2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, October 16, 2003
Random can't get her Canadians straight

The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine -
2 legit 2 quit:
Alreu
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By Scott Scdila
Daily Arts Editor

Random: Hello?
The Michigan Daily: Hi, Kimberly? You've
been selected to be the random student for this
week's Random Student Interview Do you have a
few minutes to do it?
R: Right now?
TMD: I could call back, I guess, if that would be
better.
R: I can do it right now. Whatever.
TMD: OK, there's no turning back at this point.
We've crossed the threshold here. How much of a
good thing is too much?
R: (pause) Seventy-five percent.
TMD: One lump or two?
R: Two.
TMD: Would you rather be struck by lightning
or win the lottery?
R: Hmm, win the lottery.
TMD: Good choice, good choice ... safe choice.
Who was your favorite "Golden Girl?"
R: Ohh, the old one, the crinkled old one.
TMD: Sophia? Why her?
R: 'Cause she was sarcastic. She had a mouth on
her.
TMD: She certainly did. Can you sing me the
theme song? Remember it?
R: Umm, give me a minute. Oh, I know it, I do!
TMD: I'll give you a hint - Thank you for
being a friend.
R: (sort of singing) Thank you for being a friend
... travel down the road ... you're a friend and con-
fidant. Umm, you had a party and the biggest pres-
ent would be from me. That's about it
TMD: Not bad. What would the card read?
R:... thank you for being a friend.

TMD: Yes! Well done, Kimberly, ya' did better
than most. I'm gonna make a movie of your life -
what's the title of said movie?
R: "I Was Hit By a Truck."
TMD: When did that happen? What was the
truck carrying?
R: It was a pick-up truck. I pulled out in front ...
TMD: Ohh, OK. You were in a car, too. I
assumed you were a pedestrian. Well that's a good
title for the movie, kinda a suspense-thriller, huh?
Who do you want to play you?
R: Someone with red hair.
TMD: A redhead. They have these things called
wigs you know?
R: Yeah, but it's not as cool. Maybe Lucille Ball.
TMD: She might be unavailable.
R: She'll do it.
TMD: She'll come back from the dead just to
get hit by a truck. If a fat 72-year-old pit bull of a
man charges you at full speed, what do you do?
R: Give him a cookie.
TMD: What? What if you are cookieless?
R: I don't know. I always have a cookie.
TMD: That's a very Boy Scout-y answer.
R: I was a Girl Scout.
TMD: What was your favorite merit badge?
R: Jeezes ... The one we got for going and visit-
ing nuns.
TMD: There's a hanging-with-nuns merit
badge? The Nunnery merit badge?
R: I don't know if we got a badge, but it was
exciting. They got us presents.
TMD: So much for the vow of poverty. So who
was the last person who called before I did.
R: Last call was a wrong number. They asked for
Denise.
TMD: And Denise doesn't live there? What's
their deal? My friend's dog had to be put down last

weekend. Do you think it's too soon for her to start
seeing other dogs?
R: I Think it would be OK.
TMD: You don't think her dog will be rolling
over and crying in heaven?
R: No it was probably a very old dog. It was an
act of love.
TMD: She'll be very comforted to hear you put
it that way. Do you think it's too soon for her to start
making out with random guys at frat parties?
R: Yes, definitely.
TMD: Do you think Wendy's should build a
robot Dave Thomas to do their commercials so they
still seem like Wendy's commercials?
R: No. They should just play the old ones again.
TMD: So, you miss Dave Thomas?
R: I do. He was such a nice Canadian. I love
Canadians.
TMD: He wasn't Canadian. Are you sure you're
not thinking of Dave Thomas, the guy from
"SCTV?" 'Cause he was Canadian.
R: No, the Wendy's founder was Canadian.
TMD: No he's not.
R: Yes he is.
TMD: Uh, no he isn't. If he's Canadian I'll eat
my hat. If you were a fruit what kind would you be?
R: A kumquat.
TMD: Why a kumquat?
R: 'Cause it's little and orange like me.
TMD: How tall are you?
R: Five foot two. I look like Kim Possible from
the Disney Channel.
TMD: Strangely, I know what you're talking
about. What's you're favorite CD right now?
R: O.A.R. In Between Now and Then.
TMD: Are they Canadian?
R: No, they're from New Jersey. Or maybe
Maryland.

TMD: I thought they all went to O.S.U.
R: Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're bad.
TMD: Well it might. Don't youthink Ohio is the
worst state in the Union?
R: It really is.
TMD: It's like a place holder until we can find
something better to put there. OK, here's the
Lightning Round. Are you ready?
R: Alright.
TMD: OK, I'm going to say a word and you
say the first thing that pops into your head.
Ready?
R: Yep.
TMD: Camel.
R: Cigarette.
TMD: Lazy-Boy
R: My grandpa.
TMD: Snotty.
R: Booger.
TMD: Cash.
R: Hoes.
TMD: Hose?
R: Hoes.
TMD: Hose? Like a garden hose?
R: HOES. Like cash, money, hoes.
TMD: Hoes as in biatches?
R:Yeah.
TMD: Poop.
R: Umm, turd.
TMD: Corndog.
R: Poop.
TMD: Master.
R: Funkmaster.
TMD: No, the word goes after. So it'd be Master
Funk.
R: OK, that's still good.
TMD: Mother.
R: Umm, I have no idea. Your mom.

