4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, September 26, 2002
JEFF PHILLIPS - AM I WRONG
MAKING A RESOLUTION TO
CHOOSE GOOD HEALTH
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine -T
IF ELITE ENTERTAINMENT EXPOSITI
Xrt the beginning of every school
year, I make a resolution similar
the popular "New Year's resolu-
tions" that people make on New Year's Eve.
This school year I chose "get back into
shape" as my resolution. I'd like to say I
chose this for a noble reason, like looking
out for my future, but it is really just because
I want to take off my freshman 15-plus.
When I was in high school, I could play
all day and eat all the fast foodI wanted and
not gain a pound. But once college began, I
lost my ability to exercise without getting
tired, yet unfortunately retained my knack
for eating mounds of good food, fast. So
with the help of some friends and Men's
Health magazine, I slowly began to change
my habits with a two-fold plan: Change
what I'm eating and exercise more.
I attacked my diet first. I was shocked
and dismayed when it was revealed that my
"Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar
present: The food pyramid" poster was not
factually accurate. There is no McGrains
food group, and a Heath Bar McFlurry
does not fulfill my dairy requirement. So, I
made a trip to the supermarket to find
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healthy foods to eat.
I was told that without copious amounts
of mayonnaise, lunch meat could be satis-
fying while low in fat. From there I moved
on to the bread aisle to find a suitable
wheat bread alternative. I settled on buy-
ing pita bread and packing it with the
luncbmeat and romaine lettuce.
While eating my third ham-filled pita
the following day, I had an epiphany.
Instead of eating at the socially structured
times, I wouldn't eat until I was extremely
hungry. That way, I could eat healthy food
because I would be so hungry.
As it turns out, in practice, my plan does-
n't work. After I decided that I was thor-
oughly hungry, not only did falafels sound
good, but Mexican pizza value meals and
double Whoppers also sounded good and
were greasier and more-readily available. It
was a short-lived experiment.
With that settled, I moved on to develop-
ing an exercising regimen.
I began by simply running, which my
trick knee didn't put up with for long, so I
went to the IM building to ride an exercise
bike for half an hour. I mentioned to a
friend that with all of this sweating I would
be slimming down in no time. She told me
that sweating was just water weight. I said
weight was weight in my mind, but that if
it was water weight, it was even better
because I gained plenty of weight that
wasn't so much from drinking water as it
was from alcohol. Apparently beer weight
and water weight are two different entities.
To supplement my exercise, Men's
Health magazine advised me to lift
weights according to a simple 16-week
plan. (As I flipped through the magazine, I
noticed that while women's fashion maga-
zines are accused of popularizing an
impossible body type, Men's Health
should not be overlooked when the topic
of discussion is "impossible body types."
It is also worth noting that the magazine's
website has a banner ad containing the text
"Want to look like a Men's Health
model?" that is naturally linked to the
Men's Health subscription page.)
On day one of the plan, I ventured back
to the IM building with music to pump
me up for lifting - Jeff's mix CD No. 12,
which I've titled, "Best theme songs," and
begins with the Charlie Brown Christmas
theme and ends with "Chariots of Fire."
Within five minutes of my arrival I had
two observations: 1) 1 am about 15-weeks
behind on the plan compared to the rest of
the IM weight room and 2) There are no
weights here thatI can lift 15 times in a row.
I have since moved into the comfort of my
house to lift weights.
After reading the rest of Men's Health
magazine, I still don't know the difference
between "rock hard abs" and "amazing
abs," even though there are apparently dif-
ferent routes to achieve the two. But, I now
know what makes a good exercise routine.
I've developed a low-impact, simple-yet-
effective workout that consists of the fol-
lowing: Horizontal clock touch and dead
lift (two sets, five reps each, works triceps
and forearms), perform Robert DeNiro's
"You talkin' to me" monologue (one set, 10
reps), sitting e-mail check (one set, one rep,
works gluteus and hamstrings), and stom-
ach crunches (15 sets, 20 reps each).
