4A - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, April 15, 2003
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ANN ARBOR, MI 48109
EDITED AND MANAGED BY
STUDENTS AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
Editor in Chief
Editorial Page Editors
This must have
Yo! What up MN?
Welcome to my crib!
Come on in...
Prerecorded by MTV on March 7 1
JOEL HOARD AND SCOTT SERILLA STICK FIGURES ARE AWESoME
Oh man, what's in my fridge?
Not much... Some Cristal,
some hot wings... hmm...
mustard gas. My mom comes
over to cook sometimes.
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of
the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
This is my art gallery.
I stole most of these
paintings from Kuwait.
The stupid Americans
never found 'em!
And this is where
all the magic happer
- Sgt. Spencer Willardson, on Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein's 1960s-style town house,
which includes mirrored bedrooms, a wet bar,
fantasy paintings and a blue shag carpet.
Spring doesn't start until the back nine on SundayJ
JOSEPH LITMAN THE Low END THEORY
Winter takes it
in the face.
Has that adage
* f been written or uttered
before? If those precise
words have, then I apol-
ogize for having just
used the maxim in unat-
tributed fashion to
whomever first authored
it. If not, then someone needs to make a for-
tune cookie or something and hit off JLitty
with the royalties. Either way, the sentiment
is surely not original, and any doubt concern-
ing that claim should be rendered obsolete by
the noticeable increase in energy and general
cheeriness on campus in the coming weeks.
Yeah, there exist some people who pre-
fer the bleak, dreariness of winter, but there
are also those who think Emmitt Smith is
the greatest runningback of all time. The
point is that invariably, some people cling
to the misguided.
Generally, I completely abhor few things
in life, but cold weather is close to the top of
the list, definitely behind racism, but proba-
bly ahead of The Ohio State University,
tomatoes and getting my hands dirty. (Call
me a snob or elitist if you'd like, but I just
cannot handle having my hands occupied or
incapacitated by dirt and other alien sub-
stances.) Feeling cold, having to wear 12 lay-
ers, touching myself in private areas to warm
my hands - nothing about the winter is fun.
(Alright, the last one could be worse.)
Given my strong dislike for the year's
colder months, matriculating in Ann Arbor
has been a significant challenge to my gener-
al mental health and well-being. Particularly
awful has been winter's reluctance to sub-
side, as she valiantly fights for more face
time than that allotted each spring. The tussle
between the powers of hot and cold can be
confusing - 40-degree temperature swings
are certainly befuddling - but there is one
day each year that definitively signals the
end of winter's harsh reign.
That day is Masters Sunday - the con-
clusion of the PGA Tour's most prestigious
tournament, the Masters - broadcasted by
CBS two days ago. Every April, when I hear
Jim Nantz's whispers from the broadcast
tower adjacent to Augusta National's 18th
green and the quixotic, self-important ram-
blings of Dick Enberg from Butler Cabin
(can someone please shoot him?), I know
that winter is on her last legs. Yes, it might
snow again, but that will simply signal win-
ter's last volley, an attempt-in-vain intended
to provide her with cover as she retreats into
the background, gone 'til November.
Forget that I had a paper to write, a Seder
to worry about, a life to lead - nothing
marred Sunday for me because the demise of
the cold meant that the year's finest time was
beginning. Golf pundits love to say that the
Masters doesn't start until the back nine on
Sunday (because of all the drama that
Augusta National's second half has created
in the past during the tournament's conclud-
ing round) and neither does spring.
There are, of course, the usual reasons
why I get excited about the commencement
of the warm season: Girls wear less clothing
(hooray for tank tops, tube tops, no tops), I
can leave my home without any weather-
induced trepidation and I get the invigorating
feeling of the plentiful sunlight hitting my
neck. However, the springtime is my time for
more personal reasons as well.
Admittedly, some are not especially
unique. For instance, I doubt I'll be the only
one who makes plans around the NBA play-
offs. (Right? Please?) I also won't be the only
one who saves whatever money he can to buy
the quality hip-hop records that come out dur-
ing the spring and summer after a seeming
moratorium on quality releases between
December and May. (Not all at once, now.)
Then there are less universal reasons. The
crib in New York will be spotless because
my father commemorates the warm weather
by cleaning almost obsessively. Nothing says
springtime in the Litman home like waking
up at 11 on a Saturday and seeing a 50-year-
old man run around the house shirtless,
armed with a mop and a sponge, sweating
from vigorous scrubbing.
I will also be able to break out the Litty
Collection - seemingly innumerable, metic-
ulously maintained T-shirts, shorts and
sneakers - from storage and resume my
warm-weather preoccupation of coordinating
my tops, bottoms and sneakers. Good times.
And at the end of a day spent doing what-
ever (likely looking for a job and moving the
car), I can retire to My Slot,-the seat at the
end of my parents' couch on which I lay
down, with my feet draped over the end, and
watch as the Lakers punk everyone else.
Alfred Ira with a broom in the kitchen;
Litty on the couch in the red t-shirt, khaki
shorts and red Air Max Bursts; Lakers over
the Pacers in 4. And we out like that.
