w w W W V W V -W ' _ w w w 4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, October 2, 2003 JOELNHOARD- DoNT E YT ROCKS THAT GOT The Michigan Daily - Weekend Maga NIAMH SLEVIN - CAUGHT AVANT GARDE CALI MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE DETROIT TIGERS FORNIA'S RAT RACE The Detroit Tigers were my first love. My affair with the Tigers officially began one summer afternoon when I was four years old. My dad took my brother and a friend to Detroit for a game. My mother, not yet willing to let her younger son visit the rough streets of downtown Detroit, made me stay home with her. As I watched the car drive off without me, I started to cry. But these weren't tears of a whiny four- year-old who wasn't getting his way. These were tears of genuine sad- ness. I knew then that I was in love with the Tigers. There could be no other explanation. I always dreamed of playing first base for the Tigers. I was going to be the next Cecil Fielder, only I'd be faster. Not only would I hit 50 home runs, but I'd steal 30 bases as well. Going to Tigers games was right up there with Christmas and my birthday. I remember making the trek to Detroit at least once a sum- mer to watch a game in person. We'd pile into our minivan and head for Detroit, arriving at least an hour early so that we could attend batting practice. Entering Tiger Stadium was always a magical experience. The dark, dank tunnels beneath the stands built up my anticipation, offering no sight of the field inside. Only after climbing the stairs to our seats did I catch my first glimpse of the lush green grass and the two decks of seats wrapping around the stadium. Every time was like my first - it just never got old. Forget Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon - there was nothing more beautiful than Tiger Stadium on game day. This was my church. But, as with any relationship, the Tigers and I fell on some hard times. In the mid '90s, my favorite players retired or left for other teams, among them Alan Trammell, Lou Whitaker, Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris, and I began to lose interest in the team. Following the work stoppage in 1994, I was down on baseball in general, and I decided to take a break from the game in its entirety. A few years later, while I was out for dinner with friends, there hap- pened to be a Tigers game showing on a big-screen TV, and all the mem- ories came rushing back. Sure, the team was awful and I didn't recog- nize many of the faces, but they were my team. I fell in love all over again, dedi- cating myself wholeheartedly to make up for lost time. Between 2000 and 2002, I rarely missed a game, making the trip to Detroit for several. The Tigers kept on losing, but I kept on watching. It was only a mat- ter of time before they got back on track and won another World Series. I thought they were on the right track when the team announced that Trammell would be returning to manage the team in 2003. But what the team failed to men- tion was that Trammell would be provided with a team of rejects who would have trouble competing in the minor leagues. These weren't the loveable variety of losers either. These guys were pathetic and embarrassing. It was a tough season to stomach. I tried to follow the team, and I attended a couple of games, but I must admit that I wasn't entirely devoted. Who can blame me? Watching a team I followed so closely for the majority of my life fail so miserably was tortuous. With a win in their final game-last Sunday, the 2003 Tigers improved their record to 43-119, one loss shy of the 1962 Mets' record of 120 losses. So, they're only the second worst team ever. Big deal. They're still pathetic. Much of the blame for the Tigers' failure can be placed on the team's owner, Mike Ilitch. He runs the team like he runs his Little Caesar's pizza chain: He offers a terrible product made from the worst ingre- dients and expects us to happily eat it up. Meanwhile, Ilitch throws mil- lions upon millions of dollars at the Red Wings. To invest so much into one team and so little into another is disre- spectful to both the fans and a Tigers legend like Trammell. It's not that Ilitch couldn't make money if he actually invested in the Tigers and got some decent players, either. Detroit has historically had loyal and fervent fans who will eagerly rally behind their team. In 1984, the Tigers set franchise atten- dance records that still stand today. It's time for an ultimatum: If Ilitch fails to put together a decent team (i.e. one that doesn't lose 100 games a year) in the next few years, this will be the end of our relation- ship. I can only take so much pain and suffering..It almost brings me to tears to say this, but I will have to dump the Tigers. It will have to be a clean break, too, just to be fair to the fans who stick around. There can be no look- ing back and no jumping on the bandwagon when the team gets good again. It's a terrible thing to say, but I'm prepared to do it. By the way, do you know if the Yankees are looking for new fans? - Joel is starting a support group for other souls in love with the hap- less Tigers. If you or someone you know suffers from this condition, contact him at j-ho@umich.edu. We are a nation made up more and more of enter- tainment fanatics. Forget the melting pot or whatever other strange, cliched metaphor you'd like to insert here. The ties that bind us go far beyond our cultural or ethnic histories. Rather, we are one with our more uniform entertainment fixations. Hollywood is the prime example of our nation's freakish obsession with anything famous. On average, I bet more people could cite the spe- cific details of the infamous Ben and J-Lo breakup than could name the capitals to the 50 states. We not only know who Demi Moore is dating now, but there are folks who are more conscious of the age-debate issues in her newest relationship than understand the policy differences between Democrats and Republicans. As a public audience, we want to know what Colin Farrell's next exploit will be, where Barbara Streisand's secret wedding is to be held and when Catherine Zeta- Jones' little bundle of joy should be due to make its grand appearance. We have several magazines pro- duced every week to keep us all abreast of this vital information, and the heartthrob, the diva and the drama queen certainly weren't exactly camera shy when it came their time to grace the cover. Hollywood is a three-ring circus nowadays; you never know what you're going to hear next about a