By Jared Newman
Daily Arts Writer

One of the greatest conveniences afforded
to University students is the electronically
stored lunch money, Entree Plus. A quick
swipe of your handy MCard and you're good
to go at a wide variety of restaurants on cam-
pus. In fact, with Entree Plus, sometimes the
hardest part is deciding where to eat.
Which restaurants on campus are legitimate
eateries, and which are not (i.e. "janky")?
Bear in mind, that a restaurant can have
decent tasting food but can still be deemed
"janky" based on other factors, such as selec-
tion, service and speed. Think of a Taco Bell
Express compared to its full-service sibling
and you'll understand the distinction. Without
further ado, here is the essential information
to Entree Plus at the Union.
MRS. FIELD'S CoOmiEs
It's a full-service Mrs. Field's. With a vari-'
ety of baked goods, including cupcakes
slathered with frosting, this eatery can satify
a raging sweettooth. And, if you give them
advance notice, they'll even bake you one of
those giant party cookies, but they won't
draw a pot leaf on it during Hash Bash.
If you need to feel healthy afterwards,
there's a smoothie bar attached to it so you
won't be without your strawberry/yogurt/Cre-
atine fix.
But man cannot live on cookies and
smoothies alone, and as Mrs. Field's provides
no real sustenance, this cannot truly be con-
sidered a legitimate restaurant.
VERDICT: JANKY
VIUA PIZZA
While Villa Pizza doesn't offer the best
pizza on campus, it is the only pizza place
that will accept your parent's money in
MCard form. The smell of garlic can be rea-

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RYAN WEINER/Daily
While restaurants in the Union Underground, such as Magic Wok, do not accept credit cards, you can
always put it on the real plastic ... your MCard.

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son enough to hand them your card, however,
this restaurant is teetering on the edge due to
its exorbitant prices and lack of freshness.
Still, give it your nod of approval since you
can't really find anything wrong with it. But
if Papa John's or any respectable establish-
ment ever starts accepting Entree Plus, you

should take your business elsewhere.
VERDICT: LEGrr
WENDY'S
Reigning as the high watermark of the
Union underground, Wendy's offers lighten-
ing-fast service at dirt-cheap prices. You usu-
ally don't have to wait longer than one minute

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Locafed in ihe MUG
Pick up your books, check your
email and grab some pizza!
Fall Hours
Mon - Thurs (1Oam - 11pm)
Fri -Sat (lOam- 11pm)
Sun (1Oam - 11pm)

RIDE
Continued from Page 12B
JULY 2003
Ern sent me an e-mail saying she
needed to stay in Singapore for an
extra semester to help her family
move to a new house. She swore that
she'd find someone to take her room
for the Fall. But her e-mail just made
me cry.
We nearly gelled together to form
one when she was here in the house
last year. She used to cook me Asian
feasts every night (think the mother in
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" only
shoving General Tso's Chicken in
your face instead of Mousaca). I
almost thought I might not be able to
live at Michigan without her.
AUGusr 2003
Ern e-mailed again saying she had
found us a subletter - Karen, a Singa-
porean exchange student who was
studying in Australia. Sarah then e-
mailed saying she would be graduating
early in December. Great, another
change in roommates.
Two weeks before school started, I

received yet another e-mail - this one
from Paul. His father had died of can-
cer and he would not be returning to
Michigan for a year. Where in the
world would we find another room-
mate at such a late date? All our
friends and their friends were already
moving in.
I was devastated. I almost wished I
could erase my name from the lease and
move into a small apartment with Elly
and Kate.
Then, Elly had the idea to put up an
ad online. I didn't voice my opinion, but
I was skeptical of this plan. What if we
found someone messy or noisy or some-
one that would totally hate my Todd
Oldham decorations?
Begum, originally from Turkey,
responded to our ad and moved in two
weeks later.
September 2003
During the first week TC walked in
on me while I was taking a bath,
which reminded me of David walking
in on Kelly in the shower on the sec-
ond season of "90210" - had to be a
bad sign.
I made a conscious effort to get to

know Begum, but I could not even
seem to say her name correctly at
first. Was it "Bee-jum," or "Bee-
gum"? It turned out to be "Beg-um"
with the stress on the first syllable.
Karen's window got smashed into a
thousand pieces by someone we hope
was not trying to break in (it happened
on a Saturday night so hopefully the
chair through the glass had more to do
with alcohol than criminal intent).
I'll be honest and say I had my doubts.
TODAY
I think a lot of the kinks have been
hammered out. We may not hang out
as a house. I may not have my best
friend in the room down the hall.
Each of us is an individual, but that
probably is going to have made my
experience here more enriching. I
like all my roommates and like them
more with each day that goes by.
I think a good anagram for my
living situation is IHOP - an inter-
national house of people. And
besides, nothing's really changed -
I still live in my familiar, grey
house on E. Madison. It's just
spiced up a little.