Tuesday* September 24, 2002 michigandaily.com/arts mae@michigandaily.com R(Trs 5 'Ballistic' Banderas battles tough 'U' alum Lucy Liu's 'Sever' RYAN BLAY By Ryan Lewis For the Daily Every part of "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" exists for the sole purpose of bringing about more action. Only a basic plotline drives this film where just about every scene has somebody being punched, slashed, shot, or blown-up. Sever (Lucy Liu, "Shanghai Noon") has more super-agent skills than James Bond, which she uses to pum- mel or kill just about every other character in the film including Antonio Banderas. Ecks (Banderas, "Four Rooms")S has a cheeky attitude and FBI - training that helps him outwit ** everyone but Sever. Together, they cause tremendous destruction but BALLISTIC have a story that is anything but vs. SEV dous obstacle for all who need tohcatch and con- tain her, especially because she uses the tactics of her would-be captures. After a whole sequence of events involving Sever destroy- ing a small army of agents and police offi- cers, a chase and Ecks being arrest- Network should offer some refuge to canned TVshows Courtesy of Warner Bros. University grad Lucy Liu gets up in arms with Banderas. : ECKS VER interesting. "Ballistic" appropriately titles the film as a multitude of bullets and projectile weapons barrage the screen. Director Wych Kaosayananda, a.k.a. Kaos, fails to deliver a meaningful film in his first At Showcase and Quality 16 Warner Bros. ed, the story evolves into a more complex family issue. The boy who Sever kidnapped is really Ecks' son, and his wife, who he had assumed dead and buried, is mar- ried to Gant. Sever, not surprisingly, has a powerful grudge against the DIA. She was an agent trained by them from childhood, but left the service after a botched assignment lead to the agency her family. Of course this provides the attempt in killing, American cinema, but he does manage to produce similar action to that of his crossover predecessors. He makes it so that each and every bullet fired receives sufficient attention. The weapons have more screen presence than the actors themselves. As a retired FBI agent, Ecks is drawn back into service after learning that this new assignment can bring information about his assumed deceased wife. His assignment: find Sever. The FBI has learned that the head of the Defense Intelligence Agency, Robert Gant (Gregg Henry, "Payback"), has stolen a new microscopic killing machine from a lab in Germany, and they are after Sever because she kidnapped Gant's son. Ecks must find Sever and the information she has on the stolen technol- ogy before the DIA does. She has an arsenal full of deadly weaponry and the skills to kill anyone and everyone she pleases. This supplies a tremen- motivation for the two characters to join forces for the ultimate purpose of revenge. Nearly every character and storyline in the film is forgotten or left unsatisfied. The majority of the cast has negligible importance and serves as most- ly a stomping ground for Liu. Nothing in the story explains her character's lack of expression and emotion, and Banderas has an emotional arc of tired to witty to tired with a momentary lapse of pain courtesy of Liu or some falling pipelines. Many of the sequences have no reason being in the film whatsoever, as they neither drive the story nor have any bearing on the character's lives. Even the history behind Ecks believing his wife dead and her loveless marriage to Gant is poorly explained. For some reason, everything most important is explained in passing and paid little attention, and anything less important is unsettled. However, putting aside the emptiness of the script and the derivative nature of the story, the action sequences in the film do present a fair level of excitement. The fighting is well choreographed, and the film is piled high with gun battles reminis- cent of John Woo's bullet ballets. Lucy Liu is quite impressive with her physicality, especially in her fantastic face-off against Gant's lackey Ross (British martial arts expert Ray Park, "X-Men"). Additionally, the action allows Kaos to film some fantastic shots, including one of the greatest death plunges ever. Yet, as with everything else in the film, the action is hindered by an overabundance of slow motion and unmotivated killing. Although some of the photography is notable, the film is nothing more than a mediocre action movie. Probably the most intriguing fact is that it was shot in Vancouver and actually takes place in Vancouver as opposed to making it New York. It would have been much more exciting if the DIA ever seemed like it actually posed a threat or chal- lenge to Ecks and Sever, but instead they cruise along with their hardest task being uniting in their common cause. Kaos does nothing to relieve the absence of substance, suspense, and potency. This is one movie where a tremendous amount of battle cannot come close to making up for a total lack of an appealing story. T he aliens on "Roswell" used to slurp down massive quantities of hot sauce. You know how I know this? Not from watching the show, it didn't appeal to me. But it obviously appealed to a loud minority who campaigned to save the show from cancellation in April 2000. The show, which had mild critical acclaim and a devoted following, gained a great deal of press from the campaign. Thousands of bottles of hot sauce later, the WB network moved it to a new timeslot, where it eventually died the death of most shows that run on the WB. Still, there is something to be said for dedicated television watchers. Should the fans have to suffer because a show couldn't find a niche on the WB? Or should there be a place to find shows that just couldn't make it in this ratings- crazed environment? It would be too easy to put "Roswell" and the recently canned ."Farscape" on the Sci-Fi Network. Here's a more novel approach: Create a network restricted to shows the net- works cancel because of ratings - not because they suck (sorry, "Caro- line in the City"). I'm talking shows that people care enough about to start internet sites like Save- farscape.com. Wouldn't it be clever of a network to take the initiative and put forth a network lineup of "Futurama," "Roswell," "Farscape" and "Once and Again?" Many shows don't peak until well into their third season or later, and by pairing these shows with one anoth- er, perhaps the stations can develop interest by cross-marketing to viewers. The current total of 148,616 signa- tures on the "Future for Futurama" peti- tion indicates that people care about the show. The petition correctly points out that the recent season - one DVD release indicated strong sales, and the Sunday time slot was often pre-empted by NFL football or other Sunday night events. (note: Reruns of "Futurama" were recently acquired by the Cartoon Network). Why FOX would do that to a Matt Groening show that actually showed potential is beyond my compre- hension, but the fact remains that no new episodes are in production after the backlog of episodes is finished running. Thanks a lot, viewers, you're no longer needed. Is there a coincidence that three of the shows mentioned above all have a sort of science fiction element to them? Are the networks just incapable of producing long term series about space anymore, a la "Star Trek" and its successors? The few science-fic- tion themed shows to stay on the air are "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and its spin-off, "Angel," "Enterprise," a "Star Trek" spin-off, and the new hit "The Dead Zone" on USA. Does this mean that we should expect more can- cellations of these (for the most part) critically acclaimed shows? Comedy Central periodically holds voting to see which episodes of "South Park" the viewers want to see again. The "FX" network did the same with old "X-Files" reruns. It appeals to our sense of democracy to see network executives in New York and Los Angeles respond to viewers in Ann Arbor or Omaha. So why can't there be a network dedicated to under- rated shows like "Freaks and Geeks" and "Undeclared" (over 8,000 signa- tures on http://www.saveunde- clared.8m.com)? How many signatures will it take? Hawn, Sarandon 'Bang away By John Laughlin For the Daily Director Bob Dolman's first film after a career of screenwriting (includ- ing "Willow" and "Far and Away"), "The Banger Sisters" is the story of the reconciliation of two friends who were once I famous rock groupies. Goldie Hawn stars as Suzette and Susan Saran- THE don as Livinia, or "Vin- SIS nie." We come to find that when the two friends At ShoN parted ways long ago, Qua Suzette decided to remain Fox Se the same person, while Vinnie branched off to form a new life for herself and locked the past way. The story picks up when Suzette is fired from her job as a bartender at the Whiskey A-Go-Go in Hollywood. In an attempt to get some money she decides to go to Phoenix where her old friend now lives. Busty, blonde and looking like Penny Lane (her daughter Kate Hudson) from "Almost Famous" - flash 20 years later - Suzette soon finds herself stranded on the highway en route. Enter Harry Plumber (Geof- frey Rush, "Lantana"), Suzette's savior who will later get repaid for his good deed. The two chat it up and we find that Harry is a failed writer who has chosen * BANGER TERS wcase and lity 16 archlight to go home to Phoenix to kill his father believing his dad put a curse on him when he was a child (I know, stay with me here). Harry tries to tell Suzette that her idea to ask her friend for money is a bad idea, but Suzette will hear nothing of it. She attempts to visit Vin- nie, but turns back once she sees from afar the life Vinnie has built for herself All hope is lost until Suzette encounters Vinnie's daughter, Hannah (Erika Christensen), in her hotel when Hannah has taken too much LSD at her prom. Suzette now has an "in" and takes the girl home where she is greeted rather harshly by her "best friend." Suzette leaves, but Vinnie comes back to apolo- gize. Moving from arguing to talking about what to do about Hannah having sex in the family pool, Suzette soon finds herself invited for dinner. The turning point of the film is dur- ing dinner when Vinnie snaps back into her old self in one of the worst epiphany scenes ever - one second she's fine, the next: "Oh, I know who I truly am!" What follows is the two friends going out to a club and reliving the past. See- ing middle-aged Sarandon dance made this reviewer re-live the nightmare of seeing Michael Douglas "get jiggy wit it" in "Basic Instinct." Yikes. What tops this is when the two go back to Vinnie's home to look at their "Rock Cock" col- lection. Enough said. The major flaws with this film are its pacing and its audience appeal. The film is slow and too much time is spent on meaningless conversations. Only one flashback is used and it doesn't even include the two "sisters." In addition, one must ask: "Who is the audience for this film?" While the humor can be had by all, the issues dealt with seem to be aimed at an older age bracket. This is not to say the film is out of reach for younger audiences, but a generation gap does exist. Goldie Hawn is great in this film and still as sexy as she was in "Overboard." Sarandon seems to have fun with the role - probably reliving her "Thelma and Louise" days. The last thing con- firmed in this film is the fact that Erika Christensen cannot act. Just like her role in "Traffic" she plays the good girl who is secretly bad, and while typecast- ing can partially be blamed, Christensen never overcomes her stale role with a quality performance. "Banger Sisters" is all tired plotlines and characters; in the end product is just an aching headache. Y Chanel Lancome Donna Karan DKNY Intimates > Christian Dior Elizabeth Arden _..- ...and many more! Over 1000 Designer Fragrances for Men & Women Designer Lingerie & cover wear Designer Underwearfor Men Ne Lca 20ToOr 615 E. Liberty *Ann Arbor ANY PURCHASE Across from Borders BooksW C 734-913-4331 ULr, o 4 SEASONS PERFUME I Per Purchase Ryan Blay can be reached at rblay@umich.edu CUSTOM PRINTED Courtesy of FOX Searchlight These two make too much money.