super-celebrity. Everything has to be bigger and better than before. It's turned into a constant juggling act between what's hot and what's mar- ketable, and so far, anything goes. So, in the great state of California, where this virtual wonderland of entertainment taboo exists, a recall election overrun with vastly unquali- fied (but incredibly famous) candi- dates should not be so shocking to us anymore, right? We should be used to such crazy publicity stunts in this day and age, obviously. As many critics have noted, this election is little more than a joke now as actors and failed actors shout their promises of finance reform and other such polit- ical mumbo jumbo. The great Arnold Schwarzenegger used his own money supply as his winning political pitch, which was supposed to make him seem more honorable and trustworthy some- how. Yet, the Terminator still doesn't appear to be a credible candidate for something like the governor of a state. This past weekend, I heard people up in arms about a certain woman who claimed she wanted to announce her gubernatorial candi- dacy, and I have to admit, I found it all very amusing and just a little ironic. This woman, Mary Carey, who of course happens to be a porn star, seems to have no qualifications whatsoever, and the articles I've read discussed her prospective financial gain more than any legiti- mate platform ideas. Still, I laughed. I laughed that people should feel so appalled with this new possible entry yet feel ... I don't know ... almost resigned to the idea of all the others. I laughed that this election has actually become a highly strategic marketing ploy for its candidates' products rather than 2n address to a serious problem. I mean, Arnold wa,,s mewhat of a surprise in the begin.ng, but now he seems fairly blase. Gary Coleman, who hasr 't really done anything remarkable entertainment- wise within the last 20 years, final- ly has his name back in the papers for something other than his "E! True Hollywood Stories" specials. Unfortunately, he too has been almost tossed aside in favor of some juicier gossip. But, Carey, among others in her field, has seen a gross increase in her film sales since her profound announcement. She'd probably be the first to tell you her gubernatori- al run is not exactly a serious polit- ical move, but she has, perhaps inadvertently, proven how wild an outrageous this process has becom Is she qualified? I don't mean 1 discredit her, as I do not actual know much about her, but my gues is not at all. However, the other bi name candidates have not show themselves to be exceedingly exp< rienced or sincere either. Although the California race merely one example, it seems to n that politics has-ceased to be aboi politics at all, but rather who ca best entertain the audience. Whi here has the most shock value? Wl here has won our affections at som other time in some other forum? While the porn queen c California has little to no chance c actually winning this election, st certainly has succeeded at her goa Though she may not have a prest gious title or a fancy-pants, goveri Fletch 108: The new kid on the (a Capella) block By Megan Jacobs For the Daily You might have to schedule an audition if you want to catch up with LSA freshman Zach Shell, and he welcomes all that do. The founder of Fletch 108, the newest a capella group on campus, holds tryouts in a tiny third-floor practice room in the Michigan Union. When the year started, Shell had no intention of starting his own a cappella group, but after trying out for several established groups, he had to rethink his strategy. "I auditioned for Compulsive Lyres, Dicks and Janes, Amazin' Blue, the G-Men and 58 Greene," said Shell, "and didn't get called back for any of them." Disappointed, but not disheartened, the lanky, eyebrow-pierced music lover called upon Compulsive Lyres member and LSA senior Christine DeLeon for assistance in starting his own a capella group. Though his flyers around campus inspired some response, it was truly the Compulsive Lyres audition e- mail list that set Shell on his way. What began as a joke quickly became a reality for the Princeton, N.J. native. "I've had some 35 responses," Shell said. "And I'm getting more everyday." Named after his own dorm room, 108 in Fletcher Hall, Shell hopes to take the group to between 15 and 17 singers. Prospective audi- tioners need have no fear when trying out for Fletch 108. Shell does not have high expecta- tions for those who wish to join his new ensemble. "I can't sight read for the life of me, so I certainly don't expect my group members to," admitted Shell. Despite his experience in musical theater and high school choirs, he is relying on the help of a new computer program, as well as the men of Compulsive Lyres, to arrange the music. "I want it to be as chilled-out as possible," he said of the audition process. All one has to do is prepare a solo, have his or her range tested and get ready to laugh. As far as setbacks go, Shell has only had to face one major obstacle to this point. "I've seen 12 girls so far, but I haven't audi- tioned a single guy." While most men on campus would only dream of this problem, Shell knows that for a balanced a capella group, this just will not do. "It would probably work, except for the fact that I want to be in it myself!" he said while chuckling. As for the boys of Fletcher, he has yet to find one willing to join. Unless he sees some more male faces, he can only take one lucky lady into Fletch 108. "If worse comes to worst, it won't happen," said Shell. "But ideally, I would like to be sharing the stage with the best a capella groups on campus." For those eager to show off their vocal tal- ents, especially male vocalists, Shell encour- ages e-mails to zds@umich.edu. He will con- tinue to audition as long as students continue to show interest. WEEKEND.... p gg~ ry a nowd who can.OK we ied, atyctua y hdon't pat ou nhback i vvwW.YCICLOTHING .com lON~ c~IM Y M y ' .. ., } .. _ _ CE AEA HOME OF THE 2003 CCHA CHAMPION MICHIGAN WOLVERINES K. won=" r PUBLIC SKATING 1 Weekdays 12-12:50 pm Thursday 8-9:50 pm Saturday* 2-3:50 pm 7-8:50 pm1 Snay 2-3:50 pm *smesaturday sessions cancelled during home Michigan football & hockey games. 1November 22- February 28 1000 S. State St., Ann Arbor, MI 48109 go."Id bond cleane QUALITY DRY CLEANING & SHIRT SERVICE 332 Maynard (Across from Nickels Arcade) 668-6335 Free Taste Test On the 1st Suniday of EachMonth SUhJ,\y, October 5, l~~4, MEXICAN CAFE 333 E. 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