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4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, September 12, 2002

Secrets of the pros
314
Chef Matt Martone of Zydeco presents ... S. Main St.
Blackened Fish with Dirty Rice

The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thui
ELITE ENTERTAINMENT EXPOSITII


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JEFF DICKERSON -LESS THA ZERO
AN OPEN LETTER TO
MAYOR MCCHEESE

COOKING INSTRUCTIONS
Blackened Fish
This dish can be prepared with just
about any kind of fish, but I recom-
mend salmon or catfish. Take an eight
oz. portion of fish and coat it with the
blacken seasoning (see below).
Place it in a hot skillet with about
one ounce of vegetable oil.
Sear both sides for about one-and-a-
half to two minutes.
You're looking for a rich, dark brown
color, not a charcoal black.

chicken livers (with a mixer if possible).
Next, add the celery, onions, green
peppers, scallions and garlic and cook
for 15 minutes. Add the remaining
ingredients and simmer for one hour.
Mix with about one lb. of cooked
rice and serve hot.
INGREDIENTS
Blacken Spice
3 parts paprika
2 parts cayenne pepper
2 parts salt
2 parts onion powder
2 parts garlic powder
1 part white pepper

1 part ground oregano
1 part ground basil
(Thoroughly mix all parts.)
Dirty Rice
1 lb. ground pork
1 lb. chicken livers
3/4 cup diced celery
1/2 cup diced onions
1/2 cup diced green peppers
1/2 cup scallions
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon Tabasco
1 cup chicken stock
1 lb. rice

Dirty Rice
Brown the pork

and blend in the


Well, at least Avrl isn't #1.
BILLLBOARD
TOP 10
1. Home, Dixie Chicks -
Sucks to be the fat one.
2. The Eminem Show,
Eminem - Hearing Eminem try-
ing to sing is like listening to
Oprah eating.
3. Let Go, Avril Lavigne - I
h8 her and her sk8ter boi.
4. Nellyville, Nelly - You'd
think that after a few years the cut
on his face might heal.
5. A Rush of Blood to the
Head, Coldplay - Hey every-
body! It's Radiohead circa
1995!
6. Eve-oltion, Eve - Oh, I get
it! Her name is in the title of the
album. It works on so many levels!
7. The Rising, Bruce
Springsteen - The only good
Springsteen has done in the past
few years was his cameo in "High
Fidelity."
8. October Road, James
Taylor - I can't decide whether
or not James Taylor is worth mak-
ing fun of.
9. Now 10, Various Artists -
Now that's what I call asinine.
14. Come Away with Me,
Norah Jones - P. Diddy had a
song called "Come with me" on
the Godzilla soundtrack. Damn
that song was awful.

ear McDonald's, last night my friend and I attempted
to dine at one of your local Ann Arbor restaurants.
Craving a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese and some of
America's Favorite Fries, we drove to your Plymouth Rd. loca-
tion under the guise of "Drive-Thru Open 24 Hours" It was
1:40 a.m., but this notion of round-the-clock service quelled
any doubts we had regarding the open-ready-to-serve status of
your fine establishment. As we approached the building, we
saw a lone car in the parking lot, a battered-up Ford Taurus (or
maybe it was a Toyota Celica) with a smattering of bumper
stickers. To our extreme dismay, the lights were all out and
nobody was home. I found the sign that had brought me there,
but it was different than I had remembered. It read "Drive-
Thru Open 24 Hours." This part I was familiar with so I con-
tinued reading only to find "Friday and Saturday" printed in a
much smaller font below. It was now 1:55 a.m., but more
importantly, it was Monday.
This was not acceptable.
My colleague and I were in a state of shock. And still hun-
gry. We sat at the drive-thru widow for a few minutes, pray-
ing a static voice might call our names, or ask us for our order
through the square-shaped speaker. No such luck. In our
duress, we began scouring the area for another fast food fran-
chise, McDonald's or not, Fifteen minutes later we were still
without food.
Then the gas light came on.
Using my hasty calculations, I figured taking Huron
Parkway south would be the wisest route to gasoline. The
windy road is primarily downhill coming from Plymouth,
allowing my vintage auto to coast for quite some time. hi an
effort to maintain momentum, I ran a few red lights. Safety
second, gas first. Anyone on the road at 2:10 a.m. deserves to
get hit by my car anyway. After what seemhed like an eternity
riding the "E" on my gas dial; I saw the welcoming lights of a
Shell station.
Let me tell you about gas stations. First of all, two jack-offs
pulled into the very same Shell just before I arrived, taking the
primary positions. I was stuck with pump no. 6, which hap-
pened to be the furthest away from the cashier inside. The dis-
tance was more than 30 feet, which for a famished driver (not
to mention my heart condition, but I'll save that sappy story
for another time) is simply too far to comprehend. I opted to
pay (at the pump) with my debit card. Everything seemed to
be going smoothly, key word being seemed. I tried to begin
fueling, but something was preventing me from doing so. I
had to select a grade of gasoline. Please Shell, don't patronize
me. This is why pumps should have cameras on them. With
such a technology, Mr. $6.25 an hour inside would realize that