Litman can be reached at
Hummers and the American way ,
PETER CUNIFFE ONE FOR THE ROAD
ast week a story opponents of SUVs a boost, providing them what it stands for," explained Rick Schmidt.
ran in The New with more public exposure and support. While I doubt many SUV owners, even dri-
York Times about Many SUV enthusiasts reacted not by vers of the mighty Hummer, would buy that, a
the popularity of the arguing against their critics on the merits, but feeling of power, "testosterone" as the H2 deal-
Hummer H2, which quot- by accusing them of trying to take something er put it, may be a large part of SUVs' appeal.
ed Rick Schmidt of the sacred away from people; not just a type of Suburbanites, trained by the local news to fear
International Hummer car, but choice, freedom, happiness and other that household items will kill them, by the
Owners Group as saying principles one usually hopes aren't depen- national news that their children are about to be
that the H2 is "a symbol dent on what you drive. SUV opponents got kidnapped and by the government that the only
of what we all hold so in some good whacks too with commercials thing standing between them and death by
dearly above all else, the fact we have the tying SUVs' high gas consumption to fund- chemical weapons is plastic sheeting, may get a
freedom of choice, the freedom of happiness, ing terrorists, though their contention is far small but much desired sense of power from
the freedom of adventure and discovery and more logical than arguing that our "freedom nasty looking cars. Driving an H2 can give
the ultimate freedom of expression." of adventure" would be damaged by having stressed out soccer moms a little chance to feel
Whether used for adventure, expression to drive more fuel efficient cars. like they're the ones storming Baghdad.
or otherwise, the massive, military-esque I think it's safe to say people don't gener- Whatever the reason for people's affection
Hummer's smaller (though still very big), ally drive SUVs for practical reasons, which is for SUVs, that attachment is what people like
suburbanite-friendly version, the H2, has probably especially true of the H2. The Ann Rick Schmidt play on by suggesting the debate
been a huge success. SUVs have been all the Arborites I see driving them around probably over SUVs is about freedom - that if some-
rage for the last few years and the trend has don't need to ford many rivers in their cars. one's trying to keep you from having something
been making them increasing monstrous. The So why do people drive them? you want, they must be violating your rights.
H2 is not only big, it looks more like some Part of it is just that it's the hot product of But we're not allowed to buy a lot of things.
kind of military vehicle than something the moment. A fair number of people, howev- This isn't about rights, but rationally consider-
you'd take to the grocery store. er, seem to believe they've done something ing the costs and benefits of SUV ownership.
Naturally, the H2, guzzling more gas than remarkable (and worthy of comment in The As an aside; claiming that criticizing
hardly anything before it, quickly became a New York Times) by buying a particular car. Hummers violates American values is just
target of SUV critics. And some are viscerally hostile to criticism of one more extension of the conservative habit
There have been complaints about SUVs for SUVs. The Detroit News, reacting with horror of characterizing whatever their position is as
a long time, primarily involving the danger the to suggestions that high gas consumption aids the patriotic one. Remember the decision of
vehicles pose to passengers in normal cars and terrorists, memorably ran an editorial titled, the Republican hack who runs the Baseball
their heavy fuel consumption. These criticisms "End Terrorism Against SUVs." Hall of Fame to disinvite Susan Sarandon
were largely ignored for many years, but recent- Possibly explaining the hostility, a Hum- and Tim Robbins because of their anti-war
ly the opponents of SUVs, while scoring few mer dealer explained to The New York stance? I keep hoping other people will even-
victories on actually reigning them in, began to Times that the H2's appeal is "testosterone." tually find one of these arguments ridiculous
gain a higher profile. The release of numerous And with a war going on and testosterone enough to finally discredit the practice of try-
safety reports giving SUVs low marks or high- running high, some have come to consider ing to shut people up with patriotism.
lighting their danger to other cars, coupled with their choice of vehicle some kind of act of
the suddenly salient argument that our depen- patriotism. "Those who deface a Hummer in Cunife can be reached at
dence on foreign oil was undesirable, gave words or deed, deface the American flag and email@example.com.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
AATU forced to stop service at
month's end; no replacement
To THE DAILY:
I am writing to inform the public that due
to the lack of funding by the Michigan Student
Assembly for tenant counseling, the Ann
Arbor Tenants Union will stop all service to
University students starting April 30.
0;--- 1 Q+1- A AmT 1U- . --A+.
for the AATU or provide a reasonable replace-
ment to student tenant counseling and advoca-
cy as the AATU has done for over 30 years.
This cut first/replace later approach has left
Michigan students inadequately served by
their student government.
The AATU has continued to serve stu-
dents this winter semester in order to show
our good faith and commitment to students,
but MSA has not responded in the best inter-
ests of students. We no longer have the
funds to properly serve University students
without MSA support and deeply regret the
void this will leave for students, but we have
is continued. Run the Naked Mile! Over the
last four and a half years, I have seen the
Mile go from having about 500 participants
to about 30. I was a volunteer for Naked Mile
Safety two years ago, just so the tradition
would not get ruined by an unruly crowd.
There are many reasons that the University is
unique and special; the Naked Mile is one of
those reasons and it needs to have support so
it lasts many years more.