Using this routine and eating right, I've
seen immediate results. I can now walk into
the IM building with confidence and look
at my Men's Health and say, "Yes, that is the
best $20 I've ever spent"
- To receive weekly updates of Jeff
Phillips'progress with beforg and after
Back on top, or rather, bottom.
1. Home, Dixie Chicks -
Every time new country is on top,
we shed one tear.
2. Let Go, Avril Lavigne -
We're fresh out of jokes about
Canada and pedophilia. Help us.
3. The Eminem Show,
Eminem - Jesus, is that movie
ever coming out?
4. Nellyville, Nelly -
Remember when Nelly did that
song with 'N Sync? We were def-
initely expecting a flood and
maybe some fire and brimstone.
5. Unleashed, Toby Keith -
This guy makes John Rocker look
6. The Rising, Bruce
Springsteen - If this was a con-
cept album about skin rashes, I
don't think everyone would be so
psyched about it.
7. Come A way with Me,
Norah Jones - Finally escaping
the doldrums of MTV 2. Ian rules.
8. A Rush of Blood to the
Head, Coldplay - Lose the
9. Lord Willin', Clipse -
Faith Evans is featured on this.
10. October Road, James
Taylor- Oh, man, how could
they pick him over Now 10.
JEFF DICKERSON - SOMETHING CLEVER
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU ARE LIKE,
IT'S WHAT YOU LIKE
ust the other day, was lounging in the presidential s-fi debacle with "MinorityReport," amovke so good
suite of the Townsend (Hotel) of Birmingham, it ripped off theJan Claude Van flanme movie
waiting for a fiend oarrve. Minutes later, Jackie "Timeop." No matter how many DVDs are athe col-.
Chan entered the lavish roomand I stogd up to greet the lection,&haynes are there will be only one or two good
most popular' movie star lathe world. We discussed our titles, and most likely it "The Usual Suspects?" I know
recent projects, but he had never'heard of my student a lot fyuight , butyou're rn.
films. As we sat down for our interview (more on that ($iceyou get overthe horror show of the film col-
tomorrow), I noticed he had an ice cold can of Coke in lection, it's timeno moveoto the Cflrack. Music canbe
his hand. Here was a man not only of great wealth, but just as tedtious.s film. Billboard 200 musical acts like
more importantly, of great taste. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dave Matthews Ban, Linkin
Which leads me to my thesis. Most people have no' Park and.Nelly Iae.OMe of the more popular artists
concept, nor do they possessanything that indicates with students andthey.sh one common theme.
good taste. Now what do I mean by good taste? I'm They all suck. For every hundred people who buy A
speaking specifically ofta person's knowledge, or lack Rush Of Blood.To.The Head by Coldplay, a wannabe
thereof, regarding the arts, food, culture, whatever. Radiohead.sans innovation, there is that. one brave
The University environment allows for numerous soul who plops down their $15 for The Flaming Lips'
opportunities to meet new people,.but before you Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Quickly scan and see
become best buds with the seemingly cool kid across if there's a copy of Pet Sounds lying around. If the
the hall, you may want to take a taste test. seminal Beach Boys masterpiece is not stacked among
The best way to conduct a thorough test to see if peo- the piles of CDs, no dice.
ple have good taste is to see them in their natural state. Another grand indicator of personality lies within
For some people it's where they work, and for others it's the confines of the refrigerator. Some people get
the classroom, but primarily you'll find it's the individ- uncomfortable when a near stranger goes through
ual's apartment, house, dorm room, etc. This means their food,.but they'll get over it in time. The key
venturing into their personal living quarters, to see ingredient of a well-stocked refrigerator is an abun-
what is it that makes up their environment, and in the dance of Coca Cola. To go off on a slight tangent, the
end, themselves.cso called Pepsi Challenge is bullshit. The soft drink
Being a film student, if you can call that an educa- mogul would have you believe their product is pre-
Lionrmy biggest complaint with human beings in gen- ferred three to one overtheir competitor Coke, This
eral is their opinions on movies. I realize this sounds has to be the most inaccurate.series of scientific test-
harsh and shallow, but I'm.just being honest. Pardon me ing ever performed on this continent. People who pre-
for my Rob Gordon impression. My first instinct when fer Pepsi to Coke.are either lying, or have no taste
I walk into a foreign domicile is to head for the movie buds.'I'd rather die of thirst than consume a product
library. Within seconds, Iam able to tell if the person is endorsed by a lip-syncing media bimbo.