my 1988 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight only needs regular unlead-
ed. I doubt if my car would even be able to run on premium
fuel. And mid-grade, who the hell buys mid-grade gasoline?
Jesus Christ people, do we really need a third option?' So I
pushed the big yellowed button marked "87" At this point I
was becoming irate, so I just stopped pumping after a minute.
The total was $8.02. I declined the receipt in fear that some-
one might discover I could only afford $8.02 for gas, This fuel
was precious to me, just as was to the warrior tribes in "The
Road Warrior" Now that we had a tank of juice, our mission
could continue.
Luke, my co-pilot and navigator, informed me that several
fast food joints (my grandmother referred to them as "Quick
'n' Dirtys") awaited us in the neighboring town ofYpsilanti. It
sounded promising, but the dangers of Ypsilanti had to be
taken into consideration. After careful deliberation we contin-
ued with our journey,
Another McDonald's popped into our collective field of
vision. This time the lights were on and there were two cars (as
opposed to the single vehicle earlier in the story). Now it was
2:18 a.m. An employee was roaming the parking lot, so I
rolled down my window (My Olds does not include power
anything) and asked her if they were open. The woman, tired
and chubby, said "No." Unfortunately, the moment was not
any funnier than that.
That's strike two, McDonald's. A lightbulb went on inmny
head and I recalled that Steak and Shake, one of your lesser
competitors, was open 24 hours every fliggin' day of the week.
We merged on to Carpenter Rd. and plotted our course to our
new (and open) fast food destination. A KFC was just to our
left, but we weren't that hungry. Then another McDonald's
was spotted, but that was just another heartbreak. We didn't
even bother to pull in to check if we might be able to order a
not-so-happy-meal. That was the third and final strike.
A minute later, I remember it as 2:22 a.m., we saw Steak
and Shake. Lights were on, cars were in the lot and we could
smell the greasy food. We thought we were at Caesar's Palace.
My assistant and I each ordered the Double Steakburger with
Bacon combo (with Coke to drink naturally). The older mus-
tached man at the window greeted us with a smile and 1
returned the favor by handing over my $13.22, money that
could have been yours, McDonald's. Our food was hot, fresh
and delicious. Last night Steak and Shake gained two loyal
customers while you lost two.
Thanks for the memorable night, Mayor McCheese.
Sincerely,
Jeffrey S. Dickerson, Former Customer
-Je'Dickersoncanrbe eached at jsdickersmichx.edu.

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WHAT'S NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT

x.026

LANCE BASS GROUNDED _ BY
RUSSIANS - After months of
speculation and rumors, Russian
mission control announced that the
'N Sync member will definitely not
be onboard during the mission to
the International Space Station.
The Internet Movie Database
reports that Bass was going to pay
a cool $20 million to ride along on
the mission, but he was unable to
come up with the funds. The mis-
sion will continue as planned,
blasting off in October.
CORNELL AND RAGE MAKE UP,
MAKE NICE - MTV reports that
Chris Cornell, former frontman of
Soundgarden, and the remaining
(read: non-Zack de la Rocha) mem-
bers of Rage Against the Machine
are giving their collaboration anoth-

er shot after a supposed break-up
earlier this year. The group was
scheduled to tour with Ozzfest
this spring, but Cornell
dropped out of the band
before the tour began.
Although they had recorded an
album's worth of songs before
their hiatus, Epic insists that
the songs were merely demos
and that the material for the
upcoming album (which has
no release date yet) will be w
drastically different.
The band, which was called
Civilian at the time of their
first attempt, is currently
unnamed but is toying with the
name Audioslave.

Movie Database reports that film
critic Roger Ebert was unable to
attend the Toronto Film Festival
because the available seats
filled up too quickly.
Ebert apparently "lost his
temper and yelled at
the festival staff,"
and as he continued
to become angry,
someone reportedly
suggested That he
"go back to America
and start his own
film festival."
Many other U.S.
critics also had trou-
ble getting into the
sold out event and
were apparently
angry at the lack of
Courtesy of A&M Records organization.

THE O.J. ALL STAR
OF THE WEEK
CHUCK PHILLIPS
The Los Angeles Times writer
accused Christopher Wallace, a.k.a.
Notorious B.I.G., of being behind the
death of Tupac Shakur six years ago.
Biggie's alleged motive was anger over
Shakur's tactics during his highly pub-
lic battle with Wallace in the mid-'90s.
Great job Chuck. Anyone who has seen
the Biggie Smalls "Behind the Music"
on VH-1 knows that's a bunch of crap.

EBERT
TORONTO

SHUT OUT OF
- The Internet