... ...... .
... ....... .......... .....



healthier ones. Also, the high-stress atmosphere,
Blackburn says, causes the body to release stress hor-
mones, making us crave sugar and fat.
With all the odds bearing down on students, it
seems as though it would be impossible to avoid the
Freshman 15 without completely changing everything
about a typical college freshman's lifestyle. This can
be extremely stressful to the incoming freshman psy-
che, especially in females.
"Body image is just something you are aware of
in a new setting," explaine i LSA freshman Christy
Many female freshmen may feel a new competi-
tive aspect to social life, leading to the desire to
"stand out" in the huge crowd, especially when it
comes to impressing the opposite sex. Problems like
this often arise at big schools like the University,
because it's "such a

- In our latest installment of
"Diddy Watch," add "Dead-Beat
Dad" to the long list of Sean Comb's
pseudonyms. Ex-wife Misa Hylton-
Brim, mother of Diddy's oldest son,
Justin, is suing the hip-hop mogul
for more child support.
Combs' has been ordered to turn
over financial information by the end
of November. According to E!
Online, the judge handling the case
also denied Diddy's request to only be
referred to as "S.C." in court docu-
ments, an attempt to avoid bad pub-
licity. Diddy of course declined to
Check out next week's Weekend for
another installment of "Diddy Watch."
Cue theme music.

FAMILY, BRENDA - Earlier this
week, the fabled sex tape featuring
Paris Hilton, heiress to the Hilton
Hotel fortune, hit the Internet. The
tape, shot three years ago, features a
19-year-old Hilton and then-
boyfriend Rick Solomon, 30.
Solomon, who coincidently just
releaseda self-described "A-list ver-
sion of Girls Gone Wild," denies any
involvement with leaking the tape.
The Hilton family is doing its best to
downplay the tape and attack those
that profiting from its release.
In a related story, Shannon Doherty,
on-again, off-again wife of Solomon,
just so happens to be featured in this
month's issue of Playboy. Anyone else
smell a "Celebrity Boxing" revival?
Once again, this juicy tidbit comes
courtesy of E! Online. Those bastards
get all the news!

man can adopt to stay healthy without starving.
Easy tactics, such as planning your intake befor
hitting the cafeteria and thinking about what you real
want to eat, can immediately change food habits fo
the better. Other tips include avoiding the hidden calo
rie traps in seemingly harmless foods, and eating
foods with naturally bright colors that can make
healthier, happier student. Drinking lots of water anc
getting the right amount of exercise also play a part it
the fight against the Freshman 15. Still craving late
night candy bars and ice cream? "Grab an apple or
handful of carrots, instead," Blackburn suggested.
With all this information to think about while
under oppressive amounts of stress, the Universi
ty's role in student nutrition is important. Program;
held in residence halls, such as one organized by e
Markley resident adviser this year, attempt to quel
the crash-diet mania by teaching students abou
nutrition. The program focused on elements sucl
as portion size. Using cardboard cutouts of food tc
give students an idea of, for example, what a cup o
rice might look like, residents were instructed it
how to choose reasonable portions.
Other helpful resources include MFit and MSmar
plans which can be found online, not to mention the
nutrition facts posted above each dish in the dining
hall, giving students guidelines to follow in order tc
make healthy choices.
Nobody expects anyone to be perfect; however
the Freshman 15 is a menace that can be taken care
of more easily than previously thought. Smal
amounts of effort are all it takes to nip unneeded
weight gain in the bud, and nutritional resources anc
good habits are all freshmen need in order to be
healthier and happier people all around. After all
there is school to think about.


omething you are aware big school, so how
are you gonna stand
out?" explained
Christy MacGillivray MacGillivray. The
LSA freshman trouble starts when
girls mistake "stand-
ing out" with being
exceptionally thin.
When the new body awareness is coupled with an
intense fear of gaining weight, the result can be over-
whelming and many girls lack the nutritional infor-
mation to sufficiently calm themselves regarding the
"great weight debate." Even girls who claim not to
have cared in high school admit to having been a little
nervous when they first got to campus.
"At the end of senior year, I pretty much psyched
myself out," said LSA freshman Maggie Fink.


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