worth my time or not. The first warning sign of bad TheAnn Arbor community has a wealth of culture
taste is whether or not'their preference is DVD or VHS..available to its residents,whether it be a foreign film at
If it's the latter, game over, not worth browsing. If the Michigan Theater or an obscure CD sitting on the
they've hit the digital age, thequest can continue. shelves at School Kids in Exile. The sad fact is most
The typical DVD library of a.University student usu- college students ignoreithese artistic opportunities in
ally consists of "American Beauty" (Pretentious over- favor of the more accessible,.mass marketed variety
rated trash), "Gladiator" (Hyper-stylized idiot-candy).If'you or someone you know is the'victim of bad
and the ever-popular "Shrek" ("Toy Story 2" minus the taste, please handle the situation delicately. Often times
humor or creativity). If someone tries to defend their the victim willbe unwilling to leave their abusive rela-
"Saving Private Ryan" (one of the cheesiest movies in tionship (perhaps a signed copy of Creed's Mv Own
recent memory) DVD and convince you that Steven Prison), but through artistic education and a lot of
Spielberg is the greatest storyteller in the world as well yelling, there is still hope.
as the best director in history, slap them. As if "A.I." - Disagree with what he has to say? You're wrong
wasn't bad enough, Spielberg managed to follow up his but you can still reac/tihim at jsdicker(qumich.edu.
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'CITIZEN KANE' DE-THRONED IN
NEW MOVIE GUIDE - A new movie
guide released by Zagat's (of restaurant
guide fame) has Francis Ford
Coppola's "The Godfather" listed as
the greatest film of all time. The guide,
which was based on a poll of 5,000
people, lists the top 1,000 films. Orson
Welles' 1941 classic "Citizen Kane,"
which made the top spot on the
American Film Institute list, was
knocked to no. 8 on the list, falling.
behind recent films like "The
"Braveheart" and "The Lord of the
Rings: Fellowship of the Ring."
The top 10 films on the guide are as
follows: 1. "The Godfather;" 2.
"Casablanca;" 3. "Star Wars: A New
Hope;" 4. "Gone with the Wind;" 5.
"The Shawshank Redemption;" 6.
"Braveheart;" 7. "The Lord of the
Rings: Fellowship of the Ring;" 8.
"Citizen Kane;" 9. "The Godfather,
Part II;" 10. "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
MONSTERS, INC. HAS MONSTER
DVD SALES - The animated
Pixar film broke the record for
first day DVD sales with
over 5 million
held by "The
which sold 4.5
million. The dou-
ble-disc DVD set
short "For the
Birds" as well as a Take that Simba
new short starring Mike and Sully
called "Mike's New Car."
NIRVANA BATFLE NEARING
END - Courtney
Love has announced
that her dispute
with Dave Grohl
the rights to unre-
material is over.
She said that a
hits" album featuring
the unreleased song
"You know you're
right" will be out
around Christmas, and
courtesy of Pixar that a box set is also in the
IHE U.J. ALL STAR
OF THE WEEK
Tickets available through Ticketmaster ar
EMU Convocation Center 734.487.2282
The rapper/producer is being sued for
an unauthorized sample on Truth Hurts'
single "Addictive." The sample was
allegedly stolen from a song owned by a
music company called Saregama India
Limited. That's funny - wasn't Dre one
of the ones crying and complaining
about copyright laws when Napster was
still around? Apparently stealing is OK
as long as it's not from him.
EASTERN MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY