A 4A - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, September 3, 2002 OP/ED 1 (The £kbijun *aiig 420 MAYNARD STREET ANN ARBOR, MI 48109 letters@michigandaily.com EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SINCE 1890 JON SCHWARTZ Editor in Chief JOHANNA HANINK Editorial Page Editor Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. NOTABLE QUOTABLE ... The subtext is all about the government's right to suspend certain personal liberties in the pursuit of national security." - Nancy G. Edmunds, U.S. District Judge, in the US. District Court decision in Detroit Free Press v. John Ashcroft, a case centered around Ann Arbor resident Rabih Haddad. The Court ruled in favor of the plaintiffs. SAM BUTLER Tw SOAPOX Ever . eel l Ke n 4 la+IOS reshvYan - -- I French fries, grain of salt served a la carte AUBREY HENRETTY NEUROTICA ook, buddy, I don't know you. Maybe you've worked hard to get where you are today, overcom- ing countless social and personal obstacles and routinely laughing in the faces of danger and tragedy. Maybe you're a beacon of goodness: A pediatric neurosur- geon/philanthropist/musician who lives in the inner city, where you volunteer nights and week- ends at the battered women's shelter. Maybe you voted Nader in 2000. Like I said, I don't know you. But in the 15 minutes since we've met, you've been wholly unpleasant. And forgive me, but my patience is wearing thin. Don't look at me like that. You know what I mean: Like I'm a walking botched order and you'll have to spell everything out for me, using tiny, tiny words lest I ruin your dinner and your life. Don't talk to me like I'm your mentally retarded stepchild or your pet. I'm a student at a top-tier public university. I can string thoughts and sentences together without breaking a sweat. I will get you some more iced tea as soon as I have a second. I swear. You won't dehydrate; you've had four glasses since you sat down. Take a deep breath. This is not biological war- fare; it's dinner. You've got nothing to be anxious about. In fact, if either of us has a right to be stressed right now, it's definitely not you. You, you'll notice, are sitting down, waiting for some- one you can't see to cook your dinner so that I, in turn, can carry it out to you and you can eat it. I, in stark contrast, am standing (running, actually), try- ing to keep up with five other tables full of people who, like you, are unduly concerned about my competence. And I am perfectly calm. Not to mention dazzlingly witty, cute and cheerful. See? Inhale. You know what I was doing before my shift tonight? Not sleeping off a hangover, thank you. No, I was working. Here. I've been here since 10 a.m. Yes, 12 hours ago. (I'm impressed. I wouldn't have pegged you as a mental math whiz, as you and your friend there ordered exactly the same thing, right down to the iced tea with no ice, two straws and extra lemons on the side, yet insisted on separate checks. I stand corrected.) Well, to be fair, I haven't been running myself ragged the entire time; it was really slow this morning. I spent the first 90 minutes second-hand smoking at the break table. I would have been reading the now grease-speckled Detroit Free Press I bought at the gas station on my way in, but the House Topics (i.e. "Rules") sheet they passed out with our "pay"checks last week says we can't read or do crossword puzzles on the clock. Basi- cally bans all down-time activities except staring at the grimy, nicotine-yellow walls for $2.65 an hour before taxes. Maybe they're afraid all that book-learnin' will make us want to quit and find better jobs, someone quipped. We laughed nervously and changed the subject, pointing out the most embarrassing spelling and grammatical errors on the lunch menu and objecting to manage- ment's use of the word "Guest" in place of "customer." They must have learned that in a how-to book about boosting morale and pro- ductivity amongst low-wage workers. Anybody can be a customer, but it takes somebody spe- cial to be a Guest: Warm, welcome and capital- ized. Where customers are just idiots, Guests are idiosyncratic. Lovable. Worth the extra time and effort. Just like your friends. In that case, my friend, you've worn out your welcome. You have been supremely disrespect- ful and I am not so dependent on your compan- ionship or your three dollars that I'm willing to put up with you any longer. So scram. Go ahead, complain to the manager. See if I care. I'll be back at school soon, working at writing and playing at making a difference in the world. That freedom might make me wish I'd said some of this out loud, that I hadn't instead fur- rowed my brow remorsefully and insisted I was very, very sorry you had to wait so long for that refill. Because that's all I'm going to do. If I give you the sound verbal thrashing you so deserve, you'll conclude that the problem is all mine (i.e. I suck at my job and my violent mood swing smacks of PMS). And like a child prone to tantrums, I'll have to explain why I wasn't on my best behavior with our Guest. Maybe I'll regret that apology when I'm back at school, wishing I'd had the gumption to tell you where you really stood and how ugly your tie was, thinking I took the easy way out; shame on me for enabling your pomposity. But for now it's all I can do to bite my tongue and walk away. I I A 4 Aubrey Henre can be reached at ahenrett@umich.edu. Media inaccurately depicts itself as objective NATHAN CARLETON FROM THE UNIVERSITY WIRE. R onald Reagan made the poor poorer. It is next to impossible for Dan Rather, ed to be accurate. There are two things wrong with this who has spoken at a Democratic fundraiser, Likewise, the media's main concern is statement. First, it is blatantly false, to objectively tell us about the impact affir- profit - and that's not a criticism. Viewers. and second, it is widely believed to be true. mative action has had on our society. When should recognize that, except in rare cases such Why? Rather said that Bill Clinton was "an honest as Sept. 11, the stories they see are designed to As Bernard Goldberg illustrates in his man," he meant it. When he told Goldberg garner ratings. If this goal conflicts with accu- bestselling book "Bias," the main culprit in that The New York Times was "middle of racy, then it often supercedes it. the dissemination of outright falsehoods we the road," he meant it. Take the 2000 presidential primaries. The hold as truths is the biased mainstream media. A good example of the media's bias media could have accurately reported that Now, there is definitely not a conspiracy involves its identification of racists. It seem Bush and Al Gore were virtual locks for their here. The media does not plot to get Democ- to have an unwritten rule that if an individual parties' nominations. But would this have rats elected. But it certainly cannot be trusted shows him or herself to be racist, then he or made a sensational story? No. So the media for two different and important she will never again be inaccurately hyped up Bill Bradley and John reasons: It is liberal and its prima- THE CHRONICLE taken seriously. I have no McCain as major threats. ry objective is profit. DUKE UN[ VERSI'y problem with this. People And why do we view HIV as a legitimite The mainstream media - net- and institutions such as John danger to most Americans when nearly all work news stations, magazines such as Time Rocker, Fuzzy Zoeller, David Duke and Bob American victims contracted it through very and Newsweek and newspapers like The New Jones University will never again be paid lip high-risk behavior? For the same reason that York Times - are liberal. This accusation is service because they have shown themselves the homeless are depicted as regular Amen- so self-evident it's not worth discussion. What to be racists. cans who were just victims of our brutal cap- is perhaps debatable is that this makes the I only wish the media would apply this italist system: Because viewers are more media untrustworthy. standard to all racists - conservative and likely to watch stories about the problems of As the ballots were being recounted after liberal alike. Regrettably, the media takes people like themselves. These examples the 2000 election, I was amazed at how com- seriously people like Spike Lee, who affirm what common sense tells us. A busi- pletely nonpartisan issues having to do with bragged about giving dirty looks to interra- ness whose goal is to make money is not the vote counting divided people right down cial couples and lied about watching Liz most objective source for information. party lines. In this instance and others, poli- Claiborne make racist comments on Oprah. The media's biggest problem lies not tics is so personal and important that it is We hear from Jesse Jackson, who called with how it reports the news, but with how it impossible for one to objectively analyze a Jews "hymies" and New York City "Hymi- claims to be reporting it. Even though it con- conflict while so emotionally tied to one of etown." Robert Byrd, a former Ku Klux Klan sists of liberals driven by ratings, it claims to its sides. member who used the n-word on television be an unbiased truthteller. This principle applies to the media, which last year, also gets respect. That racists are Remember this the next time you hear a is so outrageously liberal that it usually can- demonized unless they are liberal activists story about why the minimum wage helps not be trusted to objectively report the news. shows that the liberal media cannot be trust- people. Saddam as nefarious as a stingig bee JASON WINSI(Y nI uiw HEUNIVERSITY WIR I 4 I Y ou'll never believe what happened to had for so long been led to believe. How me Wednesday. There I was, riding could Time magazine lie to me so? In fact, my bicycle home from class when I he's nothing like Mickey. He's more like a saw it. A huge bee was flying straight towards tyrannical warlord monster. And I'm not the me. I didn't pay much attention to the bee until only one who thinks so. it flew directly into my mouth and stung me. The U.S. government has effectively Yeah, some people have all the luck. declared Hussein an enemy, and a group of Well, I did what anyone else would do. I organized people within Iraq are working to spit the bee out, stepped on it, screamed as loud- overthrow him. They are called the Iraqi ly as I possibly could like a 12-year-old girl and National Congress and they've been dealing ran home. Bursting into my apartment, I ran to with Hussein for years. During the Gulf War the freezer and filled my mouth (ah ... remember with ice. I collapsed to the floor of THE ARIZONA DAILY WILDCAT Bush I?), it was the kitchen and stared at the ceil- UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA rumored that the ing, writhing and twitching in CIA helped the incredible pain. And that's when it hit me. INC in their efforts. But these days, the INC A clear vision emerged through the fog: I focuses most of its energy on getting more rolled over, spit out some ice and a wing and powerful nations (like the United States) to said out loud: "The United States must help them out. engage Iraq in a military confrontation." The So what is the big problem with Saddam --_..] . _, a..,,.. .......- - 11,~4T LT-- t- - TTonnio c~ rir decided to send weapons inspectors into the area to check up on Saddam. When Iraq decided not to let the inspectors in, the sanc- tions ensued. The United States, alongside other nations, put economic sanctions on Iraq over a decade ago. This, undeniably, has left the country in economic ruin. But Hussein has the power to end the sanctions by agree- ing to let the inspectors back in. It seems that Saddam would rather let his people starve than do this. I guess he just loves shiny things that go boom that much. So what is the United States to do? There is little global support for a war against Iraq. This is the kind of war the United States will have to go along with. Fortunately for us, we have a President (ah ... Bush II) that will probably be willing to do this. Here's the best part: White House lawyers (God bless them) have recently made the argument that U 4 m_ -- Tl ,. _ .. _ , . A A ^%'a 1--1 ac 't 1 t I-x /rvI Y k 4' 7"N. T. '" Ad